Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

That sounds like a great plan for September @CoffeeLover90.

I have to admit the school holidays are wearing me down. Was just in the supermarket and saw a mum I know doing her back to school shopping. I spied wine in her basket and massively related.

I came home and had frozen berries in a pint of squash (thanks for the frozen fruit recommendation). This other mum looked rough. I felt like asking if she was ok, but she had her kids, I had lost one of mine and I’m not sure she would have appreciated it, however well intentioned. When I was drinking last summer I just wanted to hide from the world.

About to take my youngest for a run round the park. Have spent too much time on devices today 🫣

I’m off out for dinner tonight with friends. I think most will be drinking. I did consider cancelling but I haven’t seen them in ages and this may be my last chance this year.

Have checked the menu and know what AF I’m going to drink so I hope I’ll be ok. Busy day tomorrow, so that’s one reason to stay dry. As is day 23 of August. They have chocolate brownie for desert so will make sure I order that!

Have a great day everyone.

You can do it!! @AFmammaG your tomorrow will thank you for it, and good for you for not cancelling these are all challenges that make us stronger you’ll have more meaningful conversations without the drink.
I used to save my calories for alcohol but now I will definitely be having a dessert every time!! 😊 enjoy your evening you’ve got this 👍🏻

Saving calories for desert instead of drink gives a new meaning to #browniesnotbeer 😂
We'll not get up to much today, the heavy rain has returned.

That's a great idea to take up a healthy/active challenge of sorts @CoffeeLover90.. I might have a think/look around for some inspiration too.

I don't have kids, not sure I ever will now, but I have to say I have so much respect for all the mothers out there. I'm sure it's gruelling at times, a relentless demand. Must be hard looking after yourself when they're a certain age.

I'm also debating if I go out this weekend. My friend wants me to go to a big campout birthday bash. Trying to decide if a) I can be bothered 2) could I stay dry. I know I would want to drink. Mulling it over.

So happy I did another day dry yesterday too!

Morning everyone.

good luck tonight @AFmammaG, good idea to have thought through what AF drink you’ll have in advance.

Day 9 for me today and starting to feel the benefits of AF including better sleep. Although I still wake in the night, I now go quickly back to sleep rather than waking at 4am and tossing and turning for an hour. Also had a lovely evening with my DD just being present with her watching rubbish TV together and chatting about her boyfriend.

still not sure of approach I’ll take at tomorrows wedding but very sure that not drinking long-term is best for me.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Eeek new thread! Thank you so much!

This is the thread where I kick alcohol from my life permanently.
Day 8.
Off on holiday tomorrow to a very famous wine producing region HAHAHA but I am determined to do this holiday sober because if I have that under my belt, it will be a huge win but also smash so many pre-held beliefs. Not saying it will be easy the entire time but I so want this for me and my family.

I tend not to check my phone much on holiday. But then again I tend to drink a truck loads on holiday. So maybe I will make more effort to check in to the thread!

Hope you all have a good weekend.
Good luck with those weddings & festivals.

This is the thread where I kick alcohol from my life permanently
@Steppered this is what I want too. Also sending strength to everyone out and about this weekend 💪

It sure does 😂 @CoffeeLover90 chocolate brownies are the way forward!! Was raining here this morning but sun has appeared so going to get my steps in this afternoon.
@dontlookbackinangerr it’s so hard going to social events the pressure is real and some ppl just won’t understand if we decline or declare we won’t be drinking. I think maybe go for a bit and then make an early exit before everyone starts to make no sense!! I hope you make the right decision for you I know how tough it is.
well done @Limeandsoda2023 you’re doing amazing great to hear you had a lovely evening with your daughter I’m sure she loved that also.
I hope all goes well tomorrow and just remember no one ever woke up and regrets not drinking!!
you can do this 😊👍🏻
well done @Steppered amazing to hear!!
you can do this!! You will feel amazing waking up fresh full of life and be fully present making the best memories what an achievement you will be bringing home with you. I have faith in you, I believe you can get through it moment by moment checking in would be most beneficial even just to read and not post.
I hope you have a great holiday!! Here’s to another AF weekend in the bag!! 😊 power to you all

Good luck tonight @AFmammaG
Will you tell your friends that you’re not drinking or just order AF?

