Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Thanks guys 🥲. Yeah the in person ones can be fantastic but they are also so triggering as i have to walk past so many pubs to get to any of them. I have done online too with both SMART and AA.

But never did as many as the in person ones over the years. Maybe I just need to stop going physically to meetings and do them all online for the time being. I am just too vunerable and need to absolutely check out of leaving the house other then kids stuff, food shopping or yoga/exetercise, essentials.

I really did so many stupid things this weekend and the anxiety is fairly crushing. I know it will pass so just trying to breath and read a bit of quit lit in bed. Put a wash on and did the dishwasher.

All the memories of the bad stuff I did and what a drunken fool i was are all slowly flooding back. Torture

Thanks guys 🥲. Yeah the in person ones can be fantastic but they are also so triggering as i have to walk past so many pubs to get to any of them. I have done online too with both SMART and AA.

But never did as many as the in person ones over the years. Maybe I just need to stop going physically to meetings and do them all online for the time being. I am just too vunerable and need to absolutely check out of leaving the house other then kids stuff, food shopping or yoga/exetercise, essentials.

I really did so many stupid things this weekend and the anxiety is fairly crushing. I know it will pass so just trying to breath and read a bit of quit lit in bed. Put a wash on and did the dishwasher.

All the memories of the bad stuff I did and what a drunken fool i was are all slowly flooding back. Torture

Sorry @Becky37 be kind to yourself, have the services ever offered any medication? I contacted them initially because I’d heard a lot about Naltrexone (I think that’s the spelling) being a wonder drug in stopping the alcohol noise.
Make a plan for tonight, dinner, hot bath, herbal tea?

@Becky37 the day after is always the worst but you’ll get through this. Naltrexone can be prescribed by the alcohol services rather than GP AFAIK, as it’s that consistent regular support that really helps too.

@WendyWagon get well soon.

@FiloPasty i hope you get good news 🤞

@elusivehope families…I hope your brother finds rehab helpful and appreciates the chance he’s given to change things around.

@Swimfreak keep going.

@FiloPasty and @postcard

Thank you for taking the time to respond. Yes the alcohol service said they can prescribe Naltrexone. I have my next appointment Thursday with my support worker and the health visitor/nurse so this is something I am definately going to ask for.

I am going to try and sleep and then will be time to collect the girls. So will have to face the world again, walk past litrally everywhere I went Saturday night. Probably walk past loads if people too that i made am arse of myself in front off. Small town Joys. I have signed up to the try dry app, had an account still from 2 years ago. Feeling very depressed and terrified but I will keep posting and get through today anyway I can

@FiloPasty and @postcard

Thank you for taking the time to respond. Yes the alcohol service said they can prescribe Naltrexone. I have my next appointment Thursday with my support worker and the health visitor/nurse so this is something I am definately going to ask for.

I am going to try and sleep and then will be time to collect the girls. So will have to face the world again, walk past litrally everywhere I went Saturday night. Probably walk past loads if people too that i made am arse of myself in front off. Small town Joys. I have signed up to the try dry app, had an account still from 2 years ago. Feeling very depressed and terrified but I will keep posting and get through today anyway I can

Dont know how that happened! Just came on and assumed my post hadnt worked as was still in the message box. Sorry about the double post!

@Becky37one foot in front of the other. I know you're scared but try and look ahead not behind. Giving up alcohol is about what could be not what was. The whole point of looking ahead is also about seeing what help you need in order to reach your destination but the point is to keep pressing forward no matter how much you stumble. Keeping posting x

Hi @WendyWagon. Feel better soon.

@elusivehopehope your brother gets the help he needs. And Lord give you the strength to accept the things you cannot change 😉.

@Becky37 keep going.

You know it's a bit like losing weight. Some need WLJ, others diet chef packs or they go cold turkey.
I never got the people who said I didn't fancy any tea/dinner. Then one day I did.
I spent my life thinking about food and drink. Everything was timed too with my dad having been in the army.

You will conquer the drink Becky and there's no shame in using a medication. It's there for that purpose.
I thought I'd need rehab but one day I woke up and said 'this is ridiculous Wendy, you're a grown woman with children. Sort your shit out'. The sneaky shopping, lying and the shame. Enough.

Good luck today.

