The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome. We are a bunch of people (mainly women) trying to give up alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans who can offer advice and signposting.

We don't encourage moderation purely as it can be triggering for some to read.

I'm Wendy and I'll be the captain of the ship for the next two months or so.
I gave up drinking in January 2022.

Morning all.
All shipshape here.
@Sortingmyselfoutdayatatime welcome and congrats.
@EastCoastDamsel I do love a frock.
I bought a sparkly one for the NYE party I never went to.
I shall wear it next year for my significant birthday.
I did order one from Lands end so I'll try that one on later.
Off to see two old friends for coffee, I'll take the cake.
The BFF is away on hols so I have two weeks without having to worry about her. Every few years she has a major drama and I can feel it happening. With my illness I haven't got the headspace for her shenanigans. It always ends badly.

Have a good day my friends.

Morning all - bright and sunny day here today.

I shall 'tickle the tomatoes' before work - not a euphemism 😂😂 it's my first year growing tomatoes and apparently agitating them is good for growth????

@WendyWagon - Vinted been great for me - especially for work. I am a mix of corporate and creative, and have picked some great stuff from Jaeger, Jaques Vert, Windsmoor etc to mix with current stuff. Mostly for under a tenner 🙌🙌🙌

@EastCoastDamsel - thanks again for the mention of PAWS - I looked at that recently when I was having a low spell. It really resonated with me.

@Onewildandpreciouslife

Really interesting point about the AF beers - same here.

They were a godsend to me in the early days - I really looked forward to them. Now they're not so special.

I mentioned before that Nosecco was a bit too sweet and I used Angostura bitters (wrongly thinking they were AF 🙈🙈🙈).

I've now got an AF mixer - Martini, of all things! - to put in. It makes something along the lines of an Aperol spritz. It's pretty good actually, definitely a grown up drink,

I only ever want 2, max, though. Very interesting to compare to the drinking days where there was no off switch.

MARTINI Vibrante Non Alcoholic... https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B084596DHN?ref=ppxpoppmobappshare

Lovely thread 💕Im reading along with you.

@NextPhaseOfLife I have the Martini Vibrate which I have on the rocks or with tonic. Delicious.

I was quite partial to a negroni so the bitterness suits me.

Hello everyone. Hope you're doing OK. Another overnight battle for me, though getting easier each day. The sober morning feeling continues to be a prize worth winning every time. I have already made plans for what I am going to do with my Saturday morning when I wake up sober (plant out my seedlings - where they will be inevitably annihilated by the local pigeon taskforce). Preferable to the staying-in-bed until noon grimness. It's worth trying - even though the late evening/bedtime cravings are strong. "Just for tonight", I tell myself if it starts getting grim. "I can get some vodka tomorrow if I want to, but just for tonight do without." And repeat, repeat, repeat each evening. It gets easier. Also getting into PJs/washing hair as soon as I get home in the evenings - less straightforward then to just pop shoes on and head out again for a late-night pop to the shops to indulge folly.

Hello @3luckystars , glad you've found us. x

@WendyWagon I'm glad you've got a bit of a break from your BFF. I have a few like that - I love them dearly, but the drama and performance-martyrdom can be terribly wearing. Are you able to use this respite to gently disengage a bit? Maybe filter/mute some of the calls if they start again when she's back, and only respond when you're feeling up to it? Easier said than done though, I know, but you are valuable too and deserve your peace. ❤

@NextPhaseOfLife "tickling the tomatoes"...are you SURE that's not a euphemism...?! 🤔😉I'm sure gentle agitation is good for any kind of growth (Solanumide or otherwise...) 🤔. I once caused a bit of a stir at the vets when the dog was having a certain operation Down There by referring to them as his "love-spuds" and "fun-plums".

Here's Himself this morning, exercising his democratic right for the "Raising Money for Cat Charities & Spending the Cash on Grilled Chops" Party. They weren't on the voting slip, but I didn't tell him.

Strength and love to all. Keep going - you can do it. x

I absolutely LOVE your doggo pics @REP22 thank you for sharing them.
And well done for keeping strong. I'm sorry you're finding it tough at the moment.
Thanks for the Martini AF recommendation folks. I'm going to try and pick some up.
We're going on holiday in 2 weeks. I can't wait BUT I'm conscious that the second part of the holiday is at an all inclusive resort. I'm trying to get strategies sorted in my head before we get there. I know the pull to "get my money's worth" will be strong. The city break part I'm just excited for.

@REP22 i love your candour. The dog looks great.
I have a houseful of different politics. The DS works pretty close to it all (I can't out him, they monitor everything). I've done my bit.

I went to an old friend's this morning. She looks marvelous having been taking semiglutimide (she is a diabetic) . She said she hasn't had a drink since Christmas. Doesn't fancy it. I believe they are now testing these weight loss drugs for alcohol dependancy. I have read a few threads on MN and it does appear to be a thing.

