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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be gutted that DP is not taking the morning off work to come with me to take DS to his first day at school?

164 replies

superv1xen · 30/08/2010 19:46

actually i am not just gutted, i am angry and disappointed.

DS is 4 and is from a previous relationship. he starts full time school this thursday and DP is not coming with us. its a really special day for DS, and for me, and i am frankly devastated that he doesn't feel its important to come with us. i think it is a really momentous, special occasion for a family when a child starts school and he just does not seem to give a shit about it. all he needs to do is go in work a bit late, just to see DS go in, he is the boss so he doesnt even need to ask.

he has said he doesnt want to "waste" a days holiday - ( "WASTE" ffs Biscuit ) - well he doesnt even need to have the whole day off as i said, just go in a bit late.

i am seriously that angry right now i feel sick :(

OP posts:
Original poster
superv1xen · 30/08/2010 20:00

sorrento my son's bio father is a useless arse who doesnt bother with him unless he has too, didnt know the date he as even starting and wouldn't even give me any money towards his school uniform. Hmm so no, in answer to that question. :o

OP posts:
unfitmother · 30/08/2010 20:01

YABU and a bit OTT

kittywise · 30/08/2010 20:02

YABU totally over reacting. You husband has to work. It's certainly not worth giving up leave for Hmm
Take a photo.

sorrento56 · 30/08/2010 20:03

I think YANBU.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 30/08/2010 20:05

Is there an underlying issue here as you do seem awfully bitter about it, plus the fact that you mention what you think he will do when your DD starts school.

As regards the taster sessions only one father made it to the taster sessions in DD's class and that wasn't DH.

TriplePachyderm · 30/08/2010 20:06

you're going to be the mum who has to be asked to stop coming into the playground three weeks into term aren't you?

ninah · 30/08/2010 20:06

yabu

Original poster
superv1xen · 30/08/2010 20:07

i know he has to work, but as i said, he is the boss so no one would say anything if he went in late, i dont even want him to have the full day off.

the stupid thing is, i know he would if i explicitly asked him to, but i dont want him to do it under duress, i want him to do it coz he wants to. :(

sorrento if you dont mind me asking, why do u think i am not BU? as you are the only one who doesnt :)

OP posts:
SandStorm · 30/08/2010 20:10

YABU. I'm be more inclined to agree with you if you were talking about a parents' evening but the first day? When you'll get a brief few minutes before the children are ushered off into class?

My DH comes to hardly any school events and tbh I never expected anything else. For him to attend sports day or school plays means a whole day off and when you only get a limited number of those he prefers to take them when he'll be spending the whole day with the children, not just a few minutes.

Oh, and he's only ever missed one parents' evening due to a crappy train service.

maresedotes · 30/08/2010 20:11

YANBU. Both my DH and I took our DD1 to school on her first day and we both take her when she returns to school. It is a big deal and I think your DP should make the effort.

And no I'm not the sort of parent who then gets asked to leave the playground after 3 weeks.

laurely · 30/08/2010 20:11

YABU

My third DS started last year and my DH has never been there on first days

yes its emotional, yes it's a milestone, but it's nothing unusual.

marriednotdead · 30/08/2010 20:11

It's the first day at school, YABU. If it was a major operation or graduation I'd say fair enough.

MrsJohnDeere · 30/08/2010 20:11

YABVU.

My ds1 starts school next week. Never considered that dh should come along too to drop him off. Confused

scottishmummy · 30/08/2010 20:12

you are laying this on bit thick.prudent to save annual leave days.is it really about this

sorrento56 · 30/08/2010 20:12

I don't think you are being unreasonable because it is not wrong for you to want your partner there on your child's first day at school. My dh comes to everything - fist days, assemblies the children are in, sports days, parents evenings, curriculum evenings.

tribpot · 30/08/2010 20:12

super - I don't think you're being unreasonable either btw Grin But I have a very flexible employer, who will let me bunk off early for sports day (for example) without booking a half-day. (Mind you if I hadn't, I would have avoided the mortifying sight of ds being carried down the track by the headmaster in a sack, having entirely failed to understand what the sack race entailed).

AnnoyingOrange · 30/08/2010 20:13

another vote for YABU

it really isn't that big a deal

Loshad · 30/08/2010 20:13

you are being totally unreasonable, it really doesn't mean he doesn't love your ds.
If you both go in you turn it into a giant scary occasion for ds, and he might then get the vibes and start to feel really anxious. Ime you want to keep it really low key and normal, and just kind of - that's what happens now, we go to school and it's just well, totally normal and everyday.

My DH didn't go to any of our 4 dcs first day - it certainly doesn't mean he isn't interested/involved/cares.

hairytriangle · 30/08/2010 20:16

YABU. Not quite sure why this is so important to you - you'll be there to see off your DC.

maresedotes · 30/08/2010 20:17

My school must be in the Twilight Zone then because most of the new starters have both parents there.

The school also offers a "Tea and Tissues" session for parents after you have dropped your child off at school!

willhewonthe · 30/08/2010 20:18

You are NOT being unreasonable in my opinion. When my little boy starts school I would love my partner and I to be able to take our son on his first day. Unlikely to be the case as I am a teacher myself but I can see why it is so important to you. I often see both parents bringing their children to school on the first day (and collecting them together too).

hairytriangle · 30/08/2010 20:18

" i dont want him to do it under duress, i want him to do it coz he wants to".

that's even more unreasonable. He doesn't want to do it, you want him to want to, it's stalemate, and there's no point wasting any more time/energy/emotion on it.

missmapp · 30/08/2010 20:19

my dh didnt take a morning off for ds1's first day last year and infact it hadnt occured to me he would until I saw how many dads were there! Of course he spent time with ds1 before he went to work , but we wanted it to seem a normal event, and if we had both taken him it would have seemed like a ' big deal'
Just because he isnt there doesnt mean he isnt thinking about you both, so ithink YABU

MumNWLondon · 30/08/2010 20:20

I think you are being unreasonable. DS starts reception on friday and it would not occur to me, to DS or to DH that DH should either go in late or take day off. There were very few dads on DDs first day at reception and those that were there were on their own (ie the mums hadn't come).

I would not want my DH to waste a days holiday on first day of school, rather save it for family time in the school holidays.

Why not get up early, get him dressed and take nice family photos before DP goes to work?

kildare34 · 30/08/2010 20:21

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. In Ireland the first day in Primary School is a big deal. They even had a feature on it on the 6 o'clock news today!!! So a lot of parents including the dads would take a hour or 2 off to wave their dc off. Although on seconds thought, it probably is just to make sure the dc stay in school and don't run off Grin

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