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Alcohol support

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The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.

981 replies

WendyWagon · 30/06/2024 08:50

Hello and welcome. We are a bunch of people (mainly women) trying to give up alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans who can offer advice and signposting.

We don't encourage moderation purely as it can be triggering for some to read.

I'm Wendy and I'll be the captain of the ship for the next two months or so.
I gave up drinking in January 2022.

OP posts:
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EastCoastDamsel · 12/08/2024 10:48

Morning, welcome to all the newbies.
Hot hot hot here today. Took the dogs for a walk with DH first thing and had to have a chat with him about how hard it is to stop drinking and be honest about how I feel about my drinking behaviour in the last few months.

I would really like to buy myself a fancy treadmill for training through the autumn and winter. And I will have saved "almost" enough by not drinking booze at the 100 day mark (which will be the perfect time to buy at it will be mid September, ready for Autumn)

Anyway, last night he was joking that I should subtract the cost of the AF options from my total savings. I didn't want to get into it at the dinner table but it really upset me so had to tackle that today. Strictly speaking I suppose I am spending a lot more one AF options and soft drinks than I would have in the past (I haven't just replaced booze with tap water) but I felt that that diminished both the achievement AND the effort I have to make every day.

Anyway, I have no experience of formal recovery programmes @Orchid09 or getting help through the NHS but I know others on here have used AA and SMART recovery to support their journey. I have family in long term recovery in AA and NA (the one in NA only used Alcohol but prefers their approach to AA) and both have found it invaluable.

Orchid09 · 12/08/2024 11:21

Thank you for that. I’ve bitten the bullet and rang my gp as I think I may need professional help along the lines of a talking therapy too. I drink because I’m bored or I’m irritated or happy, any bloody reason if I’m honest. My husband says I’m an alcoholic as I binge at weekends. I just know my drinking is getting silly.

Saving up all the money you’d spend on booze to invest in a piece of gym equipment is fantastic and a great motivator. Although my husband would say exactly the same as yours 😂 and it would certainly piss me off 😂

EastCoastDamsel · 12/08/2024 12:14

Just needed to pop in and say that I have had my Liver Function tests back today. I have been stressing about them all weekend.

They are 100% normal. I am so relieved. (I know LFTs can be normal even with loved damage. But small things).

(I did them privately as I don't want my GP involved or it or my drinking on my record if I could help it). I realise that this is a major avoidance technique and that one day I will have to be honest with my Health Care Providers but I am not ready yet to face that yet

REP22 · 12/08/2024 12:31

Hello @Orchid09 welcome, I am glad you've found us. It's a brave thing, admitting you might have and issue and seeking help. Much kudos to you ❤ I too eventually sought help via my GP. I was referred to an NHS service called Inclusion, where I had a lot of support and undertook some SMART recovery. I found that very helpful. I tried AA off my own bat - they were lovely, friendly and welcoming, but it wasn't really for me.

The books I have found most helpful have been Clare Pooley's "The Sober Diaries" and Catherine Gray's "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober". This thread has been an incredible support in all weathers too.

I also use an app on my phone called "I Am Sober". It's free and you can use it to track your sobriety, money you've saved, milestones, etc.

There are some other MN threads too - including one called "The Reality of the End" (be warned - it's very honest and pulls no punches) which has helped me to stay clear on why I must not drink.

Keep posting on here, if you want to. The solidarity is strong and the hive mind is kind and wise.

@EastCoastDamsel I would not have appreciated that comment from an OH about my AF spends/savings either. It's at best unhelpful, and not called-for. Get yourself a Peloton with your savings and enjoy every bl~~dy step on it. You deserve it.

Too hot outside today for Sid. He's staying indoors with Bargain Hunt and a Mr. Freeze ice-pop.

Strength and love. xx

The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.
REP22 · 12/08/2024 12:37

@EastCoastDamsel Brilliant about your tests. Sid and I are so pleased for you. It's an immense worry; often the not-knowing is worse.

You are wise to keep such things off your record if you can. It's yours to face when you are ready. Also, I am still feeling the effects of my own honesty. Just completed and sent my reapplication for for driving licence this morning. I still have to do this every year and be subject to intense medicals and blood tests. And I have never committed an offence in my life. This will be the third year I've been asked to reapply. 😢

But hey-ho. Plenty of folks worse-off than me so I mustn't complain.

