The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

Morning @Nowstrong Welcome to the thread. I find sobriety so much easier than moderating (which I couldn't manage at all 🙈). The nice thing about this group is that if anyone does fall then everyone is here to support without judgment. But at the same time, moderating alcohol is never encouraged, only abstinence.

@Itsrainingten Good grief, a super stressful day for you yesterday 😳. Congratulations on exchanging contracts. I find moving house such a stressful process and hope we never have to do it again!!! So much is out of your hands. My son and his partner are moving today and only exchanged yesterday afternoon. I was on pins all morning for them.

I had another win last night, a Christmas drinks party with friends where I knew there would be some serious drinking going on. I took a bottle of AF fizz and had a really great time. I would like to echo the recent post by @happinesspersonified (500 days is amazing btw! 🌟🌟🌟) and say thank you for all the support on this thread. I don't feel I could have got this far without you all xx

Morning all! @Itsrainingten your story sounds really stressful but it also made me chuckle - I can see it as a Christmas movie lol - the magical exchange before Christmas! Happy it worked out for you. @WendyWagon hope your son’s house buying goes better. My DS bought his first flat last year but it was very much a buyers’ market and he wasn’t selling so it went relatively smoothly.

To those facing struggles and bereavements 💐for you.

It’s day 4 for me and now feeling mostly human. I was really starting to think I’d done myself serious damage owing to the symptoms I was having - I mean I know I’ve been harming my body massively but I was googling “wet brain”, “peripheral neuropathy”, “pancreatitis” etc. Hopefully my body will recover over the next few months.

The big news is DD has made contact! She needs me to do something for her but that’s fine - I’m her mum and she should be able to get me to help her out so I am delighted. She put kisses the end of the message which was lovely. She’s coming home tonight and hasn’t said she won’t be home for Christmas so I’m hopeful. I just need to be careful not to over egg things if she does come as that will be too much.

I’ve got a nice lunch date today then wrapping presents. Weekend will be lots of chores but that’s ok. Ordered some lovely non alcoholic drinks last night for the festive period.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

That sounds promising @Makemineasoda -take things steady and look after yourself.
And congratulations @happinesspersonified i can’t imagine getting to such a milestone but I’m going to do me best! Thank you for the motivation and the amazing user name!

Thank you @CarrotSeeds, I think that I'll also find abstaining easier than moderating, which didn't work for me, I find it hard work. Going back to day 1, again and again. Also, the benefits of being AF take a few days to kick in. I watched the youtube video of Dr. Alex George ( and found it very interesting. Especially about the quality of sleep taking 8 weeks to get better. Makes sense to me to stay AF and not have to go back to square one again and again.

@Nowstrong - I’m currently obsessed with podcasts about how sobriety is changing lives for the better - as opposed to how bad alcohol is for you as I really want my outlook to be what I’m gaining rather than what I’m losing and how I’ll die if I don’t stop - IYSWIM.

Just on the bus home after a lovely lunch with a friend. Lots of massive tables of work lunches and I could see half the people were already quite drunk. No doubt many will wake up with the fear tomorrow and will be cringing at work on Monday. So relieved to be thinking it won’t be me!

A lazy evening planned. DD is actually having friends round before they go out and has accepted a lift into town from me later. So happy I can do it. Last Friday I was well on my way to getting hammered and she’d probably have cancelled her friends. The contrast really shines a light on how awful my drinking/behaviours have been. I need to remember this sort of thing next time I’m tempted to drink.

@Makemineasoda im gobbling up quit lit too. And one thing I’ve noticed in the last 4 weeks is that my teenager has come to spend time with me in the evening. Before I’d be drinking and think it made me emotionally unavailable and probably quite irritating and embarrassing. Having her come in and just sit is so nice. I’ll lose that if I start drinking again. I’ve banged on about a sober Xmas day so much here because I’ve been a mess the last few christmases I want my family to see what a chill day looks like without me either going to bed at 6pm or writing off Boxing Day riddled with anxiety, shame and guilt

@Carpetburn I have spent the last 2 out of 3 Christmas days drunk (was sober last year). This year I will be sober - we are going to friends in the evening and I will be driving which is a good incentive. Saying that, I’m only on day 4 after my last bender and I’m normally “safe” for about 2 weeks as I’m too riddled with guilt and shame to even want to drink.

I’ve not long returned from taking DD and her friends to the train station for their night out. They all got ready here and I was constantly being asked for my opinion on outfits, shoes, hair etc. It felt so good to be included. It’s what I’ve got to keep in mind that I’ll miss out on if I drink again.

