Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Poor you @Becky3825 and solidarity! I'm glad you came back. Hang in there and you will slowly start to feel better!

@Womanshour what you say about learning through starts and falls is very reassuring. I did read Quit Like a Woman years ago; maybe it's time for me to read it again. Well done on your 70 days!

@WendyWagon I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family 💐

@REP22 I love ginger cats. In fact they are my favourite, but black cats have the hardest time finding homes apparently, so my current cat is black (she came from a rescue centre).

@Swimfreak yes, the academic year always starts with a bang. An important but sometimes exhausting part of my job is 'pastoral care' or dealing with student welfare issues. My uni has very good welfare support for students, so mostly I just refer students onward to other staff members specially trained to help them... but there are still a lot of meetings involved and a lot of emails. It's week 2 and I've already spent hours trying to help two students in particular. One keeps changing their mind about whether or not they want to suspend. At this point I think suspension is probably the best option for them (ie coming back to resume study when their MH issues are not so acute), but they aren't sure yet... It's emotionally draining (for me! and even more so for them).

I'm already feeling guilty about unanswered emails. I do the teaching prep and the teaching first, and then I feel too tired to deal with my inbox. I think I have to stop blaming myself so much. I WILL answer the messages, just not instantly.

I got soaked in the rain this morning but have pretty much dried out now.

Thinking of all of you, good luck making it through the day!

Counting the minutes until I can go to sleep. Watching the American office to kill time until 7. Feel utterly wretched. I hate myself more then words can say but I will never stop trying.

I nearly had a drink tonight am on holiday, Id spent the afternoon telling myself that I’d moderate etc etc and then I read your post @Becky3825 big hugs to you, I hope you’ve made it through tonight, we’re all with you, this isn’t easy at all. Don’t hate yourself, you are trying and there have been sober days, that is a positive.
@WendyWagon I’m so sorry what awful news.

just keep swimming x

Sorry been off on the wrong boat for a while and the sea was fairly choppy - glad to be steering back to calmer waters and checking in with you lovely supportive shipmates for accountability please.
Lovely catching up on posts.

Bless you Becky, I’m so sorry about your struggles. You can do this and your life will be so much happier. Sending lots of positive thoughts and love to you.

I don’t post often on this thread any more but I do read it most days. I’m over a year sober now and it has been so worth it. Loads of very real health benefits including massive improvements in blood pressure, sleep, mood, skin and mental health. I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday (for something totally unrelated to alcohol) and when giving medical history, it felt good to say I was a non-drinker.

I’m keeping everything crossed that I can continue to not drink alcohol but a quick read of this thread is enough to make me realise that I shouldn’t get complacent and that it’s so easy to slip up. Sending thanks and positivity to everyone here. 🙏🏻 🌷

@Becky3825 how are you today? How long until your graduation?

@CarrotSeeds your post gives me hope, well done on a year. I’m on day 40 and my skin already showing such an improvement. Sleep still a bit of a tricky one but it is better.

Still here. Resting up. A noisy house this morning.

Strength to all.

Hi all
@FiloPastyit's bloody hard isn't it when you're on holiday. Trust me though if you can get the first few days under your belt it's less of a battle per minute. Always say no to the first two as well and that makes it far easier. At that point there just feels less of a point!
Weirdly I'm finding it hard again now I'm home. I'm going to walk to the train a different way so I don't go past the shop. Also booked in for a gym class this evening where it would be very obvious if I didn't show.

Hi @CarrotSeeds- over a year is amazing. I'm wondering at what point it feels normal. I think complacency is always a challenge because the longer you go the more you forget why you stopped - or you remember but you just can't dredge up the feeling. I think that's been the hardest part for me although am no where near a year.

@Becky3825congratulations on your graduation. New beginnings are in store for you. Remember who you are doing this for x

@elusivehoperemember what it was like before emails and text message? People would have to wait for a response and that response would be considered and thought out. They can wait and the world will not end. Don't feel guilty.

So sorry for those that are going through it. This too shall pass xx

Morning all
Welcome back @mumzof4x - glad you’ve come back to join us

Lovely to hear from you @CarrotSeeds

Hope things are a bit quieter today @WendyWagon

I'm here and still sober lovely people, was hard to resist at graduation but I managed it. Will respond later properly to everyone, just checking in to show I am still here and okay xx

That is brilliant @Becky3825 !! I was thinking about you yesterday and hoping you would make it through. You should be so proud of yourself (both for graduating and getting through it sober)

Yay well done @Becky3825 :) congratulations on your graduation you should be so proud x

This holiday is definitely testing me, very nearly had wine at dinner, but my teens were like we are so proud of your streak - streaks on Duolingo and Snapchat are a big thing. They also said I’m much nicer now I’m not drinking (and I thought I hid it well!)

I think it’s just a weird itch. It’s so odd being out and not having a bottle (or 2) of wine. My husband drank and I’m watching him with new eyes. I don’t think I do want to drink, gosh it’s hard and I’m doing mental gymnastics.

Much Appreciate everyone checking into the post, those who’ve managed it long term and those struggling, it’s very helpful to read all aspects. Hope everyone has a good day x

Congratulations @Becky3825!!
Love the teen motivation @FiloPasty- I bet that is helping.

I'm back to feeling again like I'm needing to break a habit. Is it to do with the change of seasons? Just feels like I got through summer and was plain sailing for a few weeks there but I fought the previous trigger of 'ooh it's summer and here's a pub garden/ my garden' to having another trigger of 'it's dark let's hunker down.' Just goes to show how embedded it is.

