to prefer changing nappies rather than battle potty training?

[Cadpat]

MIL thinks I am being a lazycow laid back parent.

Backstory, DD turns 3 next month, and we've had two aborted attempts at potty training. She knows the theory, will ocasionally go on the potty, tells me as soon as she's done a poo so I can change her. But she's not bothered about being trained otherwise, and I honestly think she cannot get the hang of going on the potty or telling us before she goes, as opposed to after.

But, to be honest, I cannot be bothered to go through the stress of potty training, staying indoors, cleaning up messes, stressing both of us out, yada yada. Changing nappies is so much easier.

DH is getting antsy too now (he probably wouldn't if he had to clean up after her) Anyway, I have decided to leave it for however long it takes, I don't care about changing nappies, much prefer it to the stress of training andhopingnurserywilldoiteventually. AIBU?

Yabu not to give it a try, if she's not ready then fair enough but to keep her in nappies is lazy if she is capable on using the toilet. If you don't like using a pottyngetbs seat for the toilet we have bypassed a potty in this house altogether with no problem.

Yanbu.

Ds1 was 3 plus a month, went to nursery and did it in 4 days with only a few accidents. Also dry at night very soon afterwards.

Seemed he would do it for them, but not for me!

We had a few attempts and they were disasterous.

Fernie, we do have a toilet seat as well. She couldn't care less though... and I feel like its stressing both of us out. Sometimes she'll say she wants big girl pants, other days she wants nappies. I just wonder!!

nickypomtimes, that's what I am hoping will happen. But I still do feel like a very lazy parent. Personally, I think she just needs some peer pressure...

Yep, peer pressure and being an angel for her teachers.

It's this from now on...

LOL, I know what you mean. Devil at home... angel at preschool

The only problem is that a condition of preschools here is that all kids are fully potty trained. Tear hair out time!!!

have you read gina ford potty changing book?

she has a great list of "things" a child should be able to do before you even try

things like walk up stairs doing left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot etc

have used this list a couple of times now and results have been brilliant ie trained within a day.

didn't use the list for dd and guess what - back in the nappies :)

YANBU. I tried to PT DS twice, once aged two and again around the time he turned three. He just didn't 'get' it and it was a pain having to clean wee out of the carpet. So I left it another six months and tried again, this time he took to it straight away and was completely dry within 5 days. Poos took about a month to master but to be fair, he didn't have many accidents in that time. He was 3yrs 6mnths and a few wks old at the time & the last child at nursery to be PT, but just wasn't ready before.

wheredoesallthesnotcomefrom, I haven't but it sounds like a decent read so will try it out. DD is pretty bright, can name all the planets, read and write her letters, numbers and all sorts of booky stuff that'snotreallyuseful, but pretty awkward physically... maybe that's the problem.

CubaCat, your story really does give me some heart!! Its so disheartening to hear stuff like, 'oh she's almost 3 and still in nappies??' Makes me feel like a failure, well sometimes anyways!!

When she's ready it won't be stressful. Give it a break and she'll let you know. You'll soon hear the magic words "want knickers" and when they come from her without encouragement (pressure) from you, it will happen. BTW - she's still two - not nearly three and that puts it back in perspective.

Wearing knickers and wetting yourself once a day (like a lot of 2 to 3s isn't potty trained anyway).

At this time of year - when she is ready try to keep the potty warm so she's not put off by cold hard plastic.

onceamai, thanks for that :)

We live in cold Canada, so that will definitely be a consideration. She's been making noises about a Dora the Explorer soft potty seat, wonder if that could be an incentive

Sorry, I agree with your MIL. So long as there are no developmental delays, then she is absolutely physically able to be potty trained and to not follow through once you start the process is lazy...and at 3 she will this. have you thought about being firm with her?

YANBU. I think I trained DS way too early (2.8) and should have waited. He's nearly four now and still having daily accidents. He's no where near ready to start training through the night yet as he does poos in his sleep and I'm not ready to start cleaning shitty sheets at 3am...

He was showing all the signs, but I should have waited a year at least....

I'm sorry Bairyheaver but that's too harsh. Sometimes some kids are just not ready and to say that to not persist is 'lazy'? If you are too firm with kids wrt to potty training you are risk of creating all sorts of problems. My friend's DS is now on laxatives for the foreseeable as her persistence means his anxiety makes him withhold his number twos and has left him with horrendous constipation.

Cadpat, I only got the potty out a couple of times - so they knew what it was for - the rest of the time it lived in the toy box so it wasn't a threat. I had a few quick goes and decided it was a waste of time that stopped us going out. But when they were ready they decided and after that had only one or two accidents whilst all those who had been so called trained from much earlier were still wetting their pants/trousers twice a day.

