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Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

1000 replies

Lavrander · 11/09/2025 14:32

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

OP posts:
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Becky3825 · 17/10/2025 10:19

@REP22

If it's any consolation, I was down in Plymouth on the Barbican yesterday, sitting in the sun, DESPERATLY tempted to order a cold pint. So many forward and backward conversations in my head. I nearly cracked. Had a Fanta in the end. Went home and ate my weight in food in front of Wednesday night's Traitors (havnt seen last nights so no spoilers people!). Going for a jog in a minute, thinking about alcohol pretty much every 6 seconds, much like a man supposedly thinks about sex. Fuck my life lol!

REP22 · 17/10/2025 12:05

Thank you for your very lovely words @Becky3825 - you're so kind. I wish I was down in Plymouth. Well done for sticking to the Fanta and not caving.

I have fond memories of Plymouth (apart from that horrible roundabout by big Sainsburys). Years ago (before widespread internet shopping, if you can recall such a thing), I was there with one of Sid's predecessors, a handsome Staffie boy. He held dreams of a "battle royale" with a seagull on the green by Sir Francis - swiftly disabused of that ambition when he saw how big the b~ggers were up close. I digress. A good friend, whose marriage was really struggling, had asked if I could buy certain items from Ann Summers for her and I knew there was one in Plymouth. DDog and I went in and a pervert followed us into the "discreet section". He was being a creep and I wasn't having it. So I got down three examples of the said item type (think "excitable Watership Down cast-member"), put them on the floor in front of the hound and said loudly "There you are, DDog, choose one - which one do you think mummy will like the most?" Pervert skedaddled, ashen-faced. Buwaahaahahahaaa 😈

Thank you for asking about my struggles - I do find this time of year a bit challenging. I think I could reasonably put it down to SAD, something I used to dismiss, but which definitely seems to have been a bit of a pattern for me. I find it hard to stop thinking of drink as a "treat" I've earned. That's a hard mindset to shake off. But mostly it is that I have not had an easy life, some awful memories and it's very hard to be alone with my thoughts, memories and dreams, especially at night. I also have a very difficult M. Very, VERY religious, intolerant and an increasing nuisance to even the local church community, which I am expected to manage. Alas, the awful behaviour has mellowed but not truly improved and there is no insight into the hurt and chaos caused. DB lives hours away and is no help. I endure it and we rub along on an even keel (I live about a mile away), but it isn't always pleasant, the outlook is grim, and it takes only one look, word or gesture and I am instantly a frightened, abused 7 year old once again, cowering in a corner or hiding in my bedroom. So I drank to escape. I think troubled childhoods, abusive family members and traumatic circumstances (whether a constant of early life, a general vague unhappiness, or a one-off big traumatic event) are a common theme among drinkers or others with addiction issues.

But please don't be sorry for me - I have had a lot of help to come to terms with what's happened in the past. I cannot change the mindset, behaviours or attitude of others. I CAN change how I react to it. And it's fine, it really is. Sid truly is an ally from the gods. He had not been with me many weeks before he perfected the art of the sidelong glance eyeroll. I am in a happy place. I just don't like being alone with me at nights. But it's better because I have this space to come to and the wonderful hugs and comfort of your words, and those of other thread-friends, the thoughts and feelings that we share here, and the support. I am so thankful for this place. And for Sid and all that I have. 🙂

You are doing so well @Becky3825 - the jogging and knitting for distraction are the best ideas to keep yourself free - the constant thoughts are awful and all-absorbing sometimes. But they DO fade. Seeking solace in food or other drinks (chocolate milkshake for me in the early days) is good, and distractions are key. I remember by alcohol support worker telling me that in the early days of his own getting sober journey, he regularly walked over 20 miles a day to keep him sober - he said "because I wanted it [his sobriety] so badly".

