Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

*Just socks

No socks required (nurse here 😉)

Sucks

F*cking piece of sh%t new phone predictive text

Morning all.
I'm up. But not dressed as I'm lazing.
I confess I haven't put the hem up on the curtains yet. I went down the A M-W rabbit hole. Lots I know about this story and the parties but I don't want to be bumped off!

I've just bought some jumpers and pj's off lands end. I can't cook in anything hot but Ive ordered a cotton Christmas jumper.
I had an itch!

Ive had some booze cravings this week which I think is down to the advertisements. However I was cheered to read 60% of people don't drink or are actively cutting down.

@Becky3825 good luck with your run. X

Hello all. I hope the weekend is going well. Those recuperating, speedy recovery.

I met up with a couple of old friends for lunch in London. I kept to AF beer. Friends from student days, one I hadn’t seen in more than thirty years. So there was naturally talk of boozy, boozy nights, events, holidays. Also, sadly, of people who’d died or are in a bad way because of alcohol, or just arseholes when they’ve had too much. Also names of friends and things I simply don’t remember anymore 🥲

Hello!

Had a vibe to drop by and see if the threads are still running - and here you all are!

I will be 6 years alcohol free on Hogmanay 🙂. These threads kept me company, kept me going , and kept me accountable, and I am SO glad to see they are still here and doing the same for all of you.

Xxx

Hi everyone.
@Drybird2020Hello! 6 years - incredible. This thread is brilliant isn't it. I think for anyone trying to do this you need a posse. There is no one I can talk to in real life about this. I have one quite close AF friend who independently gave up around the same time I did and I don't think we're really ready to talk about it with each other yet. But I do think you need people to talk to who get it. Probably why AA is so helpful to so many. I don't think I could do it alone. I'm glad I found the last thread when I did.

Last couple of nights have been tough. DH isn't sober and whilst very supportive of me doesn't feel the need to do it for himself. The last couple of nights he's asked for us to sit together and chat whilst he partakes. All fine. The pang is there but I can get passed it. But honestly I'm getting just so bored. I feel bad for not wanting to sit and chat with him for hours on end like we used to but it just feels so dull so I just end up being really quiet.
Thing is I'm actually quite a chatty person the rest of the time but I can't be expected to chat solidly to the same person for four hours surely?! We put on a couple of our favourite quiz shows but then he just chats all the way through it- arghhh.

Do I just need the practice? Do AF cultures around the world sit and just chat one on one for hours in the evening? And then I get back to feeling bad about it and thinking well I know what would make me chatty for four hours at a time. GAH.
But I won't.

Lovely to hear from you @Drybird2020 !! X

Sorry lots to reply to and I will but just….
Insomnia - why can’t I sleep! My brain is racing

Hello, new here!! I am almost 150 days af 🤩 and at times romanticising about having a glass of champagne with friends, I know, I know….its never one and it will make me feel rubbish. I’ve been there done that, I can play the tape forward, but I feel I’m missing out on the buzz, the friendship and connection that alcohol and chatting over a glass of wine use to give me. I’m trying new things to fill a void, my birthday and Christmas are coming up so maybe that’s playing on my mind. Any wise words appreciated.

I’d like to join to make myself accountable. Need to step up and deal with some family issues and make some huge life changes
buckle up

Good morning!

Welcome @Itsthatway. You've come to the right place. I'm sorry that you're dealing a lot.
@mumdonewelcome - I feel exactly as you feel! I think we need to get in our heads that it isn't a connection - I'm sure like me you've been in a room when people have got drunk whilst you've been sober and they've had what I'm sure they think is a heart to heart? It's not though is it - they're not even really listening to one another they're just saying their thing over and over again and taking it in turns to do the same. I do think that I'm at the point that I need to do a 'thing' instead of just continuing to do the same activity but without alcohol. I'm realising that as I'm no longer wasting the days/ evenings that I'm really noticing when I am just wasting the days/ evenings with people.
Christmas - well we've got in laws round. They don't play games or do much at all beyond drinking, chatting and playing music. I'm a bit sad about it really because I don't really know how to make it feel special or festive because that's just their thing and I'm accepting the things I cannot change. But I do wish we weren't hosting them this year. I know it's not for everyone but I just want to go for a long walk and play some games and we'll do neither. I feel awful saying it.

Morning all.

Welcome @mumdone and @Itsthatway !

@mumdone there is no doubt that being sober on a drunk planet is bloody hard at times (Sober on a Drunk Planet is the title of an excellent quit lit book by Sean Alexander, and sums life up very well). But don’t romanticise alcohol- we miss the “nice” glass - that first sip of champagne when we become sparkly and entertaining, but as you say, if we play it forward we don’t miss what inevitably came next.

You will have faced many “firsts” in your 150 days (which is a huge achievement 👏👏👏), and your first winter / Christmas will be a challenge, but it is possible. It will be a bit different, but ultimately better.

I actually find now that socialising sober, once you’ve got the first 5 minutes out of the way, is more relaxing because you’re not constantly watching yourself, trying to check if you’ve drunk too much, are being too loud, why is it taking so long for them to bring the drinks round, would anyone notice if you went to the bar again…

@Lavrander is it time to start asking for what you need? It’s completely reasonable to say to DH something along the lines of “this year I would really love it if we could go for a walk after lunch - is there a way we can work this into the day without upsetting your parents”. And I completely agree about getting a “thing” - it’s how I got into running. Other distractions are available!

