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Alcohol support

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The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

968 replies

REP22 · 20/11/2024 13:38

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

OP posts:
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Nowstrong · 22/12/2024 10:25

Morning! Have nicely stocked up on plenty of AF alternatives for me, and anyone else who wants to give them a try. Am pretty determined. This will be my first sober or completely dry Xmas.

Thanks to all for tips, encouragements and lovely to know that in 3-4 months a butterfly will emerge from the alcohol free casing. Who said wishful thinking?
Here it is heaving down with rain and it should change to snow later in the day. So might get snowed in. Which would be lovely.
Will be baking again today (once I've dried off, got drenched out walking)
Lovely last Sunday before Xmas to all.

Carpetburn · 22/12/2024 20:11

Evening all. Day 29 for me. Have been stuffing my face these last few days and seem to be in a 4am wake up habit but I do go back to sleep. I don’t feel the horror of a 4am wake up feeling like I’ve been dug up so that a bonus. Have my low key festivities all planned and have declined Xmas day drinks invite. I intend to be in my pyjamas by 6pm watching a movie. Two more days at work then back on 27th so a short break but will be nice to have those days. Hope everyone has had a peaceful Sunday.

Makemineasoda · 22/12/2024 23:23

Signing off on day 6! I’ve had a really good weekend in terms of getting the chores done, finishing the Christmas food shopping (bar 1 thing which i hope to get locally tomorrow) and wrapping the presents. DD had been chatting away to me and filling me in on all her gossip and are arranging to go to a show. So more positive things to keep me focused on what I am gaining by being AF.

Sounds like peeps have had decent weekends too which is great to read. And what a wee cutie Sid is!!

Sleep well everyone ❤️

Itsrainingten · 23/12/2024 07:41

Morning all - last day of work this year after a very busy and fun weekend. I never seem to get over just how much more TIME I have without booze.

WendyWagon · 23/12/2024 08:18

Morning all.
Ahoy to @REP22 and Sid.

REP22 · 23/12/2024 10:01

Ahoy @WendyWagon and fellow lovely shipmates. Hope you are having a good day so far. So happy to cheer with you in your triumphs and hold you dear in my heart if things are a bit grim at the moment. I know it can be so utterly wretched sometimes. It WILL pass, even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment. This day will end and a better one will come

@WendyWagon great news about the house for DS. Sounds ideal and it will be nice for him to be settled.

@Onewildandpreciouslife I am so sorry you've got your mum's passing and funeral to deal with. I wish I had words to make it feel better - but I know that no words really can. Love to you, and silent hugs. 💐💐

We arrived at my DB's house yesterday. Often a bit complex, as it brings out the worst in my M - she is often angry at me and its worse here, where my lovely SIL is very obviously the DD she always wanted but never got. It began in the usual fashion with the appearance of a new sofa, complete with plush throw over it so that it can be enjoyed by the dogs. I got pulled to one side by M who hissed "that blanket is there for a REASON. It needs to STAY there." Cheers M. I WAS about to tie it around my neck and leap from the roof to see if I could fly like Supergirl. Thank goodness your timely advice prevented disaster. 🙄 There is booze in the house but I am not tempted.

Sid is coexisting peacefully with my DB's dog thus far (paw on wood). Pip is a bit of an odd fish, but I think Sid quite likes him. There was a bit of a sensation yesterday evening when Pip jumped from his chair onto Sid's back and tried to ride him like a Christmas donkey to Bethlehem. But Sid was gracious in his rebuttal and harmony was maintained. Proud of him.

Here he is, making his views on posing for a photo op. on a nippy walk abundantly clear.

Strength and very much love to you. It'll be alright. xx

The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024
OP posts:
CarrotSeeds · 23/12/2024 10:32

Gorgeous photo of Sid @REP22 He is looking very handsome indeed😍🎄

I've just started to make the trifle for Christmas Day. And am planning on making blinis once we've walked the dog. I've got to be up and out very early tomorrow as I need to pick up my son from the airport at 6.40 🙈. Then home to do last minute prep like peeling veg, making bread sauce, making pigs in blankets and roasting the ham. Picking up my dad at tea time and will also do a last minute M&S shop to see if I can bag a greatly discounted turkey crown! If not we have a large chicken in the freezer which I must remember to take out if necessary 😬. The pre-Christmas preparations are my favourite bit of the holiday season.

