Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

So sorry you're feeling grim @Becky3825 - there certainly are some nasty germs about at the moment. So many round here are under the weather. Hope you're mending well very soon.

Sorry about the SMART meeting tonight, but good plan to deflect with knitting. Are you into podcasts at all? I have to confess that I'm not, really, but in difficult earlier days, I found the "One for the Road" podcase by Sober Dave quite helpful - some on Youtube for free: One for the Road Podcast - YouTube - perhaps they might fill the SMART-shaped hole in your evening? Or I think there are some SMART-related videos on YT as well.

I am starting to hear the siren song of wine-witch/vodka-Voldemort as well. I know full well that each further drink is exactly the same as one more step up to the wooden scaffold and the hangman's noose - but it is so very, very hard. I'm really struggling. Shall we face this weekend together? I won't if you won't. I shall be braver if I've got an ally (misery loves company and all that - I'll be Misery if you be Company...?!). xx

@FiloPasty - I will keep you posted. Sid may even consent to pose with said Vax when it arrives. Like one of those scantily-clad "prize-strokers" on a god-awful 1970s/80s TV game show.

Sounds like you're living the dream there - I rarely venture to the tip (despite it only being along the road from me) - the excitement might polish me off. Cathartic is indeed the word; people underestimate how genuinely helpful (and healthy) it can be. But I see your home-improving stakes and raise them: My M's little cul-de-sac has a WhatsApp group dedicated entirely to the bins. An elderly neighbour adopts the cunning superhero alter-ego of Bin Man 🦸🏻‍♂️ each week to tell the rest of the street what bins to put out that week. He is widely beloved and appreciated. It's only a matter of time before the Marvel Universe franchise people get hold of him and then where will all the biddies with their bins be?! Easier when I lived in London - the urban foxes took care of all the non-recyclables, tax-free, lord love 'em.🦊

I have just come across the newly-added "support" icon for posts. I have bestowed my first-ever one upon @Becky3825 - but that doesn't mean I don't love and support you all. x

You’re doing brilliantly! It’s a bummer about no Smart meeting tonight, but perhaps you could set aside a time task eg 15 minutes at 7pm, and read some Smart literature? Just so you can feel you’ve achieved a specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound goal 😉

Keep on keeping on!

I have trialled the sainsburys 0% red wine tonight, nice enough, fruity but I’m not sure I’ll buy again.

I can’t wait to see Sid with the Vax, he is handsome indeed. I have similar wonderful neighbours and a thriving whattsapp.

My recycling day is today. I had planned to have a big sort-out today in honour of the bins, but failed. I also need to rearrange bookshelves so I can keep some cookbooks, but failed to do that either. It will mean getting rid of novels, but counter-intuitive as it feels it is right, as I can always get them on Kindle if I really intend to read them again, which I probably won't. I don't know if I'll use the cookbooks either, really, but I quite like to flick through them for inspiration now and again (I do enjoy cooking).

I'm waffling. I hope everyone is bearing up in what are proving to be choppy waters for shipmates these days. What are you knitting, @Becky3825? Give Sid a paw from me, @REP22? I hope you are both on the mend, that your house hunting is progressing, @WendyWagon, and that work isn't too awful @EastCoastDamsel.

Remember that we have been through turbulent times like these before, and got through. The lifeboats are here if anyone needs them, but generally the Good Ship Sobriety can be steered successfully when we all pull together.

Morning all.
Sorry so many are going through tough times - hang in there.

I have now had a couple of sessions with my therapist- I find it exhausting (probably all the crying!) but I always sleep well the night after

Cathartic @Onewildandpreciouslife can I ask how you found your therapist and if the first one was a good fit? I feel like this is something I should explore but I’m a bit scared, I imagine there would be a lot of crying from me too. I did Reiki once years ago and I was a mess but afterwards felt incredibly lighter in a way.

@Onewildandpreciouslife That sounds like good therapy. I have seen a few counsellors but the first was the best. For the first two sessions, I just cried solidly for the whole time and came out wondering how it was going to help. But it really did. She was amazing and her skill has helped me ever since - over 20 years.

Good morning.

