The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome. We are a bunch of people (mainly women) trying to give up alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans who can offer advice and signposting.

We don't encourage moderation purely as it can be triggering for some to read.

I'm Wendy and I'll be the captain of the ship for the next two months or so.
I gave up drinking in January 2022.

Me too @Womanshour . I’d been on anti depressants for a while before going AF, and after a few months sober I still felt knackered with night sweats. My gynaecologist had been suggesting HRT for a while but I’d thought it was the booze, and when it clearly wasn’t, went on HRT.

I’ll never know if it was being sober or the HRT that got me off the ADs, and I guess it doesn’t really matter.

Well done on riding the craving @ponzusoup !

Thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife I've had lots of other symptoms (such as early/late periods, weight gain, hairs in unexpected places... etc). But a couple of nights ago I woke up to a night sweat which is new and I bloody hope not liver related as my liver has been treated well recently!

Right I will book and see what they say x

I think I'm through the menopause. I am 58 though. I had night sweats for about two years. It was covered up by the drinking at the time. I didn't have difficult ladies business so perhaps that's why. I can't take HRT anyway. If I was moody nobody said. I have brain fog from my health conditions so it's hard to judge. The Scandinavian countries eat a lot of fish and oats and seem to cope better.

Hello @Fortheloveofgodwhy
And welcome @Wazzzzzuuuuuuup

Thanks for the warm welcome all.

I've bought some flowers to celebrate 7 days and also sent DH to the shop for chocolate this eve. He is a very smart man and brought me a selection to choose from (kids have got the rejects), so I have one for tonight with a cuppa and one for tomorrow.
This will be my second weekend of keeping busy. I'm planning a gym and swim on Saturday am then going shopping for some new work clothes and shoes. On Sunday maybe a walk out somewhere (countryside or beach, weather dependent) and need to pop to the garden centre for compost and some bulbs for a community garden I'm involved with. Youngest DD is making friendship bracelets for our trip to Taylor Swift next weekend so I may get involved in that. We've also got a couple more London things to book as we are making a long weekend of it. How's everyone else planning on keeping busy this weekend?

It's really interesting hearing about people's experience with drinking/not drinking and the menopause. Anecdotally I've heard a few people I know talk about peri as a trigger to reduce/stop drinking. I'm only just past 40 so hopefully a few years to go yet, but my oldest sister went properly crackers with peri menopause onset at just 42. She drinks a lot, and I don't think the alcohol was helping at all with her poor sleep and irrational tempers. She's on HRT now and much better symptom wise but hasn't tackled the drinking (yet).

Good morning all.

I would say I had a better sleep but I woke up very conjested.

I am getting posh tonic for tonight. I like the blood orange one or elderflower.

Fingers crossed for a peaceful Friday night.

Greetings all. We've made it to another Friday.

@Wazzzzzuuuuuuup that's nice about the flowers, that's a great reward to have. I agree that planning is absolutely key - it is for me. I need to keep occupied, particularly at weekends. Planning and filling my time is vital. Your plans sound great. Mine are slightly less exciting. I shall be risking Sid's wrath by vacuuming downstairs with my newly unclogged hoover. Then we are off to cricket - an away match this time, in a nice part of the county and hour's drive away. So that will be good and should keep me going.

Here's Sid, with the summer grasses tickling his tiddler (sorry son) and wishing you joy of your weekend. He knows it won't be easy, but loves you all the more for it.

Particular strength to you all as we face the weekend. Stay strong, lovely shipmates. We are in this together. xx

checking in on friday. always a risky day as @REP22 says. best to make an early decision not to drink and crack on from there. i tend to do this daily.

i was drinking so much during early peri meno i didn't know what was what with sweats anxiety on the increase from all of it. canny GP gave me hrt with no tests 5 years ago when i was 49. apparently getting in it before then gives most benefits. anxiety was up and down, drinking increased , dad died , DD1 diagnosed with autism, work got harder, dinking increased again, starting ssris last year. defo thin the drinking masked the symptoms of everything and also myles the impact of the meds. now i'm sober im considering stopping the ssris as i think a lot of the anxiety was alcohol related. but i'm not jumping to anything - will see if i can get to 6 months sober ( october) and take a view.

love and peace ladies

MASKS the impact of the meds that should say.

trying to work type and tidy at same time 🥴

the mid life weight gain is a real pain. i'm about a half stone down since stopped drinking tho with another stone to go. slowly does it. have started fasting to midday. possible now i don't have booze related insulin spikes. allows me to eat lots at night instead of drinking. think you just have to find out what works for you.