Hope everyone is having a good day 🎄

Middlemarch123 · 23/12/2024 12:32

Morning all. I survived Asda yesterday, they had no milk. Even worse, they didn’t have my cats food, they are very particular and will only eat certain flavours of a particular brand. Luckily, Co Op saved the day.
Am going to clean the house soon, and then settle down with my book.
Very busy day tomorrow, with visitors and baking. Got a good selection of AF stuff in for the next few days, but this time of year is especially difficult for us lot, so sending you all strength and hugs.
x

WendyWagon · 24/12/2024 07:00

Good morning and happy Christmas eve.

The dogs had his breakfast and I've had a cheeky nibble. I'm not shopping today so I can watch a few things with the DD. The son is sorting the dinning room. I've lost my crackers.
I've got a Marks fizz in the fridge.
Every year I try to wrap before Christmas eve, every year I fail. I managed two presents yesterday. I haven't got an excuse really just that I never have a complete morning or afternoon without the door going. The delivery drivers know I'm in and it's 'can you take...'
It's Christmas so Im not bar humbug but I do miss my electric gates. My late father use to shout 'get orf my land' when the buzzer went. Very funny.
Have a peaceful one shipmates.

Itsrainingten · 24/12/2024 09:16

Merry Christmas eve all. Will be lovely to not wake up with a hangover tomorrow 🎅

mumzof4x · 24/12/2024 09:21

Morning all
@Carpetburn that's so true about feeling like someone has literally "dug you up " waking up with that 4am hangover
Don't miss that one tiny bit !

I cannot believe I've got to day 21 !!!! So so proud of myself and dh has been great too. He's a bit of a people pleaser so was half expecting him to tell me I'd be fine with just one iykwim
Had a few moments of "wow I need some fizz " as let's face it Dec is a pretty hard month to decide to become sober !
Boys off to deliver exams presents now so house to myself which is lovely.
All dc coming home including our first new grandchild .... almost didn't as I'm sure they are all only coming because they think I'm going to keel over any minute from this dicky ticker. Went and got Covid on top of everything but will be day 8 tomorrow and they have all decided to come still which is lovely
No idea why my house is cleaner and tidier than any other day of the year because it will not look like this tomorrow Confused
Happy Christmas Eve all x

ShyMaryEllen · 24/12/2024 10:04

I'm still having 'a few minutes' peace' as I'm the only one up. At this rate I'll have to make a move soon, though. My husband, daughter and the dog are all still in bed, and my son will arrive later today. I'm still in pyjamas and there is a possibility of callers, as it's Christmas Eve.

I cooked this evening's dinner yesterday, so it's just to heat through when we want to eat, so that's out of the way. Son is going out with old school friends later, so I wanted something that would fit around whatever arrangements he's made. I've wrapped everything, and really all that's to do is to decide what I'm wearing tomorrow and make sure it's ironed, clean the kitchen again, prep the vegetables and vacuum again (dog pong is pervasive - sorry, Sid). I'm considering cooking the roast potatoes today and reheating them in the air fryer tomorrow to save time and oven space. I might also cook the pork in advance.

I don't know whether I'll be online much tomorrow, so if I don't sign in, MERRY CHRISTMAS, ONE AND ALL! I'll be raising a glass to you at 4.00pm (probably Sainsbury's AF fizz) and hoping you are having a fun and sober Christmas. If it's your first one in a while, congratulations, but know that 'fun and sober' is not a contradiction in terms. Boxing Day with a clear head will be a revelation, too.

A bientôt, Shipmates. xx

REP22 · 24/12/2024 10:27

Good morning Shipmates. A very happy Christmas Eve to you all. I went to a carol service in the local cathedral last night but an still not feeling particularly festive. A lovely misty walk with Sid this morning though.

