Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

i know someone who joined an online AA group - in America- the timings worked for her working hours and she finds the people interesting so has kept it up.

Sorry the GP wasn’t more help. But well done on taking the first step and saying it out loud.

What sort of levels are you drinking? I was having a bottle of wine per day and stopped with no physical issues but did feel twitchy and nervous for a few days and then it slowly lifted. I know it’s different for everyone though.
I’m by no means a sunny and positive person now but I do feel much more balanced and calm.

I hope your DP can give you some support and discuss some of the issues with you, also help with distraction in the evenings/trigger points in the day when you would normally want a drink. I’ve found that changing up my routine has really helped, I always wanted a drink when starting to prep dinner so now I prep it in the morning and will often go out for a walk when I feel the temptation rising. I’m also exercising which has been transformational. Nothing crazy just some conditioning/body weight YouTube things and yoga. I think that alone has really helped the anxiety.

I hope today was better. One step at a time.

I’ve surpassed my previous best AF stretch. I’m at 36 days.

I did fancy wine last night but didn’t have any in and just let the feeling pass. I do find a certain boredom and a sense that something is missing in the evenings at weekends, I’ll need to think of something to do (previously been studying which helped).
I feel better and healthier and my mood is so much brighter, it’s like my capacity to cope with things has improved. I guess this is what they refer to as resilience!
I am at that stage now where I think about drinking again and moderating but I know that it’s almost impossible for me to do this. So I’ll keep on keeping on…
@Overthewater52 I hope you’re doing ok

@Cantdoitalll keep going, it gets better! I also went though the boredom phase and now I don’t feel bored in the evenings. I go to bed earlier and read, something I had given up.

I think it was around day 70 that I stopped feeling bored. Looking forward to hitting my 90 days next week. Can’t believe it. Dare I say it’s almost the new way of life for me now and I honestly, hand on heart, do not miss the wine.

The past month or so I’ve really focused hard on exercise and diet. I’ve lost all the weight I put on and I feel so lean! Gone are the bloated days! My face is no longer puffy. My clothes are more comfortable.

The benefits keep coming!

Oh well done on your weight loss and de bloat @AFmammaG I’ll bet you’re looking fabulous! I have lost some weight too but my bathroom scales are broken so not sure how much, but clothes feel looser.
And very Well done on getting to 90 days, that’s amazing! You’re almost on triple digits. I’ll hang on in there with the boredom, I’ve been so conditioned to have a glass of wine in my hand at the weekend that my brain is probably just catching up.. old habits are hard to break but it’s very doable.

I’m very grateful for the support on here, just to write my thoughts down is so cathartic.

I do not drink alcohol any more. And repeat.

*always wanted a drink when starting to prep dinner so now I prep it in the morning and will often go out for a walk when I feel the temptation rising. I’m also exercising which has been transformational. Nothing crazy just some conditioning/body weight YouTube things and yoga. I think that alone has really helped the anxiety.

I do not drink alcohol any more. And repeat.*

thank you for these quotes candoitall this is exactly what I do - cooking is so boring and then I drink and then it takes even longer!
well done everyone.
You are inspiring!

Cooking is so dull @Iamaf I used to enjoy it.. but now it’s a source of stress (no one agrees on what they want or various complaints when you’ve made an effort to make something nice!). Hence the wine!
I actually batch cook on Wednesdays and Saturday mornings now. On Sundays I use the slow cooker. I was up at 5.30 this morning doing stuff like vacuuming the sofa, pairing the socks and laundry before work…. Would never have happened in a million years before.
I have reflected a lot on my relationship with alcohol, it was my dependable friend always ready to take the edge off of anxiety. The truth is it made me a shell of myself and hide away. It stole my time and my vitality. I feel like an old part of me is bubbling up under the surface.

Day 41
I am out tonight but driving so no worries about being swayed. Looking forward to catching up with old friends and no hangover tomorrow!
I have lost 8lb since stopping alcohol - I’ve also cut sugar, this was a deliberate decision as when I’ve gone AF in the past I’ve replaced it with biscuits and chocolate. Herbal tea is my treat now 🤣

Morning all. I hit day 90 yesterday, it was an anticlimax. I know I can be honest here without judgement and I wish I could say everything is wonderful in every part of life without booze but sadly I’m not finding that at all right now.

