Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Hi all. Just a quick check in - skimmed through but sounds like everyone is doing really well, especially with so many challenges and also with this bloody awful weather. Keep going … it gets easier, I promise. (day 385).

My face is very expressive also @Chance21 . It gives away my subconscious mind far too often. Maybe one day I’ll harness the power of the “black cat energy” and just not give a damn, but for now I give way too many damns.

It’s actually a terrible quality of mine and I plan on changing that. I want my children to have lovely fulfilling lives outside of their relationships, and I am not setting that example for myself right now.

Step 1) removing alcohol for a clear mind and healthy body
Step 2) slow down and enjoy life
Step 3) get a self care routine (today I gave myself a microdermabrasion, showered, shaved, washed my hair, and went to the doctor)
Step 4) allow my partner space to meet his own needs instead of mothering (smothering, which takes time away from me and the children)
Step 5) no freakin clue but I’ll figure it out

Another introvert here.Painfully shy until I discovered the power of alcohol when I was 15.Feel very happy in my own company but also stopping drinking in the past (before falling back into a vat of aperol spritz) felt like a chance to find who I was before alcohol.Turns out I'm rubbish at small talk ,much better 1:1 or in small groups and prefer a night in with the dog. @SadMama87 I really like your goals and I'm going to write my own.Sorry to hear people are feeling low.The weather doesnt help and having problems with kids and partners can be enough to make anyone reach for the booze.It just makes everything worse though. So many days without alcohol notching up for people on this group which really helps me to see.Day 6 here.

I am also an introvert. Wonder who else is similar on here and whether there is a link.

Great to have some goals set out @SadMama87 we can change through the choices we make how lucky we our to re write some chapters and set better examples.
Fantastic work on day 6!! @growinguptobreakingdown yes I think I used alcohol also because I’m so socially awkward especially around people I don’t know so I’d always have to much booze on those nights because I thought it gave me the confidence but I always ended up blacking out. So many fake friendships built on alcohol I have nothing in common with a lot of associates I know so will be beneficial to let go of those people also I really dislike being around drunk people I find them irritating 😂 pot kettle black because that was me four weeks ago!! But yeah I’m finding I’d rather be at home watching a film cozy eating chocolates then making small talk with sally in the boozer who is slurring spitting and not making any sense with horrid wine breath!! Fake laughing at all the shit jokes she’s making!! Because let’s be honest no one is funny after a few too many!! Especially if you’re sober.
I think there could possibly be a link @BoilingHotand50something I’ve heard a lot of sober people say they didn’t realise how introverted they was until they gave up the booze!! Interesting I actually don’t want to go to the pub anymore never thought I’d say that

Also @BoilingHotand50something massive well done on 385 days!! What an achievement that’s amazing I can only hope and pray to catch up with you and it shows us all we can achieve the same 😊

I definitely found alcohol in my teens and loved how it gave me the confidence to break the ice and socialise. I was very much life and soul of the party. I think being sober and menopausal means I have simply no inclination to socialise with people I don’t really like that much anymore!

@BoilingHotand50something absolutely!What a relief to not care so much.Massively impressed with 385 days and good to hear it gets easier.Do you still have to work on not drinking or does the idea of drinking not appeal at all now?

@growinguptobreakingdown it doesn’t really appeal any more if I am honest. A couple of times maybe I have thought about it. And I was a daily wine drinker pretty much.

think being sober and menopausal means I have simply no inclination to socialise with people I don’t really like that much anymore!
Amen.

I have a challenge on Friday night. Been invited out and want to go for the break but I’m vulnerable to drinking given how up and down my emotions have been. On the positives, I’ve been to this venue before and not drank so that helps. I’ve also checked out my dry app and it will be day 60 and I feel strangely desperate to hit that. That’ll be a PB since having kids.

Just seen on the news it’ll be time to plant bulbs soon. My snowdrops tanked this year. Might dig deep and plant a whole flowerbed this time 🌷

Hi all, my phone decided to forget all passwords so I couldn't get into anything, including here.
I did unfortunately cave last night. I feel bloody awful. I've not worked to the best of my ability, or even close, these last couple of weeks. I was pulled for this on Monday. Felt disappointed in myself, have a terrible cold and been a ball of anxiety and stress.
I was flooded with regret as soon as I had the last glass, went to bed so upset, it didn't make me feel better. I felt worse.
I set out to moderate myself. Keep to the recommended units, just now and again, no drinking on a school night.
I'm trying to push through that feeling and cling onto the determination I felt before. Funnily enough the last few days had been great, so I had no excuse for last night.

