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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be gutted that DP is not taking the morning off work to come with me to take DS to his first day at school?

164 replies

superv1xen · 30/08/2010 19:46

actually i am not just gutted, i am angry and disappointed.

DS is 4 and is from a previous relationship. he starts full time school this thursday and DP is not coming with us. its a really special day for DS, and for me, and i am frankly devastated that he doesn't feel its important to come with us. i think it is a really momentous, special occasion for a family when a child starts school and he just does not seem to give a shit about it. all he needs to do is go in work a bit late, just to see DS go in, he is the boss so he doesnt even need to ask.

he has said he doesnt want to "waste" a days holiday - ( "WASTE" ffs Biscuit ) - well he doesnt even need to have the whole day off as i said, just go in a bit late.

i am seriously that angry right now i feel sick :(

OP posts:
Original poster
superv1xen · 30/08/2010 19:47

oh and me and dp have been together 3 years, are engaged and have a baby DD so it isnt like he is some new fella or anything. i see him as DS's stepdad ffs....well SOME FUCKING STEPDAD. Angry

OP posts:
Shaz10 · 30/08/2010 19:49

Well if it means that much to you he should probably do it. But I wouldn't expect it of a partner of mine. I would like my son to have a low-key first day, he's got enough to worry about without having his parents freaking him out too.

BellasFormerFriend · 30/08/2010 19:49

I think you are making too much out of tbh.

Having been going to school for 16 years now I have seen a lot of children starting reception and I think there will have been one or two children (maximum) who have had both parents there.

I understand this is a big thing for you both and I am sure that your DP is pleased to have reached this milestone just as you are but that does not mean he needs to be there!

FiveGoMadInDorset · 30/08/2010 19:50

DH can't either but really can't see myself getting that worked up about it but guess that is just me, we will take photos and he will wave her off, just can't come with us.

CaptainKirksNipples · 30/08/2010 19:50

Bit OTT? DP didn't watch DS (both of ours) on his first day of school. He saw him all dressed up in the morning. My mum and his mum came to the school, it was totally over the top. They took photos and his mum was overly emotional! He did have to pick him up a few days later and loved it but it was not a big deal for us.

ChippingIn · 30/08/2010 19:50

superv1xen - I don't know any parents that are taking the day off or going in late, so whilst I'm sorry you are upset about this, I think you are over reacting. Sorry.

MaeMobley · 30/08/2010 19:50

I think YABU. It is a big day for DS but you sound like you are making too big a deal of starting school. I don't expect DH to take time off for any scholl related activities.

MrsMorgan · 30/08/2010 19:51

YABU and being very ott.

CaptainKirksNipples · 30/08/2010 19:51

FWIW it is also usually the ones with 2 parents who have to be pushed into the class and don't just run in without a backwards glance!

mumblechum · 30/08/2010 19:51

I think you're making far too much fuss about it tbh and that it's likely tomake your ds nervous.

Of course I had a lump in my throat when I dropped ds off for the first time, but the school were very brisk about a quick hug outside the gate and off we were all sent. It took about 30 seconds.

It wouldn't have occurred to me that dh should be there as well, tbh

veyron · 30/08/2010 19:52

YAB a bit unreasonable.

tribpot · 30/08/2010 19:52

This is a familiar topic at this time of year on MN. I remember Xenia (I think it was Xenia, I do apologise if memory faulty) posting to say she didn't think 1st day of school was a big deal.

I think people vary tremendously on how much importance they attach to the first day. I couldn't have missed it for worlds but equally I can kind of see if you've never done the nursery drop-off you might not really appreciate the significance.

Seems odd when he's the boss not to just go in half an hour late, though. Have you explained how important it is to you, particularly as a blended family, that you all share in the moment? If he thinks he has to take a whole day off just to stand at the school gate for 10 mins I can see he has misjudged the situation quite badly and needs setting right.

BelligerentGhoul · 30/08/2010 19:52

YABU. I didn't even get to take my own daughters to their first days at school - they coped.

It's a shame he's used the word 'waste' but other than that I think you're expecting too much. The more fuss you make and the more parents there are clamouring around, the more of a stressful deal it's going to seem to the children imho.

compo · 30/08/2010 19:53

It would be a nightmare at the school gates on Thursday morning if every reception child had two parents with them
you need to calm down for your ds' sake
make a special breakfast and take photos at home and then business as usual

AMumInScotland · 30/08/2010 19:53

I think you're reading way too much into this - lots of fathers won't be going along on their child's first day of school. Quite a few mothers won't be either. It doesn't mean they don't care, or don't think the child is important, they're just not getting worked up over this one specific thing.

Ragwort · 30/08/2010 19:54

You are totally over the top; actually DH and I were totally over the top when our DS started school - we both went in (DH works from home so no difficulty) - we were so keen we were the first in the playground and felt like real idiots hanging around for 'something' to happen - our DS couldn't wait for us to leave.
It is really NOT a big deal; don't worry about it.

tellnoone · 30/08/2010 19:54

YABU

cupofteaplease · 30/08/2010 19:54

I think you are being unreasonable and completely over reacting to be honest.

Neither myself, nor dh could take dd to school for her first day. As a teacher I needed to be at my school to welcome my new class.

Dd went in just fine with her child carer, and didn't suffer. It hardly means neither of us care about her!

Original poster
superv1xen · 30/08/2010 19:54

i think he should want to do it. i coould bet my bottom dollar when DD starts school he will be there.

i am surprised so many of you think IABU. but i am glad many of you do as its made me feel a tiny bit better.

OP posts:
sorrento56 · 30/08/2010 19:55

I feel I should answer different as your son is not DP's but then I thought no, if he is living with you and acting as a father figure he should act like one.

Is your son's biological father going to be there?

With us DH has come to every one of our children's first days at school. He has wanted too without me even asking and he is coming with us when they go back as I have to drop them all off at different places.

Does your son want him there?

lauzb · 30/08/2010 19:56

YABU - it only takes one of you to drop him in

Original poster
superv1xen · 30/08/2010 19:57

oh and when he had his taster morning in june (when the kids go in with their parents for an hour and look round etc) in most of the kids cases both the mums and dads were there, i was pretty much the only one on my own, i was a bit gutted then too tbh.

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 30/08/2010 19:58

To be honest you see very few dads at the school gate on the first day of term for the reception kids. Many can't get the day off.

I couldn't get the day off for DD's first day and neither could DH so my mum took her.

I think the less fuss thats made about the first day of school then the less wound up the kids are going to be to be honest.

kildare34 · 30/08/2010 19:59

YANBU - As you have said yourself, you are in a serious relationship,have a dd together. Couldn't get more committed. How does he get on with your ds? BTW where is your DS dad in the equation, is he coming to the school as well? My ds started his 1st day in school today and my dh just went into work a little bit later and is due home soon!!! As you said he is the boss, an hour later won't kill him. Sit him down and calmly just say you would really like him to be there for you and your ds. That it means a lot to you and if he still won't come, he is a gobsite. Good luck.

lulurose · 30/08/2010 19:59

YABU....My DD2 starts in reception on Thurs and has to go to breakfast club so will have neither of us there....