Keep going and it will all be alright soon. xx

NextPhaseOfLife · 12/08/2024 12:52

Oh, that beautiful hot little sleepy Sid - just the best 💕💕💕

NextPhaseOfLife · 12/08/2024 13:00

Very good news about your test results @EastCoastDamsel.

That must be a relief. I concur with @REP22 - keeping alcohol related tests private unless absolutely necessary seems wise.

Did you have them done just to put your mind at ease?

Welcome to the thread, @Orchid09
You're in good company 💕

EastCoastDamsel · 12/08/2024 14:02

@NextPhaseOfLife yes, it was something that has been playing on my mind for a while. I have hypertension and get yearly bloods at the GP but these are only for kidney function, cholesterol and HbA1c

These were all normal (cholesterol slightly iffy but not at the needing statins level and I am sure will improve with not drinking and, hopefully, losing some weight). But I really just wanted to check that my liver wasn't totally fucked.

I know enough about these tests (ex-medic) to be reassured that there isn't any acute damage at play at the moment. So happy with that. Whether or not there is longer term issues I am willing to ignore currently.

WendyWagon · 12/08/2024 14:15

Welcome @Orchid09

Not everyone who seeks help to stop drinking will be an alcoholic.
If you actually can't stop you can get help by way of antabuse a medicine that causes sickness if taken with alcohol. Your GP would prescribe. It does work.

I was a heavy drinker, my family would say alcoholic. I drank four to five days a week. However I was fussy. No spirits, no drinking after a certain time unless not working the next day etc. I made rules and would stick to them ridgely. However towards the end of my love affair with wine I had become belligerent. My wine, my life. Dark days.

My DC are 20/25 and they hated my drinking. I partly gave up for them. Believe whatever age they know.
My life is hugely better for not drinking. I am no longer ashamed.
You are very welcome here.

I recently read Sober Dave. I don't usually like male authors but it was me in male form. It certainly helped put me off the booze!

OP posts:
ponzusoup · 12/08/2024 15:29

checking in feeling grumpy and hot and another bout of ' can i really never drink again'. had a good sober weekend and can feel that my brain and body are very grateful for the 100 plus sober days i've racked up, but cravings or thoughts about drinking can come from nowhere !

welcome to brave newbies , this is a great thread of lovely women and sound advice and also great for accountability.

@EastCoastDamsel glad to hear about your positive health results

@REP22 gorgeous to see sid hope he is keeping cool

@WendyWagon thanks for your leadership on this thread

@Orchid09 gp could prescribe naltrexone which kills the urges and also the effects of alcohol ... you could ask. think it's rarely prescribed but should be on offer if you feel that talk therapy alone doesn't work for you. you're unlikely to need meds to manage withdrawal if you're not a daily drinker but best to let the medics be the judge if that. you're doing all the right things! intuitive recovery is another peer based / online/ group option you could look at. i've been going lone wolf but i work in addictions so have a lot of insight ( oh the irony!) - more policy side tho now.

love to all, stay cool, stay calm

Chance21 · 12/08/2024 18:34

Thank you @REP22 it helped me so much getting it off my chest, thank you to everyone who replied and read. Sid is the cutest by the way I’m sure he brings you great company he looks like a right character!!.
great news on your health check @EastCoastDamsel I’m to scared to have anything like that done atm, but the past few times I binged my digestive system was off for weeks tummy cramps etc or it could have been the anxiety I was facing from so many blackouts of late.
feeling so much better this week been getting my gym sessions in and a lot more productive at work starting to feel like me again I’m realising how much a weekend binge with a blackout was physically and mentally draining me to a point I thought I was depressed it felt like depression at the time.
the poison that I’ve been putting inside me has made me so unwell for such a long time, I’ve got a long road ahead and I will face many challenges but I know how good it feels to wake up on a Monday with positivity and energy for the week ahead a Weekend binge used to throw me off till at least Wednesday and longer if I blacked out. I know it sounds weird but I’m going to say it sometimes after a black out I would feel like some one has jumped into my body there was this extreme darkness after it took a lot out of me, has anyone else felt this?
hope everyone had a great start to the week

Orchid09 · 12/08/2024 19:32

Dear all,

thanks for your kind warm welcomes 💛

I have a CBT referral and a counselling referral. My GP advised I don’t need any medicine (as I don’t drink Monday through to Friday) but I’ve noted the meds thanks @ponzusoup and @WendyWagon for future reference. I’ve never had CBT or counselling before, but I can see them being very beneficial.