@Lavrander

Thank you, tears welling up reading that. Really am so grateful for the support. I just really want to stop the cycle. It has got so bad again, I know I can pull it back and I am determined. Had another sweaty nap and a shower, stripped the bed. Steps towards progress. But still. Will my eldest daughter ever forgive me? She is nearly 16 and has watched me on and off the last 4 years do this.

Sometimes a week apart. Sometimes a month or two apart. The last nearly 3 months have been a weekly or by weekly fuck up. Why do I keep doing this to her? She is 8 years older then my other daughter and 10 years older then my twin daughters.

She will never forget me doing this to her. Being wretched all the next day, the tears, then the moodyness of me 'detoxing' essentially the next 4/5 days. Then a few days of happiness and healthyness. Then boom, drunk for 2 days again, being rude to her in front of her friends, or simply just bringing friends back, or worse random aquaintances and being noisy and drinking till the early hours of the morning (or worse till the afternoon).

I need to write this all down for some accountability. I just have to dive back into recovery, but not do too many meetings in person as they give me the false sence of security or that i am not as bad as other alcoholics. They talk about hiding vodka in their bags. This is not a binge drinkers life at all. Smart is probably best for me but I can use AA when I am having a wobble or to fill time when I could be tempted or am tempted to drink

@WendyWagon

Thank you Wendy for your words of hope in this dark dark time. The sneaky shopling had me nodding. If I'm very drunk I also sometimes steal from the local supermarket too. I am scared if I got caught I could not be aloud to practise nursing. But I have to start being really honest about all the things that drink leads me to do. The random sex. The stealing. The injuries I sustain. The pain I inflict on my eldest daughter (the little ones are away fridays to sundays woth their father). There is so much that I have done that I feel I can never make up for. I am also so scared of getting a tap on the shoulder in the local supermarket because they have seen it on cctv. I genuinly think the social services would get involved too if police ever did because i would admit to the drinking binges and crumple. Also i had a very violent ex partner a few years ago and they were involved for over a year then. I have just escaped with this amazing degree and 4 beautiful children who adore me. But I am killing myself and waving goodbye to any kind of happy future. I am a cat with 9 lives and feel I am going to get myself in serious trouble soon

Oh Becky I wish I could give you a big hug.
It is hard the sober lark but the sad thing is many, many alcohol dependant people want an intervention because it's too much to do on their own.
My eldest DC remembers me drinking when he was four. He was so sensible by 5. My mum died and I'd given so much up to look after her. My job I loved, my home (still my favourite abode) and many many friends. I wanted her love, I didn't get it.
I'm not a psychologist my love (my DD is) and her telling me to have therapy was my breakthrough.
Your a clinician, can you get some help through work?
I'm southern based if you're close by.
AA have sponsors and they can help too.
You've got your family, many are not as lucky. Four lovely girls. You can do this. Is there a non drinking friend who could help?

And Fwiw my ledgendry BFF said 'if you want to kill yourself you carry on. You've got two years tops'. Harsh to hear.
It was liver disease or alcohol poisoning for me.

It got me a bit emotional lads.

@WendyWagon

Got me very emotional. Currently having a cry in bed responding. I know I need therapy but it is so expensive and no hard to access anything free. Of course not as expensive as drinking but then I am not addicted to therapy!.

I was diagnosed with complex PTSD after what I went through and started some EMDR therapy through my university. But then I went on placement again as I had so many hours to make up so I could qualify on time (well a year late as took me 4 years) but with my current cohort.

I threw everything into getting this degree and now I have it I have fallen apart. Litrally the week end of July it finished all the wheels fell off. I havethis next session with the alcohol service so I will be asking about therapy to deal with the trauma of the domestic abuse. It was incredibly violent and I was very lucky to escape with my life on many occasions over the 18 months we 'saw' each other.

But I cant excuse my drinking on that. I am also addicted to it and use it because if loneyness and to 'check out' of my life. Then the circle continues and I never get a better life because of the drinking. I have wasted so much time and done myself a lot of damage, mostly emotionally. My self worth is about as low as it was when I was being kicked 7 shades out of by someone I loved.

I am so grateful for being so open and vunerable Wendy. I am at a piint where I am scared it will kill me to, whether through misadventure or because I have some kind of eppisode from drinking so so much in these sittings.

Sober at home and got the kids washed and fed. My eldest is hardly talking to me but gave me a small smile when I gave her some soup about an hour ago.

I am holding on to knowing I could lose her forever if I do not sort this out.