Hey,

Massive well done @BoilingHotand50something on 385 days, that is incredible. Not thinking about wine feels like the dream!

And 1 week @growinguptobreakingdown hooray - that's a real achievement right there to build upon. Well done!

Sorry to hear you're not feeling great @CoffeeLover90, it had sounded like pressure was building for you, and it sucks not feeling well too. This is just more evidence in your dossier that alcohol simply isn't all that. Hope you feel okay soon.

@AFmammaG 60 days would be such an achievement wouldn't it. I guess the question is, do you want to drink? And if so, why? What would it bring to your evening/weekend?

I'm not sure if I'm an introvert or not. Til last year I would have said, extrovert, no question. At the moment, I'm not sure. I just want to cocoon. Quietly read and listen to podcasts. Generally be left alone haha! I haven't really had many outside temptations to drink because I haven't socialised in the evenings. But I know I will have to and I am dreading it. Dreading xmas, etc.
I definitely used alcohol to switch me on and be the party animal. I remember the first time I got drunk at age 13 it felt as all my cares drifted away, I fitted in, it was the beginning of a toxic love affair really.

Actually that's what quitting booze is like really. A toxic relationship that just doesn't work any more. The bad outweighs the good and it's dragging you down. Deep down you still love it and desire it, but you have to think of the bigger picture and remember all that bad times. Know it will never change and actually probably only get worse. You have to put time and distance between you.

How's everyone doing? x

Morning all 😊
haha @BoilingHotand50something i don’t want to see anyone in general 😂 just the ones I live with!!
@AFmammaG you love a challenge!! 😆 you know you can do this you’ve already proved this!! I know you have what it takes to get to 60 days!! Come on we’ve got you!! Definitely still go as be good to have a break just don’t tell yourself you can't turn up order your AF option then you’ll see after about 30 mins it doesn’t matter whats in the glass!! But what will matter is waking up the next day having had a break and no nasty hangover!! I know it’s been really tough for you but honestly escaping through drinking is very short term it won’t change anything will just make you forget for 5 mins!! And then be worse the next day!!
@CoffeeLover90 don’t be to hard on yourself you’ve had plenty of dry days and your not sure if you want alcohol completely removed from your life, but what you will realise is that it’s pointless it won’t add anything to your life. Hope you feel better later on take care of you.
my sleep has really improved so that definitely helps me as I’m to scared to even consider drinking I don’t want to go backwards now kinda looking for the benefits of giving up drink and not feeling like I’m missing out on anything!!
some good advice there @Steppered it never changes don’t be tricked into thinking you’ve fixed it or you can moderate because you end up exactly at the beginning I’ve done it so many times!!

I'm really tired today and don't know if it's illness or from drink. Although I'm sure it hasn't helped.
Work wise I'm doing better. Had a kick up the backside.

A toxic relationship sounds about right. I’ve had my fair share of those. Just takes a little while for me to realise.

I’m also not sure about being an introvert… although I do just want to be left alone but I think that comes with the territory of young kids. I absolutely enjoy my own company!

Sorry to read your update @CoffeeLover90, only because it’s left you feeling low. Take some time to lick your wounds and recover. We aren’t perfect and this journey can be bumpy.

So much of this is a mental battle isn’t it? I know I don’t want to drink tomorrow night, so why am I obsessing about it? Keep doing the internal debate in my head. I thought I would be through this by now. I’m still yearning for the peaceful period when this struggle isn’t so great. When it’s easy. Just got to keep focussing on what I want. Reminding myself why I want it. Trying to stay strong.

How is everyone else doing?

@AFmammaG I hope whatever happens you'll be happy with the decision. You've come so far but I know that thought of if you do it once you'll be back in that hole.
I'm feeling much better today. With some time to think, I didn't enjoy the drinks with friends a couple of weeks ago. That was mostly due to the atmosphere but it made me realise alcohol is not all it's cracked up to be, as it didn't make the night any better.
I didn't enjoy Tuesday either. It didn't make me feel better, it was pointless and a waste of money. It then meant yesterday I was tired, snacking too much and depressed.
I'm actually looking forward to sober October. I can't believe I said that.

Morning all
i know how you feel @AFmammaG this is why I can’t moderate takes all of that debating in my head away!! The answer is a firm no!! Not to say I won’t be tempted or get cravings but I don’t have to worry about what I’m drinking or how many anymore I’ve taken it off the menu no more toying with it.
The only way I can keep going is to know it’s no good for me it makes me depressed gives me anxiety why would we want to feel like that when we’ve worked so hard. I personally feel a lot more better in myself now than I have in a long time, yes I can’t escape now so I do cry a lot and may be sad sometimes but the good days are really good now and that’s enough for me. You have to do what’s right for you but I honestly don’t think we want the alcohol it’s the feeling of escaping that we miss and that’s what is hard!!
you can do this my lovely 😊 stay strong don’t let your mind play tricks on you it will look for any excuse to pick up a drink

Great post @CoffeeLover90 its good to hear the negatives helps us all remember why we are doing this!!
and also has shown you that alcohol is not so great after all!!

