The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

Amazing news on the 10 year licence @REP22 ! You must be so relieved. .
Great work on 21 days @ThatWasShh - the first month is definitely the longest.

I sometimes post IWNDWYT which stands for "I will not drink with you today". It is something I picked up from the Reframe app and I feel is a great reminder to me that I am not alone on this choice.

Much love 😘

Ah, thank you lovely @EastCoastDamsel it's an immense relief. Thank you ❤️

I thought it was you who posted that helpful statement, but didn't want to namecheck without being sure!

Thank you so much. You're an inspiration. With love. xx

That is such excellent news, @REP22 🥳 Congratulations, felicitations and applause! 👏🏻 😎🙌

It does feel wrong that people who voluntarily surrender their licence for the public good should have to go through all of that, but I'm delighted that you are through to the other side. I'm not as demonstrative as Sid, obviously, but in my quiet way I am celebrating with you.

I hope all is well, @WendyWagon? Much love and strength to everyone else. We are doing so well - long may it continue!

Ahoy sober shipmates
I will not drink today

Love and kind thoughts to all

Morning all.
I am up and managing to eat which is good.
I suspect I'm going to be called for the op next week as I have the pre op checks on Tuesday..
I've seen three friends, two helpful.
One has no filter and feels she is entitled to her opinion no matter what. Widows rights, otherwise I would tell her to bog off.
Nothing on the house front as not really the right time to make a firm decision.

The shock of being so unwell has certainly stopped the champagne dreams.

Thank you lovely @ShyMaryEllen ❤️- you have summed up my thoughts perfectly. Never, ever could I have forgiven myself (rightly) if I had caused an accident and harm to others. But you have it exactly - I felt punished and humiliated for years because I had been honest. But I have learned many valuable lessons and am a better person (I hope) for it all. My dog at the time loved the bus. She was highly accomplished at getting older lady passengers to part with treats from their tartan trollies and feel grateful for the "privilege". Sid is more subtle - but he's not a fan of the old jalopies that serve our town, though he's oddly fixated on watching them go by.

Top stuff @mermadeincornwall - you are doing so, so well. 🏆 Much respect to you. xx

That sounds positive @WendyWagon good that you're able to eat and getting about a bit. I know what you mean about "widow's rights" - but that has a sell-by date and no amount of grief means that you have to take abuse and nonsense. You have rights too. 💖 And I never really liked champagne dreams - the bubbles pop, it gets flat and sour and even the expensive stuff carries an oddly fecal aroma with it if you really sniff it. Your time will come again - hopefully this is just an interval. Hope all the checks go OK. We are really rooting for you.

Strength and love to you all. Stay safe if the weather is getting stormy where you are. Keep smiling. xx

You are an absolute tonic @REP22 .
I am sofa sitting. I've had a hairdo today. Mr Tiggle has been walked.
I managed to cook twice whilst the DS is away. I have plenty in.
Monday is the next visting friend. She does pull a cats bum face!
I think they are all making sure they are on the handbag list incase I snuff it (I collect designer bags).
They all knew I was going in for my gallbladder removal but sadly that has been pushed down the list. I'm OK lads but the breathing is shit and I hate the admin difficult times bring. I'm rubbish at paperwork.
No desire to drink ever again. If I'm OK I think I've finally had the last of the booze bingo. I had never lost my cravings but I have now! It would be like putting petrol on a bonny.

Have a happy sober day. I'm will be on Netflix shortly.

@REP22 Bless you, you are such a positive, half water glass half full kind of person. I love that.

I love designer handbags too, @WendyWagon 😍 and have far too many. In fact I have just had a nice one delivered today (like new and a steal on eBay).

I have my gorgeous granddaughter today, such fun. She is only 22 months and changing so quickly. So far we have been to a toddler class, played kitchens and doctors and Duplo and stories. We still have playing dollies and train track to go!! I suspect I will be in bed early tonight 🤣.

