Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Talking of popping to the shops... I used to do it often on the pretext of needing milk/loo paper/ cheese etc. Oh, and while I was there I might as well get a bottle of this... or maybe two, just to save another journey... Now that I've stopped doing that, I've not only saved all the money I'd have spent on wine, but also all the money I spent on the other, often unnecessary, stuff I bought while I was there.

@aterriblefish your post rings so true - a long drive with the constant inner battle. The logical brain knows that a bottle of wine is the last thing my body needs, whilst the cravings are insisting it's a great idea. And yes to when I'm feeling good and 'deserving' of a bottle. The great thing about this wonderful group of people is finding out that I'm not the only one that suffers this madness!

Thanks for the new thread Cap’n @Lavrander!

Still feeling grim/gripey, but have cleared out the fridge of all old food - I also put some out of date cream on a trifle (9 days ood!) it tasted ok, but who knows, anyway it’s all in the food bin now. My mum was very concerned about the chicken - she was worried I’d given it to the dog and it would make her poorly. Thanks mother 😂

😆

Evening all.

@LillyPJ my Sunday afternoon excuse was a cabbage!

Our corner shop got taken over this year. It's fantastic. It has Gordon's af.

The husband has picked up my Hollywood mirror and a huge bag of Cadbury buttons.

Morning all
Had a work event yesterday. Was driving so not tempted. Things seem to be moving away from drinks focused main events but we don't seem to have figured out team bonding - either it's drinks or it's one of those awful ping pong or darts places. I'm a real misery because I'll whinge about it and I don't really have a solution (neither do I want to do pizza/ pasta making). Surely just going out for a meal would suit everyone.
Anyway, was lovely just staying for an hour and making my excuses. Am reminded of some very long train journeys of feeling sick, thirsty and also trying to stay awake so I wouldn't miss my stop. And what for? I don't think I'm closer to any of my colleagues that saw that side of me.

Hope everyone got through Friday okay. Saturday mornings are still a revelation. Long may that continue.

Morning all.

Checking in to the new thread..than you @Lavrander for taking the helm.

I have done the same in the past @elusivehope and MN sorted it so quickly. They really are fantastic.

Had a chat with DH last night regarding his drinking. He's a weekend drinker and although within the socially acceptable range, not really healthy. I am really worried about the example we have set for DS (15) who is increasingly interested in alcohol and with his ADHD I do worry about his future relationship with drink.

I have been sober for 15months now but it's too little (only mum) too late for it to have an impact on him I think. Feeling sad about that.

I know what you mean @EastCoastDamsel . DS is turning 18 soon and I know it’s a rite of passage being able to drink in a pub but I hate how alcohol is glamorised. How was the GNR last week?

Thank you for asking @Onewildandpreciouslife
It was fun. But so so so busy. If I ever do it again, I would not take supporters. It was a huge waste of time for them and we ended up standing in a queue for the time ferry for over 2 hours.

Ahoy shipmates.

Up today and managed to get downstairs. A yoghurt and a Danish.

The DS is off with the gf to look at a house this morning. He was outbid on the Hugh Hefner pad. This is smaller but prettier.
I've had to be practical on the farm house. All of a sudden they have new bids. I offered close to guide but the road worried me. I had a foreboding re Mr Tiggle. He's a daft as a brush cockapoo and he'd be toast if he got out.
I'm going to view a cottage next week with a downstairs bedroom and a dressing room. It's a bit further out but it's near the DC school when they were little.
I feel like Goldy Locks!

Hi there, I am just beginning to live AF. I've been drinking too much for decades. Unfortunately for me I don't get hangovers and alcohol hasn't made me put on a huge amount of weight or got me into socially hideous situations. I heard my d-i-l say recently that she'd never seen me worse the wear because of alcohol.

Well that's because I've drunk so much that it barely touches me. A bottle a night most evenings for years. Quite often in secret.

I've just decided to stop drinking. I'm in my later years and I've got minor but annoying health conditions that Dr Google tell me can be alcohol related.

When I gave up smoking 10 years ago I just decided to do it one day and haven't had a cig since. I'm planning to try giving up alcohol the same way. Who knows whether I'll succeed.

I'm only on Day 4 but I'm happy to say I haven't experienced any withdrawals or indeed anything yet. I was terrified of DTs or losing my mind or something. I don't feel better and I don't feel worse. I do feel determined.

So I'll join the thread.

Socially I may be challenged but I'm just going to say I'm doing dry September after too much drinking on hols. Then I'll say I enjoyed it so much I'm carrying on.

Good luck to all, thank you for posting it really helps.

Good luck @leli I stopped drinking in a similar way. After years of drinking daily, and noticing it creeping up, things came together one day and I didn't have a drink. So I didn't have one the day after, and then the next, and the next... It's been more than 19 weeks now and although I've had some challenging times, it's been easier than I expected on the whole. I even managed a holiday without drinking. I told my friends I was just seeing if I could do without it. Posting here really helps too.

Hi @leliI did the same but said I was doing Dry July. I found the first few days fine although not super easy, perhaps because it was the perfect pub garden times but challenging times came when I started to feel the benefits which wasn't really until a couple of weeks in.
Hopefully you'll feel the benefits soon.

@leli some of us here are at the beginning of our sober journey, good to have you join us. I'm using sober September as my social support - had a couple of blips but I'm determined to keep going 🤞 There's a great deal of support on this thread!

Hey everyone bit of a long time lurker here… am just over 5 months in - got through the bank hols and a summer holiday but the nights drawing in and approaching Christmas (sorry!) is opening up a whole new set of challenges !! So joining for a little moral support

you are all doing fantastic !! Early days defo the hardest but I’m in awe of those who have really been in for the long haul !

