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Alcohol support

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The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

968 replies

REP22 · 20/11/2024 13:38

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
51
WendyWagon · 18/12/2024 18:45

Hello all. Oh lordy @Makemineasoda i am so a kindred spirit.
It's my birthday so I have friends here but you might like my advice tomorrow.

CarrotSeeds · 18/12/2024 20:26

Welcome and well done on Day #2 @Makemineasoda You will get some good advice on this thread. I know I have. About to have dinner so have to dash but it's good to have you here. There is strength in numbers and a sober community 💪

EastCoastDamsel · 18/12/2024 20:29

Happy Birthday @WendyWagon 🎉🎈🎂

The hot chocolate sounds amazing @Itsrainingten .

Welcome @Makemineasoda . You're in good company here.

Busy busy busy here with holiday activities.

Makemineasoda · 18/12/2024 22:05

Thanks for the welcomes everyone - day 2 done and dusted - tucked up in bed with a cup of sleepy tea, fingers crossed for some sleep! @WendyWagon i look
forward to hearing your advice!

Night everyone

mumzof4x · 18/12/2024 22:33

Belated Happy Birthday @WendyWagon
Hope you've had a beautiful day Flowers

WendyWagon · 19/12/2024 07:20

Morning all.
Two Yorkshire teas down.

A good birthday. I watched the original Bridget Jones (I just love the scene when she resigns.) I was going for the cheese but I was upstairs without DC labour. I had a few Bennedicks mints instead. My gallbladder will thank me.

Off to revisit the village house lunchtime. I will be armed with a tape measure.
A few feathers are ruffled here at Chez Wendy.

WendyWagon · 19/12/2024 08:03

@Makemineasoda i said I'd give a bit of advice and here it is.
Young adults in general don't drink like previous generations. They are interested in health and wellbeing.
Alcohol you know is addictive or you wouldn't be on this thread. I think if you've got to the stage of risky behaviour and lack of bodily control you will never be able to moderate. You will make deals in your head (booze bingo) and waste so much time doing it. Sober Dave has a brilliant chapter on adult children of alcoholics in his book, One for the Road. I'm not a fan of modern male writers so it took me years to read this. I don't like being controlled by men or lectured (it's been a revelation in the work place because I say no to contracts where I have a male line manager). I'm nearly retired so I welcome taking a bit of power back!
When you give up alcohol it takes about ten days to leave your system. You might have side effects. I did. The tiredness and the dreams.
The hardest bit is 1 day, 1 week, 1 month.
You have time to get a week under your belt before Christmas day.
I drink milk over coke etc. It's a treat to me but you might want some posh juice and AF mixers.
My son polices me but it's from a good place. He does have control issues from my behaviour during his childhood . My drunken antics were shameful but I was ill. I'd had horrendous caring responsibilities and fraud in my business. It was enough to send anyone doolally.
I'm not sure what you need to do to get your daughters support but I suggest you buy the book, leave it for her to read and ask for help. It took me about eighteen months to admit my alcoholism. Some people don't use that label, that's their choice. I don't shout it but I use it here and at home. It helps me stay focused because I'm not a normal drinker.
There are plenty of stories on the previous threads. I'm on all as I have been around nearly three years.
I post daily to keep a diary as it were.
Ask anything you need to. X

ShyMaryEllen · 19/12/2024 09:13

@Makemineasoda, and all newbies, if I can add my advice to @WendyWagon's, please get some Vitamin B1 and take high doses for 6 weeks or so. Anyone detoxing from a high intake of alcohol should do this. Also known as Thiamine, it will help to prevent brain damage caused by withdrawal. I am not medically qualified , but I understand that brain damage is rare but devastating, so it is worth taking them as a precaution. You could also take a B Complex tab, or a Multi-Vit, as the odds are that your stores will b depleted, but the important one is B1. Multi-vitamins and B Complex won't have enough of a dosage to be effective against brain damage. You can't overdose on it, as you excrete it (in luminous urine - so be prepared for that!).

Also, learn what drives your desire to drink and be kind to it. Is is a habit/routine? Is it to give you confidence socially? There are many possibilities, but knowing which triggers apply to you can stop you pulling them.