@REP22 ♥️ thank you, I had left it as long as possible to contact my GP, and I’m glad now that I’ve taken that step. Although I’d much have preferred to sort it myself as I’m not sure if it will come back to bite me 🤔

I’ll take a look at those books and the I Am Sober app. I love my Andy Ramage podcasts. Defo will check out the The Reality of the End too.

@WendyWagon Wine is or was a love of mine too. I need to knock it on the head. The lows are devastating and nowhere near worth the short highs. I’m committed to changing and stopping. Will check out sober Dave, I think I’ve seen him on Insta.

Day 1 done, fizzy water on the go, coconut lollies in the freezer and an early night planned ✨

WendyWagon · 12/08/2024 19:39

@Chance21 I do understand the not feeling like you after drinking. It's the hiding and denial that comes with heavy/secret drinking. Part of recovery for me was confession (praise the Lord). It was admitting I had a problem and asking for help from my family and friends. My BFF knew I had a problem but I denied it to others. Just a party girl, me. I felt free when I told my son it was a problem for me.
I am OK when wide eyed people say daft things like you don't look like a drinker, you weren't that bad etc.
I am and I could be again.
I didn't care if I looked like hell and my drinking was my business. My money, my poison.
But the best saying that stays with me is the Ozzy Osbourne quote 'anyone who's still drinking like a teenager at 50, will be dead by 60'. I was that person. I didn't really grow up until 2022. Early regular drinkers mess with their brain development. The eternal teen. We can hold down big jobs until we can't. Most people give up the drink when family life takes over. Others that didn't learn emotional maturity can't or won't. Both applied to me
But you know you can do this. Very few pregnant women drink. Why? Because they believe the science. We push alcohol on others when we know damm well it is bad for us. Some people on this thread are medics but they still drink. Until we have a change in our culture it remains hard to stop. It's not like giving up UPF, it's a 'cheeky' sugar.
One day at a time worked for me. Every week, every month, every year. I grew up without praise and this is something I'm hugely proud of.
Go me 💪 and all of you lovelies.

Post script.
I have had the peach AF cocktail and it was horrid.

OP posts:
HarperSabrina · 12/08/2024 19:51

Thanks @Chance21 we do sound similar! Day 2 for me now and I don’t find it hard as I don’t have the issue in that I want a drink every day and can go weeks or months without it’s resisting the urge at social events when I know I’ll want to.
I can’t stop going over what a twat I was on Saturday and how my son would have witnessed my drunkenness and probably didn’t really notice but hate the fact he might have.
I don’t want to see the people who I was drunk in front of (even though they’ve done worse and in fact the main person who is a friend of mine, got smashed one night and I literally carried her home being sick all over herself!) It isn’t even just the embarrassment of seeing them again, it’s reminding myself of how I feel about myself! We always drink heavily with them so when I next see them, it will be strange not to!

I am irritable today and lethargic… plus my skin is horrible as well as hating myself! Reminding myself this is why I hate drinking!

Hope everyone is enjoying the sun, it’s lovely in the South East of England.

Chance21 · 12/08/2024 20:35

you're welcome @HarperSabrina
yes that will be same as me I’m on day 8 my first challenge will be on the 19th when I take my daughter to see Taylor swift she’s 21 and will probably have a drink.
I’ve already told her I won’t be drinking I don’t think she would put pressure on me she knows what a mess I can be if I tip the booze scale she’s put me to bed many a time which is just not right on any level.
her drinking won’t trigger me it’s definitely the social events that I can’t control my drink usually the free flowing alcohol ones are the worst.
I know exactly what you mean I have friends who will make jokes and say who’s turn is it tonight, and they will say everyone blacks out sometimes but you was hilarious I’ve done worse etc.
even my partner will laugh when he calms down, but it really effects my mental health and I’m sick of being everyone’s entertainment at times that’s how it feels.
I get so irritable after drinking also I snap at everything it completely changes my personality to the point I start googling my own behaviour because I feel like something is wrong with me.
south east too!! I feel tonight might be a tough sleep it’s still soo hot 😅

WendyWagon · 13/08/2024 07:30

Ahoy shipmates. I am up with the alarm to take the DD for an appointment at the hospital.

All well here. I'm having a good run of it without cravings.
I've given up meat so we shall see what that does for me. I was a veggie for 23 years.

