to prefer changing nappies rather than battle potty training?

[Cadpat]

MIL thinks I am being a lazycow laid back parent.

Backstory, DD turns 3 next month, and we've had two aborted attempts at potty training. She knows the theory, will ocasionally go on the potty, tells me as soon as she's done a poo so I can change her. But she's not bothered about being trained otherwise, and I honestly think she cannot get the hang of going on the potty or telling us before she goes, as opposed to after.

But, to be honest, I cannot be bothered to go through the stress of potty training, staying indoors, cleaning up messes, stressing both of us out, yada yada. Changing nappies is so much easier.

DH is getting antsy too now (he probably wouldn't if he had to clean up after her) Anyway, I have decided to leave it for however long it takes, I don't care about changing nappies, much prefer it to the stress of training andhopingnurserywilldoiteventually. AIBU?

I potty trained two dcs in Paris Bonsoir. They had to be dry to start school at 2.5 so a couple of weeks before term started I had a concerted effort. Took off the nappy, bought some lovely knickers, had a few strategically placed potties and lots of smarties (when in all else fails use bribery). As kodokan has already pointed out you need to pick a time convenient to you and resign yourself to a couple of days when that's all you do (not very long in the grand scheme of things). Fortunately I didn't have carpets and it was the month of August so they didn't need much in the way of clothes. Dd was dry in a day, ds in about 3. I think the crucial thing is you have to take the nappy off and leave it off and resign yourself to a bit of cleaning up even if they are ready - anyone who says their child has never had an accident is probably lying. That said if you can't be bothered then I wouldn't criticise you for not trying - nappies are easier because you remain in control and if I hadn't had that deadline of starting school I'd probably have put it off as well.

Yes I did read the OP and she seems to be saying she just can't be bothered to persevere.

I.E. "But, to be honest, I cannot be bothered to go through the stress of potty training, staying indoors, cleaning up messes, stressing both of us out, yada yada. Changing nappies is so much easier."

i think people do it too late nowadays
I must admit to not liking seeing nt children ( including) mine in day nappies after about 2 years
They CAN train younger in majority of cases and it's a bit of a stress for the parents but not too bad
Culturally we used to do it younger when we couldn't just bin the poo

I think people should maybe switch to cloth if the child is over two - they'd soon train if they felt wet

Well my mother must have been a superwoman/lazy hybrid mother in the seventies then because despite terry nappies I was just turned 3 and my brother was 3.5.

One mother running a playgroup is anecdotal not hard evidence you know.

www.guardian.co.uk/family/story/0,,1944603,00.html

Few years old, but interesting.

[http://www.continence-uk.com/journal/downloads/0101_review3.pdf]

was looking for some proper figures. There are some links in here but I don't have the time or inclination to find the original papers.

sorry I'll try link again
www.continence-uk.com/journal/downloads/0101_review3.pdf

My kids are well out of the nappy stage now ( one at secondary school ! ) so I can look back with some perspective. My daughter was out of nappies at around three, which seems pretty standard, but not without quite a bit of hassle and stress. I tried with her at 2 1/4 because I thought it might help before DC2 was born. But it was unsucessful at that stage, and just gave me lots of stress and upset between us.
With my son I was much more laid-back ( lazy ?)
he started nursery at nearly 4 and still wasn't out of nappies, though we'd had a go over the summer. The Nursery were lovely and said not to worry if there were a few accidents, and that we should go for it. So, after only a couple of accidents, one or two of them at Nursery, we were away. As far as I remember he was dry at night to within a week or so.
From my experience the easy way has a lot to recommend it !
I have a theory that our tradition of pretty early training actually stems from it being the easier option in our parent's generation, before disposable or convenient nappies were the norm.
I've seen photos of my Mother-in-laws clothes line in the 60's with dozens of cloth nappies hung out to dry. But she did have four children under the age of two (twins in the middle!)

One mother running a playgroup is anecdotal not hard evidence you know.

the hard evidence is that if within living memory children were potty trained at 18 months in this country, why say it is now impossible?

that link has some stats including...

"In the 1960s in Japan, 78% of children
were said to be toilet trained by 18
months with 100% toilet trained at two
years"

thus it was in the UK in the 50's.

My ds was very motivated to potty train when he got a chocolate button as a reward. We started introducing a potty during his nappy-free time before bed. He got to the point where he would reliably use the potty if he didn't have anything on, but the minute I put anything on his bottom half he would wet himself. That's when the chocolate buttons were introduced. For him it was just noticing that he needed to wee before doing it automatically. And the chocolate buttons provided the motivation to do that.