The shoulder is better this morning.
Hoorah.
I'm planning my birthday lunch for December and I've got venue A and B in mind. The event is always ladies only. The DH can't have leave in December. I get about 6 people together, some don't like each other.

I've declined a role at a friend's new hotel business. Too risky for me although I will go to the opening. I might need a new full length frock. Ebay here I come.

I'm team therapy ladies. Better out than in. My lovely old dad was a real soppy.
Big army man but give him a sentimental movie and he'd be in floods. Gotta love the Welsh. ❤️

Friendship dynamics are interesting aren’t they @WendyWagon :) I’m a big vinted fan can definitely get a few frock bargains on there too. Over the past 2 years I’ve made about 4K selling off all the old clothes in the house (3 kids worth that had all just been stored) so I’m quite a vinted fan. Whenever I’m doing some ironing I pull a couple of items out and upload them and it all ticks along well, I also sell my old books on there too, £1/2 etc but they seem to go as well, it’s quicker taking them to the corner shop for evri/inpost than to the charity so it goes to my personal charity me :)

Largely luck @FiloPasty ! I got a list from BUPA and approached her because she is local to me and referenced ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) in her bio. I’ve read a few books around that and find it a really helpful idea. Her waiting list was about 6 months but I got lucky with an afternoon slot coming free.

I’ve just started reading Option B by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant about grief and resilience. It’s called option B because of a conversation Sheryl Sandberg had with Adam Grant after her husband died: she was crying because she was trying to organise how to deal with a father-son event, looking into alternative ways of supporting her son, and just wanted her husband to be alive so she didn’t have this issue.

Adam G replied: Option A isn’t possible, so let’s kick the shit out of Option B.

”kicking the shit out of option B” is a perfect summary of ACT!

Can I join? I am 74 days alcohol free today. I’ve tried to quit so many times, and for some reason this time has stuck.

Late check in here. Cold almost gone. Thursday night meet up with friends aka Thursday Club went well - two bottles of AF fruit cider with a side order of heartburn.

Welcome to @Underthebridge84 !

Welcome @Underthebridge84. 74 days is brilliant. Why do you think it's stuck this time?

I've nearly made it through my holiday. My god it's been tough but I've woken up proud every day that I've stuck to my guns and every day it's been easier. I do feel like I'm back at the very beginning of quitting though. Temptation absolutely everywhere and it's incredibly hard to remind myself of the 'bad' here vs home but now am a few days in some reflections:
Thankful for sleeping all the way through rather than waking up half way through the night and drinking all the bottled water
Turns our aircon isn't as drying as I thought
So much easier to not stuff myself at breakfast (although I have of course been happily feasting - just not so much)
Thankful for not being anxious about what the waiters noticed.
Mocktails on a sunbed are lovely - I don't have to worry about how many I'm drinking

@Underthebridge84 welcome! Congratulations! You are about a week ahead of me. Lovely to have you here.

@NorthernDancer im so pleased the cold has gone, I hope you start to feel some benefits now.

@Lavrander that is really impressive. Good for you x

@Lavrander well for a long time I didn’t feel I ‘deserved’ to quit. My drinking wasn’t massively problematic in terms of quantity, but it just made me feel so anxious and depressed the next day. But I really struggled to envisage myself as somebody who didn’t drink. I wouldn’t be any fun right? (I realise this is silly!)
but I remember the exact moment at the start of the moment. Stressful start to our week away, travel delayed, sat in overpriced restaurant wirh two small children and I had a glass of Prosecco because I deserved it. I got half way down and just thought ‘I’m not enjoying this’ and then I thought ‘actually I’d like to have a good summer. I’ll give myself permission not to drink’. And I did have a good summer and a few people did ask why I wasn’t drinking but when I said it just made me anxious they said it sounded sensible.
and I still get anxious but not in the same anxiety claws in my back kind of way. And I’m a better mother. Still get a bit grumpy and stressed but not as bad. I’ve lost a few pounds which is a nice bonus and the big bonus is my husband, who also I think drank too much especially when stressed, has massively cut down and we are getting on so much better. So a win!