Agree @Lavrander we’ve got a log burner and it’s let put the wood on and pour an x, y, z
I suppose it’s just doing all these firsts without alcohol. It’s weird but actually totally fine!

@LavranderIve just packed away a really good book that your post sort of reminded me of. I can’t remember the exact title and it’s packed now (fingers crossed exchange on 31st) but I think its “My Sober Year”
It comprises of 4 main parts and each part is one season …. For me, spring was when I first gave up, then summer 3-6 months ect. but just like you said ….. all new firsts. I haven’t read it all yet but it is a really good
and motivational easy read. Someone on here recommended and I managed to get a cheap copy on eBay.

Whats everyone’s go to AF drink for log burner nights currently?
Mine have changed over time but just tried an M&S botanical which is nice. Or some really fizzy AF dry bubbly like Friexenet or Goodrays
No fear of temptation for me tonight as doing the round of 6th form open evenings with
Dd.
DS (21) has his driving test at 9am so fingers crossed. If he fails he will spend his entire Christmas being ridiculed by his older 2 sisters who passed first time!!!

Morning all
Not to bright health wise the last couple of days

@mumzof4x For a winter drink I like ginger beer mixed with something like orange juice or a flavoured tonic. Fevertree did a lovely damson tonic a couple of weeks ago - very 'autumnal' flavour but it was a special edition so I don't know if it's still around. I still love the Martini Vibrante which seems right all year round to me!

Still here and still sober. Just managing the anxiety from the weekend and whole graduation extravaganza. Will read and respond when kids all collected tomorrow and I have some me time and some space to recalibrate

@WendyWagon
So sorry you are dealing with all this , must be so hard 😔

Sorry to hear you're poorly @WendyWagon , I hope you can rest and take care of yourself.

Welcome back @mumzof4x ! And thank you @CarrotSeeds for the heartening description of sobriety.

Congratulations @Becky3825 for making it through your graduation without a drink; that's wonderful.

@FiloPasty my DC are also big on streaks! Well done on keeping your own streak going despite the holiday.

@Lavrander I know what you mean about the time of year...

I haven't been having a great week but I'm determined not to drink today. Work is actually all right; I'm falling in love with my first years as I always do. But I'm stressed about my family members in the US, especially my addict DB. I heard from my DSis yesterday (it still feels very strange to see her name popping up in my inbox, as we were estranged for so many years until a couple of months ago). She just said that she had seen him, that he was doing very badly, and that her heart was broken. 💔Substance abuse (or substance misuse as they apparently call it now) is so awful. Guardianship of my DM is also proving a bit complicated. I'm happy for my DSis to be guardian of her person, but on the financial side it's complicated, as my DSis has a history of financial fraud and even theft. I'm wondering if I can do it, but I don't know if it's realistic given that I'm overseas. Anyway I need to find out more.

Still, my DSis is actually communicating with me about this stuff, which is amazing and not a development I would ever have predicted.

I have to try to focus on all the beautiful things in my life without fixating on the dark things.

I also need to be assertive in relation to a volunteer role I want to give up. It's just not working for me any more, and I've told the other people involved that I will be stopping at the end of October. Last night they asked if I could take a break now and start again in January and I pretty much said yes. In MN terms, I went all wet lettuce. 🙄But the thing is, I don't WANT to resume in January. I'm the only volunteer showing up consistently and keeping the activity going. So if I stop, it all stops. But I'm burnt out. Now the others have asked me if I can
contact the organisation we rent our meeting hall from and persuade them to reserve it for us again from January onward. I need to just say to them, no I can't do that; if you want to start this activity up again in January, YOU need to book the hall. Argh! I consider these people friends, close friends even, so my people-pleasing tendencies are out in full force. But it's ridiculous. Anyway I'm going to message them later today and just be polite but firm. I'm not taking a break, I'm quitting. If the activity is important to them, they can step up and run it. I'm going to wait till later today to message them though, because if I do it now the replies will start coming and then I'll have no headspace to focus on today's teaching.

Sorry for the typically long rambly post! Strength and peace to all.

@elusivehope i find charities look for busy people!
I gave up a trustee role a few years ago and you would think I'd taken the company cash. The fights between the other trustees were legendary. No one keeps in contact.
I worked for our hospice and loved it until I found that a significant number of managers were stealing the stock ment for the shops. I actually met with the ceo and she ignored me. Refused to believe it. Disgusting.

Sorry you're not feeling great @WendyWagon - hope you will be on the mend soon. x

Strength and courage. xx

Checking in and sending support to everyone and especially those that need a bit more confidence that they can do this going into the weekend.
Today is a good day to remind us of our 'whys'

Thanks for the book recommendations. Just downloaded 'A sober year' and looking forward to getting into a freshly made and washed bed this evening and doing some reading.

@Lavrander It's always helpful to be reminded of the 'whys'. I was reminded of one of mine this morning when I put on jeans and a belt. It always used to be the third hole for the buckle (and sometimes I could only reach the second) but now it's easily the fourth!

Afternoon shipmates.
I had an early Marks run and managed to get the Christmas edition of good housekeeping magazine.
The dog and I will be snuggled up later for a read.

I've been on a milk run most nights so I haven't tried the Mother Root yet. Tonight might be the night!