Hi @REP22 I'm with you on the current battle. Funny how sometimes I'm so confident I'll never drink again and others it's so hard just not to buy something now.

Like you I'm taking it day by day. The big thing for me is that its all a lie, the boozy evening would be just full of trying to drink enough, but not too much I am a knob a balence i rarely win when with others, alone all bets are off. Those awful 3am wake ups where life feels too much... its all just such crap to 'know' all of this and yet keep battling the decision.

Anyway here we are keeping on keeping on. 4 months today x

Absolutely the same here @Womanshour - I enjoy my sober feelings so much, and the confidence - and yet still the lure starting early evening that "I've earned it", "just this time", "just for a bit" starts. You're absolutely right; it IS a lie. It won't be "deserved", "just this once" or "earned". It's a toxin that will smack us sideways, makes us feel like sh%t and bring guilt and self-loathing. And will kill us in the end if we keep at it. I don't know why we do it. The "pleasure" element of it is such a small part, which gets smaller each time. It IS irredeemably crap. But at least we fight on together. It's not just us. And I'd still argue that it's worth the wretched struggle.

:@Itsrainingten I've never been on an all-inclusive (though I do love a city break). I suppose you could count getting your money's worth as storing up some good-value memories to savour, more than you would have collected if pssed/mortified due to pssedness. Those have to be worth including. Alternatively, that unfiltered water ice-cube in your all-inclusive daiquiri might prove to be the portal to fecal Hades - that'd put a damper on the prepaid fun. Hopefully you can come up with better strategies than this. Maybe there will be other sober people there to act as wingmen. Other people on here might have some better tips...? I hope it goes OK. x

The dog is very flattered and honoured that you like his pictures.❤ Be thankful he is not by your side at the moment however - his bottom has got a lot to say for itself this afternoon. 🤢 xx

@REP22 i still get that evening feeling.
When I get to 8pm intact I go upstairs and watch old crime drama (I like to work out who did it).
The husband got in lots of Gordon's af. The tonic is the problem. It gives me the tiddles.
It is still a struggle for me but tbh that's when I think about it.

Thanks @WendyWagon, it's the worst time of the day. I go for old shows like that too. 🙃 Then harmless stuff on permanent autopilot throughout the night in case I wake up. Usually cookery shows or QI. At least it's just me and the dog! Saturday Kitchen is good, though the wine aspect isn't helpful.

It's great that your DH has got your back. What a good team you make. xx

Jittering now, but determined to stay strong. Only another hour until the shop shuts...!

Strength and love ❤️ x

Do you have anything else nice you could drink? I've been struggling this evening too. Not sure why. Maybe because it's election night and historically that would have been an excuse - special occasion innit?
Made myself a couple of "spritz" with AF sparkling wine and the tanqueray Sevilla over ice. Went down well. Toying with the idea of crisps and cheese now.
You can do this guys. Think how pleased you'll be with yourself in the morning when you don't crack.
Alcohol isnt fun. We just tell ourselves it is. It's all lies. Think of the awful 3am panic. You don't need that.

@REP22

Will a large glass of water help? I often find if I neck a Luke warm one I lose any interest in whatever in was craving.

I'm looking forward to your post in the morning. I expect a good dog pic and maybe even some celebratory toilet duck 🤞💕

@Itsrainingten
Great post 👏

Evening all. Just back from 2 hours of tennis. Going to pay for that tomorrow but at least without a hangover

Evening all.
There are so many of you on this thread, a with great banter and some golden advice. Thank you.
I’ve come here to say thank you to whoever it was up thread who mentioned PAWS. I’d completely forgotten about this and was actually about to book a gp appointment on the back of irregular but intense periods of fatigue. I’d assumed I had an iron deficiency. My husband is getting mildly annoyed as he thinks I’m just trying to avoid his advances 😁.
Thinking about it, I’m fine for a few weeks at a time and then I’m just hit with such fatigue I’m basically useless from lunchtime onwards.
Last time, I even tested for COVID.
I might still get checked out to be sure, but the irregularity of the fatigue, plus mood swings not in keeping with my cycle, is making me think it may well be PAWS.
I’ve essentially been drinking on average the equivalent of 4 bottles of wine a week for about 25 years. Im 6 months sober but it would make sense that my body and mind are recovering.
Does anyone want to curl in a ball and scream “what the fuck was I doing to myself?”

Thank you so much @Itsrainingten and @NextPhaseOfLife , you've really helped to talk me down and feel better.. You've made me smile 😃 I had some water and weeny tomatoes earlier and am just turning in with a small glass of chocolate milk. Slimming World be damned! Good night, and thank you again, to you and @WendyWagon . Legends all. xx P.S. the dog would bark goodnight, but he's currently harassing a moth. 🙄 xx

Pleased you made it @REP22 hope you benefited from amazing sober sleep. I actually had a better night's sleep than I've had for ages, the reward for getting through.