Thank you @WendyWagon and @CarrotSeeds - you're proper lovely. ❤️

I'm a devil for the Duplo myself. I loved it when my DN's were little - their minds and imaginations were so vibrant and alive and their flights of conversation were a joy. I wouldn't let Sid loose with Duplo or Lego though - I know the sorts of depraved monstrosities that would rise up through his nefarious paws. I think a Girl's World head and some make-up would be more his cup of latte. Or a Fashion Wheel and his felt-tips. Hasbro have got a restraining order on him though - he's not allowed within 50m of a Spirograph. Can't say why... 🙄😉

I love designer bags and shoes too, though could never stretch to them financially. I bought a fake Birkin once, but it didn't last long. I got my money's worth, hehe

Keep going @WendyWagon - it won't always be this sh~t. I am good at work admin but loathe and despise personal life admin. Enjoy Netflix - Sid and I have just watched the Jerry Springer documentary on there. It has inspired an urge in Sid to go on a similar show and loudly bark "Uh, Jerry.... I used tuh be a CAT..." before kicking a chair and being bodily wrestled to the ground by Steve the security bloke. Not in my name, young Sid. x

@REP22 I am so pleased you have a 10 year license! That felt so injust before, especially when you were so responsible in your actions.

It felt extra unfair when you've been such an incredible support on here for so many.

Morning sober shipmates on the good ship Soberity, it's a voyage of a lifetime
I will not drink today

Well done on 3 weeks ThatWasShh ,I found that was the hardest time for me, I think I'd taken my eye of the ball and stopped putting so much time and effort in, this time I'm making sure I'm fully focused.

I have a day of pampering today, for my self care and mental health
I have olaplex hair treatment, Clarins face mask and will attempt to make my nails more presentable.
I ask for beauty for Christmas/birthday presents now as I don't want any alcoholic gifts.

Look after yourself Wendywagon, remember to take it slowly .
The storm is raging here, the house is rumbling and the roof rattling. Keep safe everyone

Love and kind thoughts to all

Morning all.
I've just had Yorkshire tea and ginger cake (I'm getting the grub in before next week).
I woke up to a storm raging so that might curtail my shopping trip.
The DS bought me a new dressing gown last week. It's too short and has a hood (why?). I very much liked the David Napier one but the scrooge in me won't pay £200 for polyester.
No visitors this weekend and no more daft gifts of booze.
My NC sister hasn't rung me which is surprising as she does like a drama. In fairness it was me who told her to f*ck off prior to giving up the grog. She'd put us at risk and thought that was OK.
Families.
I hope all the sisters have a peaceful Friday. I recommend an early night tucked up with a book or the telly. Saturday's without a hangover are so worth it and it feels like you have a whole two days.
Love to all. X

@mermadeincornwall that self care sounds amazing!

Embarking on the 3rd sober weekend. Eugh still feels like a white knuckle ride...! I need to make some good sober plans i tried to organise sober plans with friends the last 2 weekends and neither have worked. Listening to the Matt Wallace podcast and one episode talks about loneliness being a facilitator of drinking. Anyway... will plan some nice plans for myself.

One day at a time and all... x

@Womanshour I PROMISE it gets easier. The first month is hard, we are so used to the routine of drinking as much as anything else. I'm now getting towards 4 months and it's a very different picture to those first four weeks. I do still pour myself an alcohol free g&t most evenings but I figure it's doing no real harm. It's even practically calorie free!

Stay strong and as has been said several times recently NEVER QUESTION THE DECISION ❤️

Thank you ❤️ @CarrotSeeds x

Good morning Shipmates. Very windy here too - hope you're keeping safe where you are.

Thank you @Womanshour for your very kind words; that means a great deal. ❤️ And you are spot-on about it being a white-knuckle ride at times. But we are all strapped into the rollercoaster with you. You're not alone. There'll be candy-floss and toffee apples after, and we can head for the tea-cup ride (although I do love a log flume) 🙂

Sorry about your sister @WendyWagon - though I doubt she'd bring much in the way of joy and understanding into your situation from what you say. Hopefully her conscience is pricking her. Hmm. I don't hold with all this "blood is thicker than water" guff. Yes. Blood IS thicker than water. So is piss. Think on. Sorry, that sounds rather bitter of me doesn't it? I apologise.