I went out last week with friends but drove so there was no pressure to have a drink. Another friend was on antibiotics and didn’t either - she is also a big drinker at home so maybe she was making excuses and is cutting down too! .
I’ve had a stressful week, I’d normally be thinking of the wine already at this stage of the day, planning my bottle with my food for the weekend 😂 burger and beer, steak and Rioja etc.
@Steppered that sounds like it will be tough but you sound determined! Think of waking up fresh and energised - harness that and go for a lovely walk and have a coffee watching the world go by without feeling shame or guilt for overdoing it. You can do this 💪
I’m day 13, the monkey in my shoulder is saying.. have a drink, you’ve had a stressful week, you deserve it… but I will not. I am committing myself to enjoying the evening without alcohol in my system. Happy Friday 💗

@CoffeeLover90 what a fab challenge, something to focus on. Do you have nice areas to walk where you are? I’m lucky in that I have 2 beaches nearby. Walking is soothing for the soul. And brownies!

We have some parks, a nature reserve a little walk away and school runs are on foot too. School run alone covers around 1.5 miles in total per day so an average of just over 2 miles a day won't be too challenging. Gives me an excuse to get out for a bit at the weekends.
£35 already raised but it's more about completing it than the amount, for me anyway.

Thanks ladies for the support. Hope everyone has a peaceful weekend. Looks like we are getting some nice warm sunshine next week.

I’m home and I’m dry. I didn’t feel tempted tonight, which is good. I think I’m so focused on this August goal right now that it would take something big/bad to fall off course now.

Chocolate brownie for pudding but got home and brushed my teeth straight away so couldn’t eat or drink anything else. Have done all my self care and feeling pretty pleased with myself.

@Cantdoitalll no, I didn’t mention anything, the good thing about trying to stop drinking for a year means they are used to me either drinking nothing or getting shitfaced. I have pretty little in between… I think they just accept me now as having these 2 gears. I don’t know if they talk about it when I’m not around 😬 we certainly talk about one of the other big drinkers. Except she doesn’t ever have a dry day, which I know is a bit concerning but she insists she is fine.

In the last year I’ve drank maybe 25% of the times I see them, so drastically cut down. There were a few raised eyebrows at first but I think now they may have realised that I can’t have a couple and be happy. In a way it’s strange that no one has mentioned it to me but to be honest, I’m glad. I don’t want them analysing my drinking habits!

On way to wedding. Won't be home until 11pm, it's a long drive.
Trousers are very tight. Button likely to ping off during ceremony.

Hello everyone. I’ve just come across this thread (and the past couple) whilst on the hunt for alcohol free inspiration. I’ve been mainly alcohol free since November 2023. The constant support and encouragement that you’ve all consistently shown for each other over the past year is really lovely. I just wanted to come and and say hi 👋🏻

Hi everyone,
I’ve been quietly reading away for a while and making preparations as I really need to reduce or stop drinking altogether. It’s edged up little by little until I’m not having any AF days in the week. It’s a recent issue (the last few months particularly) so I’m hoping I can do this. I need to.

Have got some tasty AF options in the house, planning on cooking a nice dinner tonight and doing some gentle exercise before bed.

Well done on the AF win @AFmammaG that's brilliant!

Hello newbies, you are super welcome here.

We have arrived in wine country and I've had a bit of a meltdown. Been up since 3am. Supermarket was rubbish and it sounds silly but I was so looking forward to a lovely potter and stock up of nice food and AF drinks. And I'm disappointed. Weather isn't great and our accommodation is a bit lacking. Finally it's hit me that I can't just crumble and drink, I am feeling very sorry for myself like there's something wrong with me and I'm defective and ruining the holiday. I know, I'm having all or nothing thinking. I've had a cry and chat to DH. I'll feel better tomorrow, I really want to have a good week. I think it's OK to grieve alcohol? As long as I don't go back to it (which I'm terrified in a few months I'll get that moderation voice back). I can't keep going round like this and wasting so much head space on alcohol arghhhh.

🌟@AFmammaG amazing! Hope you had a great night!!
welcome @ThisIsMeTryingNow we are here to help and support you in any way we can. One day at a time, hour by hour when the going gets tough.
well done @MrsCrocombesJellyMould on your AF achievement, any wise words please let us know.

So…. Confession time! I had a glass of wine last night. My resolve was weak, and I caved when I saw the bottle on the kitchen unit. It made me feel really woozy headed and tired. To be honest, I’m not feeling too guilty. I could have had the whole bottle. I’m not back to 0 though - I can’t remember who it was on the other thread but they did it like this:
day 12 + 1
there were always going to be bumps in the road.