Sadly I can't recommend the DD for therapy as she's still a student.
Mind you she's harsh too.

I cried a lot when I first stopped drinking. I had a little cry this afternoon, I had a few flashbacks. I inherited my mother's Catholic guilt! I'm not catholic.

Too poorly to try Motheroot yet.

@WendyWagon

You give me hope and I appreciate your honesty. I am also so grateful for you exposing yourself too all my crap and showing such an open heart and this compassion to me in this moment. I'm going to try and sleep now, sweat out some more of the poison in my body 💜

How did you sleep @Becky37 ?
I'm on day 26 (which is the longest I’ve done bar pregnancy in my adult life) and the one biggest win from this so far is just the quality of my sleep. My alarm going off in the morning is just a wake up call and not an “oh, no” like it used to be.
We can only look forward so make a plan for this week. I relied heavily on 0% drinks for the first fortnight, so you have the familiarity of pouring the drink when feeling stressed etc. The peroni 0% and thatchers cider 0% both taste very authentic I was pleasantly surprised.

@FiloPasty

Morning lovely. I slept long but woke probably hourly drenched in sweat. Like the worst I have ever had. Also think it is due to realising around 3am, when 'drying my body out' by laying ontop of the duvet, that yes I was no sick too with this cold virus everyone has had. Clearly ammune system has says enough is enough too. Silver linings as it will help with the detox being ill.

How mental is that though? Being happy I am sick because it will help me recover, not drink, and get some sobriety under my belt!.the crazy upside down world of the drinker.

Anyway, i have my liver function test tomorrow and finally will collect the thiamine I asked the Dr to prescribe a week ago from the pharmacy.

Will avoid all triggers of any kind and keep throwing my all at this, AGAIN.

Getting through this weekend will give me some confidence in myself. Still just terrified but holding the looks my daughter gave me Sunday and yesterday in my mind and heart.

I will get some AF drinks in when I am better from this cold, helped me through many a friday in the past ❤️‍🩹

And I am sorry for posting so much! This thread is keeping me semi-together currently!

Morning all.
Big hugs to everyone on this journey.

I had to wake the DH up last night. Mega pain and I'd become cold. I can't afford pneumonia again.

I've had tea and a rhubarb yoghurt. When I get my new abode I'm growing timberly early.

Morning all.
Sorry you’re feeling so rough @Becky37 - I hope you are able to get the support you need. What is your plan for this weekend? You talked a little while ago about going to your mum’s for the weekend- is that an option?

Hope you’re feeling a bit better this morning @WendyWagon

26 days is great work @FiloPasty 👏👏

@Becky37 I feel for you so much - I too had four children in an abusive marriage, when I finally left I had nothing but thanks to the kindness of a friend I was able to go to evening classes and eventually gained qualifications. This was many years ago and I went on to have a successful career, but I do wonder if the trauma from back then still lingers somewhere and contributes to my drinking habits. You've done so well to seek support, with you all the way x

This is quite interesting - article about how negative reinforcement (eg relief from stress - plus relief from hangover symptoms) activates certain areas of the brain, and consequently alcohol-seeking behaviour.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-15169193/alcohol-addiction-cause-withdrawal.html

Very @FaithHopeCarnage. It's similar to what is discussed in Alcohol Explained - chasing that initial relief and then needing the second drink to get rid of the withdrawal. Reading that book helped me to see that I'd never get what I was seeking! But also helps to explain why anxiety and also over alertness can be associated with the first few days/ weeks of giving up.

It's day 100 for me! I can't believe the difference between how I feel like now and the first few days and weeks. I remember at the beginning just feeling like 100 days was so far away and you're just stuck in the weeds and rocks and mud and crevices and you can't even begin to imagine what it must be like that far ahead. And seeing other people post that they'd made it to a week, two weeks, 100 days and it just feeling impossible. But that was me then and I did it!!

I know it's so hard at the beginning but the sludge you're walking through will change to water, to air. That feeling of constant internal arguments goes from the front of mind to the back of the mind. It's the big ugly giant on your shoulder that's now a gnat. There was a wonderful post by someone that I must find on the previous thread that has stayed in my head and has been one of the things that has kept me straight..

I also know that little wins like these can make me lose my guard and I still have that all inclusive holiday to come. But my big win is drinking just doesn't look fun any more. And why wouldn't I want to have fun on holiday?