Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Gosh @Limeandsoda2023, you have got a lot on your plate. I hope your Dad improves. How is it, that there seems to be this crescendo of aging parents, children hitting puberty or doing their exams and Mum’s going through menopause all at the same time?

A perfect storm as it were. Yes, imagine adding in hangovers and the inevitable anxiety that brings!

Drinking at home is a habit I really don’t want my children seeing me do. DH still does but for some reason that feels different? Maybe because they don’t reply on him like they do me. I don’t want them to remember me with a wine glass in my hand.

@Cantdoitalll congratulations on two weeks! I’m glad your night out went well and no one really noticed. It nice to blend in and not have to face an interrogation!

@AFmammaG I do remember. And you are doing so well so I really hope I haven’t put you off keeping going. It just takes some getting used to, I guess, a more stable way of life. But being more present for my girls and living without the 3am horrors and remembering what I watched on telly the night before and getting up and doing stuff on weekend mornings and not worrying about driving the next morning and not worrying about smelling of stale alcohol and not thinking about when I can have my first glass of wine that day - all make it worth it.

But I am still livid that I didn’t lose three stone just by stopping drinking! lol

@AFmammaG i know what you mean about seeing people having a couple of drinks and it being enough, mine is watching people nurse a glass of wine for an hour, I usually drink my first one in about 5 minutes then I’m jiggling about looking for the next..😂

Tonight was hard.

Ive got a lot on with work and exams. DP has been difficult - he let me down at the weekend and I’m definitely hormonal. Tension in the home makes me want to drink. 5pm witching hour was making me twitchy so I cleaned the car and went for a walk. Not relaxed yet but writing on here hoping it helps. Tomorrow is a new day.

You are doing so well @Cantdoitalll 💪 The very worst thing about having a drink is knowing that you have to do that day 1, that week 1, that month 1 again. It’s the hardest part of the journey and we keep repeating it. Why do we put ourselves through it?

Well done for working through it and not breaking. Let’s be honest, how shit would it all feel with a hangover added in?! Worse! Instead tomorrow you will feel like a warrior and today will be yet another brick in your dry wall 🎉

Thanks @AFmammaG
You’re 100% right! Day 17 and I’m not going to let anyone get in my way.
it’s weird, I really wanted to drink but I also REALLY didn’t want to. A mixture of emotions, normally I ignore and push away the thoughts but I really processed why I wanted the wine - escapism and dulling of emotions - but focussed on the good things I have in my life like my beautiful children who deserve a more present mum.
I had a good evening, I helped DD with homework and read to my DS (ashamed to say that I’ve not done that in a long time).

We are all warriors!

God I haven't posted for AGES, no reason or excuse really, just not sure I have much to say! I took 4 months AF last year and whilst it did me good, I also found it really hard mentally - probably because I'd also embarked on a group therapy course at the same time. The course is going well and is helping me. I am back drinking again, though it's nothing like it was before. (Yet.)

I am very aware that there will always be a Yet. But the course is helping me with figuring out my emotions and learning coping skills. Also I just don't want alcohol on school nights, it wrecks my sleep and leaves me feeling low level crap. I do tend to have a drink at the weekend but I'm not revolving round it. I know this can all change so am still leaning into AF podcasts and know it's a Thing for me, but just had a lot of other stuff to focus on and can't do it all at the same time.

Big hugs to all you ladies, I am still here and reading, just not on MN as much as before x

Hi @Steppered
Moderation is so hard, I’ve tried myself but find it too easy to slip back into old habits.
I’ll start by saying I’ll only drink on weekends (Fri and sat) then say well Sunday is the weekend, and Thursday is part of my weekend because I don’t work on Fridays… and so it goes on.
I got advice from @AFmammaG about sitting with my emotions. It’s really helped, I now have a list of reasons not to drink and I sit on my bed and read them when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I can be mid task like chopping an onion and I just leave and sit for 5 minutes repeating my mantras. I am trying to put myself first for a change.
I’m at day 20. Weekends are hardest!

Which podcasts do you recommend?

Whoop for day 20 @Cantdoitalll. Honestly, the longer I go AF the better I feel. I think people expect these huge changes and feel disillusioned when they don’t happen. Well this time I’m just focusing on all the small things. Like enjoying the taste of a coffee. Or a walk in the sunshine. Or watching my kids run around the park. Things that used to feel like a chore are now enjoyable. It feels wonderful.

Hi @Steppered, nice to hear from you. I’m glad the group therapy is going well. I can imagine it brings up all sorts of challenging emotions, well done for sticking with it.

I really haven’t done well with moderation myself. I feel so much better taking the option off the table completely and I’m not saying I’ll do this forever but right now this is absolutely how it needs to be for me. Day 67 and I passed my PB from last year (which was 60 days). I’m still buying myself a little treat each month as a well done - nothing to do with food or drink. Just being a lot kinder to myself and less negative self talk. It is making a difference.

Have a wonderful weekend all.

21 days - 3 weeks as of today.
I’m filling out my alcohol calendar and it’s nice to see the achievement.
Things at home are tough. I am realising how I was using alcohol as a crutch to dampen down feelings, my DP flies off the handle when he’s confronted over his selfish behaviour. I am realising that my happiness is down to me.

That drinking works in the moment but it just allows the problems to build up until I let the relationship issues go without really resolving them.
I have a sad feeling this relationship is over because of our inability to work through issues (he leaves the room when I try to discuss).

Sorry just venting. This is my safe space x

Drinking alcohol for me was about postponing pain. Putting off dealing with difficult issues. Hiding. Sorry to read your update @Cantdoitalll. Being sober for a long time does mean being confronted with the things we had been avoiding. It isn’t easy. That realisation that it’s time for action.