Mother’s Day yesterday. No home made cards for me. Not done at school and DH didn’t bother think to get the kids to do me one. A box of chocolates that came in the weekly shop.

I’m not ungrateful, I know some Mother’s are not even acknowledged, I am just seeing things more clearly without the constant fuzz of drinking and hangover and it just feels like such a small effort. From all of them. I’m disappointed but do not feel like I can say anything for fear of rocking the boat.

DH and I are not the same. Without that commonality of enabling each other, the dynamic of the relationship has changed. Now when he’s chugging down the red wine I look at him differently. I feel hypocritical because I used to be the same but hand on heart I wish he had decided to quit too. It’s giving me the ick. The same with food. I’m working so hard on a healthy diet and thinking carefully about my food choices. Then I see him wolfing down course after course and it just makes me look at him differently.

I’m struggling. Not with not drinking, which is a blessing but with the consequences of sober living. The stark reality that can’t be drank away. The confrontation of issues I had buried for so long. They are there. Rumbling away in the background and they are getting harder to ignore.

I’m tagging @BoilingHotand50something as you have become my go to for sober life but if anyone reads this and thinks they have good advice, please reply. I could do with some words of wisdom.

I am here for you @AFmammaG and I hear you. I find myself very sneery about drinking and it’s impacting my relationships with everyone that drinks. It’s really hard. I actually wasn’t too bad to begin with but it has got worse over time and I now pity all the people I used to love a drink with. I am not sure what advice to give but just wanted to say you are not alone!

I think I am in a slightly different situation though as the issues I was burying with drink were not issues with my home life particularly, although it is far from perfect.

But huge well done. 90 days is huge. Do you miss it? Do you feel you will go back?

Thank you for replying @BoilingHotand50something. Instead of stuffing my face or doing something counter productive, I angrily cleaned the kitchen for the past hour and it’s now sparkling.

It is reassuring to hear you feel the same about watching people drinking. I’m only 90 days in but it’s massive for me. I don’t feel tempted. I don’t want it. I’ve realised how rotten it was making me feel and I have no desire to go back.

Can I tell you about something that happened recently? DS had an accident and needed to go to hospital for treatment. It wasn’t serious but the sort of injury that couldn’t wait. DH dropped me and DS off. Once we had been assessed and told we just needed to wait for treatment I called DH with an update and said we would get a taxi back home as I wasn’t sure how long the wait would be. His reply? “Great, I’ll have a wine then”.

Now the reason I feel like a hypocrite is because I get it. I would have done the same this time last year. But inside I felt disgusted. What happened if DS’s condition changed? What happened if he was seen and actually had to stay in? What about when we got home? I would be expected to do everything because let’s face it, DH meant a bottle not a glass. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always do everything and anything for my children but I felt so cross that DH didn’t stop and not drink that evening. Like the hold alcohol has is that strong but yet he doesn’t see anything wrong with his actions that night or his wider drinking.

This is just one example of a few I could offer up right now about why I’m unhappy. I could continue but I know moaning and whinging is not a productive solution, so I'm just going to keep doing what I’m doing. Focussing on me. Focussing on my sobriety. My diet. My success. My goals. Because at the end of the day I’m feeling quite alone. Quite unsupported. So I know I need to keep strong and the only way I can do that is by putting myself first.

It also crossed my mind yesterday whether the lack of cards and fuss was a bit of an attempt to take me down a peg or two. I would never have thought he was like that but I can’t explain the lack of effort. It’s out of character. And the rest of the day felt tense. Like he was hoping I would say something or complain so he could have a go. So I deliberately held my tongue because I didn’t want the day ruined.

Hmmm. It’s strange you say it as it was a bit tense here. I do think there is an element of bringing you down a peg or two and I think I almost recognise that as maybe a bit how I felt about non drinkers when I drank.

I also can totally understand how you felt about the hospital incident. And the worst thing is the hypocrisy but I just cannot help but look down on people that drink now. The good news for me is that it makes my resolve even stronger.

I’m trying so hard to channel my frustration into a positive outcome for me but I still feel like it’s a constant battle. It doesn’t come easy, especially when you live when someone who eats and drinks what they want. It feels like we are growing in different directions.

