to prefer changing nappies rather than battle potty training?

[Cadpat]

MIL thinks I am being a lazycow laid back parent.

Backstory, DD turns 3 next month, and we've had two aborted attempts at potty training. She knows the theory, will ocasionally go on the potty, tells me as soon as she's done a poo so I can change her. But she's not bothered about being trained otherwise, and I honestly think she cannot get the hang of going on the potty or telling us before she goes, as opposed to after.

But, to be honest, I cannot be bothered to go through the stress of potty training, staying indoors, cleaning up messes, stressing both of us out, yada yada. Changing nappies is so much easier.

DH is getting antsy too now (he probably wouldn't if he had to clean up after her) Anyway, I have decided to leave it for however long it takes, I don't care about changing nappies, much prefer it to the stress of training andhopingnurserywilldoiteventually. AIBU?

both my ds were in nappy pullup pants til they were 3.5 I didn't stress about it and both took only a few days to train once I did make the switch.

I have come across fanatical mums who insist that their two year olds are training well, but still have to change them 10 million times a day. What's the point of being like that just so you can tell them at playgroup that you're potty training your oh, so successful (but wet) toddler?

As long as they're able to be dry in time for school that's all that matters.

I was also motivated by the fact that I didn't want to be changing nappies anymore. It felt odd to still be clearing up all these heavy nappies and wiping someone's bottom who could have a conversation with me! I know that you have to clean potties but I was lucky in that ny DS did not want to poo in a Potty only on the loo so there wasn't much to clear up once he was trained. However, to me it is still preferable to dispose of a 3 year olds waste from a Potty than be doing the whole changing nappies thing.

Also, I would've been embarassed to have an older child walking around in nappies padding out 3 year old trousers if it wasn't necessary. I mean they are very small but they are not toddlers at 3 plus. Then again my DP's cousin's child is very small for 3 and still looks like a toddler so I can see why she doesn't worry as much.

belgo - in Paris, small child-friendly toilets "out and about" are almost non-existent - premature potty-training requires you to be glued to your apartment or a public park. Which is fine if your DC are at crèche or with a nounou, and a complete non-starter if they are with their mother and she wants a life beyond childcare!

YANBU

It's down to individual parents and their own parenting methods; I think to brand you lazy is unfair.

My approach has never been 'later' or 'earlier', it's been a case of being child led. My eldest, now 7, was toilet (we didn't use potties) trained day and night one week after his second birthday. He got up around 9pm on Friday evening, asked to go for a wee on the toilet and was dry from that day onwards.

DS2 is an entirely different story though! He will be 3 in February and is still in nappies. He is a clever, articulate little boy who is more than able to verbalise his needs and follow commands, but put in pants he will just wee where he stands without hesitation. He knows what the loo is for - I never get to go for a wee without an audience - and he knows that he can't stay in nappies forever. Fortunately he is in a private nursery so we don't have a deadline looming in the distance, but at the moment I am happy for him to stay in nappies. I have no doubt he will make it known when he is ready to move into Big Boy Pants!

My view, unpopular as it may be, is that they will do it when they are ready. Good luck! :)

I've been trying to pt DD2 who's 3 next week . We#ve just given up our 4th attempt. She had 6 accidents on Monday with one wee and one poo in potty, on Tuesday she had 8 accidents no wee/poo on potty, on Wednesday we ran out of clothes for her bottom half so she would just wee'd on the floor. I could sit her on the potty (no wee) she'd then stand up and within 2 minutes be weeing. In 4 days I did another 3 loads of washing to normal (pants/trousers/cloths to mop up wee).

Apart from waiting any suggestions? She really doesn't like to sit on a potty and won't sit on the toilet (we have 3 different potties and 2 different toilet seats).

Bonsoir why do you refer to it as 'premature Potty training', surely it is just a 'concerted effort' rather than 'accidental'. Therefore allowing the child to be nappy free when they are clearly capable of being so. I suppose being stuck inside for 2/3 days may not be an option for some parents but for others I don't think it is beyond the realms of effort they are prepared to make for their own child.

Above all the best advice I received was that you have to be ready to put them through toilet training.

You have to decide when is an ok time to devote the best part of a week to do it, explain to DS what's going to happen, go overboard with praise for any toilet/potty attempt (however successful or not) & make very little of any mishaps, i.e. clear up quicky without a fuss, maybe say "never mind" & do not let them help (or they will think it's a nice game/way to get attention....)

If you're ready to tackle it it will make an enormous difference to DS. I took this advice & both my kids went through toilet training at different times but it was all fairly smooth.

One of my worst parenting decisions was to persevere with potty traing DS1 following pressure advice from nursery/HV etc.
We endured months if not years of stress and accidents.
I now know he simply couldn't do it at 3 years old and struggled at 4. He still had daily accidents at 5 and he was 10 years old and approaching puberty when he finally stopped having the odd leak.

With DS2 I flatly refused to even try until he begged me to let him get rid of nappies and use the toilet. He was 2.5.No stress and no puddles.

So for what it's worth I would have let DS1 stay in nappies at least another year if I had known better.

Above all the best advice I received was that you have to be ready to put them through toilet training.

You have to decide when is an ok time to devote the best part of a week to do it, explain to DS what's going to happen, go overboard with praise for any toilet/potty attempt (however successful or not) & make very little of any mishaps, i.e. clear up quicky without a fuss, maybe say "never mind" & do not let them help (or they will think it's a nice game/way to get attention....)

If you're ready to tackle it it will make an enormous difference to DS. I took this advice & both my kids went through toilet training at different times but it was all fairly smooth.

You might be embarrassed by a three year old in nappies, but if they can't recognise the physical signals, then you're onto a loser. Which I proved to myself twice.

