Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Whoever suggested these - THANK YOU! They’re so nice 😍

@WendyWagon give us a review of the MotherRoot I’m quite tempted as I love ginger.

The dreams were brilliant. I wish I could have them again.

The farmhouse sounds amazing, @WendyWagon.

I like those Vidrate electrolyte drinks. They come in numerous flavours and are tasty. They don't have as much salt as the tablets either.

I'm here waiting for my friends to arrive on Monday. Last night was stormy - today's not what you'd call calm - and there are trees down all over the place. It was quite scary overnight, but I think it's moved now, thank goodness.

Hope all goes well @ShyMaryEllen.

I'm still having those vivid dreams sometimes! Slightly obsessed with my garmin sleep score.... its like actual evidence of the positive impact being sober has.

Who was saying they've cracked friday, but saturday is hard each week? Thinking of you - you have got this. Make your plan now x

Not suffered too badly with drinking dreams, but I’ve had a couple where people have accused me of drinking (when I haven’t) and having big arguments with them - and then when I wake up I’m still really angry at the injustice and it takes half a day to stop being cross!

Luckily I rarely dream/remember my dreams

Morning all.

The new AF drink is here so I'll report back later.
The amazon chandelier is absolute rubbish according to the DH. I'm stalking a vintage one now.

Crazy Dream again last night, I had a pet baby duck billed platypus it was so cute and affectionate, I am not telling anyone in real life as they are crazy. What a lovely pet :)

I had eight hours' sleep!!! Honestly, it's better than anything!

Sorry I managed to post mine twice. @taylorean yay on the great sleep. I woke up again feeling good, this is so positive as for the first few weeks I wasn’t really feeling any different. I have my first holiday to get through in half term. That will be interesting, my first ever adult holiday not drinking…..

I’ve passed the 3 months milestone. I was in the pub last evening and, my goodness, isn’t drunk talk boring talk. People not listening, repeating themselves, asking the same questions (as they didn’t listen the first time, or they forgot already), itching to get confessional. These are my friends and I feel sad, not smug, thinking this. Strengthens the resolve to keep going.

Have a good Sunday everyone 🤗

BTW I spent 3 hours in the pub with just a half pint of AF beer. They’d run out of bottles and the tap one was flat and oily. I just didn’t fancy anything else (or the desperate need for the loo on the long journey back).

I know exactly what you mean @postcard. I find being around people drinking (as long as I get passed the first 30 minutes ) puts me off touching it.
The 'itching to get confessional' is so true - I've been it myself and I know that what I was spouting was nonsense when I look back and not at all what I really meant so I can see it with other people. The circular conversation is a bore.
I do try and I still enjoy having a chat but it gets passed a point of interest where you get nowhere and no amount of steering the conversation on will help. It definitely strengthens my resolve too.
Congratulations on 3 months.

@Lavrander thank you. Yes, I’ve been there too. Trying to explain in minute detail some work-related gripe that nobody would get or care, really. Onwards and upwards and, hopefully, truly in the past now.

Congratulations @postcard - three months is brilliant!

@Womanshour

It was me that had 'cracked Fridays'. Well I thought I had then I drank Thursday, Friday and Saturday this week. I lost the plot completly. I am so ashamed and feeling hopless and like utter crap of course. Fell over in my garden last night, I also contacted an ex when I was smashed Thursday night. Made so many bad decisions and totally let my eldest daughter down last night and then today being utterly useless.

Got to keep trying but I am feeling very scared

@Becky37 a friend sometimes sends me little thoughts to ponder, the latest one being:

If I have the courage to begin,
I have the courage to succeed

You WILL get this - it might not be happening as quickly as you’d like, but you’ll get there. Accept all the help and support you can, and it will slowly fall into place. A big mistake I used to make was to let the guilt about drinking overwhelm me and the only coping mechanism I had was to drink more/again to make those feelings go away. Vicious circle, really. If you haven’t had a drink today, then tomorrow you’ll feel physically better and hopefully more positive. You are brave.

I agree with what @FaithHopeCarnage says @Becky37 im getting closer to a month now but previous to this every time I drank for pretty much the last 2 years I’d say never again and nothing stuck.
It’s worth self refering to your local drug/alcohol service. I did but then went more or less cold turkey as it took 2 weeks for my telephone appointment to be available, there is help out there. I decided not to continue with it but if I have a drink again, I’m definitely calling them.
You want to make a change and you’re checking in here, that does mean something, I’m starting to wonder if I need some sort of therapy as my drinking was definitely to cope/cover other things.
I hope everyone has carved out some of their own time this weekend. I am exhausted it’s been busy here. I’m not working tomorrow and I’d really love to just have a lazy day but there are still piles of washing, ironing and loads of cleaning to do.
I am going to start the week with a tock list and some positive affirmations :)

It's good to see you, @Becky37 . Great advice from Faithhopecarnage and Filopasty. Just take it one day at a time and reach out for all the lifelines you can. A real-life AA meeting might help, especially on the days when you would normally drink. It's not just you; alcohol is a substance designed to be addictive, which is why it's so damn hard to break free of it. 💐

My mood has been a bit low today despite a beautiful sunny morning on the football pitch watching DS2 play. I hardly ever make it to his matches and I'm very glad I went. Am going to try to make it to more of his home games.

