200 days alcohol free- anyone wish to join?

[FeelingLessTired]

Several years ago, under another user name I did a 100 day alcohol free challenge and alot of people joined me on MN. It was before covid, so a long time ago!

I really appreciated the support and lasted 120 days in the end. ironically enough DH joined me IRL and he just continued on and has been teetotal since then.

I was reading Annie Grace back then (I think) and her recommendation was that if you slip, to then challenge yourself for double the time- hence I now wish to start and achieve a 200 day challenge.

I'd love some company if anyone wishes to join me!

I have a funeral today and plan to drink J20 with tonic water. The deceased was a good friend of DH's and although he was in his early 70s drinking definitely played a part in his extreme fragility over the past few years. He's been really ill for a good ten years I think.

I have set out a spread sheet with my alcohol-free savings. In the last week i have definitely reduced and have saved just shy of £50 already (since the beginning of April) as we have had a fair few dinners and lunches out. I look at what I would have drunk (sauvignon blanc here and there) and when i have not had it I add that cost to my spreadsheet. That does help to inspire me because COL is biting us hard right now.

@Goandygo thank you, I think ride it out is the best advice. I've got my positive pants back on today 😅 I haven't done my crystals yet today - I'll save that to get me through an urge later if it creeps in!

Also realised that not only have I not gone swimming in a week, I also haven't taken my supplements since before we went camping a week ago either. Better get back on that today as one of them is Vit D.

Sorry about the pity party!

How's everyone else doing @Sonnet @88expertprocastinator @Goandygo @StillFeelingTired and everyone else?

Me again, sorry 😅

Just hopping on as I've just done my star and also my second 'month' one. I bought some beads to go between each star so they're no longer a mess!

@paintcolourchart don't apologise !
Oh, they look really lovely ❤️

@Goandygothank you. I know I should be really proud of what they represent but for some reason I'm not atm! I think it's because I still really want that glass/bottle of wine if I'm being completely honest!

@paintcolourchart I understand.
Today I've not stopped. Had my granddaughter 9am til 11am, dashed to work til 4pm. I've not stopped.
For the first time in a longggg time, I'm thinking I deserve a glass of wine.
But that'll lead to 2 x bottles, smoking and feeling rubbish tomorrow. In more ways than one.
I'm in bed with an ice cold Fanta lemon and dh is making a salmon pasta salad. My favourite.
But yes, totally understand where you're coming from.

aaah gorgeous!

I am just dropping in quickly, sorry. I have been struggling badly and since the holiday have not been AF. @paintcolourchart and @Goandygo if my words help you both as you feel like you need a glass- trying to get back onto the wagon is awful. if you can, don't cave. I feel like I am almost back to where I am right at the beginning in terms of self esteem, and anxiety. I feel pretty awful.

In terms of my days, well I have been more miss than hit so have decided to ignore the hit days and count from where I know I left off properly. Which was 34 days. I feel a bit of a fraud if I add in the hit days when most of them are misses- if that makes sense. I have been gently considering how I handle it with 'days' and counting and that is the way that makes the most sense to me at the moment.

So Day 35 today. And I WILL be AF. I felt so positive before and like I was really accomplishing something. That's all gone now.

Hope you all have a lovely evening. Salmon pasta and a fanta sounds blissful really @Goandygo

Hugs to all.

Oh- we are having hotdogs and wedges for dinner. Not healthy but is hitting the spot for me today where I am in a 'fuck it' mood.

Hope everyone has a lovely lovely weekend. xxxxx

@FeelingLessTired thank you for your kind and encouraging words, especially when you're feeling so down yourself.
I've taken your words onboard and of course, you are right.
Please don't be too hard on yourself. You're trying, you've had a few obstacles ( holidays are not easy), and I know that feeling of once you've had a drink - it's so hard to get back on track.
You've shown that you can do it - ❤️ - you can do it again.

aaah.. I needed to hear that. Thank you. x

@FeelingLessTiredyou've got to do whatever works for you in terms of counting. There is no 'wrong way' - we are not going to kick you off the thread because of how you choose to count 😂 whatever motivates you is the best way! Seems like a few of us are in a 'fuck it' mood. I wonder why that is? The weather changing maybe???

