Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

@REP22

Oh God poor Sid! Poor you!. Hope he is healing well and everything okay your end of things. I must say any kind of absess I immediately want to see and 'investigate'. But the fact it went septic is terrifying. So lucky that it was sorted and the vets mobilized so fast and escalated it. He must have been so unwell 😫

Pumpkin gives me LIFE @REP22 ❤️‍🔥

CFs asking to invite people to your party @WendyWagon.

I am also watching Traitors @Becky3825- good idea to binge on Thursdays - I can't wait to tonight. I also signed up for Rest is Entertainment podcast so I can hear the analysis on that too. I only ever got the start of the civilian one when it first came out and have to admit being very drunk and not getting it at all. So I never got into it until this time around. I want to go back and watch them all.

It's a toughy when the weather turns isn't it. I'm really finding the autumnal smells and crisp air quite triggering does anyone know what I mean? But reading here about noticing and sitting with it iis brilliant advice. It's helping me find it more interesting than tempting if you know what I mean.

Good morning shipmates. Back up after a grim day yesterday - the abscess is still clinging on and deeply unpleasant (it's me, not Sid @Becky3825 - Sid is thankfully in tip-top health). Thank you for all your good wishes. I've been summoned back to hospital on Monday and am delighting in the antibiotics.

Congratulations on your move @Womanshour - hope you enjoy your new home.

I'm sorry you're still in hospital @Onewildandpreciouslife - take care of your lovely self.

Strength and courage. It will be alright soon. x

I’m home now @REP22 , but thank you.

Sorry to hear you’re poorly too - hope the antibiotics kick in and don’t create their own issues!

Thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife - glad you're out of hospital. There's no place like home! Hope you continue to mend well. x

Surgery, sepsis gosh big hugs all round. I hope everyone home now with feet up x I have lots of recommendations for inane easy watching tv shows if you’re interested?
I’m loving Traitors, hadn’t watched previous series so I’m interested to see how it pans out.

I’ve lost a stone in less than 2 months, pretty pleased with that and my skin definitely looking better.

Make your plans for the weekends we can do this @Becky3825 I'm impressed with the running, you’ve got this x Are you using the try dry app? Does gamify it a bit, watching the streaks etc x

Thanks to all on this lovely thread. It’s been such a lifeline.

Echoing the sympathy for those of you who are poorly! @Onewildandpreciouslife that surgery sounds so unpleasant. 😥@REP22 I confess that when I read your message about going to hospital, I couldn't work out whether it was you or Sid who was poorly (ha!). So I just sent good wishes to you both, presuming that if one of you is unwell, the other will be gloomy too! Anyway the abscess sounds dreadful. Thank goodness they're monitoring it closely.

And best of luck @WendyWagon with your op next week; I hope it goes smoothly and that it's a big step to better health for you!

@Lavrander that's a very insightful point about my DS forgoing his favourite lunch rather than trying something new! It's true that change is so difficult. I've read a bit about neuropathways in the brain, and how it's possible to create new pathways, but it's also time-consuming - it doesn't happen overnight.

@Becky3825 the way you have identified the triggers that are coming up for you in the next couple of days and planning in advance what you're going to do is just great. We're all cheering for you!

Day 3 for me today. A tiring work day with highs and lows. I had a tutorial this morning with a student who had written a simply brilliant essay; it's always gratifying when that happens. But at the end of the day I spent about an hour (unplanned) liaising with various staff about a student in crisis (I have two students at the moment who are so very poorly with MH issues that they probably need to take a break from their studies - and I don't say that lightly). I realised today that one of them has apparently not actually left their room since the start of term. I have no idea how they're even getting food. Another (lovely) student flagged it to me. Gosh there are a lot of struggling people in the world.

Really dreading tomorrow as I have another mad teaching day and haven't had the time to prep properly. Ugh.

I also feel like I should stay up tonight and decorate the house for Halloween and trick-or-treaters (I already bought a ton of sweets, what can I say, I'm American!). I won't have time to do it tomorrow. But I'm so tired I'm tempted to just forget Halloween this year. DS2 (currently out at another one of his many social events) seems completely unbothered, unlike previous years when he was excited about decorating and pumpkin carving, so I'm not very incentivised to do it. That said it's so sweet when the tiny children come knocking.

Even though I'm tired, I feel proud of myself for having chalked up three days. Baby steps...

@elusivehope Well done on 3 days and keep taking those baby steps! I'm retired now but your accounts of teaching bring back memories of the relentless nature of the job - and the pastoral side is as exhausting as everything else. I still have nightmares about turning up completely unprepared. Just last week I had one where I knew I should be taking a class but didn't know which one or in which room or on what topic. I stopped teaching over 10 years ago!

Hope you are recovering at home @Onewildandpreciouslife and the antibiotics are kicking in @REP22.

@elusivehope sounds really hard, those who provide help/care for others often don't provide the same care to themselves, I hope you do, you sound so lovely.

I saw this today, one big one missing for me is fitting in/not standing out. My longest sober stint was de-railed as I didnt want to tell some work colleagues i didnt drink. Makes me really sad I find it so hard to advocate for myself.

Friday, hoping everyone has good plans and some treats for yourself planned.

@Becky3825 your plan sounds great, we are all cheering you on xx

Morning all.
Good luck for tonight @Becky3825 - you can do this. Do you have a plan for when the kids are gone? I used to find it really helpful to have an image of how my night would end, and then focus on getting to that point. And remember we are here in your phone, and we’re supporting you all the way.