My DD1 did train at a really bad time for me - I was ill and shattered and really busy - but I'm glad that I followed her signals as potty training was far easier than I ever thought it would be.

It was simple once I engaged two vital tools: talk of DD being BIG girl going on the potty, & Herseys Chocolate kisses (ie lots of praise & bribery).

The chocolate was only used for 2 weeks - first for a result in potty, then once that was nailed for a poo in potty only, then once that was nailed for washing hands after potty. Then the chocolate stopped without complaint.

Having a window is a good idea - we went on holiday to an island & I told DD that we don't use nappies on the island etc. The first 3 days were intense - till you get used to timings between pees & she started knowing when she needed to go.

DD just turned 3 & still in nappies at night though.

Ds was ready when he was 2.10. But we had a trip to the Uk coming up, then his birthday and christmas.

So I waited until Jan 2nd, and we said bye bye nappies. He was literally just over 3yrs.

he resisted at first, refused to put the pants on, but I kept him in a Tshirt and took the potty wherever we went. his aim wasn't great, so we upgraded to a bucket, and he got the hang of it in a day or so, then realised what the toilet was for...

Poos were harder, but he had issues with this, and it's his 'thing' but I would heartily recommend the GF book it's brilliant.

Look for the signs, don't try it before then, and when you do, commit to it for a week at least, the first day or 2 will be stressful, but don't stop until you have tried solid for a week.

Lots of encouragement, lots of praise for success, don't even register the misses, never mind, you tried, next time you'll get it!

YANBU - much easier if you leave it till they're defintely ready.

It is something about MILs isn't it? I can remember mine telling DD1 (then just turned 2) that she would soon be wearing knickers.

I used to help out in a playgroup and plenty of kids over 3 were still in nappies.

Potties - toilets - it's hell!

We have a delightful 3.3 year old who has been consistently continent (day and night) ever since she was about 2.5.

However, she is very private about weeing etc. and has never been keen to 'perform' on the potty. Doesn't like making mistakes etc.

She has insisted on having nappies put back on to do her biz in. Now, she can only do her biz (in a nappy) if she is hiding away in the toilet.

We may have finally had a break through in that the other day she actually did a wee on the small toilet at her nursery.

Anyway, what I am trying to get across is:

a) Children can have all sorts of strange hangups about potty training.

b) It really is probably best to wait (with some prompting).

c) We have been lucky that her nursery is very child centred and there is no pressure (other than knowing she will be at school next Sept).

d) She has needed to be completely able to do everything herself, before properly using a toilet.

yanbu

ds is 2.9yo and will pee in the potty when he is naked, and will yell 'wee,wee' so i can come and watch. but as soon as clothes are put on he forgets and doesn't care that he is running about in wet trousers, so it's impossible to leave the house without a nappy. i have been trying to train for months but we still end up back in nappies.

he has toddlers diarrhoea too so i am constantly swinging between giving up completely until his diarrhoea has cleared up and bowing to mums pressure to potty train.

i will be giving for now as we are moving house in a week. i will try again when he is 3 and see how the poos go

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Belgo - some interesting points.

With my 3 year old, there is an emotional hangup. However, she is so continent that she needs less toilet input than many older children and us sneaking off to a toilet with a nappy is actually quite easy. Infact, she can put the nappy on herself!

Another question, many of my friends are constantly asking their 6 year olds if they need a wee.

My 6 year old never needs asking or indeed our involvement at all - it is just a habit that parents can't get out of?

seeing the vastnumbers of people who struggled with training at 2+ i fail to see why they still claim later training is easier - for the rest of the world 2 is late!

Interesting, as I could have written your post a couple of months ago. I used to watch all the 'quick, where's the nearest loo' crises with my NCT friends, and wonder why on earth people said that nappies were harder. But............ I finally tried potty training when DS1 was 3, and only then because he said he wanted to. Yes, the first fortnight was pretty grim - there were accidents (though I have hard floors so not such an issue), but also considerable distress from DS about using the potty/loo. A few weeks on, though, I genuinely wouldn't go back. No accidents at all since the first fortnight, and he's beginning to take himself off to the loo now (more at pre-school than at home, but we're getting there). He's extremely continent, and will 'try' before he goes out, so we've only had one irritating hunt-for-a-loo-while-out-shopping incident - most of the time, I really just don't think about it. I didn't even put him in a happy for the 2 hour car journey to the in-laws last weekend, because he knows his own limits now, and can 'hang on' for a while if required.

So.... YANBU, but I am forced to admit that, contrary to my expectations, things are now easier and more pleasant than when he was in nappies. (Incidentally, we bypassed the potty altogether and just used a Thomas padded loo seat - much nicer for me, but also I think potties can be really uncomfortable for older children). And somehow he just seems more grown up now, more like a little boy - not that I'm judging kids that age who are still in nappies, not at all, but somehow being in big boy pants seems more in tune with his maturity in other ways (like your DD, he is quite 'bookish' and bright, but not particularly physical - but actually the articulacy is extremely helpful when you're having conversations about potty training).

So, I wouldn't say you're unreasonable not to try, but you might find DD surprises you, and that actually you'll be relieved when you've done it.

lancelottie DS could spell 'toilet' before he could use it, too .

Potty training during the autumn/winter is another nightmare. Wait until the weather warms up a bit.

Moose-- fab! Their own exclusive-but-very-embarrassing club!

So glad I read this. DS is 2.8 and no where near ready even though his sister was dry by now. He refuses to use the toilet and denies when he's done a poo and never mentions a wee. I will try again after christmas. YANBU if you have tried and you don't think your DD is ready. I definately PT DD too early and still regret it now as she is 5 and has regular accidents.

Bonsoir - what is 'premature' potty training?