I am finding it hard not go to the shops. Really hard in fact. I know I would regret it but part of me almost feels like I need to just so I can see i'm better off without? I know that sounds ridiculous and like I'm making excuses (maybe I am?). Almost feel like I can draw a line under my 2 months, have one night 'off' and then go back to it?? I don't know why I want it so much atm.

I definitely peaked too early 😂😂

Sorry you're feeling down @FeelingLessTired, really appreciate you hopping on while you're feeling like that too, thank you. Whatever our day count is, we've all come a massive long way from the place we were in when we joined this thread. It is literally an addictive substance. Proud of us all ♥️

@FeelingLessTired I'm just reflecting on the bit where you said 'I felt so positive before and like I was really accomplishing something. That's all gone now' - do you feel like it's gone because you've had a drink? Because really strangely I feel exactly like that too, and I've not had one (yet 🙈). I've noticed on this board and others that feelings seem to come in waves that seem to be shared by all - there was a time when we were all steaming through really positive even though our day counts were different, and now we are all struggling together at the same time too. Just ruminating I suppose, but it's just something I've noticed. Not sure why!

That's a really interesting observation @paintcolourchart . You are right. We were all bouncy at the same time, now all a little flat. Intriguing.

I'll write more tomorrow but am off to bed now. Can't drink if I am asleep!

Thank you both for being so kind and understanding. You are right-alcohol is an addictive substance yet we tear ourselves apart when we struggle with it.

Goodnight @FeelingLessTired - hope you wake feeling less tired!

@FeelingLessTired so happy to see you back. Sorry to hear you’ve had a tough time, but you have a new appreciation for the process now and how to do it! A few bad days do not undo all of your good work.

@paintcolourchart i agree completely with you about the feeling flat! I’ve described it as feeling sad, but I’m just struggling to find purpose and joy in day to day life! Hoping it passes soon. Your crystals look great!

@Goandygo keep swatting those urges away - day by day you are changing your life.

have family visiting and feel like a weight has been lifted and I’ve been laughing for the first time in a couple of weeks - I definitely think I need to focus on physical exercise much more to give me that high and energy that I’m lacking….

230 days tomorrow- sticking with it.

Wow 230 days!!!! That is epic. 🏆

Thanks all for kind words. Day 36 today. Might be stop and start but I do have a renewed focus and a better understanding that I use alcohol as a crutch for difficult situations and feelings (and tbf happy situations and neutral feelings ). A work in progress....

I've had way more AF days this year than last though so that's something!

I am taking the DCs swimming and have some work in the garden to do today. So will focus on that. Plus teaching DS1 later how to make tinned soup and cheese toasties. .

Wishing everyone a great day.

@88expertprocastinator congratulations on 230 days, that's so inspiring to me. Thanks too for your post, you make so much sense.
I do feel like I'm changing my life. For the first time in years.
Regarding the flat feelings, it really is for me, a case of finding something great everyday. They might not be Big Things but I do enjoy and appreciate.
I also know I wouldn't be any happier with wine. I'd be a lot worse.
I'm staying af.

Morning all,

Pleased to report I did not give in last night. DH went to the shop to grab something for tea and thankfully ignored my wine comment. If I'd have gone I'm not sure I'd have come back with just food. As @Goandygo said, I rode the wave and then it did pass around 9pm. At one point I almost felt sure I would drink though, and strangely I noticed I was feeling anxious at the thought of having a drink! My anxiety has improved immeasurably so it was very odd that I almost felt a bit panicky at the thought??

@88expertprocastinator wow 230 days! Really interesting that you're also feeling flat. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but we all seem to mentally be in the same place! We can ride this wave together.

@StillFeelingTired you have come a long way, don't forget that. Everytime you stop and restart you are practicing for when it does click, and it will. I don't think there's anyone on here who has successfully abstained on the first go.

@88expertprocastinatortheres definitely something in what you say about exercise - I think that's really key actually. Going to make sure I go for a swim tomorrow morning to hopefully drag myself out of this slump!

@paintcolourchart well done on not drinking. I had to laugh at your dh ignoring your wine comment 🤣.
May I ask did you ask for wine or just make a passing comment ?
Just reminded me of the comments I'd make when dh would nip to the shop.
Also, the anxiety you talk about is what I experienced when moderating. Not worth it.
( actually, I'll be honest because I can here but you've sounded so fed up the past few posts that I nearly suggested you try moderating. Then I stopped myself suggesting it because it felt wrong).

