Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Back to day one. 24 hours sober. Just cant make it past 2 weeks

I’m sorry Becky, we’re all here for you x Gave they offered you Naltrexone? Each day sober is a win.

@FiloPasty Thank you so much for reaching out and sending support. I am still waiting to see the nurse prescribed at my local alcohol service. I do have an appointment tomorrow for my weekly chat so should find out when I will be seeing her. I am so ashamed and spinning out hugely again. But sober and will keep trying. I hate the dangerous messed up things I do when I drink. I was doing so well and just snapped again.

It’s ok @Becky3825 no judgement here. Only support,
it’s such a fucking insidiously bastard thing.

right now I have no desire to drink at all.
and then suddenly the little wine witch sits on my fucking shoulder -
oh it’s not so bad.
one glass will be fine ( but buy 2 bottles just in case)
you deserve it.
etcetc

play the tape to the end,
the whole way -
from blacking out and going to bed.
to waking up at 3 am and worrying about who you have phoned / texted
drinking litres of water
and then the morning recrimination and remorse.

pretending you feel fine to your partner/kids / colleagues.

URGHHHHHHH

@Becky3825 please don't feel ashamed we all understand and have been there ourselves, that's why we are posting here... you are in good company ❤️.

Try reading or listening to quit like a women. She really challenges this idea that you stop or you've failed. You know what you need to do and are keep practicing until you get it right. You can do this.

I had an awful night earlier this year and put myself in a dangerous situation and felt so ashamed after. It has not happened again. Keep posting, keep trying you will get there.

@REP22 i hope the hospital went ok today x

Thank you so much everyone. I am so grateful for your support and understanding. Feel wretched but finally in bed. This disease is fucking evil isn't it 😣

Morning all.
Sending hugs @Becky3825 - hope you’re feeling a bit better today

Morning all, may I join ?
I've not read the full thread, as I need to go out, but I've read bits of it before.
I was previously on a moderating thread, I'm now on the 200 day challenge one. I'm doing great, 155 days and feeling brilliant.
I'm pretty certain I won't drink again but of course I don't want to get complacent.
@Becky3825 hope you're ok. A fresh day today, a new start.

@Onewildandpreciouslife Morning and thank you for checking in. My head still feels very slow and anxiety about my actions Saturday night pretty high still. Do feel mildly less insane so that is one positive. Had a good, long, and predictably sweaty sleep last night. Its my twins 5th birthday today so need to pull my head out my bum and 'adult'.

Day two here we go 👊

@Goandygo The emotional hangover and potential fallout from my idiotic actions Saturday are still forefront in my mind. But will keep putting one foot in front of the other and just pray and hope nothing bad comes from it. Needless to say I will never be gong back to my local 24 hour garage. ... less said about that the better.

Kids all good with me at least, didn't annoy the older one as was home by 11 ish Saturday and managed to sleep alot of Sunday. Drank sunday evening but had vodka in juice so she didn't know I was drinking as much as it did throughout the evening. All good on the home front. Can never show my face in the local garage again but for the best as its the only 24 hour alcohol place so never returning is a positive thing from my perspective!.

@WendyWagon hi , I recognised your user name. I remember your support when I was moderating. I'm previously amdone123.
I'm sober now 💪

Morning all.

@Becky3825 sorry for your troubles.
Keep going.

@Goandygo welcome.

Photography for the house today. I'll be off fluffing towels shortly. I'm getting very anxious about the market. I have sold two houses at Christmas in the past. I need to get it under offer pronto or I'll lose the farmhouse.
The DS has found some auction properties so he's trying to buy before the event.

I got the cravings last night but I know it's anxiety not a need. I watched an old Midsomer murders. Blue top milk did the trick.

@Becky3825 to lighten the mood I've got a few places I can't show my face. I flashed my knickers at one annual awards do, fell down the steps of our local pub and tried to pay for booze with a nectar card in the co op. Years ago now but it is always upmost in my mind. Shameful at nearly 60!

Another mood lightener (should be recounting great shame, but I’ve let it go. Found it funny shortly afterwards and still find it funny now. My bad).
I decided one night, about 3am, I was going to run away. My then husband had been away, I naturally got off my head and was scared of his return. So with my best thinking, I decided that my best plan was to go to Iceland (country, not shop) because, well, I like it there. To live. Bearing in mind it was middle of winter, I packed two pairs of knickers and a pair of thermal leggings in my handbag, called a taxi to Heathrow and off I went. I figured I had about 4 days before my credit card was cut off (it was on his account) which would pay for a hotel until I got a job and found somewhere to live. Arrived at Heathrow about 6am and bought a one way ticket. So far so good. I was buoyed by the brilliance of my plan, and to celebrate, went to the bar of course. I had about 3 hours to kill so bought a bottle of Villa Maria Sauvignon blanc. Drank that, then joined a stag party that were also flying to Reykjavik who bought me another bottle.
The next thing I remember is coming to, at the gate, in a wheelchair. And my ex-husband. Goodness knows how he found me. The nice steward person insisted on wheeling me back to the car park, whereupon we went home. I don’t remember much of the aftermath, thankfully. To his credit, the ex never berated me for the £650 the episode cost, especially since he paid for it.
As I said, I should feel guilt and shame, but I don’t, it just makes me laugh.
Happy days!

