Hi, can I join? I've been sober for 458 days! I know that's a pretty decent stretch, but I have a lot of mental health and life stuff going on, and the urgh to drink is driving me crazy! I need some sort of release, which so far is overworking and being exhausted constantly.
Quick back story as to why I stopped....I was in a mentally abusive relationship for many years. My son turned 18 and decided to just up and leave the house to live with his dad, who had only come back into his life 4 years prior. Stuff from my childhood past came back via the police which messed with my head and started night terrors and panic attacks. This all happened in 2021.
So I started to drink, mainly red wine and Gin. Weekends at first but then more of a daily thing. By the last few months of that year my relationship had ended (which I see now as a good thing) and I started drinking daily at home, sometimes 3 bottles and feeling like death, then drinking to forget. The only time I didn't drink was when I went away for work. But even then, some jobs I'd still drink. One job I turned up slightly drunk nearly every day.
So, from the end of 2021 until the beginning of last year, I was an alcoholic. Drinking and going our constantly. I depleted all my savings on alcohol, drinking every day. My DD's dad threatened to take her away as she would have to call him totally come and get her because I was drunk again. I became a drunken mess, I knew it, but I didn't want to stop. I wanted to be drunk to not think. Even the thought of not seeing my daughter didn't stop me, but I wasn't being a mother cos I was hungover, and she just sat in her room to hide from me.
I then met my now DP, who turned my life around. On our first date, I was heavily hungover from the night before, our 2nd date. I was drunk and don't even remember seeing him. He sat me down, barely knowing who I am and basically, lay in to me ( in the nicest way ) it must have switched something inside. I slowly stopped the drinking...in my own pace. I didn't binge and would have a glass with dinner only. The swollen alcoholic face and mess I'd become started to disappear. I felt better about myself. My last drunken night out was with DP, at a gig, for his bday, we had a great time, and I decided I didn't want to drink after that. I did drink twice more, but only 1 glass of wine with a meal and a couple of months apart.
It's been a struggle, but I am proud of myself. The relationship with my daughter is so much better, she now stays with me half the week and likes to spend time with me. It's nice that I'm not a drunk and she's not embarrassed by me. Although I haven't seen my DS for 3 years now, neither spoken to him apart from the Happy Birthday messages. It hurts, but I now have a wonderful DP who I'm so glad to have found. He turned my life around, I honestly think I would still be an alcoholic had I not met him. If not dead or seriously ill. We also have our own little baby boy now too, who is wonderful, teething at the moment so lack of sleep but it's all worth it. I've started getting therapy and going to yoga, which I'm really surprised how much it has helped me mentally. I guess I'd forgotten how to breathe.
I'm able to go out with friends and not drink or have alcohol free. Although I do have friend who thinks I can "just have a small one" typical I even went out for my 40th until 5am sober...I don't know how I managed that but I was able to drive my drunk friends home at least. But like I said at the beginning, the urgh is always there, sometimes unbearable, but I think about the life I have now and what I wouldn't if I go back and it helps.
Sorry that was super long 🤣