OP posts:
HarperSabrina · 13/08/2024 09:46

@Chance21 It’s always the challenge of being around other drinkers or in those situations but hopefully you’ll manage Taylor Swift without any cravings! Just remind yourself why you’re doing it and how great you’ll feel to be fresh in the morning with no regret!

Same when my friends all say ‘oh you were fine or you were so funny’ well I don’t want to be the entertainment! I want to be me, although I sometimes struggle to remember who ‘me’ is when I’m sober!! I worry I’m boring and awkward but I think I’d rather be that than a drunkenness mess!!

We have a meal out on Thursday for my brothers birthday, it won’t be heavy at all but there will be wine I’m sure so I’m already planning my ‘oh I’m not drinking’ reply! Not that anyone in my immediate family drinks alot either and it won’t be a shock but I’m not ready to admit to them why I’ve stopped as they’ve (everyone other than my DH)
not witnessed my states yet!

Enjoy the sun everyone if you’re lucky enough to have it!!

Orchid09 · 13/08/2024 10:34

Good morning you lovely lot.

Day 2 here and I’m feeling ‘me’ coming back into the room, thank god. I had an awful thought that I’m going to feel this shit and look this shit every day now forever, … but after some coffee I’m actually feeling a little brighter.

I told my daughter, son and husband yesterday that I had contacted my GP to ask for help with alcohol. My husband was concerned that going down the GP route would be a problem for me later in life, but I said that I felt I should’ve done this years ago and then I wouldn’t be in this mess now because I would’ve gotten the professional help, also the GP did say it was my coping mechanism skills that needed addressing and CBT and counselling would help. It’s not like he sent me to rehab, anyway I don’t really care what is on my medical records because this is who I am at the end of the day. (Although ask me that when it does actually become a problem, I may have changed my mind! ) My daughter gave me a huge hug and we cried it out and she said she was really proud of me and my son typically shrugged his shoulders and said that’s great Mum, but I know he is 100% relieved because he has said that he hates me when I drink, and hearing that absolutely sent me into a downward spiral of despair about six months ago, and I’ve been on this journey ever since.

. I’m off work at the moment so I’ve got a lot of thinking time. Reading all your posts really help me and I realise that I’m not on my own here. I completely identify with everything that everybody is saying here, the secret drinking, the hiding how much I am drinking but that comment that Ozzy Osbourne said? That really got me because I’m nearly 50 and if I continue drinking like Oliver Reed, I will be totally fucked.

So onward and upward. I have a family social on Saturday with my in-laws who are huge drinkers, I haven’t quite decided whether I’m going or not yet. Maybe I’ll skip it. Maybe I’ll go and just stick to fizzy water or the soft options. But I will certainly not be drinking.

ps Who has got the sun today it’s certainly not here in Lancashire!!

REP22 · 13/08/2024 10:35

Good morning all.

@Orchid09 I still think it is a positive step that you've made in going to your GP - don't feel too worried about it, or about any repercussions. It's clearly what you've needed to do in order to get help and a better future. I'm sorry if anything I've said about my own situation has alarmed you. Every single person's situation is different. And - yes - my honesty with the DVLA in 2017 has caused issues, that was them and not the GP. I can say in all seriousness that, had I not sought and embraced the help offered by my GP and NHS (which was nothing to do with me contacting the DVLA initially), then I most likely would not be here today. Honestly. You've taken the first brave step on the path to a better future.

@Chance21 - I've felt the way you describe. Alcohol is actually a depressant drug, that's a proven fact. I also take anti-depressant medication and my support worker once questioned what was the point, if the alcohol I was drinking cancelled out all the effects of my prescription medication. And I can certainly associate with the irritability and frustration (and skin condition) that you and @HarperSabrina mention. I was exactly the same. It will get better.

I was also "entertainment" when drunk, not always in a good way. It is perhaps fortunate that I cannot remember full details of all of those times. The flashbacks of occasional moments are chilling enough. But the good news there is that you will actually be all that is engaging, likeable and fun WITHOUT the drink - even more so. Sober, you will be the best version of you that there is, and you will still be loved and valued. I thought that no-one would ever want my company when sober, I am happy that I seem to be wrong there. You will also have people's (though sadly often unspoken) respect for keeping it together and being fun sober, while others around you are being overly-loud, embarrassing and liberally sprinkled in their own p~ss. Not drinking actually opens the door to more fun, not less. After all, if drink is THAT much fun, then surely the people who are the most drunk are the ones having the MOST fun... but look at the average city centre at 3am on a Sunday morning - at those people getting in stupid fights, puking in doorways, being separated from 'rivals' by bouncers and rozzers, girls hanging out of their clothes crying and peeing in alleyways, being offered 'lifts' by strange blokes, do they look like they're having fun? They should be, if alcohol is the bringer of that much joy. These days, I'd rather wake up in my comfy bed, not hungover to Hades, and in pants that are my own.

