Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

@AFmammaG sorry to hear all that, I can't be much help as I don't have the experience to. Would he be open to counselling? Although you've spoken to him have you explained what his attitude is actually doing to you and the kids? The thing is when you're in it, you don't always notice how it effects those around you because you're so focused on yourself -not a criticism of him, I just know there's a lot of times I've done/said something and not realised until after.
Shouting is not a way to convince someone to listen. They're just going to switch off.

I fell asleep not long after I posted. It's been a long week.

No problem @AFmammaG I hope things improve for you stay strong keep your head up remember you’re doing a fantastic job all round take some time for you to just breathe it’s tough and you’ve got everything else going on also your one person you can’t do it all make sure you have something left in the cup for you 😊

Some good advice on here @AFmammaG .Difference in parenting styles is really difficult to navigate as a couple. Relationship counselling is really helpful for this but obviously only if you both want to engage and be open.Well done for not reaching for the wine as it sounds really hard.

I'm currently watching Race around the World after an autumny dog walk.Went out for a meal last night and had a seedlip and sparkling water.I drove so no temptation which was definitely on offer. 2 of the group had champagne then the wine flight which I would have normally had.It's about 7 smallish glasses of wine.So glad I didn't have it.It was interesting watching the ritual of the sommelier explaining and presenting each glass....can you imagine if they did that with drugs? It's so wierd to watch when you are seeing alcohol differently. Third person chose not to drink when they heard I wasn't which i remember happening a lot when I last stopped.Had a good night and was able to remember everything AND not wake up with an injury which is a result.

Glad you had a good evening @growinguptobreakingdown great to hear well done!! I love that I can drive myself now when I go out. Oh dear did the waiter not mention the headache anxiety depression it gives as he was pouring!! 😂😂 crazy isn’t it alcohol is so socially acceptable only when you start looking into the science that you realise we probably should not have ever been drinking!! But it’s big bucks so they don’t tell us everything we need to know they just stick drink in moderation on the bottle and away we go!!

Had family visiting today, hence my silence. Hope everyone doing OK @AFmammaG especially, hope today has been better.

I've had a sciatica flare up so I'm in for a terrible sleep. I did plan on upping my exercise, at least 7.5k steps a day with some weight exercises in-between.
Diet's been a little better this last week, apart from Friday when I ordered a pizza and yesterday when I got me and little one a McDonald's. He's had a better time going into school. I drew hearts on one arms and said he should rub it if he missed me or felt scared. Friday afternoon he announced he had not touched his heart as it had been a good day.

Friday afternoon he announced he had not touched his heart as it had been a good day
How lovely ❤️

I’m sulking. People drinking at lunch made me feel a bit down. I know it’s Sunday. I know people will seek out any excuse but it still was a bit unexpected and has left me feeling down. No treadmill for me tonight. Cheese on toast and then bed. I’ve had enough!

@AFmammaG I feel you there! Last night facebook was flooded with photos of people clutching a glass of something, I just stopped scrolling. But I did feel jealous. I wish I was normal again, I am moderating but I fight myself not to touch it every weekend, just incase I end up back to where I was.

I am the tougher one in my relationship (with the kids). DH often tells me to calm it down, and when I do (take my anxiety meds) the house seems so much better. I too am not very open to perceived criticism of my parenting style, but what I’ve noticed is that us hardnoses are that way because we feel powerless in other aspects of our lives.

It may seem easier to do 90% of the parenting, but kids need both inputs. You have to have a united front, even if you don’t agree with him on everything. Try to support him and bring it to him in private. (Obviously this doesn’t apply to abusive or dangerous situations.)

Having a very hard time on the weekends myself. Last weekend DH bank almost 30 beers in 3 days. This Friday I specifically asked him to not drink all weekend, and he just hid it from me. Well, he took our middle child to the park and when we got there he had purchased MORE beers, and was drinking them at the park. “Tall boys” as they’re called.

I was trying to make light of it (my stupid “fawn” response when I’m stressed), and joked around with him. But then I saw his eyes and the long drunken blink that we all do, and asked him if he was drunk. He said, “Well I’m not going to XYZ (embarrassing thing I did the last time I drank and a huge reason I quit) if that’s what you mean.”

