The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Yes that's lovely to hear @EastCoastDamsel. I had a similar a couple of weeks ago when I went for "a drink" with my son's friend from school's parent. The kids were playing and she asked me what I'd like, along the lines of coffee / juice / water or I have some wine in the fridge. And my son piped up " my mum doesn't drink alcohol" it honestly brought tears to my eyes. I was so happy that that's how he sees me now at age 9.
I remember when I was at a playgroup with him, when he was about 2 I had a glass of diet coke that I'd put down and couldn't quite remember where. He found it and started shouting "mummy your wine, I've found your wine" obviously it WASN'T wine. But I was mortified that that was what he thought I always drank. I actually still shudder at that memory. But now his mum doesn't drink alcohol. I love that. Especially after growing up myself with an alcoholic parent.
@TiA303091 obviously it's your choice but I honestly think for some people moderation just doesn't work. It can't, not longterm anyway. Maybe you're not one of those people, but then maybe you are. Is it worth it?

@REP22 how cute is Sid in that sweater? ❤️❤️❤️

Just popping on the give my tuppence about moderation.

For me moderation was the worst of both worlds and it totally focused my mind on alcohol. Even in periods of not drinking I was obsessed with it.

I tried moderation in many forms over many years - Dry January, only drinking at the weekends, only having a glass a night etc. It never worked. I always ended up drinking more and not less. When I was drinking a glass an evening I had to buy mini bottles of wine to ensure I didn't go over my allotted glass (which I inevitably would after a week or two). After Dry January I could end up drinking 25 out of 28 days in February. Weekends only made weekdays miserable as all I wanted to do would be fast forward my life to Friday.

If I wasn't drinking I was thinking about it and planning for it.

It was exhausting and very sad. I was a shell. And as I felt so shite about my inability to moderate I'd give up and binge - 10 bottles of wine over 7 nights. Then I'd try (and fail) to moderate again.

The day I stopped drinking wasn't the day all this noise stopped, but gradually things grew quieter and one day (around day 90) I realised I wanted the noise to stop forever. I never wanted to have that inner turmoil again.

Do I wish things were different? In all honestly I do still sometimes still get a bit pissed off with myself that my drinking was so out of control I cannot have the occasional glass of wine, but I know abstinence is the only way for me. Christmas - this will be my 3rd AF - is still a difficult time as it was so synonymous with drinking for me. Which in itself is a bit shocking - I have 3 beautiful children (oldest is 12) yet my main association with Christmas is excess booze!! Every adult Christmas and NY was an excuse to drink and drink and drink. Well now it isn't! Now I am making new associations.

It's not an easy path, it's not a linear path but for me it's about being AF for life now.

@Crunchymum ❤️❤️❤️

@WendyWagon I'm so sorry about your friends and your younger brother. Such a tragic waste of

Sorry, waste of lives x

@Onewildandpreciouslife hear hear. totally nailed why i can't moderate i find it totally exhausting and it just fuels my alcohol obsession and means i constantly think about my next drink. don't do that now im sober. decision made and doesn't need to be eternally revisited. also, as liam gallagher says, what's the point in having one?

sorry it was @Crunchymum

but hi to @Onewildandpreciouslife

lovely jumper @ShyMaryEllen agree no sleeves! all the rage to wear a sleeveless one over a long sleeves shirt these days.

@REP22 sid's sweater is gorgeous he's such a style icon

@WendyWagon so much to lose as you have painfully pointed out

@EastCoastDamsel agree agree agree

@CarrotSeeds great progress and sounds like you have had a life full of alcohol damage like wendy.

it's such a sneaky chemical and so shit that it's so falsely marketed as the key to a glamorous good time. i think time will put a stop to that like it has with smoking, in the end.

"it's such a sneaky chemical and so shit that it's so falsely marketed as the key to a glamorous good time. i think time will put a stop to that like it has with smoking, in the end."

I really hope society start to view alcohol in a similar way to smoking. I can't see that happening tbh. There's so much denial and cognitive dissidence going on

You're right @ponzusoup and @Itsrainingten - it's such an insidious drug, with mighty wealth and advertising behind it. Not helped by the fact that Drinkaware.co.uk is actually funded by drinks manufacturers. And that certain sections of society persistently view the non-drinker as the oddball outlier and 'spoil-sport'. It's very cruel.

@ShyMaryEllen I agree, no sleeves! With a long sleeved tee worn underneath like the model. Lovely knit. 🥰

New thread here my lovelies The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024 | Mumsnet for when the time is nigh. x

morning lovely ladies. chilly but beautiful autumn leaves cloaking London parks with gold... gorgeous. how are you all doing?

Some snow here but otherwise quite bright @ponzusoup - lovely colours in the trees at the moment. Sid is no fan of mornings in general and cold ones in particular - I almost had to chisel him out from under his duvet, hehe.
Hope you have a great day. x

Hi all xx I posted a few weeks ago, I had completed a month of no alcohol and already felt better and proud. But I’ve slipped. I had a small drink and then another and now I’ve had a few each night for a fortnight, I wasn’t sure whether to post again here as I feel so ashamed of myself. I am finding it so hard to quit, even though I know all the logical reasons, I even know how good I can feel without and I’m reading lots of useful books. Nothing is working and I don’t know why. It’s like someone else takes over come 5/6pm. Has anyone tried anything like rehab or anything? I hope it’s ok to post this here as I know you’re TT and I don’t want to sound negative, I just feel so sad and need help xx

Hi @Pip2000b it is really hard to give up alcohol and it’s fine to post here - we have all been where you are. I had so many “day 1s” until it clicked. Maybe you need a bit more support, either by finding a group in real life, or posting a bit more? But please don’t feel ashamed- you have posted again and that’s a great start.

There is a new AF thread for winter as this one is nearly full. Why not pop by and say hello? There are a few people who are in the early days Winter af support thread

@Pip2000b I'm sure lots of us have slipped up in the past so please don't beat yourself up or feel ashamed. You just have to find a way to start again and make it stick. That time of day is tricky for me too and for lots of us here I think.

Do you find AF substitutes useful? I've had a few glasses of 'wine' this evening while putting up the Christmas tree, something I would usually do in various stages of drunkenness. I find the ritual of pouring a drink helps but then I am only two months sober today so it's all still fairly new. Make another commitment to stop drinking and be kind to yourself. You have done a brave thing by realising you have a problem and in trying to stop. ❤️