Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Thank you @Lavrander !

What a lovely opening message! Wise and welcoming! 😍

I’m in, I’m on day 5 :)

I'm on day 60 and this is it for good for me. It has to be.

I'm having an operation on my tongue next week to remove a small cancerous section. It's been caught early and hopefully that will be that.

But all evidence online points to alcohol being the cause. I was a weekend drinker and didn't drink in the week and haven't done for over ten years. In my younger years a bottle of wine was a regular occurrence a night. It would seem that things have now caught up with me even though I have drunk far less latterly than in earlier years.

This is an enormous wake up call.

I've read a lot of Quit Literature and I'm actually shocked at just how dangerous alcohol is. Of course when I was younger I knew I drank too many units and just managed to bat them off and ignore them. But actually nobody should be drinking more than 14 units a week full stop. And those units are actually quite small.

I can't change the past, but I can change my future and without any doubt my future is now alcohol free. Perhaps I don't find it as challenging as I thought I would as I have a cast iron reason for never drinking alcohol again. I'm 61 and would definitely like to see another twenty years if possible.

Thanks @Lavrander
A mellow fruit of an autumn thread.

@Kipperandarthur im sorry to hear you're poorly but let's hope all will be well.

salutes @Onewildandpreciouslife🫡
ah thank you @CuddlesKovinsky

Welcome @bitterexwife.. great username as well. How has it been so far?

It's mad how little 14 units actually is once you look at it @KipperandarthurAnd perhaps I'm giving away my dependency by almost wondering why anyone would bother if that's all you can have?! I'm sorry to hear about the op - as much as it was caught early it's not something you want to hear. I wonder whether in the future alcohol will be like cigarettes. All the evidence points to it should be but I wasn't alive when seemingly everyone smoked (50s, 60s?) so I struggle to picture if that really could be the about turn for alcohol too.

Thanks @Lavrander I don't know where I'd be without this thread (well, I do actually - back on the booze). I've done 19 weeks now and whenever temptation strikes, a little voice pops up to remind me about all the people on here sending encouragement, advice, sympathy and other helpful stuff. It's great to see so many new members and to know that there is kindness and empathy in the world.

Thanks for the new thread @Lavrander and sorry to hear about your health troubles @Kipperandarthur but we'll done you on 60 days. I dont actually think the quantity matters, its the effects it has on us isn't it.
I also hope for a future where alcohol use isn't such a societal norm and is more frowned upon. But I also hope for a social media revolution, so here's to hoping.
I can't change that. But I can and will change my drinking one day at a time.

Love that you've gone from counting in days to weeks @LillyPJ🎉

Good afternoon shipmates! Thanks for the new thread Cap'n @Lavrander and grateful gratitude (!) for @Onewildandpreciouslife for keeping the helm steady in the previous waters.

Grateful to be here, sailing with you all. Cabin Boy/Powder Monkey Sid (not his real name, but his shipboard moniker as appointed by First Officer @WendyWagon ) joins me in sending you love, solidarity, strength and courage.

Keep going - I know it's hard. It's worth it. We can make it, you and I. xx

Thanks so much @Lavrander for the new thread and the lovely intro.

I'm not having a great day. Still sober but DS1 went back to uni this morning (which is a good thing really but always makes me feel a bit bereaved), and DH is being a bit of a dick for some reason. He just had a rather nasty go at me out of the blue. DS2, who is normally our cheerful one, is sad because he's just been to the orthodontist and his braces hurt. And I was meant to go out tonight with some lovely mum friends, but we've decided to cancel/postpone because a couple of them are ill. It's not like me to be disappointed about a social event being cancelled, but here I am.

@mumzof4x congrats on resuming the HRT regime and don't worry about the weepiness! It sounds like it's all good.

@freedombeckonsme sympathy about being NC with your mum. Even if it's the right decision, it's never easy. Like you, I found sobriety years ago and had a good stint, but since relapsing I've just found it so hard to attain long-term sobriety again. I do know I want it though. They say that a period of recovery ruins your drinking forever, ha, because you know how much happier you can be, and you just want that feeling of freedom back.