That’s a really interesting point about not advocating for yourself @Womanshour - it’s so hard to express what we need sometimes, and I don’t think asking for help or standing up for ourselves comes easily for many of us

@Womanshour That's interesting. I wondered if the 'not fitting in' reason counted as 'shame' or 'betrayal' - or perhaps I don't quite understand that quote. My biggest danger moment was when I DID tell my best friend that I wasn't drinking and hadn't for weeks, and she said she hoped I'd have a drink when I was with her because she didn't like drinking alone. Maybe it was the idea that I'd be betraying our friendship if I didn't drink that made the wish to drink so hard to ignore?

@LillyPJ thats a really helpful thought. I think shame perhaps for me... there's someone wrong with me not to drink. (Obviously there isn't this is such a ridiculous thing to think, but thats the society thinking!)

I think i find, in all of my life, not just booze, making sure I say what I need, is really hard.

I’ve gone into sobriety as I’m really worried about my health. So I’ve found just being honest, and saying I’m not drinking at the moment as I’ve been unwell and hopefully making these changes will improve my health, have actually gone down ok. I’m sorry for any of you with pushy friends, it does say more about their own relationship with booze too.

Saying that I haven’t actually socialised properly with my home friends for a while as I moved further away a few years ago. I do see them a lot but often drive so just had the one or I’d drink and stay over. My drinking was actually much more problematic at home as I’m hyper vigilant over talking too much and in my youth after the drugs phase I’m still a bit embarrassed about getting really drunk and saying/doing stupid things. Thank god in the days before social media.

One day at a time, putting out visual queues help me though. Around 6 when before id be drinking cooking dinner I do 3 things Giant glass of water on the side, once thats drunk I refill and pour myself a 0% beer or a Diet Coke and then I put a sleep/herbal tea bag in an empty mug in the kitchen so that when I walk back in the kitchen later, it’s there as a promise that I’d have a tea and go read a chapter of my book x

Wishing you all a successful weekend x

Good morning shipmates.

Ratfink abscess partially burst last night. It was like the last days of Pompeii and Herculaneum (sorry for TMI). Still grim, but the relief is exquisite.

It's a common theme - that we're somehow "betraying" our friends or "letting the side down" by NOT having a drink. It's utter madness. Would they say the same if someone was passing round a bottle of turps (or Toilet Duck, quack quack) for people to swill from? Or a heroin needle? Bit extreme, I know, but it's still poison and they're still invalidating our choices and wishes. Their desire to drink should not trump our reluctance. Grrr. It makes me cross. I am a vegetarian (mostly for animal welfare reasons) - but I would not dream to dictate or pontificate about what someone else chooses to eat; it's their choice and theirs alone.

It can seem lonely being brave and standing up to this nonsense. But we have good reasons and there is honour in our courage and resolve. The naysayers and discouragers can s~d right off.

Everyone's doing so well. Sending you strength and courage for tonight and the weekend. It will be alright. x

@FiloPasty I have gone for similar. I have just tipped over into the obese category with some other health stuff that is lifestyle related (drinking will contribute) so ive said i just need to sort it out. I also have said that perimenopause is hitting me hard and i can't tolerate alcohol anymore.

All true without activating too much shame and sharing stuff I dont need to. But I also feel comfortable saying this.

@Womanshour same my friends know I’ve been struggling with my health the last few years and am on a few medications and now HRT. I think I said up thread but I rejoined Slimming world and have now lost a stone. This week if I look at the NHS bmi thing, I’ve finally gone from Obese to just overweight so I’m pretty happy with that x I think the weight is mainly just dropping off as not drinking and snacking though.

That is amazing @FiloPasty! I have lost half a stone which has tipped me into the overweight range as well!

It's good to see some tangible benefits!! X

That's encouraging to hear @FiloPasty and @Womanshour - I go to Slimming World as well. I bl~~dy live for those stickers, hehe I lost 4 stone, but put a bit back on. I've still got a lot of weight to lose myself, but I find the fact that I am, at least, doing something about it to help myself enormously cheering.

It's in little wins like this that the great victory truly lies. 🏆 x

I agree @REP22, the little wins and the effort working towards the life we want ❤️

Afternoon all.

@REP22 have you ever viewed Sporners corner on MN? I view occasionally to stop me scoffing. I also watch all the skin programmes. I call it professional research.

I put a post up on LinkedIn re my own project and I'm waiting for the fallout. My 'boss' thinks he can tell what I can be involved with. I checked with the solicitor and she told me carry on with your plans, nothing to see here.

Pre op all OK this morning
I even drove myself.

I don't do halloween. I'm scared of ghosts so not for me. Pizza and Woman and Home.

Good afternoon @WendyWagon - I have heard of Sporners Corner (and other associated sites) but have never had the courage to venture over there! It's the sort of thing that would be my M's cup of tea (not literally. Probably...🤢) I once saw a Youtube video of botfly larvae removal. That was the beginning and end of my curiosity. My own little friend is still venting, but the internet shall remain undisturbed by any footage of that, hehe. It is blessed relief and I am thankful for it.

Sid is showing more interest than I would encourage. I suspect he would proudly and joyfully sit atop a canker-addled throne in the very heart of Sporners Corner wearing a crown spun from buboes, if he was allowed. The Poster Child of Unhealthy and Overweening Interest. Mucky pup.

All power to you on the LinkedIn. I admire your courage and spirit. Bellend-Boy can chime off jingling into the sunset.

Glad the pre-op stuff went OK. Attagirl. xx

Yay @Womanshour ! It’s such a step in the right direction :) I live in hope of being in the healthy range

@REP22 4 stone is seriously impressive, well done you, I can’t wait to amass a few more stickers. My clothes feel so much more comfortable already

@REP22

So sorry you are going through this. Sounds horrendous, really sorry also I read things wrong. You poor woman, just socks and the meds help alot but also make one feel so drained and yuk.

Will respond more later as off to park run!

I survived 'The Ween'... now have to get through later today 😬