Hello @Thenakedwineglass Well done for 5 months! Yes - Christmas is definitely another challenge on the horizon. In my family, we have a blizzard of birthdays around the same time too, including my own Rather Big Birthday in December. I will need to be extra vigilant.

Morning all.

My drink of choice last night was blue top milk! The chilli con carne was a bit hot.

I need to pop out with the DH, he's been running a muck in the supermarkets. We'll see if I have the strength.

Hello @Thenakedwineglass- 5 months is brilliant.
Christmas is going to be very odd isn't it. I suspect I'll notice the advertising a lot more.
I told my sister yesterday in very clear terms that I was not going to drink again. She seemed a bit disappointed as had bought some fizz and she said a couple of times that she'd like to have it but wouldn't want to drink on her own. So I then felt like I'd disappointed her. This seems to be the territory I'm moving in to. I think people have been quite understanding so far as they tell themselves it's just a break or a health kick despite me saying neither of those things.
I'm such a people pleaser so I need to make sure it doesn't break my resolve. There is no benefit to me OR other people to have me drinking. Just none.

@Lavrander its interesting when others need a drinking buddy.

I had this with a few friends. They said the usual 'just have the one' etc. It's so they feel their drinking is normal, everyone does it etc.

I removed myself from those people in the early days. It's a bit like being overweight. I was the 'big girl' of my set for twenty years. Now I wear normal sizes some don't like it. We don't make a judgement of them (it's hard enough keeping sober ourselves) but people are so entrenched in alcohol culture they cannot see it's all a big con. We're not better hosts for pouring the grog down people's necks. We're not posher for having a cocktail cabinet (which I notice is back in vogue).

I think I'm going to do a lunch for my big birthday in December and try to get the DH to agree to a cruise straight after Christmas. He's scared of water!

It's weird the responses one gets to telling people that you are not drinking again isn't it? I've been surprised that some people who I've shared many boozy lunches with have been hugely supportive and in my early days were drinking alcohol free with me even though I kept telling them to drink their normal wine.

Others seem utterly horrified and pose questions such as "Are you sure you mean you won't ever drink again" etc?

Even though I know I'm not going to drink wine and that from a health point of view it would be suicidal, weirdly I still sometimes feel aggrieved with the situation at the weekend and when I look into the future of holidays, Christmas etc.

I know that I would not even want to put wine in my mouth, but my head is still sometimes trying to play catch up. I find myself googling articles about the harmful effects of alcohol or re reading a Quit Lit book on a Friday the start of the weekend and what traditionally would have been open season for opening that wine.

Why does there have to be such a mental tussle especially when you've categorically decided that it's AF for the future.

@Kipperandarthur I can really relate to this. I just keep resolutely thinking about my health and how I absolutely must not drink to protect my future. But I too wonder about navigating various social situations without my usual lubrication. I've decided to invest in some alcohol free beers and wine so as to have some sort of drinking ritual. Maybe that'll help.

Can I just ask, out of interest, what people do instead of drinking alcohol? Do you just keep so busy you don’t have time to stop and sit down (and drink) or do you experiment with new soft drinks, like Trip?
And if you’re a heavy drinker, then it must start decently early in the day and I can imagine is associated with certain activities, like cooking dinner for example. Do you rearrange your habits to try and avoid reaching out for the bottle?

@JustAnotherDilemma i think most posters will tell you they have AF options at dinner time. We were all different in our wine o'clock habits.
Some on here started at lunchtime others after work in their drinking days.
New activities are needed to be found because sober people don't usually fall asleep on the sofa every night. We have time on our hands.
Obviously we are all trying for a new life sober.

@JustAnotherDilemma
I've found it really important to try a whole load of AF options especially for the weekend when I would normally open the Gin and wine.

I especially like AF Gordons Gin and AF Martini Vibrante. Have also tried Cornish Pentire which isn't bad. Not keen on Gaba Sentia waste of £39.

Nonzecco is OK to take for a lunch/evening occasion together with normal wine for the host. Friexenet just too sweet for me. Zero beers are OK for a long drink or what I order out at a lunch in a pub etc. CBD not bad but don't give me any buzz. Waitrose has the best selection I have found. Other options are Fever Tree tonics/sodas but you have to keep a good eye on the sugars as I don't want to waste the calories.

I haven't tried any of the other wines and will only do so when visiting friends/family and wanting to take something for me to drink together with a decent bottle of wine for those hosting. It's the only time that I try and create that image of me having a glass of wine. I don't bother at home as I prefer other AF options.

One thing I definitely notice is that one or two AF drinks at the weekend satisfies the urge (as much as it can) and then I move onto tonic or sparkling water. There is never that endless going back to the fridge for yet another glass.

I can find things that taste OK and I don't mind and try and create the special treat feeling of weekend evenings. But nothing gives the buzz sadly!
In the week I tend to drink sparkling water, Fever Tree flavoured soda or flavoured San Peligrino.

@JustAnotherDilemma I have AF beer for that sound of opening the can or feeling the cold glass. I did this for the first few weeks. But I’ve noticed in the past week or two I don’t need that either, and certainly not more than one. I tried one AF wine (no!) and I didn’t drink G&T or other cocktails before, so won’t start now. I’ve tried Trip but I didn’t get anything out of it. I mean, obviously, but not particularly intriguing taste either. I’ve started back on Diet Coke in recent weeks, which I need to stop again as it’s actually both too sweet and bitter and a bit disgusting. I’ll continue experimenting in the search for inexpensive and non-calorific treats. I’m ~ day 75.