to think this is really wrong

[orator]

I've got a friend who has 2 DS's and her H is sailing obsessed. Nearly every weekend in the spring/summer they take them down to Wales where they have a caravan and a boat and they go sailing. The kids don't really like it particulary the youngest but they are made to do it regardless. She says that the husband works hard and that his wages pay for their education (they go to private school) and so he deserves to pursue his hobby.
AIBU to think this is really wrong or do you agree with her

Pity you can't swap parents byrel! Still I think that it is wonderful that, however you bring your DCs up, they have their own minds and you can't control what they think, and like, just because you gave birth.

You get the impression from the way posters like to control their own DCs they think they are different!

You think posters are trying to control the way people think? I think most posters who oppose what the OP describes are genuiningly trying to give their children as much free choice of what they want to do in their sparetime as possible.

No I am saying that people can't control what their DCs think and it is proved that if you want your DC to be a good sailor they may loathe it! THis follows that all those who think they can make their DC be a vegetarian, Christian, hate junk food etc are not likely to succeed-they will do their own thing despite the parent.

I suspect I used to do this with my dc, when they got older they told me they didn't like it and didn't want to do it anymore so they stopped. I think thats fine, a problem arises if they get older and the children don't want to do it but the parents still insist that they participate (I know someone who does this) but other than that its fine IMO.

My history teacher/gardener parents used to drag us round endless national trust properties and on long country walks which we all hated.... part of being a kid is having to do stuff you find dull - it makes being grown up better

im sure being dragged off to wales every weekend during the summer cant all be about sailing.lots of family time and fresh air sounds like lots of fun to me.

What I saw in the OP was that the H works hard and his wages pay for private school so he deserves to pursue his hobby. And that sounds to me like a man who doesn't put much thought into what anyone but himself wants or feels or deserves.

He is definitely BU.

He is going to be spectacularly bored when he can't sail any more and finds he has no interest in anything else. For his own sake and for the sake of his relationship with the family he should find something else as well as the sailing.

And yes, when I was a child I loved the sea and I still do, but it's not everyone's cup of tea.

All we saw in OP was an outsider's view-it could be very far from the truth.

Well its better than him not wanting to do stuff with his family or involve them. There are plenty of kids who would love to spend the weekends with their family,but can't for one reason or another. Kids often sy they don't like doing stuff with the family/mum and dad,but I wonder if they would feel better if their parents just upped and left them alone all weekend and didn't bother with them.

Idle speculation here, but is there any chance it's really the mum here who is bored out of her mind with the sailing and fed up to the back teeth playing house in a little caravan in Wales, rain or shine, and would like to spend the odd weekend and the summer just pottering around her own house, going shopping or having lunch or socialising with her own friends, going to dinner, to see a film -- normal life in other words. She is being quite isolated from whatever social circle she may have.

Quite possibly mathsanxiety-we just don't know. No point in OP starting this if she hasn't got all sides! It is quite possible that if any of the family were to read this they would all think 'is this supposed to be us!'

I think that the mother is the OP and that she doesn't want to spend every summer and spring weekend at a caravan in Wales and was looking for reasons to go to her husband with. Can't say I blame her as it does sound a bit much and it would be quite isolating for the family as a whole.

I think it was the wife who the OP quoted as saying the Guy deserved his weekends as he works hard and pays for their school fees (presumably the parents chose to send them to private school, so why make the kids feel they beholden for it?)

Haven't read all of this, but my DH is also sailing mad, and we used to have a caravan and boat.

Suffice to say, the caravan is now sold as we worked out it had only been used twice in the last year we had it, and the boat is at a sailing club where it gets occasional visits during the summer months .

The kids will ultimately vote with their feet, as DS1 started to at about aged 12 (well, he vocalised his lack of interest which soon translated into me willingly staying at home with him).

I think there are, as someone said, two camps of parent, though; it's a question of whether these boys will be able to make their dissenting voices heard.

I'm with them on this; sailing gives me no pleasure whatsoever - in fact, I find it distressing and scary - a weekend forced to do it would be torture. It's not the same as being dragged around stately home or shopping malls - it can be genuinely frightening and uncomfortable in the extreme.

Ah, I see - the OP has a 'friend'.

Could just be as she says, though.

Its not guaranteed though that the children will voice their discontent even if they don't like it though. If their being told how hard their dad workds to pay for their school etc and how he should be allowed to enjoy himself then they may not say anything.

You're quite right - again, the likelihood of them speaking up depends on the dynamics of the family. And the guy must be pretty driven to insist on going every weekend. I'm guessing he likes to sail 'on the edge' as well. Hideous.

I just look back at my family and my brother was very shy and lacking in confidence when he was younger and my dad did push him into things he didn't want to do until he was 19-20.

I agree bna there is a risk of that, the fear of going against parents does seem to exist in some families particulary middle class familys.