Definitely do not agree with Bairheaver - physically able and emotionally ready are two different things and stressing about this will stress your daughter and make it worse. Far better to stick to the nappy until she's ready esp. in cold Canada where an accident will be cruel and put her off entirely if she ends of sodden and freezing.

Bet it all happens naturally in the next six weeks. Good luck and remember - she's only been around for less than two years yet has learned to talk, to walk, to feed, to play, to laugh, to love - all the things that lovely children with lovely mummies do.

less than three years oops

YABU. Why are you holding her back, especially if she knows the theory and knows how to use the potty.

Sometimes as a parent you do need to make an effort. Would you keep her sat down if you knew she could walk? Or a dummy constantly in her mouth if you knew she could talk?

Potty training does not have to be stressful, you need to get that out of your head and just deal with it as another stage of development.

I wouldnt worry about it. One day she'll ask for pants and voilà! I don't understand people who sign up for months and months of accidents and stress for all concerned just so they can tick something else off the list. DD is just out of nappies last month at 2.9 and it's been a breeze because she was absolutely, totally ready. No reminding, hovering around with the potty, nothing. When they're ready they'll let you know. Lazy, pah!

Because Rockbird it doesn't have to be months of accidents. Accidents are a normal part of potty training but not for months on end.

I don't understand how people can afford nappies for months on end when their child could be using the potty.

But for a lot of people it is, do a bit of a search on here. And I'm assuming the op knows her child better than us lot. Calling someone lazy and telling them they are holding their child back on the basis of a couple of paragraphs on a screen is not helpful.

And quite what the cost of nappies has to do with anything I don't know. I didn't base my potty training decisions on cost.

Of course it's easier to use nappies. That's why there are so many children in preschool (often 4 year olds!) still in them. Nothing to do with their development in the vast majority of cases. Just the other week I had a little boy who asked to use the toilet (I thought he wasn't trained), he went over and asked for help with his trousers. I did and.... a nappy. I felt so sad for him as he was more than ready.

That said, if you're stressing then she may pick up on that.
How is she in pullups? In my experience most children who arrive in preschool in pullups are out of them by half term as they see their friends in pants. It's amazing what watching their peers can do.

YANBU.

I left it til DD had just turned 3 and then she was suddenly ready - it took half a day to get dry. Dropped the night nappies about a week later.

So glad we left it. We had an unsuccessful attempt a few months earlier, she just didn't want to use the potty or toilet. I think in the end it was so quick because it was her choice, not ours IYSWIM.

FWIW my advice when you do start training is to expect accidents - and relax about it! On our first try I was really paranoid and asking her every few minutes. The second time I just said "use the potty if you need to go" - she wet herself twice and that was it. Just cleaned her up and said to try again next time. IMO letting that happen didn't do any harm and she learnt really fast!

I think YANBU - but then I'm doing the same thing with DS, who turns 3 in 2 weeks. A few months back, I thought we were getting ready - he started to tell me when he needed to do a poo and wanting to go on the toilet - no problem, used to take him straight away - sometimes he would have already done it, others not. NO idea re. weeing.

Then he stopped telling me and started to hide when doing poos instead and refusing to admit it was happening.

He has a little loo/potty, with it's own lid etc. - he practises sitting on it whenever I go to the loo but hasn't actually ever done a thing in it. Whenever I change his nappy, I encourage him to try and pee in the potty but he'd sooner do it in the bath, and a couple of times on the floor (thank goodness for bare floorboards and tiles).

He's just not ready yet! Luckily for me though, being in Aus, it's coming into summer now so I will start leaving his nappy off and let him run around bottom-naked.

Two of his playgroup friends who are a month or two younger than him have only just started wearing pants - but they both have older sibs as well. DS is an only so no one to copy (apart from us).

Interesting about Gina Ford's list. DS is 3.1 and still in nappies. We have explained the potty, sat him on it and he was petrified. He just said, nappy nappy in a very scared voice.

He doesn't walk up stairs as described, he can't pull his trousers down very well and just doesn't seem to realize that he is wet or pooey even though we use reusables.

And to be honest I don't think that he would care one iota if other kids were going to the loo and he was still in nappies as he finds other children confusing anyway.

In OP's case, MIL prob had to use Terrys nappies as did my mum (who also keeps mentioning potty training) and so there was the incentive to get them out of nappies quicker.

Its difficult to know whether to give your child a nudge and make them get on with it or not pressure them as it could make toileting in general rather stressful.

I absolutely DREAD potty training. So YANBU.

Really glad you are getting some support now OP