@wendywagon it's good to hear from you, I hope you're getting some rest today despite the loo renovations!

@becky37 bravo for coming back. The early days are always likely to be patchy (says she who keeps relapsing). This is a bit random, but you might want to look at NA meetings in your area as well. Alcohol is the only drug I've ever used, but NA considers alcohol a drug like any other drug, so some members of NA are just ('just'!) alcoholics. I've been to both fellowships and prefer NA in some ways; it's less god-centric. Anyway this is just a thought in case your area is short on meetings; you could check out NA meetings as well if you wanted access to more meetings.

@faithhopecarnage I echo the advice to get rid of the bloody chicken! Sobriety is hard and you should be treating yourself to a fresh chicken if that's what you fancy!!!

Hello @Kipperandarthur it's good to hear from you and I wish you all the best for your recovery from the tongue procedure. Well done for looking after your health now!

Sorry about the deleted post btw - mistake on my part. I'm impressed by how quickly MN sorted it.

Evening lads.
My alerts have said a poster directed a post at me? Was it a troll post that was deleted?

I didn’t see one@WendyWagon - there was a message that said it was on hold while mumsnet was looking at it but that has gone now

@Onewildandpreciouslife i thought my MN stalker was back.
Odd really but they were quiet for over two years.

Please don't worry @WendyWagon , it wasn't a troll, it was me accidentally posting under the wrong username (a username that is easier to link up to my RL identity).

I would actually be fine with anyone on this thread knowing my RL identity, but I was trying to be a bit more cautious about my other username (since I've met up with some MNers in person and they know me under that MN name, but they don't necessarily know I'm struggling with alcohol addiction).

MN was very kind and helped me revert to the username I wanted to have on this thread.

Sorry to have complicated things. In RL I'm a very open person, but I do teach students, so I have to be a bit discreet.

I think it might have been elusivehope who deleted and reposted @WendyWagonso nothing to worry about.

That sounded rather incoherent, hope it made sense!

Oh sorry cross post

Thanks @Lavrander !

Thanks @Lavrander, I'm a relative newcomer who really needs the support and understanding of this group. @WendyWagon all the best as you relinquish the helm. @becky27 I think you and I are at a similar point in our journey?

Morning all.
I managed to get downstairs and sink two Yorkshire teas and a rhubarb yoghurt.

I shall stay in bed today and accept a bit of nursing. I could do with a good book.

The offer went in on the farmhouse yesterday. I had to up it but I've done best and final.

Good luck for this Friday mes aimies.

Thank you for all the support and welcoming me back with open arms 🥰

@Swimfreak

Morning lovely, yes I am on day 2 now. Got to get through Friday now!

Day 15

PP mentioned the urge to pop into the shop on the way home. Indeed this is very hard to resist. Dh and dd are away for a few days and I had a long drive back yesterday. I spent a lot of that drive thinking about getting a bottle on the way home. It was stupidly hard not to. I thought: but it's only Thursday FGS; I may is well burn the money on the lawn; if I can't resist this is just not going to work; etc. On and on, mile after mile.

So I didn't get the bottle. I have so much to do but got through the evening by binge watching Netflix. (People are constantly pouring drinks...) But my utmost sympathies to anyone who did stop to get the bottle. It's so hard, it's also fascinating that it should be so hard. Different parts of the gut and brain fighting for supremacy. Darth Vader is holding out a glass of heavy red wine and calling me to the dark side while I try to summon up my inner Jedi.

I have a long standing friend of decades of the type who will nurse a small glass of wine all evening while I would have downed most of a bottle before the food hits the table. I don't get these 'one drink' people - what is the point of one drink?

Also pps talking about how all kinds of emotional states drive to drink. Stress is the obvious one - but actually when I feel a bit 'high' I think it's even worse.