It's also an excellent tactic to treat yourself with the money you've saved on drink - the IAmSober app has a feature that tells you how much you've saved to date (the other apps do too, probably). Making that scarf for your daughter is a wonderful idea. A practical and beautiful thing that she will enjoy for years and years to come. To keep her warm literally - and metaphorically, because it represents the mum who loves her and fought for her sobriety to buy the wool to knit the scarf.

Keep going. Even - especially - when it seems so very difficult. You can get there. You're already well on the way. xx ❤️

FiloPasty · 17/10/2025 13:00

I wanted to leave you a love & support there @REP22 you write so beautifully, my own parents aren’t so tricky both both big drinkers (underlying neurodiversity def with my mum) but I’m struggling with them ageing and I’m very far away 5+ hours. Actually both of them suffering with ill health was one of my major motivations for sobriety and just getting myself healthier in all aspects.

Im still a bit hung up about how horrible the fake red wine was, I’d encourage anyone who was a red wine lover to try it - 0% sainsburys as now if I think red wine I think and taste of that awful muck and it’s doused any memories of anything that I previously liked!
I’ve never been a huge beer drinker but I think the 0% beers I think taste great.

Welcome @Underthebridge84 :) 74 days is epic!

LillyPJ · 17/10/2025 13:14

@REP22 'excitable Watership Down cast member'😂 😆

ShyMaryEllen · 17/10/2025 16:25

LillyPJ · 17/10/2025 13:14

@REP22 'excitable Watership Down cast member'😂 😆

😂

Lovely @REP22, I'm sad to hear you're struggling. I'm certain we've all been there, and understand - I certainly do. The dark nights are difficult sometimes. I have friends coming over tonight. They know I don't drink (well, not often) and I don't in front of them, ever*, but tonight they will all drink wine I get in for them, and I do find it difficult to resist finishing anything left in the bottles when they leave. I know that if I pour half a glass from the bottom of one bottle I will want the other half glasses, and then be strongly tempted to open a fresh one and drink it all.

It's very annoying, as before the fibroscan I was 100% teetotal, with no desire to be otherwise, and had been for seven years. If anyone asked if I might consider drinking again I wasn't lying when I said I wouldn't. But when I was told that I don't have cirrhosis, but my records won't be altered (or even annotated😡) accordingly, that certainty has gone, and things are so much harder. I wish I could shift things back to being happy without even thinking about booze, but I don't know how.

*one of them betrayed a huge confidence I made when under the influence, and I vowed never to drink in her company again.

REP22 · 17/10/2025 16:43

Oh, bless you @ShyMaryEllen 💐 I'm sorry you have such false friends who are content to subject you to that. I hope there's at least something nice about some of them that will cheer you. ❤️

I'm too scared to go for a scan. I'd rather not know. I do fear that Sid will outlive me sometimes. I hope not.

Bake Off Extra Slice this evening, which I enjoy. Then putting episodes of the 1970s/80s All Creatures Great and Small (BBC iPlayer) on for M. I do like the Channel 5 version, but it's very saccharine and not at all true to the books (apart from Samuel West's portrayal of Siegfried). Peter Davison was perfect as Tristan and I like the Mrs. Pumphrey and Tricki Woo (plus grumpy gardener) much better. So that's my evening. Sid is annoyed already. He likes "Police Interceptors".

Strength and courage. x

Swimfreak · 18/10/2025 05:50

Good morning all. I'm crawling back after a very up and down couple of weeks where I haven't managed more than a day dry or two in between giving in to cravings. I'm so disappointed in myself, but what has really given me a kick is I had a routine blood test the other day and was recalled for a second one as the results indicated kidney issues. The nurse said it could be a faulty test so has repeated it, but of course I am shaken by this. Whatever the results, I have to take this as a warning and do all I can to stay sober.
I've read all the recent posts, so much admiration for everyone struggling with so much, and still succeeding. Hopefully I can join you again.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 18/10/2025 08:53

Morning all.
Welcome back @Swimfreak . I’m sorry you’re going through a health scare - I hope it resolves itself soon.

Your scarf sounds lovely @Becky37

Hang in there @REP22 - we will be ok x

WendyWagon · 18/10/2025 10:22

Morning all.