I think the switch that started to wobble in my brain the last couple of weeks is startint to settle down... I hope anyway its not be easy. I hope it eases for you too. X

🌅 all.

So glad to hear you made it through @REP22 . I love this 🧵 and the fact that there is always someone to give support when we need it.

Great post @Itsrainingten, it's really helpful to be reminded that alcohol is in fact an actual poison that tricks us into thinking it is fun.

I have been struggling with seeing others drinking "normally" this week. The fact that they can enjoy a glass of wine/whiskey and that just being that. And feeling sad and aggrieved that that isn't my reality. I have really had to remind myself that at Laura McKowen says, "This is my thing". I also have to remember that although probably no-one else really noticed how much of a grip alcohol had had over my life, and being very functional, there is only one direction on the path I was on, and that it wasn't a good one.

Today I choose a different path and tomorrow I will have to choose again.

Day 34!

Strength and love to all.

IWNDWYT 😘

Morning! A new day and a new government.

Well done for staying strong @rep22 and @Womanshour.

8 weeks for me today 🎉. This is the longest I've gone without booze since I was pregnant, so a milestone, but every day is a 🎉

I am tired and the PAWS thing is really interesting. I think it was @EastCoastDamsel who mentioned it. Really good to know about that, so thank you. I also stayed up watching some of the election coverage so could also be that tbh!

Morning all.
My chaps are on leave today having watched the full coverage post election. Big political household. I kept on waking up and thinking where is the blanket pincher (DH). We are due up to the Midlands later to see the SILS. Perhaps we won't as it's raining here.

I had milk and a strawberry yoghurt. Gosh the excitement but no fuzzy head. I use to be first down so I could sort myself out without anyone noticing (!)

@BigFatSoberLife congrats on eight weeks. A real milestone. That was the longest I went af before joining this thread in 2022.

Have a good day all and get the posh fruit in or nuts if you like them. Good to repair the little grey cells.

Morning all.

Congratulations on 8 weeks @BigFatSoberLife !

I know what you mean about seeing others drink @EastCoastDamsel . This is going to sound awful, but the hardest thing for me this holiday is watching DD drink white wine. And just generally really! She is so much more confident and brave to try new things than I was at her age. I tell myself that it means DH and I have done a better job than my parents did, and that I should be pleased I have not passed on the toxicity from my mother to the next generation but I am feeling a bit sorry for myself!! Ah well, we can only live our life forwards. Onwards!

Thank you for that - I have printed and laminated what you said about enjoying your sober feeling etc.
Only almost a week in and my blood pressure has reduced considerably, I can hardly believe it but I must stop eating as I will have to spend my alcohol savings on new bigger clothes. 😀

A very good morning to you all. Later here than planned; have had two 'stealth' meetings at work, hehe. @Carpediem15 thank you, I am glad you liked my words and that they are helpful. You're doing so well. I, too, have noticed blood pressure improvement. The eating is definitely a thing too - our bodies miss the massive sugar-hit that alcohol (and attendant mixers) brings, so we overcompensate for that and for comfort. It does get easier in time. There are so many empty calories in booze as well. It does get better.

Like @PissPotPourri (great name!), I was interested to learn about PAWS. I'd not heard of that before, though I can definitely identify with many of the symptoms. When first I gave up the proper hard stuff (around 2016/17), I was in hospital with a dodgy kidney - it was my first experience of severe withdrawal and what I now believe was delirium tremens - absolute anguish, shakes, sweats, etc. And I was convinced that there was a sinister man stealing birthday cake from the nurses and that at least seven giant Alsatian dogs were climbing up the outside walls of the hospital building. Apparently I screamed the place down for ages. Not my finest hour. Sadly also not my worst. 😭

BUT - I do want to say a very VERY big thank you for everyone who kept me going last night and who celebrated with me this morning. You genuinely helped, made me smile and I appreciate each and every one of you.💝THANK YOU.💖

@EastCoastDamsel and @Itsrainingten are right - Alcohol is actually a poison, and a dangerous one. I remember reading (it may have been via Clare Pooley or Catherine Grey, but I cannot recall exactly) someone saying re. alcohol - "We wouldn't pour it into our petrol tanks, because it would utterly destroy the car's engine. So why do we think pouring it into ourselves would be any different...?" It's a fair point.

@Onewildandpreciouslife - your DD is lucky to have such a wonderful mum in you. You definitely should be pleased and proud on many levels. I too struggle with really quite appalling toxicity from my own M - it's been a major factor for me. I, sadly, will never be blessed with children, but I am so glad the impacts and behaviours are not being handed down to my DNs. That line stops with her. We are decent, strong, worthwhile people despite - not because of - our "D"Ms.

And - not on an entirely unrelated subject - here's a cautionary tale for us all. Be very - VERY - careful about leaving elderly ladies alone with knitting needles, a spare ball of wool, a copy of the People's Friend... and unfettered access to the dog. This is what can ensue for the unprepared.

Help the Aged? No. Fear them. Fear them all. 😨😉