Hello everyone, I have been reading this thread in admiration of you all and I thought I’d finally add a post. I’m 31 days sober today and I think you’re all amazing

Like all of you I’m having to rethink my life. I haven’t told my friends and I’m going to have to make excuses when I start socialising again. After 31 days I’m actually sleeping a bit better and not waking with hideous anxiety

Welcome @Woollygreymittens and congratulations on your first month. I honestly believe the benefits of no alcohol far outweigh any night out or drunk feeling. I will never miss the crushing anxiety that comes after an evening of drinking 😭 keep going!

Thank you @AFmammaG yesterday someone imploded with road rage. It was my right of way on a narrow road (I have been driving on that route for years so I’m very familiar with it, there’s a giveaway sign and white lines) and I drove innocently ahead and she rammed her car at mine and boxed me in and started screaming at me. I hate any conflict and I felt upset all day. This would have been a definite trigger to open a bottle of wine but I didn’t. I didn’t sleep though either! Today is a new day. I wish I wasn’t so sensitive!

Bloody well done @AFmammaG , you are doing amazingly and I'm so proud for you. I'm so sorry about the lack of acknowledgement on Mothers Day because you have always sounded like a strong and incredible Mum. It's sad for the kids too.

Well, I guess it's loud and clear what you were drinking to "escape" from now, hmm? I suppose the question is, what do you want to do about it? I think you may have said before he wouldn't be open to counselling. Are you having any therapy or coaching yourself? x

@AFmammaG
Sorry to hear that you felt unappreciated on Mother’s Day. I also didn’t get much acknowledgment- difficult as we are a blended family but it stung when I dropped some bags off to my DSS and saw flowers on the table and cards for their mum (I have kids too but they didn’t get me anything. And he didn’t think to help them to buy something).

Becoming AF has brought so many things into sharp focus for me, your relationship sounds very similar to mine.

I drank to ease the pressure of a stressful home situation and blur the raw edges and
I totally understand the ick; it’s not one thing necessarily but a thousand paper cuts.

Why does he want to bring you down? Is he envious of your AF success and the new joy and peace it has brought. 90 days is amazing and such an achievement.

I am glad you’re putting yourself first, change is never easy but a fresh start is always possible. It’s recognising the toxicity in your life and making a plan to stop the bad habits and introduce the good, small steps really do add up.

Sometimes it’s not even obvious to those around us at first but then the penny drops and they don’t like it, because if highlights their shortcomings perhaps... I didn’t even drink that much before meeting my DP, now I recognise that I had developed a terrible alcohol problem and he is most certainly a bad influence.

I hope your son is ok now @AFmammaG

I guess it's loud and clear what you were drinking to "escape" from now, hmm?
As always, it’s rather complicated @Steppered. This isn’t my first marriage and I have no appetite for another divorce for many reasons. I used to enjoy drinking with DH, in fact in the early days we would have a laugh and the frequency/amount was never a problem. It’s only since becoming a parent myself and ageing that I’ve realised the damage alcohol is doing to every area of my life. Yes it would be easier for me if we were doing this together but he’s not ready and I have no intention to force the issue.

@Cantdoitalll my son is much better, thank you. In fact, on the surface everything is fine. Today we had friends round and DH was talking about Sunday like he had made a big effort for me on Mother’s Day. Mil says he has a habit of “re-writing the past” and sometimes I think he gaslights me. That was much easier when I was drinking, although I have no desire to challenge him in front of other people or set the record straight. Really, what would be the point? Other than create more waves. For now I’m happy just to keep my head down and as I said above, keep focussing on me.

@Woollygreymittens the more I deal with sober the more confident I become that I can deal with anything. Well done for not drinking after that unpleasant incident! Don’t let anything derail you!

I’m not ready to let this thread disappear so I’ve taken the bull by the horns and started thread 4… Are we really 3,000 messages down?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5307281-tulips-snowdrops-and-brownies-thread-4-for-those-wanting-a-coffee-not-a-cocktail
@CoffeeLover90 @BoilingHotand50something @Steppered @Cantdoitalll @SadMama87 @Woollygreymittens @Iamaf @Limeandsoda2023 @MissSmith80 @Oopsdiditagain @Overthewater52 @seasaltandsand @TeeNoG @Thelittlestranger @TimesaChangeling @thepeppapigfanclub Tagging everyone who has posted recently and of course, the lady responsible for starting us off!