Support thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life - Autumn 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!

This thread is for anyone who is genuinely trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just kindness and encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation, there’s an a long-running thread for that in this board that will be a better fit for you. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on, cheering you on as you do.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

100 days @Lavrander !! That’s wonderful.

100 days! That’s brilliant @Lavrander

Wow, that's fabulous @Lavrander!

That’s a massive win @Lavrander - huge! It only gets better too 😃

It sounds like The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr - all the first cigarette does is create the need for the next one. I did give up smoking for 12 years but started again first time in rehab and haven’t managed to quit again yet. Mainly because right now I don’t want to - my addiction needs some sort of outlet. Ach well, one day…

Congratulations again Lavrander!

Hooray @Lavrander ! Well done!

Congratulations @Lavrander 100 days is amazing!
What's the differences you notice? Ive had a craving type of day, so was searching timelines. One thing that came up suggested that at 100 days anxiety and depression may improve if its an issue.

Im hope for more stable moods... but I feel like I'll have to do some work elsewhere for that to happen.

Anyway Congratulations this is something to be proud off. I did one sober holiday (as an adult) it was one of my favourite holidays. Interesting that I've not managed again... yet!

@Lavrander congratulations for 100 days! Well done. It does get so much easier (I’m a few days behind you).

I’ve got a holiday coming up too, somewhere where it would normally be a bottle of wine for lunch with my husband and 2 over dinner. He only drinks on holiday and can happily have 1 glass of wine. I can’t do this will be my first cold turkey. Good luck @Lavrander im planning to try and hit the gym and swim and read :)

Massive congratulations @Lavrander on your 100 days! And thank you for the inspiring post. I love the metaphor of going from sludge to water to air. And yeah, my family members' political views definitely fall into the category of things I can't change, ha. I try to stay open-minded and tolerant of difference - something that seems ever more important in a world where people are directing more and more hatred at one another - but my US relatives really know how to push my buttons!

@FaithHopeCarnage your summary of the difference between AA and NA meetings is spot on 😂And thanks for the interesting article! The more I understand the science behind the substance, the more I understand why the habit is hard to kick.

@Becky37 please never worry about posting too much or too often on these threads; that's what we're here for. I hope you're feeling a bit better mentally today. I was wondering, since you're already liaising with local services, have you considered asking them whether you're eligible for a proper detox + rehab? For some of us, getting sober is like a full-time job, and doing it on your own while trying to carry on with all the normal demands of life is really really hard. I know a few people who have got sober via rehab; it seemed to give them the safe space and the boost they needed. What you said about how triggering it is to walk past pubs in your neighbourhood made me wonder whether rehab might be a solution for you. Anyway it's just a thought. I've thought myself many times that rehab might be good for me, but I've always managed to find a good reason not to do it 🙄

@WendyWagon I'm so sorry you're poorly. You are such a voice of wisdom and hope on these threads. I hope you'll be up for testing the mother root soon!

Great job @FiloPasty on day 26.

I have a whole day of meetings with students tomorrow, but I'm feeling surprisingly calm about it. Being sober does help. Long may it continue!

Wishing everyone pleasant dreams, filled with duck-billed platypuses and similar!

Yes @WendyWagon i do hope you are on the mend x

Thank you everyone!
This is what I'm planning @FiloPasty. I'm going to have mocktails on my sun lounger, use the gym, and I want to join in some of the activities that I've previous felt too shy / groggy to do. I'm really looking forward to remembering the evening meals and not having to hide my drunkenness from the waiter (who was I kidding?!)

Differences noticed? I didn't have depression or diagnosed anxiety but I did often have a knot in my stomach which I put down to hormones which has gone. I would say it's the past month where I've felt just on a more even keel emotionally. More resilient definitely. So I do think there is hope for you there @Womanshour
Other positives - lost weight! Even with all the baking I'm doing, clearer skin (turns out I don't have rosacea), got on top of my finances, and my cardiovascular age that my oura ring tracks is 5 years younger than it was.

Well done @Lavrander !!!

Very interesting finding shared by @FaithHopeCarnage - I remember years ago giving up coffee, and struggling.

When I looked it up, it turned out that the foggy feeling I'd had in the mornings was caused by the caffeine withdrawal. However, I'd told myself that the fog and headache were down to me being lazy or having low blood sugar or being low on sleep or whatever, and thinking that the caffeine would perk me up. It was the cause of the problem, not the solution...