@Lavrander That's great about your holiday! Well done. I've had two sober holidays now and had similar experiences. The first was a group holiday and second was with an old friend. It was harder to avoid alcohol on the second. The friend has never known me not drink and he put more (friendly) pressure on me - always suggesting a drink, buying a bottle of wine for us to share etc. It was easier to 'hide' in the group where most people wouldn't know what I was drinking. I don't know why I haven't told people I don't want to ever drink any more - perhaps it seems too final? But it might make life easier for me.

@Underthebridge84 welcome and congratulations on 75 days.

@Lavrander well done for a nicer, calmer holiday.

Good morning all.

@LillyPJ i have friends that press drink on me. I start with 'you know I don't drink anymore' . Some say 'what never?' but I say I don't know. I personally find it easy to laugh at my old scrapes so I might remind them it's hard for me to be normal. Most agree I was a lush. Some had the worse of me so they're relieved. I find people who drink too much their selves the hardest. Most of those people left the party. I stick to seven close friends ( the secret seven). I'm ashamed of what I did to my family but I find honesty works for me with friends.
Depending on the relationship I might admit to being a recovering alcoholic but I'm not giving that power to people who are casual friends and certainly not colleagues.
Fwiw I turned down a recent corporate do because it will be super boozy.
I'd rather watch a movie.

Good morning shipmates. Sid informs me that the Vax has arrived. He wouldn't be drawn any further other than it's "in a box" and "bigger than Parsnip" (his feline nemesis). Exciting!

Welcome @Underthebridge84 - I am so glad you've found us. 74 days is deeply impressive.

@Lavrander - I am really glad that your holiday - and you! - are going on so well. Brilliant.

I managed to get past the shops unscathed yesterday. In the past, Thursday has been my 'danger day' - I work in a city on Thursdays most weeks - easier to cheaply buy my weekend booze without falling under the gaze of the local rural shops where Sid and I live. I was desperately tempted yesterday, but stuck resolutely to Boots and the sandwich shop and am so glad this morning that I did (as is Sidney); booze bought on Thursdays rarely made it as far as the weekend. It's a good feeling. Top stuff on keeping AF on your Thursday too @NorthernDancer.

How's it going with you @Becky3825? Hope you're doing ok.

Strength and courage my friends. We can do it. xx

Thank you so much @REP22

Your message really meant a lot to me. You always have such a thoughtful, kind way of putting things, and it honestly helped lift my spirits tonight. It’s such a comfort knowing there are people here who truly understand what this feels like.

I’ll definitely check out the One for the Road podcast, I have heard of Sober Dave but never actually listened, so it might be a good companion this evening while I rest and furiously knit!. I didn’t know there were SMART-related videos on YouTube either, so thank you for that tip, it’s nice to have something positive to fill that space instead of just sitting with the noise in my head this weekend.

I completely understand what you said about the “siren song” of it all. It’s such a strange mix of temptation and self-sabotage, isn’t it? Even knowing what it leads to, the pull can be so strong sometimes. I really like the idea of facing the weekend together, there’s something grounding about knowing someone else is walking the same path and being accountable to someone else is always so good for me. The crushing guilt of letting them down may be triggering for a lot of people but for me it is a very VERY good motivator to push through cravings.

How are you doing? You mentioned you’re struggling too which I can understand. Has anything in particular been making it harder lately? I know this time of year can be rough; darker evenings seem to amplify everything somehow. I hope you’ve got something planned for the weekend to get out and about. The cabin fever is the worse!

Thank you again for reaching out, and for being such a steady, kind voice here. It really does make a difference knowing we’re not alone in this. Sending a big virtual hug your way 😊

@ShyMaryEllen

I am knitting a scarf which is going to be for my eldest daughter. I of course chose some wool she had which is 100 percent merino and costs about 14 pounds a ball....sigh, will be one expensive scarf when completed. Also seeing as I decided to make it practically as wide as the knitting needles, mucho wool will be required. Spending on wool rather then pints in my local though is absolutely fine by me 😊

I'll post a picture of my progress later

@Underthebridge84

Welcome to the thread 😊, we will try and support you any way we can