Even I was tempted last night lads. I went out to get fish and chips. The old school establishment. One has to go via a well stocked co op. Luckily I had cash so no need to stop the car. I think the DD had been primed to accompany me.
I had had a full day of house re valuations and felt a 'feck it I'm tired of this' moment. I managed to partake of blue top milk instead.
The DD put on 'Hot Fuzz' to remind me not to buy near our old village. It did make me laugh as she re names all the characters. Jesus, my mental health wouldn't take another lot of nosy gits.

I've had a bit of a breakthrough with the DD. She's going to look at a different course and college for her next degree. Not my Alma Mater but one I wish I had chosen. We'll see on the open day. Hopefully it's small enough and alternative enough to suit.

NorthernDancer · 18/10/2025 10:52

Good morning shipmates. I think it's Day 12 here.

Starting to get stressed now about DH's first oncology appointment next Thursday. He was referred on a 28 day pathway back on 12 May, but if he gets a fully staged and graded diagnosis and a treatment plan on Thursday, it will have taken 164 days! Yes, I have complained. No, they are not interested in engaging with us on the subject of delays or poor communication.

I blame this for my increased consumption over the last five months. To be not drinking now is actually a relief.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 18/10/2025 11:06

Well done on 12 days @NorthernDancer . That sounds really stressful- I think in many ways it’s easier being the patient than the person who cares about them (and I say this as someone having had cancer).

The two questions I ask myself are: where are your feet now? And what can you control?

I love the feet question- I learned it from watching interviews with the England women’s rugby team (apologies to those who’ve heard this before!) It’s physically grounding as well as metaphorical

FiloPasty · 18/10/2025 12:49

Gosh @NorthernDancer that is just an appalling wait time, I’m so sorry for you both. Hopefully it’s finally in hand. Have you tried contacting your local MP, very much a postcode lottery but some are incredibly helpful.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit like the old days (well 6 ish weeks ago eek) full of aches and pains. I finished off that nasty bottle of 0% red as I hate wastage but despite not having the booze my body really doesn’t like it.

Someone upthread commented on awful anxiety apologies for missing who but if you’re of an age and you’re not on HRT it’s worth that conversation with your doctor, mine disappeared once I went on HRT I went for the coil and gel. I feel slightly nicer too as the lack of caring hormones left me a bit mean……

Welcome back @Swimfreak I’m basically here because of health issues and I’ve scared myself into thinking I won’t be around for my lovely children so despite my wobbles I’m feeling very determined at present, I’m also desperate to lose all the extra weight the wine has given me. I hope you have a better week, one day at a time x

elusivehope · 18/10/2025 17:20

Happy Saturday shipmates, I've been meaning to post all week but haven't managed it. I knew the start of my uni term would be hard, and it's been, well, hard. I wish I could say I stayed sober for it but I didn't 😥I'm back on day 1 again and I'm going to do my best to carry on. I'm not drinking nearly as much as I was at the beginning of the summer, but I know that unless I stop, it's going to get gradually worse and worse again, and then I'll be back to day drinking in my office between seminars and vomiting at work. Which is so awful. I have to play the tape forward as they say.

On a happier note, I've sometimes felt very energised this week. I'm so busy there's no time to mope, and when the students are motivated and the teaching goes well, it's very fulfilling. It's just that I teach so many hours, I'm getting too much of a good thing... I don't know how full-time schoolteachers do it, honestly.

It sounds like a many of you are going through some real challenges 💐It's inspiring to read about you soldiering on. There is so much support here, it's lovely.

@EastCoastDamsel I hope you and your DH enjoy your well-deserved holiday. I hadn't heard of 'high control groups' (the term you mentioned), but when I googled it, sheesh. That does sound utterly toxic. Sometimes I think my parents managed our family when I was growing up like a mini high control group (!), so I do have a sense of how awful it can be. Please do prioritise your own sanity, as the other wise people on this thread have said.