I slipped up in spectacular fashion this morning whilst Sidwalking. A majestic slide down a bank with an impressive streak of mud all down my back and side, all in full view of school- and work-run traffic. A van full of scaffolders pulled over and asked if I was alright, god bless them. I was fine. I thanked them and said that it was just my a~se - and there's plenty of that to cushion my fall. Sid didn't meet my eye. I think he was laughing.

We shall be needing a new thread soon, lovely shipmates. Would any of you like a hand on the helm? Happy to continue if needed, but don't want to deny you a go at the tiller.

Here is Sid, proudly modelling his new collar, ID tag and harness that he got for Christmas, just for you. He joins me in wishing you love, strength and peace as we sail into the weekend waters.

Keep going. It will be alright soon. xx

Morning all
52 days 11 hours AF 🙏
Thank you so much @CarrotSeeds @SissySpacekAteMyHamster @mermadeincornwall @EastCoastDamsel @WendyWagon @Middlemarch123 and @REP22 for your kind words x
For anyone at the (more) beginning than me it honestly does get better.
I'm day 52 now and these are my main eye openers :

• I CAN still go out or have people over for dinner and have a great time without a bottle of wine . In fact even better if I'm honest.
• Quit lit doesn't work for me. As I've got older and probably as a result of a stressful NHS job, I've realised I'm very good at boxing things off. It's like I have this postbox in my head and I post anything stressful in there and decide when I can take it out again. Sometimes never.

So when I've spent all day dealing with bereavement for example, rightly or wrongly, I sort of post it away in the postbox the moment I see my children in their beds when I get in. If I didn't I would never manage and it would consume me. I think I've done the same with alcohol. I've made the decision to stop and despite all the positive research around the benefits of understanding the science behind this, and in many different ways, I've put it away. Ive posted it for now! I don't want to think about why I miss alcohol because then I miss it if that makes sense? I get a craving I "post" it and do something else 🙈 Maybe I'm just burying my head in the sand. Anyways the benefits are amazing ! My skin (rosacea) is 100 % better and I think @REP22 you had the same? My eyes are popping Inflammation I didn't even know I had has gone from my eyes .. I took a picture day one and day 31 and the difference was shocking 😮 Better focus .... I've finally figured the magic ring in crochet! I'm learning the piano at 54 much to my children's amusement I have SO much more time and opportunity as not thinking about how soon we can get home for a drink or order taxis etc I just drive. We are hundreds of pounds a month better off financially I am able to focus and loving reading again I've lost 13 or 14 lbs and lost my horrid tummy More energy Better sex (sorry tmi) Wow Never posted such a long waffly text

@REP22 great news on your licence x Where was the first place you drove to? X x

Morning Sobies!
@mumzof4x My DD is a junior dr in ICU bless her, she is exactly like you, she was taught to compartmentalise early on, so will just shut anyone down if they ask her how work is. It’s the only way she can do such a hard job.
And what you say about quit lit triggering you, yes me too. In the early days I read it all, because I was needing to convince myself that quitting was the right decision. I no longer read it, it’s like the saying, Don’t think of an elephant “ and bingo, right on cue Jumbo pops in your head. This thread is invaluable, and I check in at least once a day to keep myself on the right path.
@REP22 you look after yourself, hope you don’t have any after effects from your tumble. You captain our ship with so much strength and compassion.
Sid, you are looking particularly fetching today, you look after your mama.

Love to all, mind how you go.