Glad you've got your family around you @ShyMaryEllen - hope you have a lovely time together.

With strength and love to you all. Keep going; you're doing so, so well. xx

OP posts:
Makemineasoda · 24/12/2024 13:27

Happy Christmas Eve fellow AFers! I will add to the chorus of how nice it will be to wake up fresh tomorrow and boxing day (and hopefully every other day too). We had a family cinema trip yesterdy followed by a lovely dinner. DD has forgiven me (again) and a great time was had by all. Day 8 for me today.

Just finished my house clean and then we are out and about for most of the day then of course Santa comes tonight. I will be driving today (and later tomorrow) so I know I will be AF over Christmas. I am actually really looking forward to it - I think I am finally realising what people mean when they talk about the freedom of not drinking - no trying to sneak drinks as no-one is drinking fast enough/no getting drunk too early then trying to act sober before I can drink even more/no waking up with the fear at 3am/no waking up in the morning trying to remember going to bed/no trying to sneak in a hair of the dog in the morning......yadda yadda yadda.....you get the picture.

I really love the Three Spirit Nightcap drink and my order came this morning! It has given me a strange psychological boost - I've plenty of other none-and-tonics etc but none that I like as much as Nightcap - it feels like a real drink so I can sip it in the evening and genuinely feel like I'm not missing out. (Just in case your interested - the other two Three Spirirt drinks (livener and social) I found to be ok - but the so-called wines....absolutely rank - went straight down the sink lol). I can't quite put my finger on why I was so happy to get the order before Christmas - its almost like its a sign that I can be AF and still have a lovely evening.

Anyhoo - I will be raising my none-and-tonic at 4pm tomorrow for all of us and I will be keeping everything crossed that we are all safe and happy over this challenging period.

Happy Christmas everyone!!!🎄❤🎁Xmas Smile

cookiebee · 24/12/2024 14:40

Merry Christmas Eve everyone, have had a good read along and happy to see everyone on this thread still going strong and supporting one another.

I will be alcohol free 2 years in January, this is my second af Christmas and it is getting easier I’m happy to report for anyone facing their first. Me and my partner have started some new traditions, an advent jigsaw calendar was one, we just finished it, was a photo of our dog 🐶. There are still many things I miss, like getting drunk and watching tv Christmas specials from the 70s for example, but I’m gradually letting my brain rewire itself and I’m finding that everything I loved doing that was connected to drinking are sort of finding their place back in my life bit by bit, there are still things I can’t do because the connection to missing drink is still there, but it will all fall into place, it will for any newcomers as well, it’s ok to mourn your love of alcohol, but like all good things, like people we love that are gone, we have to let it go, especially as alcohol really was a very toxic family member/friend, in fact it was no friend at all.

I’ve had a lot of illness the past two years and found out yesterday that the hearing loss I’ve suffered the last two months is permanent, it’s a bit crushing and I’m hoping music will return to sounding as it did before, I will find out when I’m fitted for my hearing aid in January, but I’m not ashamed to wear one, bring it on I say.

I’ve been using a different name on here as I had a couple of scrapes with a few posters talking about alcohol, it’s my own fault as I get a bit passionate about how destructive it is and that anyone can fall victim, people never seem to think they can, BUT I’ve decided to stop being that person now, it was daft to try and be, il just be calmer and switch my hearing aid off to it 😂.

I think what I’ve learned is to let my anger over alcohol go, and this thread has been such a huge part in that, one or two of you have come to my rescue several times on threads, I won’t embarrass you, but you know who you are, thank you, even if you possibly raised an eyebrow over what I was saying, just that hand on my shoulder and you explaining where I was coming from meant the world to me, honestly thank you.

I’ve had 5 that I can think of huge health issues and two hospital stays in the last two years. I have an MRI scan as well next year to make sure the hearing loss etc isn’t anything more, but I’m not running from it all anymore, or ignoring it, this is what I’ve been given at 42 and I will embrace this challenge, I have big plans for next year as long as my circumstances let me, so I’m going to charge into 2025 head first and won’t get sidetracked by nipping for a quick one in ‘The Dutchess of York’ or ‘The murderers arms’ pubs 😂. I also won’t get sidetracked by arguing the toss with anyone on here.