But it is very very hard to begin with. Keep at it - it's worth it.

Off to the hospital now - AGAIN. Ruddy shirt-potatoes still causing chaos. And then Slimming World tonight, fingers and toes crossed...

El Sid is in recalcitrant mood this morning. He didn't want to have his picture taken, posing with his planted pots. He pretended that his paws wanted washing. I reminded him that, if he was in a cleansing frame of mind, it'd been a while since his ears were inspected, and there was a Johnson's Baby-Bud with his name on it in the bathroom. He posed.

Strength and love to you. Keep at it - you're doing great. xx

The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.
The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.
WendyWagon · 13/08/2024 10:57

@orchid9 well done. Glad you are feeling better.

OP posts:
EastCoastDamsel · 13/08/2024 11:53

Morning all and massive 😘 to Sid.

Just checking in 73 today (though I note that the Reframe and I am Sober apps - now using both - count the days very differently.)

Reframe counted my very first day (2nd of June) as Day 1, whereas I am Sober only counts Day one at the END of 3rd of June.

So, I am only on 71/72 Days on there depending on when I check the app. Weird.

Anyway, I am sticking to the Reframe count 😁

ShyMaryEllen · 13/08/2024 13:20

Stick to the one that encourages you most? The important thing is not drinking today, not the number of days you haven't drunk.

There's no sun here, either. Literally or metaphorically. I don't want to say too much (as outing), but I've found something that really brought home to me how bad my children felt about my drinking. I feel so ashamed, and am not sure how to handle it. They are adults now, but it's clear that it still affects them.

Sid is so lovely.

Itsrainingten · 13/08/2024 14:17

I'm sorry @ShyMaryEllen but as the daughter of an alcoholic (who eventually drank herself to death) I would say that, although it will have affected them for sure, you should be very proud of yourself for turning your life around now. I bet they're proud of you. It's easy to be sober / not go to far for some people and that's great. But for those it isn't easy for, it's a way bigger achievement when they stick with it.
I guess it's a bit like someone who's terrified, fighting the fear and doing it anyway, versus someone who wasn't scared of (whatever it was) anyway. Who is the brave one?

REP22 · 13/08/2024 14:32

No need to 'reframe' your achievement @EastCoastDamsel 😉- either way, the totals are amazing. That's fantastic 🏅

@ShyMaryEllen I am so sorry that something has surfaced to make you feel so wretched. We're with you. The barbs closest to the heart are the ones that hurt the most. I wish I had words enough to take away how rotten you are feeling and make it all better. But I know that no words really can.

All I can offer is that you can neither undo nor change the past. It's happened and can't be reworked. But you HAVE changed your life now, and you can influence and strive towards a better future. There is much that I wish that could be different about my own past. The only thing over which I have power is how I let it affect me now and how I deal with it going forward.

I'm sorry. I know that sounds a bit glib. I really don't mean it to. All I think you can do is acknowledge the pain of the past and the effects it has had. Of course you are sorry and ashamed - you feel about it the way you do because you care so deeply. Open, honest acknowledgement of the sorrow of the past, understanding of the hurt incurred, sincere apologies for pain and distress caused and a determination for a better future; that's all we have in our power to bestow.

You have made a change - many changes - to haul yourself up and mend things. Not for you the spectre of the poor folks described in "The Reality of The End", or the fate of those with a parent who doesn't have the inclination or the will to help themselves, or who consciously chooses drink over family and friends. That's not you anymore. There's not enough Savlon in the world to soothe the scars of past wrongs. But you can forge a new, less-painful, brighter future. It's ok to be ashamed. But you are not a shameful person. It might seem at the moment like it will never be OK again. But, somehow, it will. It will be alright.

You don't have to out yourself, or say anything more than you want to. We understand. You're not alone in this.

With love. xx ❤

REP22 · 13/08/2024 14:34

And yes - what @Itsrainingten says. 100% better-put than I could say. Very wise words there. x