Happy Friday all.

The weekend is always a tricky time. I did have a brief feeling of, "So is this it then?" Last night. I know my brain is still recovering and so I am not having the normal dopamine response to normal things but it was just a thought of "Another day, another diner to cook, wash to put on, dishes to clean and bed to go to. Boooooooring 🥱"

Anyway, l did get over it and didn't drink.

This weekend, I am taking DD and DM shopping on Saturday and then to SILs for a swim (they have a pool) and a BBQ lunch. SIL is TT for a decade.

Greetings, Earthings!!!

(Is that Mork & Mindy?) used to love that.

4th day of holiday, and no booze for me. Happy days!

I was so relaxed about the journey. We're overseas, a leave home at 3am and arrive around 4pm type trip. normally I would be stressed about any delay, but this time a delay in taking off and a delay getting off the other end didn't faze me at all. Previously I would have considered it eating into my wine time.

Beautiful weather here. Beautiful food. And lots of AF options which is great for me, I really enjoy AF beer particularly.

Got an AF bottle of wine last night.
It was NOT good 🤮🤮🤮🤮 pretty much Schloer. But never mind.

Will read up on the thread now xx

Nanu nanu @NextPhaseOfLife , glad you're having a good holiday, despite the delay. Sober holidays are so much better. I've never really tried AF stuff, I always worry it might be a disappointment or a trigger (or both). Hope you have lots of happy times.

@ponzusoup - sounds like you've been through the wringer a lot and booze was definitely not an ally, though it seemed impossible to manage without at the time. Do you ever look back and wonder how on earth you coped with it all while drinking? I certainly do. Been through all sorts over the past few years, especially 2012 - 2019; death, illness, trauma. All while sinking further and further into drinking. How and why I'm still here is a complete mystery. I don't know how I managed it. I really hope that as the sobriety and attendant benefits properly kick in, your life continues to improve in many, many ways. xx

Happy Weekend everyone and cuddles to Sid.

We've hit snags with the home improvements, so I'll be on my own for longer than expected. Hey ho.

I agree about sober holidays, but it's so hard to believe that when you equate having a good time with alcohol. We get so used to that, but look at the joy on Sid's face as he frolics in the grass, sober as a skunk ❤️.

@ShyMaryEllen ❤❤ Bad luck about the snags; hopefully nothing insurmountable. You're not completely on your own though - we're with you. (I mean that in a non-creepy way!). With love. xx

Evening all. Just popping on to say good luck tonight. Fridays can be the most difficult challenge. I use to stay in bed most Saturdays until lunchtime.
Tomorrow is a free day.

Thanks. No, it's nothing unsurmountable. The project manager is on the case, and is very efficient. I have some AF fizz and will probably have an early night.

Currently winding down from a very stressful week at work, I went straight out for a walk for an hour, and then my Dh cracked a beer as soon as we got back (Friday triggers, obvs) and I was relieved to have planned ahead and bought some Becks Blue so I don't feel left out. I know the intention is to replace the alcohol habits altogether, but in the early days an AF beer feels like a safe swap. I'm actually not so worried about my weekend drinking, it is the weekday creep that has concerned me, so if I can keep the AF beers to the weekend I won't be too derailed.

I'm not thinking about the 'after' yet, as I always go back to drinking after a month off. I can moderate for a while (months or years) but then it creeps in again. I suspect one day I will stop going back but not sure if it will be this time. The One Year No Beer book I'm reading along has daily lessons and at the end of the 28 days, it talks about options to stop altogether, continue the challenge or return to moderate drinking, so I guess I'll think about it then.

Either way, I'm waiting for a Chinese takeaway and looking forward to a productive weekend. I'm up early to the gym to work off the takeaway!