Morning all
I hope I can step on board.

so I was 7 years sober, I then I picked up again, and I drank “normally” for a very long time.
but that has passed, and I no longer do, and I am tired of being tired of it, myself and the self loathing and the silent internal recriminations, and the internal deals etc etc.

so

day 9 here today.
and whilst it’s not easy - coz why the fuck would it be, I know I can do this.

i look forward to getting to know you all

@Lavrander and @Onewildandpreciouslife thank you. I am actually looking forward to a sober Christmas. Not feeling exhausted, short tempered and drunk!! Lots of walks, gym sessions and relaxing.
I guess my social circle was always based around drinking and now that’s gone I feel left out. I am focussing on other areas and doing a moon swim this week and also booked lunches rather than dinner etc, but still feel sad a bit.
@Lavrander i think it’s important you get what you want out of the day/period. Great suggestions. A nice walk post breakfast or lunch, buy some new games and get everyone involved.

@Whenindoubthugitout well done in stepping away again. I can imagine it’s been an incredibly hard journey, I know it would be for me. Do you know what triggered you to drink again? Once we are aware we can challenge our thoughts and nudge them in the direction we really want to go towards. Wishing you all the best

Tbh. I started drinking again - because I felt safe. Having spent along time not feeling safe. I know that sounds a bit silly.

but I then drank moderately for a long long time.
however my husband is terminally ill / it will be a long long time, but it’s a progressive and non treatable illness, and that’s when it really ramped up again,

so / here I am.
recognising I can’t do it alone. I need support. And sadly due to his illness, he can’t support me.

thr good news is - I know I can do it, I know this gets easier, I just need to get through this hard bit.

Welcome @Whenindoubthugitout . I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis- tough times. Well done on getting to day 9 - you know that you are through the hardest part of quitting, although when life is so hard no part is really easy.

Are you getting any support in real life with your husband’s illness and its impact on you?

Morning all.
Welcome newbies.

I've swapped drinking for tidying (just a drawer or a box). I'm a horder and my mind gets overwhelmed with all the stuff still packed.
Each time I sort out something it's fabulously freeing.
I lost an important piece of family jewellery over a decade ago and I feel it's in one of these boxes. I live in hope I'll find it.

Still more sewing for me today.

@Whenindoubthugitout im so sorry to hear your husband is sick. You absolutely can do it, and nothing is easier or better with alcohol in your system. Sending you lots of love

Thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife@mumdoneand of course you're right. It's just the people pleaser in me who would rather everyone else be happy but me!
But asking for a nice walk isn't too much? And they would be mortified if they knew I felt like this (as I would) - they are lovely people. So I'll see what I can weave into the day for my own enjoyment too.
I've actually been thinking of buying a cross stitch to do. I haven't done one since I was about 14 but I do remember enjoying it and I think it would be a nice relaxing activity to do early evening. I do enjoy running (or afterwards) but we don't have great paths by us. I have been really enjoying the gym recently too. I like the idea of an activity I can do when I don't want to go outside! I shall report back.

Welcome @Whenindoubthugitout- I totally recognise the emotion of feeling self being the trigger. As you say you've done it before so you know it can be done. I'm so sorry to read about your husband. We're all here to support you.

Thanks all for the warm welcome.
lovely to wake up with a clear head and no recrimination!!

my children are coming for lunch today. So I am cooking up a storm.
fortunately not a trigger at all. So all will be good.

Hi all, I've been hanging out in the background reading everyone's updates it's good to see so many people keeping on. I am not far off 9 months AF now. Managed to navigate a big halloween party (don't remember the end of last years) but I definitely think mulled wine will be my biggest challenge yet. I used to make a big vat of it from scratch (none of this pre bottled stuff) and loved it SO much- would have it several times a week from beginning of November til NYE and would explore all the mulled wine stalls at xmas markets etc. I was out in london yesterday and loads of pubs were already advertising mulled wine 🍷 so its not going anywhere. I will NOT be drinking any (have no interest in the 0% bottle stuff 🤢). Plan on lots of hot chocolate, loads of walks and gym time to keep myself distracted and also focus on how much more present I am with the kids etc when I am not in a fug of wine. My friends usually rely on me to make the mulled wine at social events so will be warning them that won't be happening this year - it doesnt bother me to serve alcohol or be around drinking but thats definitely my line

Hope lots of others are enjoying nice clear headed Sundays. We've got this 💪

Good morning shipmates.

The dog is hanging around and slept on my leg so it puffed up again.

It's a funny old game this sober lark.
At my 40th and 50th birthday parties I was sober!
Both times there was a argument between friends and family. This coming 60th I'm looking forward to being out so hopefully the players won't be so rude (my sister and I are NC so she won't be there to cause trouble).
We 'lost' my late brother one year and he was found sleeping in a very high wing chair under a blanket. I do miss him so much. A really nice man. Rare in this climate. He might be still here if it wasn't for the drink.

More tidying. I hate it, I want to read a book!

Good morning shipmates. Hello and welcome to new friends.

Sid and I made it through the 'ween weekend unscathed. Hope you did too.

Back up to hospital later; happy days.

Strength and courage lovelies. It will be alright. xx