I just said “Wow” and went to my room without making him a plate of dinner like he had asked me. He tried to kiss me goodnight and I turned my head and said “no thanks”. I said “that was really rude what you said” and he started to make some retort but must’ve thought better and stopped himself.

Can’t wait to bring this up in couples therapy. He is such a fucking ass sometimes, but only when he drinks. And only when I am sober am I just so annoyed by him and his drinking.

30 beers in 3 days is a lot @SadMama87, he must have been wrecked on day 4. Sorry to hear you are also having problems but it’s really interesting to hear from the ‘harder’ side of parenting. I fully take on board what you’ve said.

I don’t think couples therapy is for us. DH wouldn’t agree to go unless it was in an ultimatum and to be honest if it’s getting to the point where I have to threaten him, I think I’d rather just separate.

Hopefully it won’t come to that.

Monday morning. My favourite day of the week 😁 I was rewarded with a good sleep last night and I’m feeling more positive today. 4 weeks until half term, I might try and use that to have a renewed go at everything. Eating better, keeping up the exercise, lots of sleep and self care. We can do this!

@AFmammaG you’d rather separate than speak up about your needs for therapy (to have a healthier relationship)? Is that how you would approach any other relationship issue outside of marriage? Why don’t you feel comfortable expressing your healthy desires?

I have gave him the therapy ultimatum several times. I said “the way things are is not working for me. I know you love me and are not trying to hurt me, but the way we are in relationship now IS hurting me. It needs to change. Are you willing to go to therapy with me to make something new?”

Stand up for yourself. It’s okay to need new healthier things. If he is still unwilling after that, well, at least you gave him a chance to grow with you. Sometimes we need a fire under our ass to realize that we would do ANYTHING to keep our family together.

I don’t think ultimatums are very healthy. If he didn’t want to go to therapy and I did I would accept his choice. I’ve done therapy alone before, I didn’t find it particularly helpful but acknowledge I didn’t gel with the counsellor.

I’m not a stay together at all costs sort of person, probably because I’ve had really bad relationships before so know that for me, sometimes walking away is better then investing everything I have into it.

Ooh we've had a busy few days on the thread!

I am in zero position to give parenting advice at the moment so I'll keep out of that. I love the drawing a heart idea so thank you for that tip. Anything to keep the peace in the mornings here.

It's a struggle. I don't want to drink but seriously, all this feeling my feelings thing is very raw and painful and I actually spent most of Saturday crying which isn't me at all. I'm thinking, it's part of the process.... isn't it?

What a miserable wet day. Suits me at the moment because I feel like cocooning. Wish it would jog on for the school run though. How can it rain so much?!

@Steppered I think it is part of the process. I almost cried with frustration because I couldn’t get an app to work on my phone earlier. Hardly a big deal but my feelings are much more… intense right now.
I think before I was a bit numb. Drifting through life. Thinking about drinking or being hungover. Those thoughts have faded now and I guess there’s a gap to fill.
The good news is, I had a word with myself and managed to snap out of it fairly quickly. I am getting better at acknowledging my feelings. I am getting better at managing them. I managed to turn it around earlier. Have a bit of a laugh at myself and move on. I didn’t press the fuck it button. I didn’t stuff my face. I laughed 💪

@Steppered I was an emotional wreck the first few days, I also had a short fuse. It's raining here too, a lot. It started when I was walking back from school and hasn't stopped.
I do love rainy nights though, I find it quite relaxing. So have planned to have a tikka masala, burn some candles, curl up under a blanket and watch a film (not twilight) once little one is in bed.

What is the difference between a boundary and an ultimatum? I said “ultimatum” but really I made a boundary. The boundary was “I need to be in a healthy fulfilling relationship, and a way to do that is therapy. If you are unwilling to do therapy with me, that is fine, but I cannot continue the relationship as it is.”

Ultimatums are demands of another person, a boundary is a need expressed and a clear consequence of choosing not to meet that need.

Maybe someone more mentally fit can chime in for me 😂, I am so new to boundaries they very much feel like ultimatums!! I have pushed down my own needs for so long that it feels icky to express them and selfish to have them. But I know that isn’t true. I am deserving of healthy, fulfilling relationships, and free to walk away from the ones that aren’t.