Day 4 done! I’m in the bath with a none and tonic and bar of chocolate! Bliss

Ok everyone. What do you think about a 4.00pm toast on Christmas Day? Whatever you're doing, try to raise a glass of something AF to your sober sisters, and don't forget Sid. If you like you can toast out loud, or if that would attract the wrong type of attention you can just do it silently, but either way, you'll know that we will all be toasting you too. If you don't have a glass to hand at 4.00, that's fine too - you can do it later, or earlier, or mime it subtly - the thought is what counts, and the virtual vibes of support.

I'm going to set my watch to vibrate to remind me, but people can all do whatever works, which is the philosophy of this thread - different strokes and all that.

🥂 @ShyMaryEllen. (Alcohol free of course!). Sounds perfect. I'll set a reminder on my phone!

Morning all, @Makemineasoda I'm also a reader, watcher of "all the benefits stopping alcohol brings to your body", a bit gullible sometimes, with all the shiny hair, shimmering skin, beautiful sleep, but I must admit that I find it more encouraging than some of the quit lit, which describes exactly how I was, or nearly, and makes me feel even more terribly guilty. Sometimes, I wasn't even as bad as the author, but it's the guilty feeling. I need a carrot to get there, not to be beaten up. Would love to get rid of my baggy eyes, but I think that perhaps alcohol wasn't so much the cause as genetics. What can I do about that?
Mind you, I also think that genetics "made" me a social alcoholic, or a coping alcoholic. I drank to put up with certain abuse, tiredness, exasperation. But that was because drinking was in my family as a "go to medicine" to cure all wrongs. Otherwise known as burying your head in a large glass of something sand.
Hey ho. Still making Xmas cookies for guests and to offer over Xmas. Love the smell it brings to my little home. There's a sprinkling of snow (again) outside. Might have a white Xmas. Don't really mind. I know that mine will be a sober one. That is more important to me.
Enjoy your last Saturday before X-day!

Morning All, I’ve been dipping in and out of this thread for a while and would love to join in with you. You all sound lovely and I love the thought of a secret AF toast at 4pm on Christmas Day….a great plan. I’ll be back at some point to pitch in but just wanted to log myself in as the first step on the road to a sober future. I LOVE being sober….,so why on earth do I reach for a bottle nearly every night. It’s ridiculous!

Morning peeps! It’s always great waking up and feeling fresh (ish - I have a cold).

@ShyMaryEllen I’m in - great idea!

@Nowstrong I suspect there is a genetic element in my alcohol use disorder too. I used to think it was more behavioural/environmental (ie if you see your parents using alcohol as a coping mechanism, you are more likely to) but I listen to the Huberman lab podcast and he does one on alcohol and its effects on the body. He’s a Harvard professor as opposed to a TikTok professor and he talks a bit about genetic predisposition to alcoholism - it’s a fascinating podcast and also discusses effects you wouldn’t think about - for example, why alcohol makes you more anxious (cortisol production) and he explains it really well - definitely worth a listen.

@Poppy209 welcome and come back soon!

Day 5 for me. Chores and present wrapping today. Will watch something Christmassy on tv whilst doing it. I’m at home alone today so have got a plethora of my favourite snacks and treats to keep me going - will attend to the obligatory weight gain in the new year!

Happy Saturday everyone ❤️

Morning all.

If you survived 'mad friday' yesterday you can achieve anything. I had fish and chips and went to bed.
Wrapping for me today.
@Makemineasoda im so pleased for you re the DD.
Mine have great chats these days. They are so funny.

Have a good day my friends.

Good morning all and good to have you here Poppy209. It's a wild and windy day here and we're expecting family over for a pre Christmas buffet. I must say DH has organised most of the food. Day 2 of no wine now, I know it's nothing compared to many of you people but it pleases me anyway. I had a bottle of 0.5% gin and tonic, which I used as a replacement for the wine. It felt good to wake up with no feelings of shame and guilt.
Happy Saturday everyone.

@ShyMaryEllen I’m in for the Xmas Day toast, will raise a AF glass at 4pm!

Day 48 for me today, feeling great!
Hope you all have a lovely sober weekend! X

Yes please @ShyMaryEllen I'll make mine a Nosecco x

Ahoy!

Just dipping in while waiting for DH in the car.

@Nowstrong I am 6.5 months in and I can absolutely attest to the improvements in my skin and hair!

I was a daily ,evening drinker and did get to a bottle of white wine a night for a couple of months before I quit BUT my skin has never been better.

I get compliments at work ALL the time and everyone wants to know what my secret is. I do have a pretty good routine but I always have had (though I did get a bit inconsistent towards the end).

My hair was also dry and brittle and it is a lot more robust and shiny these days.

It would say I noticed a difference in skin and hair around the 4 month mark.

Good to know about the hair and skin!

Pleased with myself, 5 weeks now and I had a bottle of AF red last night to test it out. Can't say I'll get it again, much prefer the white AFs.