Glad you're feeling better today @CoffeeLover90 . I know what you mean about being fed up of alcohol and being ready for the break - it's great because it means you'll go into October with a great mindset.

@Chance21 I feel exactly the same about moderating. Now I have said NO MORE, it just isn't an option. And I'm glad for that because I absolutely would have cracked by now and be back into the same old dark routine. I'm glad you're doing so well!

@AFmammaG have you considered committing to - eg - sober September; 60 days; 100 days ... ? To give yourself both a goal and also get rid of the moderation temptation?

How's everyone doing?

I am 6 weeks sober. I'm pretty up and down but I do have quite a few issues to work through which always have the audacity to re-surface when I stop drinking. I think I need to strap in for a rough ride but I'm curious to get to the other side. I haven't socialised around alcohol so I am feeling very anxious about that.

@Steppered I'm waiting until I'm stronger before I socialise around drinkers. October and November are great excuses as I like to hibernate anyways.
Then I'll take it from there. I did enjoy it previously but given I got myself into a mess this last year, I am seeing it differently.

Thank you, right back at you @Steppered I have horrible emotions that start to come up when I stop drinking also it’s tough!! And I’m pretty sure it made me go back to booze but like you I will need to face these now as I have no where to escape now.
I think I’m ready this time I need to forgive some people my mother included and then I need to forgive myself for not knowing any better and making mistakes along the away etc lots to unpack.
will be interesting to see what the other side has but I’m pretty sure all will be ok 😊
the past couple of social events I’ve been to I literally hated!! Couldn’t wait to get home if it doesn’t involve getting food I probably won’t go I didn’t enjoy the company once they was a few drinks down there is no decent conversation to be had!!.
that’s a good idea @CoffeeLover90 and yes you’re right perfect time to just stay at home get Cosy and re watch stranger things!! 😊 sober October here we come 👍🏻

Thank you guys. @Steppered the reason I haven’t set a goal this time is because I got tired of failing. I just couldn’t see that far ahead. I’ve surprised myself by getting this far the sober clubbing was a step too far.

Thanks for the advice @Chance21, since I’ve stopped this time I had this moment with the kids where I felt truly happy and it hit me so hard. Like, this is what happiness feels like. It’s been so long since I felt it so deeply. As you said the emotions come thick and fast at the moment but I feel like I’d do anything for more of that feeling. I think the sober diaries called it the pink cloud? That clarity. It’s pure and rare and it was so real it bought a tear to my eye. Sad that I’ve spent so long in this drinking fog but happy that I might just have managed to drag myself back out.

So I know the right decision for tomorrow night. I just have to order that first dry drink and I’ll be ok.

I think I have been hibernating @CoffeeLover90 but I can't do it forever. I have a family occasion coming up soon and then a work conference. I have people at both of those who know I have stopped drinking so there's no pressure from others, only my own fears and feelings to deal with (which is plenty haha). I wish we could do a #browniesnotbeer social, I think I could cope with that!

The feelings are so overwhelming aren't they @Chance21 and you just feel so raw. The brain does strange things doesn't it. We are technically in control of our thoughts and feelings but it isn't that easy to just snap out of it. Forgiveness is a hard one too ... you get to a point where you think, right I just want to move past all this, but it has a habit of coming back and smacking you til you deal with it "properly", whatever that is!

That's fair enough @AFmammaG you've got to do it the way that works for you 100%. I was pink clouding last Tuesday and it was beautiful, I really want more of it too.

That’s beautiful @AFmammaG so happy you had that moment with your children how lovely good days happen 😊 wouldn’t it be great to stay on the pink clouds!!
no judgement here but that sounds like a great plan!!
I love hibernating!! Wish I could do it forever 😂😂 but that’s not realistic we can’t hide we have to get out and face all these challenges and even tests!! Like my mum putting Prosecco in my fridge she opened it thank the lord and I tipped the rest away when she left that is to close to home for me I obsessed over that bottle!! Even though I didn’t want to drink. Your right @Steppered until we put these things to bed they will keep showing themselves in different ways wether that be drinking,eating,shopping etc need to deal with them and move on some how!!