Have a wonderful sober Christmas everyone, you are all so incredible and to anybody having their first alcohol free Christmas, stick with the wonderful posters on this thread and know that it only gets better and better however hard it seems at first.

Merry Christmas x

ShyMaryEllen · 24/12/2024 15:02

I'm back. Tomorrow's outfit is ironed, the house smells less like a kennel and the kitchen is temporarily tidy. We're waiting for Son to arrive so we can do a traditional (hopefully swift) tour of local rellies and get on with getting on. The tour is a pain, but it started when the children were little, and meant that anyone not seeing them on CD could give them presents and see their faces. Now the 'children' are adults, but the relatives are getting on, so nobody wants to stop in case it's anyone's last Christmas and they didn't see them.

I think the younger generation are going out when we've got back and eaten, and I will pre-cook what I can later, when there is less chance of being interrupted. I don't like Christmas Eve. It's that combination of boring and stressful that reminds me of meetings at work. I love Christmas Day though, and it will soon be upon us. . . .

mumzof4x · 24/12/2024 15:10

What a lovely message to read @cookiebee thank you .
This is my first AF Christmas and 21 days only today but feel a huge achievement for me. Your post was really helpful . I feel like it's given me permission to mourn that I miss having a glass of fizz or red especially when all my family are around me for Christmas.
Like you I've had a very scary health issue and had a heart attack recently but worse still have been diagnosis med with a serious heart condition at 54 .
I'm now waiting for a bypass the asap probably the first week of January so I have a huge incentive to not drink !!!
I've also gone vegan and had to come off my hrt so poor dh is getting it both barrels bleed him x

cookiebee · 24/12/2024 15:26

@mumzof4x absolutely it’s ok to mourn it and know that it’s not just plain sailing for everyone who stops drinking alcohol, but what we mourn is a false memory, we just stitch together all the happy bits from the first or second drink from any occasion, nothing good ever happens after that, especially in how we feel, but it’s alright to miss it and you will, but you just have to keep going. You are going to find coping with your health so much easier without alcohol giving you that depression and negativity that it does. Keep going, you are not alone.

mumzof4x · 25/12/2024 00:03

@cookiebee thank you.
Happy Christmas everyone !

CarrotSeeds · 25/12/2024 06:56

Merry Christmas everyone 🎄❤️🎄❤️. I hope you all have a lovely day.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 25/12/2024 08:02

Happy Christmas everyone! Xx

RunningtheHill · 25/12/2024 08:22

Merry Christmas everyone 🎄

Have a lovely day and look forward to waking up with a clear head tomorrow! Xx

Makemineasoda · 25/12/2024 09:47

Just adding good sober cheer to PPs Christmas wishes. Day 9 for me and cherishing the feeling of knowing I won’t spoil Christmas and my family can have a lovely relaxed time knowing I’m not drinking.

“see” you all at 4pm for our AF toast - might not be able to be online but I’ll defo be toasting with my none-and-tonic !!!

We can do this 💪 ❤️

WendyWagon · 25/12/2024 09:50

Ahoy and happy Christmas 🎄

My turkey is in and it looked fine.
Listening to Rev Kate, all are upstairs.

I wrapped a few gifts this morning as I ran out of steam.
@cookiebee I have a different name outside of this thread and it keeps the Angries away from this lovely sportive group.
Well my ladies it is just the four of us. I'm off to put on the sparkly top. I can't cook in jumpers.
AF cheers!

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 25/12/2024 11:09

Merry Christmas everyone.

Panto yesterday and then chinese takeaway and Nativity on telly. No booze obviously, so could pick up eldest from his mate's at midnight.

Lovely chilled morning, husband doing dinner, I'm just getting out of Christmas jammies to take the dog for his walk. He is very happy with his new toys and jumper.