Son was out and couldn't get an uber, so at 1am I was driving into town to get him, which I could never have done on a weekend for years!

Didn't miss the booze last night though because I had a nice glass and it looked like wine, but for about 800 less calories.

I'll definitely be raising a glass of AF on Christmas Day to us all.

Here's to enjoying the whole day, and being fully present for the first time in years.

Hello everyone, new and old. Day #77 here! We have just done the Big Christmas Shop which actually wasn't too traumatic, and stocked up on AF fizz. I really took a liking to Gordon's Pink gin and Aldi had some today which was half the price so I bought a bottle to try. I'm sure it will be almost the same as the more expensive version.

We only have 5 here on Christmas Day but 13 on Boxing Day, although that includes a baby and a toddler. I'm feeling kind of organised but still have housey stuff to do like changing bedding as we have family staying over.

@WendyWagon I know skincare is your specialty and wonder if I can pick your brains please? 🥰. My daughter is very into all things South East Asian (culture, food, make up) and I want to surprise her with a few Korean skincare bits and bobs. She's had a horrid few weeks and I want to spoil her a bit this Christmas. I've seen a few popular ranges of Korean and Japanese skincare products in Boots. Can you recommend anything to start her off? Of do you think it's all a load of nonsense? 🤣. She is late 20's, combination skin and definitely going for the dewy Korean look!!! She already uses factor 50 sunscreen daily. Thank you x

Just checking in- hope everyone is doing ok. This is my second sober Xmas, I am not a huge fan of the festivities tbh, but find them so much easier to navigate sober.

Hosting a Christmas drinks and nibbles thing this eve, everyone else will be drinking, I feel relieved not to be. I have realised I am not missing anything by not drinking, I enjoy the company of my friends sober, I just hope they have all had enough by about 10pm so I can go to bed. My eldest daughter is 17 and was out clubbing until 4am and I couldn’t sleep properly until I knew she was home. Knackered today. So grateful the other 2 DC are not into clubbing 😆 yet.
Wishing everyone a peaceful and calm week ahead. I am always grateful for this thread at these sort of times, don’t post much but read often.

Hello shipmates. Hope you're all well. Sid and I have just finished wrapping up our presents. Still not feeling terribly Christmassy but I daresay that will come.

4pm on Christmas Day sounds great @ShyMaryEllen - Sid and I will be here, wagging our tails and sipping our Schloer...

I tried to get Sid to don one of his new Christmas hats for you. He refused - I cannot imagine why... this was the best I could manage. It says "Nice" on one side and "Naughty" on the other. "Recalcitrant" wouldn't fit on it...

Strength and love. You're doing so well. ❤️

evening everybody. great support here as we head into the season of booze. i'm 8 months sober almost so this will be my first AF xmas and my oh my how much alcohol dominates. struggling a bit but keep reminding myself that i feel so good and mentally clear. precisely because i am sober and just remember to never question the best decision of my life. went for xmas lunch date with DP yest and the bill was so much cheaper than previous years as we just had sparkling water and coffee. hosting my mum this year which is very tricky as she's a nasty piece of work to be totally honest. but you know what? despite years of thinking that drinking made it easier to cope with her, it actually makes it worse! makes me more combative and less calm and able to bat away her attempts to put me down. i think one of the main benefits of sobriety is how much less defensive and aggressive i am.

anyway, we are all doing so well whether a few sober days or years under our belts. it's all part of a positive and humbling journey ladies

i will be with you at 4pm on xmas day with a nice chilled glass of kombucha! x

thank you @ShyMaryEllen for setting our toast time @REP22 for the lovely sid pics @WendyWagon for always steadying the sober ship.

Morning all.
Up too early again.

I'm writing lists for the Marks battle this morning. I'm not needing much but we once couldn't get sprouts and I'm not having that.
I've turned down a lot of Christmas invites this year due to my health but I have got family on the Saturday. These are the nieces and nephews so they don't actually drink that much if at all. Less to spend but they do love Lambrusco.

I think it does get easier each year in. My first year was a wagon fall as my friend had died. Tbh it was a few and not a bucket full. Last year I was very poorly so it saved me from the wine witch. I have stacks of AF choices including cocktails from Asda.
My intention is ar*e sitting and watching the telly. I have marshalled the troops. I shall eat cheese.

Have a lovely Sunday my friends. X

Good morning lovelies, good morning gorgeous Sid, you look very fetching in your Christmas attire!

@ShyMaryEllen I’m in for the toast too, shall raise a glass to you all, thank you for your invaluable support.

Have only skimmed the posts, will spend time on here later, after I’ve done a million and one other things that need doing, first of which is a trip to Asda…wish me luck.
Love to all.
We’ve got this.