That's a great post @mumzof4x , thank you. Congratulations on day 52, that's absolutely brilliant. 🏋️‍♀️ The boxing things up strategy is a good one, I think. Deal with things when you're ready and only if you need/want to. Not all quit lit works for me either - I like Catherine Grey and Clare Pooley but some others can be trite and patronising, for me anyway. But we are all so delightfully different, so I'm glad that things that wind me up are a joy and a blessing to others. Like Sid. (hehe, just kidding😉 ) Thank you for your lovely words @Middlemarch123 I'm alright. I sank to the floor like a stately galleon - but my default position in life is generally episodes of me making a total tit of myself, interspersed with episodes of me telling people how I made a tit of myself. Hehe, I don't bemoan it.

The first place I drove to on getting my licence back in 2022 was The Dogs Trust, to first visit a dog I later adopted. That had a very unfortunate and tragic end, alas. I ended up in hospital and the poor dog had challenges too great to be overcome. Poor lad, it wasn't his fault. All rather sad (apologies). But - it was a step along the path that led me to Sid, and I will always be thankful for that. It is a joy and a blessing to be able to drive to work and to the shops - I didn't know how much I prized that until I was not able to do it.

The first proper BIG journey I did (apart from Christmas to DB's) was my return back to Dartmoor (my favourite place) after too many years with young Sid riding shotgun, for our first holiday together - and we all, well come of us, know how that went down... 🙄 (desolate wilderness, broken harness, fugitive Sid absconding with car key AND phone, the military, £110+ taxis, hiding chicken curry in bra & pants...) - see? Episodes of utter tittery that I am now further entitting myself by relating them. 🙄😉 I wouldn't be without Sid for all the world, and I'm lucky to have a Sidmobile to enjoy and travel to new adventures.

This thread really is so helpful. I'm glad you're part of it. x

Hello. I’m 146 days sober today - yay! Long history of heavy drinking, with varying periods of sobriety. But this time it has to be for good - I’m 60 now, and don’t want my life to be how it was when I was drinking. This last week I seem to have drifted off my pink fluffy cloud somewhat. I don’t want to drink; I haven’t thought about drinking, but I feel restless and discontent somehow. I do 3 online AA meetings a week and value the sense of community and connection. But I think I need more support, and have found my way here :-)

Hello @FaithHopeCarnage - welcome to you. I'm very glad you have found us. Lots of lovely friends here who all understand. 146 days is amazing - powering up to goddess-level! 🎉 Most of us can probably associate with the drifting, restless type feelings - I know I certainly can. But the key thing here is that you have spotted it for what it is and for seeking out a safety valve and ways to manage it. That shows immense strength and bravery, and a wisdom beyond what many can manage.

Feel free to stay and post as much or as little as you want. You will always be welcome, understood and valued here. xx

I would offer to host Rep but as I'm off to Chez NHS next week I feel I might not be up to it. @FaithHopeCarnage welcome, you are just short of half a year,, brilliant.
I'm not a big quitlit fan. I don't like the judgy blokes and I was a bit shocked at Bronny Gordon. I did like sober Dave.
Perhaps podcasts are easier?

I thought you were getting your gall bladder seen to @WendyWagon. Has something else gone wrong? That's rubbish, isn't it? There's only so much we can be expected to put up with.

I've just had a fraught hour on the phone to an insurance company. I was insured with them until their quote for renewal came in at a ridiculous price. I had paid in advance for the year, and told them that I was going elsewhere, so as far as I was concerned there was nothing to cancel. I got a few letters and messages asking me to renew, but I ignored them, as they had the benefit of my thoughts on usurious rates for existing customers on record. Anyway, I got a text today from a debt collector, saying I had to pay up or risk prosecution! I assumed it was a scam, but contacted the insurance company for confirmation of this. It wasn't. They had renewed the policy and not told me, and then slapped on a cancellation charge when I didn't pay😡. They were quite insistent, but so was I. I can imagine someone less confident giving in though, and it's just not fair that they can do this.

It is now sorted, but I am very unimpressed. I must remember to check with Experian to make sure I am not listed as a bad risk or something. As if life's not difficult enough.