I found the habit of dividing the working day from the 'social' evening with a drink hard to break. I had a stressful job, and would go out afterwards, then go home and carry on drinking until I fell into bed, slept it off and started again the next day. To deal with this, when I stopped drinking I switched to AF wine, and the ritual of opening it, pouring it into a wine glass and sitting with it in the evening was a real help. I also gave up working, which is not an option open to all, I realise.

I found hypnosis helpful, and got some sleep headphones to play the tracks in bed. I'd have a scented bath and used the same smell in a warmer in the bedroom (waterless diffusers have come on stream since then, but I used a hot stone one) so that over time I learnt to associate the smell with relaxation and sleep. I found insomnia difficult, but got round that by making being in bed as pleasant as possible. As well as the smell of the bath and the oil (the money saved on wine lets you splash out on really nice ones without feeling guilty) and the hypnosis, I put a TV in the bedroom and watched 'easy watching' series if I couldn't sleep. Nothing too taxing (for me it was Downton Abbey and Stella) but enough to take away the fear of lying there sleepless. That was a real fear for me, which makes less sense now, but once I recognised it, it was easier to deal with it.

Your triggers may be very different, and I don't think there is a foolproof way of stopping drinking. I didn't like 'quit lit', for instance, as it just reminded me of drinking (and I saw/see it as capitalising on the misery of addiction) but many people find it very helpful. I did post online on a site that no longer exists, and found that very helpful, but even that was (for me) sometimes too accepting of regular (often weekly) 'lapses'. Others interpreted that tolerance as being supportive, and neither view is right or wrong, but it's important to find the right approach for you.

Good luck, everyone, and welcome. There will be a mutual toast to and from us all on Christmas Day, so feel free to raise a glass of something AF with your sober sisters and the lovely Sid, who cheers us all on from his cabin.

sugarytea2024 · 19/12/2024 11:22

Hi everyone, following along but just checking in with a question if that is OK, I am 50 days alcohol free. I have done a few occasions, overnights etc, don't miss alcohol at home and definitely do not intend to or want to drink anytime soon. I know I need to and want to stay alcohol free, I have my reasons written down and remind myself if the thought briefly crosses my mind that I could have a few some time in the future.

Christmas really isn't bothering me either and I am very thankful for that. But when I think ahead long term it gets a bit overwhelming, like a Summer holiday without a beer. Is there a magic number or time frame where I won't worry about this?

REP22 · 19/12/2024 11:23

Belated Happy Birthday @WendyWagon - I hope you had a very lovely day.

Love to all shipmates, new and familiar friends. Today is the last day of my work project. It has been something of a trial (putting it mildly) and only survivable through being sober. Again, I apologise for my absence - it was not my project, but I've had to sort the chaos. My heart and thoughts have been with you all. You're all fantastic, each and every one.

I cannot get excited about Christmas at the moment, I daresay the joy will find me next week. Fortunately Sid has enough joie de vivre and enthusiasm for us all, as you can see from this picture, for which he was very excited to pose just for you.

Strength and love to you all - and extra courage for the days that lie ahead. You can do it. It's going to be alright. xx

The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024
OP posts:
Makemineasoda · 19/12/2024 11:49

WendyWagon · 19/12/2024 08:03

@Makemineasoda i said I'd give a bit of advice and here it is.
Young adults in general don't drink like previous generations. They are interested in health and wellbeing.
Alcohol you know is addictive or you wouldn't be on this thread. I think if you've got to the stage of risky behaviour and lack of bodily control you will never be able to moderate. You will make deals in your head (booze bingo) and waste so much time doing it. Sober Dave has a brilliant chapter on adult children of alcoholics in his book, One for the Road. I'm not a fan of modern male writers so it took me years to read this. I don't like being controlled by men or lectured (it's been a revelation in the work place because I say no to contracts where I have a male line manager). I'm nearly retired so I welcome taking a bit of power back!
When you give up alcohol it takes about ten days to leave your system. You might have side effects. I did. The tiredness and the dreams.
The hardest bit is 1 day, 1 week, 1 month.
You have time to get a week under your belt before Christmas day.
I drink milk over coke etc. It's a treat to me but you might want some posh juice and AF mixers.
My son polices me but it's from a good place. He does have control issues from my behaviour during his childhood . My drunken antics were shameful but I was ill. I'd had horrendous caring responsibilities and fraud in my business. It was enough to send anyone doolally.
I'm not sure what you need to do to get your daughters support but I suggest you buy the book, leave it for her to read and ask for help. It took me about eighteen months to admit my alcoholism. Some people don't use that label, that's their choice. I don't shout it but I use it here and at home. It helps me stay focused because I'm not a normal drinker.
There are plenty of stories on the previous threads. I'm on all as I have been around nearly three years.
I post daily to keep a diary as it were.
Ask anything you need to. X