I’m with you on having been burned before and the urge to not give my all. I haven’t reached that point yet but I am approaching it. I made a promise to myself that I would give the relationship a year and a half and if he was still not able to self reflect and meet my needs I would end the relationship.

Yeah definitely not in a position to give advice either, but sometimes it’s easier to see things from a removed perspective, and I’m grateful to have it especially if I ask.

Numbing out is the only part of drinking that worked for me. Sucks that it also shut off parts of my brain I needed to be healthy!! So yeah, it is raw. It’s an exposed nerve that we have to now deal with. That we GET to address and heal. Some people wander through life never realizing their own power and here we are taking back ours. It’s beautiful.

Send some rain our way, could you? I love rainy days.

I went to bed at 815pm to stop myself from eating.Honestly sometimes I think I have a drink because I'm craving sugar. I'm allowing myself to eat what I want for a bit but I'll need to get a grip of my sugar addiction at some point.Just not right now.Have absolutely no desire to drink yet thankfully. I honestly still feel rubbish from my Tuesday night bender. Feel sluggish , heavy , a little bit low, still slightly ashamed and definitely bruised. So I'm hibernating - in a good way. I've cancelled my evening yoga/pilates for this week and I'm leaning into it.Book, bed, water, sleep.If only I didn't have to go to work.

One day at a time @growinguptobreakingdown. Your body is in the recovery phase so lots of sleep is a good thing. I hear you about the sugar cravings. It’s tricky because some people say you can’t tackle everything at once but then you don’t want to replace one bad habit with another.

My problem is if I let myself eat what I wanted every time I have a day 1 I’d have a serious weight issue. I’m a bit further down the road now and this time I did manage not to go crazy with the sugar. It’s hard though.

Early night with a book seems to be working well for me.

I hear you on the sugar cravings ladies. Chocolate and ice cream are my friends right now and I'm parking that as a tomorrow problem.

Day 40 for me today and I'm still feeling very raw, low and tearful. Issues with the DC really not helping and am not handling things particularly well. I feel utterly drained and life feels like a joyless slog.

Hope you're all doing okay x

Morning all 😊
yes definitely sugar cravings all round will find healthy options my daughter introduced me to frozen fruit covered in chocolate not sure what they are called you can get them in Tescos or Sainsbury’s not to bad on the calorie’s!!
sorry to hear some of you are not having a great time atm!! It’s all swings and round abouts I go through phases of being really happy or sad nothing in between but the bad times will pass we need to focus on the positives even when they’re hard to find.
Day 31 for me my sleep has finally improved so I’m over the moon with just that!! And I haven’t had any anxiety or shameful moments!! Also realised I am definitely introverted and prefer my own company 😂 small talk is boring me to death atm maybe I never really knew myself!! Crazy isn’t it I guess it’s a rediscovery of myself 😊

Awesome on 31 days @Chance21 !!! That’s incredible!! I hate small talk also. And definitely in the introvert category, though I’ve learned to harness the power of humor and love making people laugh. Can’t do that alone!!

Day 16 for me!! Going to get my blood pressure checked and I hope it’s a bit better. If it is my NP may drop my meds down a bit. Wish me luck!! I don’t want to be on meds for the rest of my life.

Starting my new job next week, and it’s a bit physical (plus I’ll be away from the fridge for 10+ hours a day 🤣) so hoping to lose a bit more weight and get the sugar cravings under control.

This weekend I made two banana breads, and an apple crumble that I served with ice cream on top. It was delicious!! One of the banana breads went to my mother in law’s. That’s how I’m doing with the sweets 🥴.

Thank you @SadMama87 well done to you also 16 days is brilliant work it’s tough in the beginning.
haha no don’t suppose you can mind you I do laugh a lot at my own jokes I’m very dry!! 😂
also I have a face of many expressions which I can’t seem to hide 🤦🏻‍♀️
good luck with the meds!! And your new job!! Something to look forward too 😊 and yes always helps being away from the kitchen in general 😂 although your treats sound very tasty really fancy apple crumble now!!
also well done @Steppered on 40 days you should feel proud I’m proud of you!! 😊 I hope you start to feel better I was really sad and tearful last week but it does pass, keep your head up!! You’re doing amazing