Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Good afternoon lovely shipmates. Well, here it is - the new Vax, as recommended by @FiloPasty - lots of acoutrements for Sid to play with, but it looks good and relatively easy to operate. Sid looks apprehensive, but in actuality he was reasonably keen. The vacuum cleaner is no friend of his, but at least he doesn't follow it around jumping on it and biting it like a friend's dog used to...

Sending you strength and courage as we head weekend-wards. x

Ooh I hope it’s good @REP22 :)

I hope you are feeling better @WendyWagon

I made it through Friday sober and up for my park run. Been feeling like crud all week and still sweating last night, think it may be virus related rather then booze detox though at this point as nearly back at a week. Probably another cold brewing or covid, fun time. Anyway sorry I have been dreadful at any response. Will update regarding graduation later today. Have posted an awesome picture my eldest took though 😊

Morning all.

Good to hear from you @Becky3825 - hope you enjoy parkrun. How is the scarf coming along?

I’ve had my surgery so will be in hospital for the next few days. Had a rubbish night’s sleep but will hopefully get moving this morning when the physio comes.

Gorgeous photo Becky!

Morning all.

Thinking of you @Onewildandpreciouslife

I tried the Mother Root last night. Very strong ginger. I like ginger but I wasn't a spirit drinker.
There is nothing in there that worries me but I think it's over priced. I paid £30 for a kit with four tonics and a gill measure. The DH liked it.

We're doing a few jobs in the house this weekend.

How was the physio @Onewildandpreciouslife? Hope the sleep is better tonight .
Well done on parkrun @Becky3825and such lovely graduation photos.
@LillyPJyou'll be needing a new belt soon :-)

Congratulations @Becky3825 .

Welcome @CarrotSeeds and good to see someone so far along.

@elusivehope I hope you manage to extricate yourself from that volunteering job which isn’t working for you anymore. I have a friend who volunteers for a small neighbourhood thing and she’s purposefully not taking on more than the minimum, she doesn’t want things to be awkward when she wants to step back or go on holiday, like she’d be letting everyone down.

Thank you for the photo of Sid @REP22 he looks vigilant next to the box.

We met up with some friends who are visiting from abroad. Luckily it was in a deli type of place they chose, so we (DH and I) didn’t have to say anything or make excuses for not drinking. So I’m back home from London already on a Saturday night, ready for a cup of tea and TV. I got some AF beers but I don’t even fancy that.

I hope everyone is having a nice evening.

@WendyWagon your experiences as a charity volunteer sound shocking! And @postcard thanks for your encouragement as well. I finally just bit the bullet tonight and sent the message saying I didn't want to be responsible for organising the group any more. To my surprise everyone seems to be taking it really well so far - everyone who has replied says they understand. Phew. I do consider these people my friends, so maybe I should have given them the benefit of the doubt and been more forthright about my feelings earlier. Anyway I'm very relieved!

@LillyPJ I'm envious of your weight loss; I haven't lost any (but then again I haven't managed to chalk up much sober time, so maybe that's the problem). I do feel so much better physically after just a few days of not drinking though. I went for a jog by the river today for the first time since August. The sun was glinting on the water and there was even a bit of a rainbow. It was very calming.

@Becky3825 those photos are gorgeous indeed! So joyful.

@Onewildandpreciouslife It's good that you made it through the surgery; I hope your recovery goes as well as it possibly can.

I'm craving cheese and biscuits at the moment, but don't have any nice ones in the house. Must procure some tomorrow. It feels good to be craving something that's not alcohol for a change.

Hope everyone is having a relaxing weekend!

Oh gosh I forgot to congratulate @REP22 and Sid on the new vac! Enjoy! Sid does look rather sceptical 😂

@Onewildandpreciouslife good luck with the recovery.

Good morning. I did 17 days and then had one drink last Thursday. I didn't enjoy it and I have no immediate desire to repeat it, so today is Day 3 - again.

In my defence, we finally saw an oncologist on Thursday afternoon after nearly 6 months of waiting. We now know that chemo is not going to be possible and radio looks unlikely too, because too many lymph nodes are affected over too wide an area. That leaves us with the drugs, which only work for a limited time, although that could be years.

I feel as though everything is up in the air again, but I need to be sober to be present for him.

@NorthernDancer I’m sorry the options look so limited. I hope you’ll have many years together.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/oct/24/prostate-cancer-drug-darolutamide-to-be-offered-england-nhs @NorthernDancer this was in the news a few days ago. Apologies if it’s not appropriate to post it. I hope your DH gets the best treatment possible.

Morning all.

I'm going to have a plodder day today. The curtain pole is up!

Big hugs @NorthernDancer given the circumstances 17 days is great. Well done on your new 3. I’ve taken to sniffing DH’s wine when out but it doesn’t even entice me or smell good anymore.

@WendyWagon i need to do curtains today too, need to replace a hideous blind that was here when we moved in but it’s a tricky window that has a ceiling slope next to it, so I think I’ll have to do a blind again rather than curtains.