@Goandygo this is going to sound ridiculous because I am mid 30s and not a child (I promise 😅) but when you said if you get to the point where you really want one you'd just have one, I almost was like 'great, green light!' Which is silly because I am in control of my life and I can make my own decisions 😂 I did wonder if you were going to suggest it actually! I almost did just get some bloody wine, just to 'get it out of my system'. I knew I'd feel shit and anxious the next day. I knew I'd probably even need my beta blockers the next day (it's been so long since I've needed them now that I'm not even sure where they are!) and I knew I'd probably be bloated the next day too but at one point I wanted it so much that I almost just did to show myself why I shouldn't - how insane is that 😂 it's just a drink FFS, why does it have so much power??

So the conversation with DH started via text message (I've even attached it for you 😅). Then later when he got home (not having stopped at Tesco) I did make another comment, I can't remember what it was but I mentioned it again, you know, just in case he forgot about my text message 😅 THEN when he came back without it I poured myself a peach dash in a wine glass and made another comment along the lines of 'I hope this satisfies my wine craving' but really I was hoping he would say about popping to the nearby Spar shop 😂 which is really really stupid. If I really wanted it I could have just gone myself and do not need to wait for permission. I'm not really sure about the psychology around that but there we go!

I've definitely got my positive pants on again today - but more secure than yesterday! I had a nice sleep and a lovely lie in with DS, just had a healthy breakfast and a cuppa and I've put a wash on. I want to go out soon and take DS somewhere because I wouldn't have wanted to if I'd have had wine last night, so I want to take the opportunity if that makes sense (after my cup of tea!).

Sorry I feel like I've posted on here a LOT over the past few days. I have found the last few days a struggle and it was really helpful to have the support, so thank you to you all ♥️

Don't say sorry for posting lots @paintcolourchart . i love your posts! And the reflections. And the posts of all of us. ❤

I'm off out now so back later.

@paintcolourchart 🤣🤣
It's crazy, isn't it ?!!
I think when I say if I really want one, I'll have one I mean if I'm feeling really miserable about it all. My aim is to be happy and I'm happier without it. But I know that doesn't make sense. It makes me miserable. That's why I stopped.
I know what you mean about green lights. Someone said everyone lapses, and I thought ooohhhh, could that be an opening.
You're right. It's mad.
Have a great day ❤️

Morning all.

Day 37. Feeling a bit brighter today. Hope everyone is fine. x

@FeelingLessTired great you're feeling brighter and well done on Day 37.
It's not easy but you got back on track.
I'm off out today - shopping, drinks and lunch with the ladies in my family ❤️
I'll update tomorrow but have a lovely Sunday everyone.

Morning all,

So I have a confession to make. By the time it was the afternoon the cravings came back again. I gave in. I thought about it a lot before (for the last few days, actually!) so it wasn't a 'fuck it' response. I had a bottle of wine. A few thoughts....

-I did actually enjoy it (at the time) more than I thought I would.
-However I recognise (and recognised at the time) that it did not bring anything extra or improve the evening at all.
-My resting heart rate was 70 before I started and at one point about 1/2 a bottle in it went up to 89 while I was just sitting on the sofa.
-Shortly after this point I could feel myself starting to chat shit.
-Drunken sex really is crap. Sober sex is so much better.

I am completely happy to go back to being AF, and I'm not going to beat myself up about having that one bottle of wine (as long as it doesn't become a regular thing!). I am not going to put the wine in my Try Dry app, because it will put me back at day 1 again, and quite frankly I don't think I deserve that after one measured decision (I will know myself that it includes one bottle of wine). I am still keeping all my crystals up but I am now going to start a new chain for the stars rather than adding to my last one. It was getting full anyway.

Glad you are feeling brighter today @FeelingLessTired.

Hope you have a lovely day out @Goandygo, and everyone else too of course!

Just to add - if I'd have had it a few days ago it definitely would have been a 'fuck it' response, but last night I could have taken it or left it so I decided now was the best time to just try it. I was hoping it would reinforce everything I learned over the last two months, and it did!