I’m on a wee break at work @WendyWagon but thanks so much for your reply. All good advice and I will take it on board. Especially the book recommendation- that’s a great idea.

ShyMaryEllen · 19/12/2024 11:54

sugarytea2024 · 19/12/2024 11:22

Hi everyone, following along but just checking in with a question if that is OK, I am 50 days alcohol free. I have done a few occasions, overnights etc, don't miss alcohol at home and definitely do not intend to or want to drink anytime soon. I know I need to and want to stay alcohol free, I have my reasons written down and remind myself if the thought briefly crosses my mind that I could have a few some time in the future.

Christmas really isn't bothering me either and I am very thankful for that. But when I think ahead long term it gets a bit overwhelming, like a Summer holiday without a beer. Is there a magic number or time frame where I won't worry about this?

Not really, I'm afraid. I think most find that when you have done something once it is easier the next time, so the second summer holiday is easier than the first. For me, the clincher was accepting that I am a non-drinker. That takes a while, but when it 'clicks' it is a game changer.

Are you ok with AF beer? If a glass of beer is part of your holiday, you can still have it, but without alcohol. I would also try not to look ahead if you can. 'Sufficient unto the day are the worries thereof', or whatever it is. To be honest, if Christmas isn't bothering you now, the odds are that come the summer you won't be too bothered about holidays, either.

Sid's enthusiasm is infectious, @REP22 😂. He's clearly having trouble containing his festive excitement.

sugarytea2024 · 19/12/2024 12:01

@ShyMaryEllen that actually is really helpful. I have tried a few alcohol free beers and they are OK so I will try that when I am away.

Each first and getting through it is actually really helping me and in a way I am glad Christmas is so early in my Alcohol Free Journey. I got my Birthday and Halloween and first overnight break done too so I am feeling quite positive. You are right about not looking to far ahead.

Sid is absolutely adorable 😍

Makemineasoda · 19/12/2024 12:28

@ShyMaryEllen thanks also got this advice. I am really working on my triggers - I think that going into “heavy” drinking situations is ironically a trigger for me to get drunk.

I feel nervous around people I perceive to be big drinkers so I drink more to help me cope with that. So I am avoiding such situations for the indefinite future.

Ive just got into podcasts which are really helping me to relax. I’ll try the vitamins - as you say, they won’t do me any harm.

Im at work so just a quick response but I do appreciate it.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 19/12/2024 14:08

Hi all, feeling quite drained at the moment with work and funeral planning, but Ok apart from that.

Just popping on to add my thoughts to @sugarytea2024 ’s question. The “first” of anything is always a challenge, because you are having to learn a new way of doing something. However, by the time you get to your holiday or whatever, your brain may be in a completely different place with regards to alcohol- how you feel at (say) 6 months sober will be very different to how you feel now. So there’s no point worrying about it now.

One of my big learnings has been to “stay curious” - once you can say to yourself “oh, that’s interesting- I’m reacting to this situation by feeling this …” life becomes more manageable than when you simply react.

And well done on 50 days! 💪🏻

Crunchymum · 19/12/2024 18:55

@Onewildandpreciouslife

I'm so sorry if I've missed you've had a bereavement. Keep well my friend. It's always a very testing and difficult time and the urge to escape feels so strong. But you are stronger 💪 ❤️

@WendyWagon happy belated birthday 🎂

happinesspersonified · 19/12/2024 21:25

All of you ladies are amazing, I don’t know any of you but at the same time I know you all so well. I never post but read every day and have done ever since I stopped drinking 500 days ago! I am so proud of how I have gotten a grip and changed my life and without knowing you have all played a massive part. Thank you all for being here and being so wise and caring, you are such an inspiration and have helped me more than you could know xx

Carpetburn · 19/12/2024 21:28

Welcome @Makemineasoda im still pretty early 26 days and have tried to moderate so many times. I do feel so much better but it’s been a very wobbly week this week! Keep posting this is a lovely group.