I take work out gear on every holiday and it just wastes space as I never use it. This holiday I went to the gym! Thrilled with that. I’d still like my energy levels to increase but my sleep is definitely getting better.

How does everyone feel about alcohol in cooking? I’m not going to buy any to use at home but wondering about ordering when out and about. Beef and Guinness pie etc. although could do that at home with the 0% Guiness as have heard it’s good.

The offer on the mother root with the free tonics, stirrers etc has gone so it doesn’t look like such a good deal. I had a Shirley temple the other night still on hols - ginger beer, grenadine and a cocktail cherry. Might have to recreate that at home.

@FiloPasty I've used wine in cooking and don't feel guilty about it. I had so many bottles taking up space and most of the alcohol gets lost in the cooking anyway. Also, I doubt if eating a steak and ale pie (for instance) has ever caused anyone to relapse! Might be different for sherry trifle, where the alcohol is still all there and the taste is more obvious. It would be interesting to know if Guinness 0% worked as well as ordinary Guinness in a stew.

I don't really use alcohol in cooking due to the DD (nose like a bloodhound) but I would eat a steak and ale pie. The alcohol is cooked out. I think spag bol needs it but an open bottle would be too tempting to me.

Morning all!

An odd one - I've had the 'nasty cold that's going round' that kills your appetite.

I've been eating small meals but think I'm in ketosis now, because I have an enjoyable buzz today, feel very calm, and didn't need much sleep last night.

I'm back to eating normally, but instinctively feel guilty - because the buzz sensation reminds me of drinking!

Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

I've just been looking it up. I was very anti-Atkins, but there seem to be quite a few positives related to a 'better' ketogenic diet, especially for people wired like me (ADHD plus insulin resistance).

Though I doubt I could do it for more than a few days at a time. No more fruit, rice or potatoes, ever?!

Just to add - I'm very interested in the neurobiological side of maladaptive behaviours, which is why I keep coming back to it here. Why they feel so compelling and override our better judgement - whether that's drinking more than a couple of units, or overeating, or restricting eating.

Of course there is the fact alcohol is addictive, but there must be something more too.

The folk wisdom is so moralising and often specifically horrible about women who face challenges around eating and drinking. As if we lack self-control, or only care about being thin or liked, or are inherently mentally-weak and childish.

I've heard friends talking about daughters with anxiety issues or eating disorders in terms of faulty beliefs, or peer groups. And they often blame themselves, far too much.

Beliefs and social influence are clearly vitally-important. We have choices and agency, and our social worlds matter a lot.

But an element of it, for some of us, must be that we are trying to relieve anxiety or access dopamine - and these are quite primal drives. You can't purely rationalise your way through, when some choices feel safe and good, and others (the healthy ones) feel dangerous and perhaps even disgusting or painful.

Accepting that my biological and psychological instincts were wrong took a really long time.

Good morning shipmates.

I was on the fresh lemonade from marks with our Sunday meal.

Less than two weeks to my operation so I'm not even thinking I'm missing out. Being a dry house I appreciate it's easier.

@Onewildandpreciouslife how are you doing?
@Becky3825 how did you get on this weekend?

@WendyWagon
Morning Wendy, all okay my end. Made it through the weekend by keeping busy, knitting and much jogging. Thank you for asking and all the kindness and support you show 🥰

So on day 8 again. Sorry I have been so crap at responding, I have read everyone's responses and appreciate all the lovely congratulations on my graduation too. This thread means the world to me 💔

@taylorean Loved reading this before bed last night 💜

@elusivehope Hope all okay your end, your words meant so much to me. Joyful was the perfect way to describe the day 😊🥰

Good morning shipmates. Lovely photos @Becky3825 - you look fab. Congratulations on graduating, that's a great achievement.

@Onewildandpreciouslife - I hope you are mending well. I was in hospital a lot a few years ago - I used to live for the rattle of the tea trolley, hehe!

So sorry to read your news @NorthernDancer - that's spectacularly unfair. I hope you will still have lots of time together to make precious memories. Much love to you.

It's interesting what you say @taylorean - I think you are right. I volunteered to take part in a lengthy clinical study a while back about whether we are genetically pre-disposed to anxiety or depression and compulsive behaviours around them (including excessive drinking). It was run (IIRC) by these people:
Genetic Links to Anxiety and Depression | GLAD Study

A big milestone in my own personal understanding was that alcohol is actually a depressive drug which actively counteracts the effects of prescribed antidepressants (even though it makes us feel superficially "better" at the time) - so why do we pay for our prescriptions, only to kill their helpful effects with depressants? Well easier to say than do though. I'm sorry you've had the lurgy @taylorean - I've had it as well. Dioralyte and Complan have been my allies, along with Heinz Tomato Soup, hehe. Just to make sure I get at least some nutrients in.

Strength and courage my friends. It will be alright. x