to prefer changing nappies rather than battle potty training?

[Cadpat]

MIL thinks I am being a lazycow laid back parent.

Backstory, DD turns 3 next month, and we've had two aborted attempts at potty training. She knows the theory, will ocasionally go on the potty, tells me as soon as she's done a poo so I can change her. But she's not bothered about being trained otherwise, and I honestly think she cannot get the hang of going on the potty or telling us before she goes, as opposed to after.

But, to be honest, I cannot be bothered to go through the stress of potty training, staying indoors, cleaning up messes, stressing both of us out, yada yada. Changing nappies is so much easier.

DH is getting antsy too now (he probably wouldn't if he had to clean up after her) Anyway, I have decided to leave it for however long it takes, I don't care about changing nappies, much prefer it to the stress of training andhopingnurserywilldoiteventually. AIBU?

I didn't bother. The CM tried to make me so I did try twice without any success. I insisted that the CM give up too. Ds was potty trained at 3.5. Delayed gross motor skills so I figured there was no point trying to get him to do it before he was ready himself (CM had other ideas related to appropriate ages). Ds wasn't dry at night until he was 4.5. I can't see why people seem to treat potty training as a race.

Belgo (not sure if this has been said before as haven't read whole thread) - I am sure there is not much difference in cost by the time you take into account all the extra loads of washing, disinfectant for floors and carpets etc.

PrincessBoo that's why I suggested pullups in the 22nd post. It's amazing what a bit of peer modelling can do for a child.
Accidents are fine, official nappy changes are a pain when you have to take two people out of the room which is staffed by - er - two people. Pullups are pretty handy to help that.

What happens to kids don't toilet train until they are four - five then for whatever reason? Do they just not go to preschool?

Based on this thread, I started potty training DS yesterday. I let him run around with only a tshirt on and he weed on the floor twice with absolutely no indication that he needed a wee beforehand and didn't point it out afterwards. Great.
Then when I put him in pants and shorts he said "wet" when he wet himself. Again, no indication that he needed a wee. I maybe some time doing this...

So once again OP, YANBU!

Well, I started reading this thread three hours ago and was inspired to start PT my dd2 who is ten days off being 3.

I have prepared her over the last few months - I bought her a potty that looks like a miniature toilet with a comfy seat, she actually did do a wee in it a few weeks ago but then never wanted to try again, I have talked about where we do wees and poos and I have let her watch me on the toilet.

But whenever I asked her if she wanted to stop wearing nappies and start wearing knickers she has always looked scared and said no. So I took that as her not being ready.

This morning I asked her again and she still said no. But then I asked her would she want to try if she could have a gold star and a pink smartie when she used the potty and she looked excited and said yes.

So I made my star chart and off we went to Tesco to get gold stars and big girl knickers.

She has been dancing round the living room singing about being in big girl knickers.

AND - success! She was watching TV when she suddenly looked really worried - went towards the potty and then backed away, looking scared of it. I asked her did she want a wee and she said yes in a tiny voice. We had a very short talk about what Mummy and Daddy do if they want a wee - use the toilet - and what should she do - go on the potty, then she happily sat down on it. She had leaked a little bit in her knickers already but then proceeded to do a HUGE wee on the potty.

Early days, but promising!

Mudandmwyhem - what do you mean , extra washing?

I did used to use washable nappies, that was a lot of extra washing, before I got fed up with them and switched to disposables with ds. Disposables are not cheap.

ds was 2.4 when I trained him in the summer, we did it in a couple of days with no accidents after. I used the Gina ford book, and it was great but it was 5 years ago and I can't remember the details! But I do remember ignoring the making him wear trousers and he just had pants on, much easier to get off in a hurry :)

I do remember you had to put them on the potty every 10 minutes to begin with, at least I think you did lol

As a result of this thread (and the fact that January is only getting closer) I started potty training this morning at 11am.

Touch wood... so far, so good!

...so proud of her am I that it's with pleaseure that I tell you that she's just curled out a big one...in the potty!

I know it's early erm hours, but it's all good.

Extra loads of washing ,what you mean 1 or 2 pairs of pants and tights. I potty trained all 3 of mine in the same year and didn't notice any extra "loads" of washing.A spritz of Dettol and lobbing said wet pants in the machine-it's hardly a big job,come on.

I have to say I actually think the leaving it to pre-school thing is a bit unkind. My dc would have mortified and anxious to have had strangers dealing with their wet pants on a regular basis which does happen in the first 3 days.