My advice would be to keep your focus on you. You can’t control how he reacts. You are not responsible for his behaviour or his happiness. Prioritise you. Your goals. Your peace. I’m certain if you do this the rest will fall into place. Thinking of you.

Day 27 today, tomorrow is 4 weeks I can hardly believe it!
I am feeling great. More balanced emotionally more energy, thanks to having time to prep healthier meals and exercising.
Some weight loss and my skin is looking clearer.

another 8 days and I will have surpassed my last AF stretch which was in 2023 I think!
This feels different, I do feel like a switch has gone off in my head and I’m embracing this rather than enduring.
Hope everyone else is doing ok 🩷

Great update @Cantdoitalll 💪 I also am finding myself with more time. I anticipated that would be in the evenings but actually it’s all day because I’m operating quicker and more efficiently. There was one morning this week I was ready to get the kids to school 10 minutes before I needed to be! I’m just generally more on top of things.

I’m also tackling my diet at the moment because I went a bit sugar crazy at the beginning of the year but have managed to successfully dial it back these past few weeks. Will be weighing in tomorrow hoping to have dropped a couple of pounds.

Day 74 for me. No thoughts of drinking tonight. I’ve also had a change of mindset. Just taken the option off the table. DH is out tomorrow night and I’m looking forward to watching my shows on tv and then an early night. Focussing on me. My health. My sleep. My mental load. It really is working!

Hello, long time lurker here. Just messaging to mark my 1 year anniversary of not drinking. My last drink (half a pint of Guinness) was on 14th March 2024. Can’t actually believe it’s been a year! Forums like this have been so helpful for me. Sending love and strength to all of you ✨

That’s exactly it @AFmammaG - a change in mindset.
I’m happy to hear that you’re in the same place as me. The positives of not having alcohol in our lives means freeing up time to really nurture ourselves and work out what works for us mentally and physically.
I feel less jittery in general, I’ve got a lot on at the moment with work and exams, and now my mum is injured and not coping, but I am handling it all.

Congratulations on your one year AF anniversary @MrsCrocombesJellyMould
🎉🎉🎉🎉💪💪💪💪
I am hoping I can write the same post one day.

30 days straight.
I am feeling proud!
Today was a hard day, a very busy weekend looking after unwell parent then professional exams today.
I am tired and felt wrung out when I got home, would have normally sunk a bottle of white but tonight I did a yoga workout and had some herbal tea.

Yay @Cantdoitalll! You’ve done so well! Super proud of you 👏
Keep going, it will keep getting better and better. It takes a while to realise because the changes are slow but really add up over time.

Hi all,
Not been on for a while, things haven't been going too well. Still drinking daily, its the only way I know of to cope with the relentless anxiety and black hole that I'm in.
I've gone from functioning alcoholic to none functioning. I looked at a packet of co-codamol this moring and thought I could just make this all go away...
So I've bitten the bullet and made an appointment with my gp this afternoon.

Am I terrified? Yes. Do I need to do this? God yes.

I know theres no quick fix but hopefully this is the first step for me.

Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.

Hi @Overthewater52
I am really sorry to hear that you’re struggling. I really hope your GP can give you some support.
Alcohol is a vicious cycle for so many of us, it works in the short term but ends up making us feel a lot worse overall. One small step at a time and you can feel better, it’s hard but it is definitely possible - you can beat this!
Is there something going on I your life that’s making you feel very anxious? Or is it a generalised anxiety? I am a very anxious person - it doesn’t take much to trigger an episode of feeling like life is caving in on me. I understand how it feels, and hope you get some help today. Keep us updated.

@Overthewater52 I also really feel for you. I hope the appointment was productive and they were sympathetic. Sometimes what we need is a little kindness to make us feel like there is hope.

I wrote a post on this thread around November when I felt the same, just utterly exhausted of drinking and hangovers and anxiety and shame. I was in a similar place about not being sure I could continue.

I really wish you the best of luck in stopping. If there is anything we can do to support please don’t hesitate to ask. PM if you feel more comfortable. You can do this and it does get better.

Thank you for your kind words @Cantdoitalll @AFmammaG .

Well I went,I took DP as well, I thought he needed to hear it.

I feel a bit disheartened really, I layed it all out on the table. He basically, waved me away when I asked if it could be meno ( you know brain fog, fatigue, aches, pains, aniexty) , so straight to AD'S I go.

He also told me not to go cold turkey. This is a problem for me, I can't do moderation.

Anyway I've been referred to a non medical health group ( wellbeing). And given the number of a drugs and alcohol service which I have to self refer to.

I'm going to sound really judgey here but I know where the place is and it's not somewhere you'd visit by choice. Theres a lot of dodgy people (I know, I know there but for the grace) . It's putting me off tbh.

DP, is I think a little bit shocked, I never really told him how bad I was feeling. He asked me this morning " Are you really this unhappy with me , do I make you feel like this? ". And I wanted to scream " ITS NOT ALL ABOUT FUCKING YOU!!!!!" But I didn't. Anyway so thats where I am x

Oh gosh @Overthewater52 that is disappointing. Sometimes I think the GP just wants to get us out as fast as possible 😢

I guess it’s a start and yes reach out to the support service. I can understand not wanting to go to the group. Are there any affluent areas within an hour? A friend travelled out of her borough to the better off neighbouring one to do a face to face meeting. It worked well for her.

I don’t know enough about the advice to try and moderate it down slowly. I know how hard that is. Is it something your DP could help with? I understand you wanting to scream at him. Did he have an idea it was bad up to now? My DH still thinks I never had a problem and doesn’t understand the fuss. I guess that’s because he’s always known his limits. He doesn’t get it even now.