In the end it will make no difference whether your dd potty trains now or in a few months time, so try not to feel guilty about it. I think you're right not to let you and your ds get stressed over it. That makes it so much harder.

Wow, that's a lot of responses, thanks!

Personally, I feel the problem is with both of us. I hold my hand up to those who have said I am not persevering. Yes, I am not, and nappies are way more convenient. I probably could go the 'stay indoors for as long as it takes, get rid of the nappies' route. But it does not work with how I like to live my life. People will probably call me selfish for this, and with good reason too. That's why I posted in AIBU, I needed to hear the negatives of what I was doing.

On the other hand, I do feel that while DD is happy sitting on the potty in front of the TV for an hour, she still doesn't get the concept of a full bladder, or a poop that needs doing. She will tell me as soon as she's done a poo, but doesn't get that she needs to tell me while or before she does it. I've tried going down the treat route, she doesn't care about that at all.

DH and ILs and my own parents don't get this part. My mum claims that my sister's 6 month old is going to be trained before DD is!!
And I know I will get the whole 'oh, she isn't trained yet, how come' thing when they come to visit. It doesn't help that DD is a tall girl for her age, and people automatically assume she's much older than 2.11 and are surprised to see her still in nappies. DH is no use at all, he works from 7 till 7, and all he wants to do is crash when he gets back. So any training I have to do, I have to do it off my own bat.

The other problem for me is the weather. We live in a city where temperatures can go down to -40. Its very easy to stay at home all the time and get depressed. So I actually have to make a huge effort to get me and DD dressed and at least get out for a couple hours. The house is also fairly chilly, and its hard to leave DD out au naturelle. If DD actually did get to the stage of telling me she needed to go, by the time I got everything off her, she'd have probably made a mess. And I really don't want to be in a position of standing outside in -31 (its that out today) with a wet kid.

On the other hand, it is very encouraging to learn that I am not the only mum with issues regarding potty training. Its almost become a race to get kids trained, and I have seen examples of some very competetive parenting and I don't want to be part of that.

I want to do what's best for DD, and thanks to your very generous sharing of your experiences, I am much more confident that I will be able to do what it takes when the time is right for both of us :)

PS - The cost of nappies is not an issue for us, we bulk buy Bambo Nature (parts of which we compost) so we do minimise our environmental impact of using nappies.

DD was in reusables until she was 18 months, we then switched to eco disposables because we were travelling a lot, and then moving continents.

I was about 18months I think and my DB and DSis were about the same age. I thought it was normal to be done younger, and began talking to DS about wees and poos from about 16months and giving him nappy free time. At about 20 months we would go out for a walk down the village with no nappy and he would hold it well. Didn't worry about accidents though as lived in Tenerife so dried in minutes!!

I moved back to the UK when he was 22months and stopped mentioning it as in my mums friends carpeted house!! 2 weeks after we moved back the weather was gloreuos and he spent many days just running starkers around the garden. On his 2nd birthday he announced he was big now and didn't need nappies Bought pull ups as was not training during a birthday party and a week later went camping and he was again in pants lots. Day we cam back out went the pull-ups and he pretty much got it. (obviously there were accidents).

It was then I got the notion that later and don't stress the LO and many parents started 'teeling me off' for doing to early .

I just got on with my life. My neighbours DD (5wks younger than DS) was still in nappies until 3.6. She would have it hanging around her knees soggy with a short skirt on. (Iwill admit to thinking it looked awful). Neighbour kept saying not worried, not really in the mood for training, shows no signs etc. One day DS happened to say something to her DD about using the potty and siad to her 'why are you wearing nappies your not a baby' . The dd just said because muumy puts them on me. Neighbour was a bit and promised her DD a trampoline she wanted when she was dry. Pants next day and never had an accident. .

The point I'm making is sometimes our dc's are ready younger but if its not ever mentioned or talked about they won't say about being wet/ dirty.

YANBU to think it will be hard work OP but maybe a little unreasonable to say you can't be bothered with the stress.

I have found in my friend that train late their seem to be some common confusions about potty training

such as thinking that children need to start asking to go to for a wee/poo before getting rid of nappies.

or putting them in and out of nappies during the day and confusing them,

or that if they don't just get it, they're not ready,

some of it is laziness, some ignorance.