Sorry but I think potty training is a mummy or daddy's job,it's very intimate and I think young dc are entitled to a bit of dignity.The odd wet pants are unavoidable but the first 3 hell days of potty training sorry that's for mum or dad. All working parents can take a couple of days off for such a momentous milestone. The fact is a lot clearly don't want to preferring to dump it on pre-school.

Clearly a few wet puddles and inconvenience is more of a big deal than supporting ones child. Not nice for the child involved or the pre-school who could be using valuable time teaching.

Yay MM - well done you! very proud of her and for you as well, long may the dry days continue!

Excellent news MM well done both of you.

Don't stress if it goes really well for a few days/week and then regresses for a few days/weeks. That's normal too as the novelty wears off. It seems to improve again quickly .

Panzee Why is it a pain to change a wet nappy but not wet pull ups? Surely you still need to take them out of the room? Why do you need 2 staff for a nappy chance though? Our preschool only uses 1 member of staff.

I actually don't think it is so easy for working parents to just take days off for potty training. Firstly lots of children take many attempts before they get it. You can't keep taking days off work every time you think they might be ready. Secondly children don't give you a months notice that they might be ready for potty training. Sometimes they just decide to do it and that's that. They may not be ready one month and then the next month they may appear to be ready but you can't just get the time off work like that with a snap of your fingers.

Most DC love and trust their nursery workers very much. They are used to them changing their nappies, so why would changing their wet clothes be any different?

Also DS still has accidents and I do notice the extra washing. He can still have 3 accidents a day and it was much more than this when we first started. He manages to wet his vest, tshirt, jumper, pants, trousers and socks.

nappyaddict I was a bit confusing in my post about pullups. I just meant that the children might find it easier to copy their peers if they were in nearly-pants and not nappies. And it's easier for us - if they show signs of wanting to use the toilet we can bring them straight there and help them instead of faffing around with a nappy.

We have been advised to have 2 members of staff doing nappy changes. Personally I'm not bothered but I can see the logic.

And I supposed I'm a little cynical sometimes which colours my view. Where I am at the moment, the one or two who aren't toilet trained are definitely because the parents can't be bothered as opposed to the child not being ready. In this latest cohort there's no SEN preventing successful toilet training.

Is it just me who hates the whole term 'toilet training'. I much prefer 'teaching my child to use the toilet/potty'. This is my flesh and blood, not a fecking pet! :o

just you then, PrincessBoo

I tried DS with pants on today - no shorts, just pants - and he wet himself without even noticing. Guess he's not quite ready yet then.

Well done to MM and your DD though!

Panzee I don't think it is down to parents not being bothered. Some parents consciously make the decision until the child wants to do it themselves. I have not known a child leave it til past 4 unless there is SEN involved.

nappyaddict I can name several. Sad but true.

templemaiden, MM, awesome!! I think I am going to have to get over myself and think quite seriously about starting to get her trained.

We went out to Sears yesterday and she picked out Dora the Explorer knickers. Today, we sat and talked about telling mommy when she wanted to go wee or poo. We also read the little princess 'nappies are yeuch'. We also bought a small red potty, which we are going to leave in the TV room. Also loads of Smarties.

DH and I are going to put her in pants on the weekend and turn up the heat in the house, and see how things go. Lets see how it works

Panzee How do you know it is down to parents not being bothered as opposed to making a conscious decision to not potty train yet?

nappyaddict because I know them. You clearly don't believe me but it is true.

So they've actually said to you that their child is telling them that they are about to do a wee and they can't be bothered to teach them what to do? Not being bothered doesn't mean they haven't consciously decided to wait. I have said to people before that I couldn't be bothered to potty train DS until he said he was about to do a wee. IMO that is when they are ready.

DS and his friend both potty trained during the week after they turned 4. DS has ASD but his friend is totally NT. Until then he had never known he was about to do a wee. TBH it was an awkward week because we were on holiday with no washing facilities but I didn't want to miss a window of opportunity so went with it. They both went to preschool but neither were bothered about the other children wearing pants when they were in pull ups. The preschool did group toilet time so when the other children went the ones still in pull ups were taken to sit on the toilet as well. Both of us used cloth nappies although not at school because it's easier for the school to deal with disposable pull ups.

nappyaddict I know you don't believe me. But I don't care. It happens. Not often, but it does.