@FaithHopeCarnage so funny 🤣
And my old friend Villa Maria involved 😏

@FaithHopeCarnage i love this story! Brilliant, you could have a whole new life by now. Did you ever make it for a holiday?

Thats proper tickled my fancy 😂

Good morning shipmates.

Good to see you back and posting @Becky3825 - keep going. I have plenty of mental mines of mortification from heavy drinking days. Taxi drivers and the local corner shop guy were my main quarry, poor s~ds. We have to keep going and get back up when we stumble. I do it for Sid; he deserves better than drunk me and having to deal with the after-effects of a heavy session. I can't obligate him to manage my poor choices. But he loves me and forgives me - though that doesn't help with the guilt monster.

Have you got a SMART session or a 1 to 1 planned, something that can help you decompress and reboot? Look after yourself and keep trying. You managed two weeks. You haven't come this far to only get this far.

Have you read Catherine Gray's The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober? She had many humiliating missteps on her sober journey, which she shares with frankness and insight. I found it enormously helpful. Amazon have got used copies for sale from 90p (The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober: Discovering a Happy, Healthy, Wealthy Alcohol-Free Life (Audio Download): Catherine Gray, Catherine Gray, Octopus Publishing Group: Amazon.co.uk: Books)

Hope the photography goes OK @WendyWagon - nice and sunny today, so the light should be good. Sounds promising about the auction for DS - hope he can snap up something he really likes.

Hospital didn't go so well. Appointment was over an hour late and results not brilliant. Apparently the tests from last week revealed no less than five separate bacterial infections jostling for space in there (bit crowded) and it was too painful for needle aspiration, even after anaesthetic. So more antibiotics and back next week. The mainly-offending bacteria grown is apparently something that is only found in soil and has come in via the gut. I occasionally am out and about in the countryside for work (non-manual labour though) and so have a suspicion that it came from a farm visit a few weeks ago. M, however, has prayed intensively for guidance and believes that this has revealed the true culprit and infection source. Sid. 🤐

Anyway, another sober night and I believe it's a little better this morning. We stride forwards in hope.

Welcome back @Goandygo - 155 days is majestic and an encouragement to us all.

Strength and courage. It will be alright, really. x

@REP22 thank you so much for your advise and unwavering support and understanding as always. I am so sorry you are going through this infection awfulness, it is scary too and must be exquisitely painful. I feel so sorry for you, it is so horrid.

@REP22 that sounds so painful, I hope the drs are on top of it and your pain is managed. Big hugs to Sid too, I wish I had a faithful sidekick (other than my husband!)

@FaithHopeCarnage OH my god I've just read this! I relate to this on every level. Except I wouldn't have any money and probably try and steal or prostitute myself to get on that flight! Joining the stag party is definitely something I'd 'suddenly be involved' with but not have any idea how it had come about. Fucking booze 🙄

@WendyWagon I am fast running out of places now as it is such a small town. I need to get out of here but until I start working I am completely stuck here. And to be honest the rent is a about 4 hundred pounds a month less then anywhere else locally for a 3 bedroom. It isn't houseing association but it was just super destroyed when we moved in 5 years ago. But did all new carpets and tiling, painted and made it really lovely. If a bit crumbly and old still (its a 500 year old building). Some kind of rent increase rules mean they can only put it up 25 pounds a year. So its curre tly 825 and for a 3 bedroom, all large rooms, with a private walled garden, it is a blessing. Just hate its location. Totnes... twinned with the end of the world

I have some good news however, I have a job interview next week in Exeter. Nursing at a surgical day unit. It'll be part time but the focus and money of course will be a big help in every way. Terrified of course but I really think I need to be working, even with the mental health stuff and alcohol issue. I can see now after having 2 months off that not working is not going to help with both those things. Plus I may be able to access more help through work for the ptsd.

That is great news @Becky3825. Part time work sounds ideal - I think when one is struggling, the commitment of a regular job can give the distraction without grinding you into the ground. Totnes is the height of urban sophistication compared to where I live (East/Mid Devon) although I guess I’m closer to civilisation 😉
@REP22 that all sounds ghastly and painful, I’m so sorry. Mother’s are famously wrong about everything - fancy besmirching the very gorgeous and totally sanitary Sid.
@FiloPasty, I had been to Iceland many times and loved it. It made me feel clean and spiritual, so my choice of destination in my befuddled state was in itself a cry for help. Sadly these days, it really would be Iceland the shop I would run to 😂

Keep going @Becky3825!

I've heard Totnes is very funky and alternative, so envy you - though people always see the downside of where they live...

I'm doing well on number of days dry - but beginning to realise that I always have something a bit dysfunctional going on. I've been working since 6am, and trying to get back to normal eating after a bad couple of weeks. And I've hidden from my email account for weeks.