@Steppered that sounds incredibly hard, maybe tomorrow you’ll feel better and relax into it. We seem to all have the same issue with moderation. Glad to hear that you can talk to your DH about it x

A couple of years ago when I was first starting to do 90 days without booze I came across this transcript of a podcast where Grace Dent was talking about becoming sober and this bit really stuck with me:

www.anniemacmanus.com/changes-podcast/grace-dent

“And I had absolutely wanted to live a more sober or a sober lifestyle for years. You know, I remember in my thirties saying I just don't want to lose days of my life anymore. I drank in a very acceptable British way, which means all the time, everywhere, you know. And then I moved into working in food, which means everywhere I go, I'm like, 'oh, Miss Grace Dent is in, send her a bottle of bolly'. And when my mother was dying, I was definitely doing that thing where I just have a glass of wine on a night, and have two, you know. And then obviously after she died, I was like, God, you know, I'm sick of having like, gin and tonics on a night. I just want to get away from it. And people were like, oh well come on, you're in grief, that's okay, it's acceptable. It's like it's another level. And then in the end, I just thought, I just want to be free. And when I say that's it, I want to be free because we're so trapped in alcohol in the British society, we're so trapped. It is like, more acceptable to say to your friends that you had a massive weekend and you were out on a 48 hour bender after a wedding, than to go, I'm not drinking on Tuesday night, so I'll come and I'll come down to see you, but I'll have a coffee..”.

The “I just want to be free” part is so true for me, because when I’m drinking I spend SO much time and energy thinking about it (should I get a bottle?), planning it (I’ll get a mini bottle to have before my partner comes home so he wont know I’ve started drinking, then I’ll get a big bottle to have after, should I have a G&T, will I be able to stop, what if I run out, should `i order two bottles etc), feeling rubbish from it (rarely full blown hangovers but always turbo anxiety, a very short fuse and what what I can only describe as a fog over everything that clears when I’m not drinking) and trying to stop and all the associated negative feelings.

I’m at the point now where I don’t actually want to drink because I know how much better I feel without it and how much simpler not drinking makes my life. But I also don’t want to commit to never drinking again and I’m trying to figure out why exactly that is. Why am I leaving the door open for myself to have an endless struggle with moderation? It seems to be something that so many of us are finding really, really difficult.

I also really liked Grace Dent’s Guardian article last year about alcohol free Christmas.

Any quit lit recs will be gratefully received, reading really helps me to stay focused. I’ve only The Unexpected Joy of being Sober and am part way through Quit Like a Woman, but that one hasn’t grabbed me so much.

Hope you enjoy the wedding @CoffeeLover90. I find “enjoy” is a very subjective term. Would I have more “fun” drinking? I convince myself yes. Do I really? I actually think I do. It’s everything else that goes with the alcohol that isn’t. I have to admit I find dry social events quite dull. I think it’s ok to admit that. More so when others are drinking and I’m not. I guess the lack of excitement is worth it, otherwise I wouldn’t want to stop (and I definitely do).

Sorry to hear about the first day of your holiday @Steppered. I totally get the disappointment with the food and AF options. I did an AF week abroad at an all inclusive resort and spent a fair amount of it feeling sorry for myself. Silly isn’t it? Hopefully I’m through that resentment and anger phase and into the new way of living phase. So much of this is physiological. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Welcome newbies! Great to have you onboard. I like to think there are people reading and following the journey and they might be benefiting from our ups and downs. @MrsCrocombesJellyMould I’ve just finished Matthew Perry’s book and found it really thought provoking. We had a few chats about it on here. Have you thought about any books written by celebs? The Matt Willis documentary had us talking for ages too. I love how opinion is so divided by their experiences. I find it really interesting.

@Cantdoitalll absolutely those 12 days still count. 1 glass of wine in 13 days is a win in anyone’s book. Jump straight back on, we are here with you!

Hi @ThisIsMeTryingNow have you got any goals in mind? I really find my success rate is higher when I have something to focus on.

@Cantdoitalll one glass, that you didn't enjoy, I wouldn't even count that if I was you. You've done brilliant.

Wedding was great. My DS was one of 15 children aged between 3 and 12. There was around 100 at the reception and majority were drinking, there were another two people there not drinking. I know the woman vaguely, she wasn't as she was driving home and her husband wasn't as he was on antibiotics. We ended up spending a lot of time with the kids 😂
At the time speeches were being made everyone over 18 - and a friends 16 year old son at our table- was handed a glass of proseco to raise a toast. I hate proseco. I lifted it to my lips, didn’t sip it, couldn't stand the smell and just left it on the table. What a waste.
It was only a small bottle of juice with the meal. Expensive too, I was told it had been £40 a head. I didn't like the juice, it was definitely concentrate.
Anyway I got a coffee at the bar. Glorious. So kept topped up with those. Stupid idea. Left at 9pm, I'm wired in the back of the car. Kids fell asleep. Got back around 11.30, quickly changed drowsy DS and put to bed. I tidied up and crashed. On the sofa, the uncomfortable sofa.
So here I am, still AF, no hangover but a very stiff neck.
Never again.