Happy Friday everyone

Evening all. Having a nightmare with elderly family but still here and still sober.
love to all
we have got this weekend

Hello,

I wanted to pop back on this wonderful thread to say that I’m still here and still sober! The last month has been filled with some major social events that I was dreading- but all was fine.
Thanks so much for the support. 😊

Good to hear from you @Sortingmyselfoutdayatatime and @dylexicdementor11 - well done on staying sober in the face of good times and bad.

Enjoy the gym tomorrow @Wazzzzzuuuuuuup - sober Saturday mornings are magic

Morning all…..

don’t really no where to start I’m currently 7 days AF but this is not my problem as such because I’m a binge drinker so staying away from alcohol is relatively easy. Until…. I’m in a social situation and I go all out and embarrass myself will black out majority of the time.

was at a family wedding last weekend which I’ve had extreme anxiety from all week to the point it’s affecting my mental health. My partner is sick and tired of what he calls babysitting me on a social night out.

apparently I couldn’t talk or walk he had to get me home I don’t remember anything and I did actually wet myself because I was so intoxicated….,really hard for me to write.

I don’t have an off switch I’m either go hard or go home and that’s what people have said over the years, but it has come to the point where I know I have to stop I just can’t be trusted to moderate because 5 times out of 10 it ends badly and always in social situations.

i actually gave up alcohol for 6 months about 5 years ago because of similar behaviour and I’m embarrassed to say I’m still making and doing the same patterns years and years of embarrassment.

I don’t really know where I go from here other than to refrain from drinking, I just wanted to get it out and write down how I was feeling which is still pretty low considering this was last weekend.

my partner is luckily fine with me, I don’t know how he must have been so embarrassed in front of his family.

I am my worst critic and still can’t forgive myself because I’m not the person I am when I’m intoxicated.

it has helped to read some of your post on here so I thank you for that I just don’t want to feel like this anymore.

Good morning lovely sober sisters and Sid.

@chance21
Welcome. We are here to support you. I had a similar background tale to yours. Always being 'helped home' by my ever patient DH. I never blacked out but I did wet myself once which was a wake up call.
When I look back I would have left me. I was a mess. However two and a half years later I am a changed women. Nicer to be around.
Chance do you feel you need a support group like AA or smart?
Ask any questions you like, we'll try to help. You'll find honesty here. X

Good morning lovely sober sisters and Sid.

@chance21
Welcome. We are here to support you. I had a similar background tale to yours. Always being 'helped home' by my ever patient DH. I never blacked out but I did wet myself once which was a wake up call.
When I look back I would have left me. I was a mess. However two and a half years later I am a changed women. Nicer to be around.
Chance do you feel you need a support group like AA or smart?
Ask any questions you like, we'll try to help. You'll find honesty here. X

Welcome @Chance21 . You're probably right that not having the first drink on a night out will be easier than trying to stop after a couple. That off-switch malfunctions in so many of us on here. I don't think that wonky off-switches can be repaired, I'm afraid. It's as though they are in a sealed unit, like iPhone batteries.

Is there an AF 'evening' drink that you enjoy, or even tolerate? Getting into the habit of ordering that can be helpful. I started on lime and soda, and moved from that to just soda water with ice and a slice as I found the cordial too sweet. I would have AF wine if more places stocked it (I live in the sticks), but I resent paying £££ for a 'virgin cocktail' which is just a sugary concoction. AF beer isn't bad if you are a beer drinker. I'm not, unfortunately, as it's much more widely available than AF wine. Anyway, if you find your own drink of choice it will help. I'm all about the amateur psychology when it comes to sobriety, so ignore me if that annoys you, but I think that habit plays such a big part in problem drinking, and if you replace one habit with another it makes things easier. For me it was wine, and I replaced that with the pretend stuff in the house, and soda and lime when out. It's odd at first, but over time it becomes the 'new normal'.

Good luck, and keep posting. I'm sure Sid will be along soon to introduce himself.

Hello! I am on holiday and doing fine 🏆 I can now order alcohol-free drinks in Italian. The biggest challenge was Heathrow, where I ordered an AF Peroni and was brought an alcohol one. Politely sent it back, was brought a gluten-free one. Politely sent it back, 3rd time lucky.
Anyway. Not much WiFi so I haven't read the whole thread, sorry. Welcome @Chance21 sounds like your dh will be a strong support if you ask. Take challenges one at a time and post here any time we can help.