@WendyWagon that farmhouse sounds very promising! Shame about the chandelier, but looking for vintage is a good idea.

Sympathy for the loss of your brother. It's so sad to watch loved ones engaging in self-destructive behaviours.

Speaking of which, I spoke to my brother on the phone last night for the first time since January. The fact he answered his phone was in itself a very positive thing. He didn't sound great though. He has a whole string of petty convictions now (all drug and alcohol related), but the judge has apparently just given him a choice between jail or rehab. So obviously he is choosing rehab, but he doesn't sound very motivated. It seems that it's on him to make phone calls and sort out the rehab, so I think there's a good chance he won't manage it, and will end up in jail anyway. I feel helpless at this point. However it's the first convo we've had where he's openly acknowledged that he's having these problems (until now I've been persona non grata for daring to broach the subject of rehab). So that's a small step in the right direction I guess. I always feel a bit like I've been punched in the gut after I hear from him though. He's hardcore MAGA and mentioned something about the terrible racism experienced by white people.😱Families eh?! At least that comment kept me from feeling as sorry for him as I would have felt otherwise. At some point I'm going to lose it and tell him what a fucking idiot he is. And breathe.

@Onewildandpreciouslife that's great news about the therapist; I hope they turn out to be good! And I really hope you get a surgery date soon.

@FiloPasty I love the platypus dream!

And congrats @taylorean on finally getting some sleep!

@postcard three months is brilliant. And yes, being the sober person among a group of tipsy people can be excruciatingly boring. People start delivering monologues at a certain point rather than carrying on a two-way conversation.

I feel a bit better now having typed out all that stuff about my brother. I'm pretty sure that's why I've been feeling low today. I'm just going to hold onto the surge of gratitude I had when he answered the phone and I heard his voice for the first time in nine months or so.

I hope everyone has done something good for themselves this weekend. Here's to a strong sober week ahead!

@Becky37 so glad you've checked in here and continued to look for support. I'm still having days when I fail, and feel really low about it. So we can continue to fight on together, and with the support from all these lovely people. I am motivated by all the success but it's equally valuable to hear about the struggles that people face, it makes me feel less alone. Have a good day all x

@Becky37 I'm sorry its so bloody hard. You've been offered fab advice above. I've had so many times this year where ive wanted to stop, said I would stop and then drank. Just keep going. It will click. I had a daily focus on stopping, a podcast or audio book, something each day to keep focused (shout if you want some recommendations). It could also be a group?

Change the weekend routine, prepare with lovely AF drinks and sugar/treats if you need it. X

I have thrown the kitchen sink at it so many times and I am just getting worse. Not even making a week between drinking and binging. I am so grateful for everyones responses. This is such a lifeline and I am beyond thank full for all support. I am pretty shaky today but am now nesrly 24 hours post last drink, which i think waz nest gin after being up all night at like 10am Sunday.

Cancelled everything I had on today, I will just focus on getting kids into school then come back and rest. Sleep and do a few dishwasher loads.

I am with the local drug and alcohol service and am seeing my support worker thursday. The Dr referred me for ADHD assessment as she and also the team with the alcohol servise think it is very likely I have it.

I will keep trying. I will 🙏

@Becky37, I seem to recall you’re not averse to AA? I agree with @elusivehope that in-person meetings are ‘better’ however there are online meetings 24 hours a day. I only do online meetings due to where I live, and however much I don’t want to dial in, I always feel more motivated afterwards - sometimes it’s the act of doing the meeting that acts as the reinforcement, more than what I hear at the meeting (if that makes sense). I keep meaning to try one of the New York or LA meetings - apparently they can be quite wild!

Perhaps dialling in to one before you start to feel any cravings? Same for anyone else. And if AA is too <insert word of choice> there’s always NA. Same principles but the language is less godly, less 1950’s and just more relaxed in general. Plus the stories are often better 😂

@ShyMaryEllen how’s the holiday going?

I hope everyone has a cracking Monday - seize the week!

Morning all.
I'm not well so just saying hi.

One day at a time.

Im still waiting for my adhd assessment I think it’s very common, nearly 6 years and no appointment in sight for at least another 2 I think. What a sorry state the nhs is in and mental health services in particular.

I’m struggling again to fall asleep and only got 5 hours last night, but actually feel fantastic. This feeling for me of not having to take a few painkillers, live on coffee and count the hours until wine time is bloody fantastic.

Still worrying about my health though as I have a constant dull pain in my chest am waiting for my scan date. So really I’m just not drinking because of this health scare.
im kind of more worried that I get the all clear as I might fall into old ways than actually there being something seriously wrong. What a rollercoaster!

@Becky37 big hugs, baby steps, you’ve got this x