Carpetburn · 19/12/2024 21:37

And happy belated birthday @WendyWagon i hope it was a lovely one!

Onewildandpreciouslife · 19/12/2024 22:21

Thanks @Crunchymum - my mum died a few weeks ago - not unexpected but somehow still a shock when it happens.

Lovely to hear from you @happinesspersonified - 500 days is amazing work!

WendyWagon · 20/12/2024 06:50

Morning all.
Friday, yeay.
Christmas posh food shopping today.

The DS has found a house and is hoping to get a lowish offer accepted as it came back to the market. The owners have abandoned the works but he trained with my late brother's firm when he was a student so not an issue for him. He's doing some work for us atm.

Two more presents to get so nearly there. One can be Barbie so I like that. I still have mine!
@happinesspersonified congrats. Great user name and I think a sober morning is happiness. Plus a packet of Wotsits!

Have a great day all and a peaceful evening. Waggs to Sid.

Itsrainingten · 20/12/2024 07:03

Morning gang. Very stressful day for us yesterday. We were exchanging on a house - the biggest nightmare ever. We listed ours in May last year, sold it, found somewhere, got to exchange and the seller changed their bastard minds. Found somewhere else - out buyers had obviously waited for a long time. They gave us an ultimatum of exchange before Christmas or it's all off. Yesterday was the last day possible before the solicitors shut and the seller went AWOL! literally ignored all emails, texts and calls till almost 4pm. Buyers were going mental, we had to get an extension to 5pm but we did it! We exchanged at 2 minutes before 5.
And we cracked open a bottle of Nosecco to celebrate 😁. It was actually great because the kids could toast as well.
School breaks up today, I have one more day of work after today and then we're all ready for Christmas. Feeling very happy. And I'm well aware that I would have been feeling very hungover and anxious now in this situation previously.
Have a good Friday everyone.

Nowstrong · 20/12/2024 07:53

Good morning, may I join this thread? I'm pretty active on another thread but think that as perhaps my main goal is now to abstain completely, my posts about being AF are perhaps triggering or not always very helpful to those who are struggling to just moderate.
I have just managed a 3 month AF period, then had a very regretted couple of drinks one evening, now I'm back on the AF path with determination.
If anything, my slight relapse was very eye opening concerning the very negative effects, only 2 drinks, can have on my body and mind. So I'm now even more committed to being AF. I perhaps won't post too much here, I'm also posting less on the other thread, but I have been reading this thread and found everyone's posts interesting and helpful.
I'm finding myself becoming silently judgey of people who are talking too loudly/slurring after too many drinks, and any tips on how to manage my feelings are welcome. Don't want to become a total social disaster in a world where drinking is everywhere. Even if I now know that nobody cares if you drink or not. That was a lesson well learnt and very relieving, as to begin with I was worried about people trying to "force" me to have a drink. As if it wasn't hard enough stopping. Finally there were only problems from my family in the UK to begin with, who now don't bother mentioning me not drinking.
Have a slight sprinkling of snow here and the clouds are lifting, so lovely day to go for a long brisk walk, when I've finally finished my Xmas shopping.
Sending best wishes and positive vibes to all.

Crunchymum · 20/12/2024 08:12

Onewildandpreciouslife · 19/12/2024 22:21

Thanks @Crunchymum - my mum died a few weeks ago - not unexpected but somehow still a shock when it happens.

Lovely to hear from you @happinesspersonified - 500 days is amazing work!

I am so very, very sorry to hear this.

It really is a life changing event so be kind to yourself.

You have had years of sobriety and so much experience with being alcohol free so I'm sure you'll be able to navigate this difficult time.

Sending love and light ❤️

Togetheragain45 · 20/12/2024 09:27

@EastCoastDamsel @@Onewildandpreciouslife I'm sorry to hear your sad news, and wishing you well. Be kind to yourself.
@happinesspersonified wow, 500 days! Congratulations, that's awesome!
I hardly dare say this, but last night was my first wine free night. I hope it will continue, because it's caused a lot of issues with my DH recently.
Happy Friday to you all.