@Becky3825 it sounds like you're doing so well! Despite the ongoing cravings (which sound totally normal btw, given the stage you're at in this journey). I don't know how to knit, but I do love beautiful wool - it's definitely worth the investment!

@Lavrander I'm so glad your holiday is going well, you deserve it!

@REP22 I have a lot of identification with what you posted about your childhood. A huge bravo to you for surviving and for sharing your hard-earned wisdom with others. My DM has memory loss now and isn't abusive any more, but there's nothing that makes me feel like a scared child again as quickly as interacting with my family (my family of origin I mean, since my DH and DC are pretty damn great; I'm so lucky in that regard).

@Swimfreak welcome back and bon courage to you, we can do this!

@WendyWagon your DD sounds fab. Avoid the Village of Doom. I hope your open day visit goes well!

@NorthernDancer all my sympathy about your DH. It's such a shame that you have to deal with all of these delays in the middle of what is already a very stressful situation. It's not fair... 💐

On a frivolous note, I just acquired a new keyring that is the spitting image of my beloved black cat. She sits and looks at me exactly like this! Am attaching image so you can see how beautiful she is.

Sending good weekend vibes to all, including those of you I've neglected to name!

Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25
WendyWagon · 19/10/2025 09:29

Good morning shipmates.

I've had two sleeps. The dog had his breakfast at 5.

@elusivehope I love cats but DD is allergic. We used to have Persians. Mr Tiggle the cockapoo does sleep on the back of my sofa like a cat.
I hope you can get back on track. ❤️

Hoping the DH puts up my curtain pole today.

Swimfreak · 19/10/2025 10:55

Thankyou all for your messages of encouragement - so many, it's such a great community - wishing you all the best with your continued efforts. @elusivehope I remember the stresses of the start of the academic year so.well, I think that's when my 'habit' first escalated. Hang in there x

Womanshour · 20/10/2025 05:56

I am sorry for the hard days people are having. I am rooting for you all.

I wish I had listened to quit like a women before. I had so many starts and fall. She speaks about this as really important practice, I agree with that and know I learnt so much each time. I recommend it.

Day 70 today x

Onewildandpreciouslife · 20/10/2025 07:08

Morning all.

Congratulations on 70 days @Womanshour 👏👏

WendyWagon · 20/10/2025 08:41

Morning all.

Not a great end to the weekend. We heard of a tragic accident. One of the DC old school friends.
I shall be offering support.

Swimfreak · 20/10/2025 09:41

@WendyWagon I'm so sorry to hear this, how very sad for you all. Look after yourself whilst you are supporting others x

REP22 · 20/10/2025 10:13

Good morning shipmates. Made it through the weekend!

So sorry to read your news @WendyWagon - that's awful and so, so unfair. I hope your DC are OK.

That's a lovely keyring and picture @elusivehope - Sid likes cats. I'm not sure he knows that they're not little dogs. The ones he knows best are ginger, so I think he thinks all cats are ginger.

Strength and courage. xx

Becky3825 · 20/10/2025 10:49

@WendyWagon

So sorry 😞

Becky3825 · 20/10/2025 10:52

I am back on day one. Drank Saturday night and all day yesterday from the moment I woke up until I passed out in the afternoon. Then started drinking again within 10 minutes of waking up till 10pm when I passed out again. Smashed my phone screen which I had only just got a few days ago. Thankfully it is still working. Shame spiral central

WendyWagon · 20/10/2025 11:02

@Becky3825 you poor love.

What's the plan for this week?

Becky3825 · 20/10/2025 11:10

@WendyWagon
I graduate tomorrow so will endeavor to stick to water and diet coke. I am in hell right now mentally, but I won't give up trying. I just have no off switch. Going to try and rest for a few hours. Have the heart palpitations

REP22 · 20/10/2025 11:33

Oh bless you @Becky3825 - it's alright. I'm sorry. Please don't beat yourself up. It happens. Look after yourself and mend well. Take things easy and start again. It will be OK. xx

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