And you definately can do it before 2 as one of mine was (and the other 2 took til about 2 and half, )

I don't think the age a child can be potty trained has anything to do with the child's future brillance, but when very late unless sn are involved can be down to parents input.

i agree whoknowswhatthefutureholds

my children trained when I could be bothered

2 at 19/20 months

1 at 2 exactly

1 at 2 and 3 months

2 at 2.5

YANBU to prefer nappies, but YABU not to try.

Trust me, she is not going to suddenly get it! I waited with ds1 and it did not happen. Some kids don't. We still had the biiiiiiiiig hassle, just that it was 6 months later than it could have been (he was 3.2 when we started) and it still went on for a good 4 months. My friend had it even worse, her dd was 3.5 and refused to sit on a potty at all.

I say the earlier the better! But am still trying to face starting my twins, now 2.1 . I am a hypocrite. Still, the later I leave it, the worse it's getting. They were more 'ready' 4 months ago than they are now, but I aborted due to various stresses in life, and now we are further back than square 1.

I tried potty training DS when he was 2, 2.5 and finally succeeded when he was 3.

I tried and tried and tried, but he never gave any warning of needing a wee or a poo and would just do it in his clothes or on the carpet for weeks and weeks. In the end, at the end my tether, I went back to nappies because I couldn't cope with the mess and stink. Finally, when he was 3, he did it with no problem, and went straight through the night with virtually no accidents from that moment.

I think some posters are being a bit unreasonable about it. All children are different. Some are ready at the age of 2, others aren't. Not fair to lable parents lazy.

I haven't read all the thread yet so apologies if I am repeating what others have said.

My view was exactly the same as yours - I much preferred to change nappies than mop up wee and poo everywhere so I just left DS1. Nursery started doing it in phases from about when he turned 3 and it got to the point where I thought I better make an effort as he was in pants so much at nursery that it did feel we were going backwards by putting him in nappies at weekends - he was 3.1 - we had no poo accidents at all and only a couple of wee ones (generally because he was asleep). Totally supported my theory that the later you leave it the easier it is

He is now 4.4 and still in pull-ups at night - I am using the same theory for night times

YANBU. One of mine potty trained themself before 2, and had accidents 3-7 times a week until age 5. Had we waited a year, think this would have been avoided. There is no rush.

OK, now please don't flame me BUT have you read the Gina Ford potty training book??

I followed it to the letter and potty training was done and dusted in less than two weeks! Plus she was dry at night within four weeks, its about a £5 worth a try??

Good Luck!

My three ( have been potty trained at 3 and a half (boy), 14 months (girl) and 3 and a half (girl. My philosophy was to leave it as late as possible so it would be quick and it was really quick for the three and a half year old (48 hours and done). The 14 month old wanted to start so I let her, but there were quite a few more accidents. I don't think it is 'lazy' to wait, just smart - who cares when they are out of nappies ??(assuming it is'nt blocking them getting to nursery). Really I think there are much more important things to get excited about. PS, as a grown up, does anyone know or care when they were potty trained??

MTW - it has been mentioned several times already on this thread and no one has been flamed for it.

Just wanted to add in that my DS is also in cloth nappies, so no cost implications here either - his nappies can take the wash-hammering required to get them sanitary again better than his clothes can.

Not sure if this has been mentioned but both of my DDs (DD2 going through it now) have got the idea MUCH quicker if naked from the waist down. If wearing pants, i think it must have felt like wearing nappies so they would just 'let go'. Not wearing anything seems to make it easier for them to know when they 'need' to go.
Neither would go with me plonking them on the loo/potty every hour (they would fight it), so i have just left them to it. Ok, it works better in the summer, but DD2 spent this weekend dressed in a vest and polo neck jumper and slippers and no accidents at all. Braving pants for going out tomorrow, so hopefully she will now know the signs and let me know if she needs to go. I will let you know...........

S'OK, we know GF actually works...

I'll wade in and shout on anyone's behalf in the efficacy of GF books.

I tried at 2 and 2.9 with absolutely no luck, and then at 3.2 we had a lovely spell of warm weather and I left him bare-bummed for a few days and that was that! He's only ever had two accidents and the whole affair was much less stressful than I'd feared, because he wanted to do it.

Crispy, you can get leg-warmers to help with potty training in colder weather - search for 'babylegs' (although there are loads of cheaper non-branded ones on ebay) :o