Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be gutted that DP is not taking the morning off work to come with me to take DS to his first day at school?

164 replies

superv1xen · 30/08/2010 19:46

actually i am not just gutted, i am angry and disappointed.

DS is 4 and is from a previous relationship. he starts full time school this thursday and DP is not coming with us. its a really special day for DS, and for me, and i am frankly devastated that he doesn't feel its important to come with us. i think it is a really momentous, special occasion for a family when a child starts school and he just does not seem to give a shit about it. all he needs to do is go in work a bit late, just to see DS go in, he is the boss so he doesnt even need to ask.

he has said he doesnt want to "waste" a days holiday - ( "WASTE" ffs Biscuit ) - well he doesnt even need to have the whole day off as i said, just go in a bit late.

i am seriously that angry right now i feel sick :(

OP posts:
lowenergylightbulb · 31/08/2010 07:51

My DP has never been with me when our 3 kids started school.

TBH, I think that the lower key that you can manage things the better. There seems to have been a 'branding' almost of 'the big first day' in recent years - along the same line as teachers presents etc..

I start at a new school this week - shall I ask my DP to have the day off to see me in to my classroom Wink

pommedeterre · 31/08/2010 07:57

Umm, why would he? My dad certainly didn't do this and I wouldn't expect dh too either when the time comes (she's only 5.5 months so bit premature!).
Don't get it, sorry.

LittleSilver · 31/08/2010 08:17

Wow, how very OTT! YABU btw.

sorrento56 · 31/08/2010 08:56

Just because someone cares more about their partner being there at the child's first day at school doesn't make them a loon Hmm. Very rude.

ModreB · 31/08/2010 08:57

YABU. My DP never came to the 1st day at school for any of the 3 DC's. It was not a big deal, if we had made a massive fuss it would have wound up the DC's and made it much more difficult for them.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 31/08/2010 08:59

Sorrento - did you see my question? Genuinely interested to know how your DH can attend all the things he does and still have any holiday left over to actually go on holiday!

MNTotoro · 31/08/2010 08:59

YABU.

sorrento56 · 31/08/2010 09:00

Aliba no, he gets the same as everyone else but he goes straight to work after dropping the kids off so it doesn't count as a half day. Sports day does. He works damn hard and much more hours than he is contracted too so no one is going to mind him being an hour later in to work.

rubyrubyruby · 31/08/2010 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeaTrek · 31/08/2010 09:06

To be honest it didn't even occur to me that DH would take a morning off to come with me when DS started school. DH didn't mention it either, so I took him myself.

Looking back, I cannot recall any two parent drop-offs that day. I am sure there were one or two but I didn't notice - most children were brought by one parent. Personally, for my son, I think it would have been too overwhelming for such a big deal to be made of it and I am pleased that I just took him by myself like most mums did.

Having said that, it is clearly important to YOU that your DP comes with you both, so for that YANBU to expect him to come if you ask him. I do think you are being a little OTT about it all though. Devastated, really? Confused. If that is the way you feel though, and your DP knows that then I think he really should come.

mitochondria · 31/08/2010 09:10

YABU. I won't be taking my son on his first day, husband will be. I don't think he'll be looking around thinking "everyone else has got two parents there".

I don't think the first day should be made a big deal of anyway. Just drop-and-run.

Mum72 · 31/08/2010 09:10

My DH did not take the day/morning off when either of ours started school. Infact I seem to recall he was on night shift when DD2 started school, he came in at 7am, had his shower, wished her good luck for the day and went to bed. I suppose he could have come - but tbh it did not cross any of our minds.

Also, I do not recall lots of Dads or couples being there ar all but do recall several grannies and no mums - which I did think was a little sad for the mums, I am assuming they HAD to work.

It is a momentous day. Something I quite poo pooed before hand and was shocked when I stood there with a lump in my throat holding back the tears! LOL.

Its really not such a big deal not going as a "family". The important thing is you will be there - some poor mums won't have been able to be there at all.

Hope it all goes well.

CwtchyBlueMama · 31/08/2010 09:10

Op, i can see where you are coming from,its a big thing starting school & understandably you want your dh there with you.

I think some posters have been a bit harsh to you tbh,i wouldnt waste anymore time analyzing your dh's motives on not wanting to go with you,just enjoy the experience yourself & take some photos.

(My ds starts thurs too)

TrillianAstra · 31/08/2010 09:10

It is a waste of a day off - a better use of a day off would be a day when he can actually spend time with DS and you.

mitochondria · 31/08/2010 09:11

YABU and over the top.

I don't think the first day should be made into a big deal - just drop and run.

My husband will be taking the boy next week for his first day. I won't be going.

mitochondria · 31/08/2010 09:12

Sorry, didn't mean to post twice. I got a funny error page the first time and thought it hadn't worked!

rubyrubyruby · 31/08/2010 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BalloonSlayer · 31/08/2010 09:21

Where we live most Mums and Dads seem to take the new starters in. And here they go in at staggered times, 2 at 9.00, 2 at 9.10 etc right up to 11am, so that the teacher has a few minutes to make a fuss of them. So it could mean taking a whole morning off.

I am pretty sure DH took the time off. >He wouldn't want to miss it.

It always brings a lump to my throat to see the tiny reception child in his/her massive uniform with their Mum and Dad just about to go in.

stubbornhubby · 31/08/2010 09:29

we all got up in good time - so we could have bf together, and we took pictures of the child in new uniform, and then I wished them good luck and went to work. Mrs Stubborn took them to school.

I think one parent actually delivering them at the gate is enough

now... how many parents should deliver them to their new university next month?

Chrysanthemum5 · 31/08/2010 09:32

I don't think you are being unreasonable as I suspect you worry your DH would do this for your DD but not your DS. For what it's worth my DS started school last year, and most of the children had both parents there. DH took the day off, and then when DS changed to a new school this year he took the day off again for DS's first day at his new school.

You are not asking him to take a whole day off just go in an hour late so i think YANBU, but I would talk to your DH and explain why it matters so much to you. It would BU to expect him to read your mind.

cath476 · 31/08/2010 09:43

I don't think YABU at all!! On first day at our school, the majority of children arrive with both parents. I happen to think first day at school IS a big deal! It is a big milestone in a child's life and it is lovely for Mum and Dad to share it.
I think if your DH can see how important it is to you and he can would find it easy to take a couple of hours off, then he is BU.

cath476 · 31/08/2010 09:44

*can

rainbowinthesky · 31/08/2010 09:51

I've not been there for either of mine first days. I think yabu.

traceybath · 31/08/2010 09:51

I think forhead has got it - its worry about ds being treated differently to dd.

My DH wasn't there for DS1's first day at school and there were very few dads there to be honest so I wouldn't worry about that.

Tortoise - lots of people have at least one other younger child when oldest starts schooh hence I guess more mums doing drop-offs.

Filibear · 31/08/2010 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.