Thinking of myself as being addicted and having withdrawal symptoms was a bit shaming. And after the first couple of weeks I got used to cutting it out. Not easy though!

Thank you @Lavrander that is really lovely to hear and so motivating, thanks for taking the time to share x

Morning all.

Well done @Lavrander i think 100 days is such a huge achievement. It was my turning point.

I've managed to get up and down to access tea. The stair lift at the farmhouse will be much appreciated. I think that's going to be our new abode because all our stuff will go in. We have to offer on Friday as they're due to take the mobility aids out and I need them. People are funny about old codgers kit. It comes to us all!
I have an eight foot armoire (it's currently in the garage) and at every house the DH says no it won't go in before I even get my tape measure out.
Funny thing it used to take my glasses so I'll have to think of a use. Not had it in play since I've been sober. I also get a ladies only loo lads. I shall arrange my cushall (I ordered some and it's the subject of much mirth). I've gone all Mrs Bucket.

Morning shipmates
The farmhouse does sound very promising and a great opportunity to be A lady of the house. Hope your daughter has come around a little @WendyWagon.

Husband's back from a week away. Have to say I enjoyed the quiet and not having every light on in the house although the place is looking tidier and he does a much better job of making the bed.

@Lavrander

Congratulations on 100 days! That is epic! Inspired by you today 🥰

I wont respond to everyone as I am now down with this virus hard. Crawled kids up to school and back in bed. Will drag myself out for the liver function blood test for half 11, I do not want to miss that.

As for rehab, I would love to go to rehab. It is basically a dream situation but impossible financially. I would have to be a lot 'worse' for any funding, and have some kind of social service involvement I imagine? Anyway i have made enquiries over the past few years as a 28 day stint would be really good for me but no way unless self funded.

I have about 12 pence till next week so for now staying home as much as possible. Posting here and accessing the alcohol service and smart meetings will have to be enough

Luckily no compulsion to drink with this flue thing. Thank god

@WendyWagon

Sending love, you cope with so much too

Just realised that 100 days for me will be just before Xmas….
Got to get through my holiday first and I know I’m going to be very tempted but must stay strong.
Hope those that are feeling under the weather are improving.

@FiloPasty I had marked out the 100 day mark, which is 18th November. I am a bit worried about that... if i get there the addict part of my brain will whisper "you've done 100 days, have a break... have a reward...."

Anyway one foot in front of another. It was a hard craving day yesterday, (weird no trigger i could see) so far today is easier. X

It could well be that when you get to the 100 day mark, you won't think of alcohol as a reward anyway! Try to remind yourself of all the downsides and why you stopped drinking.

Thanks @LillyPJ very true. I think for me the allure of the quick fix is something that will be a long term focus. Alcohol is that... quick route to lots of places!

But you are right. I was thinking about starting a daily gratitude list to shift my mindset. X

@Womanshour It's so easy to get used to the benefits of not drinking and to take them for granted. I used to hate the way a lunchtime drink made me feel tired and a bit 'out of it' all afternoon. Now I'll have an AF lager or something and remember to appreciate feeling awake and alert afterwards. I also love the fact that I can sleep at night!

I really understand the feeling you speak of @Womanshour! It occurred to me too. But like @LillyPJsays I'm reminding myself daily of why I'm doing this. I have a list that I wrote down of what alcohol takes and what alcohol brings. I look at it often. The 'bring' list by the way has nothing on it, as once you write the 'take' list you realise that what you would have considered as the good is just an illusion. It's one of the exercises from the alcohol experiment.
Worth a try?
@FiloPastyyou can do it. I'm working through all the different scenarios and practicing the conversations in my head where I'll be refusing. It's making me feel far more ready for it.

I mean this in the best possible way @Becky37but good for you being fluey- whatever works right?! I hope you feel better soon. How did the test go? Thinking of you.

Amazing achievement @Lavrander 100 days is a big one!
Difficult time in our house..DH has been placed on stress leave for 6 months again his will. All a bit shell shocked. Emotions are high and lots of different feelings are flying around. I work in the same company and it is going to be very very complicated for the next wee while.

Luckily he had already organised to see a counsellor after work today. But the NHS is fecking useless in a crisis.

Very glad to be facing this soberly but good god hiding in a glass bottle sounds very appealing right now