New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

Morning all.
I was woken by the thunder.
1 tea down and I'm determined to have a day without drama. Our CFO wrote a mad, bad and disrespectful email to me so I thought feck it you are getting one back. So freeing to say 'how dare you'.
I'm not part of the boys club and he obviously thinks anyone wfh sits on their bum all day. I had to screenshot my phone list! Cheeky sod.
The pleasant response is they can stick it up their jumper.
I don't work for him but again a jumped up man wants to bully me. I bloody hate men in the workplace. Beauty is a woman's business but they crash land into it (from automotive again) and think how hard can it be to sell cosmetics? Bloody hard mate when every ticktok influencer is shaking their booty for sales.
BFF around for lunch so I shall switch my phone off otherwise I'll be stalking the corner shop.
Love to all.

Hope everyone is ok today.
@WendyWagon well done for sticking up for yourself against a douchebag at work.
@REP22 you're right about your assessment of childhood trauma amongst drinkers I think. Pretty much everyone I know of who is a problem drinker seems to have a sad story of neglect / abandonment/ abuse etc.
It's scary really. I spend a lot of time worrying I might be messing up my kids or even worse that the damage is done already from my drinking days. They're 9 years old, so I'm hoping I've still got time to fix at least some of the problems I might have caused for their future selves.
I really don't want them growing up with a drunk / alcoholic mother. Been there, done that. It's not great
I'm feeling pleased with myself today BC I'm 140 days which is 20 weeks alcohol free. I honestly didn't think I'd make 20 days so that is a big achievement. It's tough to remind myself that I'm almost definitely not CURED though. I've never been.able to.moderate and theres a little voice in my head saying it will be different now. I'm pretty sure it won't be though.
One downside though is I needed a wisdom tooth extraction yesterday. I was literally terrified. Shaking (I know that's dramatic but I have a dentist phobia) I wanted diazepam, but after a chat with the oral surgeon we decided it probably wasn't worth the potential risk to my sobriety with benzos being so similar to alcohol. So I had it done in the chair with just the local anaesthetic injection. I live to tell the tale but I am feeling a bit freaked out about it all.
Love to all x

Hi folks - jumping on this thread again after another relapse/bender. I think a trigger for me is that I feel very uncomfortable around drunk people so I drink to drown that out. But my DHs best friend is a big drinker (as is his partner) and we have several trips booked with them - my last two benders was when we went away with them - I am NOT using this as an excuse but I've been two holidays with just DH over the past year and I've not drank to excess. But yes, it was my choice to pour alcohol down my throat.

I think it has finally clicked that I cannot drink / moderate - I need to stop completely. My DD is raging with me as is my DH - and rightly so I guess. But I know deep down inside that they just want me to get better/be alright.

I know that everyone will say that we need to not socialise with them until I am a long time sober but one of the trips is in July and I really want to go as its somewhere I've wanted to go for years. The next one is not until early next year so hopefully I will have a good period of being AF by then.

So day 1 today - I only had two glasses of wine yesterday which I sipped over the day as I felt as if I was having withdrawal symptoms. I am still in the 'poor me, why can't I drink like everyone else' mode which I know is just the way it is - its just so bloody hard and depressing.

Well done for starting over @Pippa246.
Do you think it might help if you explained your situation to these particular friends? I imagine if they don't realise they're far more likely to be pushy. But you'd be a bit of a dick to try and push drink on someone who has explained that they are giving up for their health / because they feel their drinking has become a problem / whatever your main reason is.

@Itsrainingten - they don't force it on me - we went away with the belief that I would either not be drinking or I would be moderating. But a few wines is not enough for me so I snuck out and bought a bottle of gin - I was completely drunk and cannot remember much of the weekend or the drive home. I think they are probably thoroughly fed up with me as I did this on our last trip too. So its not like I am even having a good time - lying on the couch practically comatose while everyone else played board games is not a fun weekend! It's madness.

Edited to add - there's no way they would go away and not drink. They are both massive drinkers at the weekend - DH's friend also drinks too much during the week but manages to hold it together - but they don't sneak in extra drinks like I do - and I don't feel I can ask them to not drink. The good thing about the July trip is that is an activity type weekend so it won't be based around drinking - so I think I could go away and not miss drinking. But whatever way I look at it, I need to stop drinking - its just not good for me.

Hello all. Still feeling a bit tired after yesterday- I dozed off in the MRI machine, which is a first for me! Went for a lovely run this morning, which cheered me up.

Big congratulations on your 140 days @Itsrainingten - massive achievement! And well done on white-knuckling the dentist visit - we can do hard things!

Welcome @Pippa246 . Can I ask if you actually enjoy spending time with these people? I have a similar issue with a group of friends we spend a lot of time with, and I’ve come to realise i was drinking to escape. It’s hard now I don’t drink, so I try to find small ways to give me breaks, or excuses to go to bed early. Anyway, July is a long way away, so focus on getting through today. Good luck

@Onewildandpreciouslife - that’s an interesting question….I probably don’t on reflection as it’s very much always a drinking session and him and my DH just wax lyrical about growing up - they are more like brothers. But his friend has really tried to support me (other than not drinking around me) and I feel so guilty as I know how close him and DH are.

Im really hoping the July trip will go ahead but other than that, I won’t be socialising with drinkers.

That made me laugh @rep22. Pretty sure that Glasto isn't in my future but you'll be the first to know if it happens! That post performance buzz is so much better than alcohol ever was.
Good work @WendyWagon getting angry is definitely better than getting drunk. 💪
How are you feeling now @Itsrainingten ? I'm awful with dentists too. They always seem to leave just when I've started to be able to cope with lying prone while a strange bloke prods around in my mouth. I'd far sooner have a cervical smear, even though I don't have a cervix anymore.
Welcome @Pippa246 ! Take it a day/hour/minute at a time and you will be golden.

Good evening all
Sorry I don't have time to reply properly now.
It's going to be a tough hour or so -DP home from work shortly after big deadline. Classic crack a bottle time for us. Checking in here for accountability.

This would definitely be a drinking evening for us - sunny back garden, DH has a long weekend starting now, and we would usually be drinking Aperol Spritz at in the sun followed by takeaway and gallons of wine through the evening.

He's had a mocktail, I had a gingerbeer and now we're both on AF beer. It's not the easiest of moments, but the urge will pass.

Evening all.

I'm away on my own for a few days - my husband is at home and I have friends coming for lunch tomorrow. He got a click-and-collect grocery order for me before he went home and I got a bottle of wine as a sub for one of the bottles of my AF fizz. I think it might have been a mistake, as there was nothing in the email about it. Anyway, I've put it in the fridge to offer my friend with lunch tomorrow (her partner is driving). I briefly thought that if I drank it absolutely nobody would know and I could dispose of the bottle very easily, but the thought died as soon as it arrived - well, after five minutes or so. I think my period of temptation has passed, thank goodness.

My son and DIL have bought a house and are joining us at the weekend (my husband will be here then too). Whilst it would be lovely to raise a celebratory glass to them (it's their first house) I will have Sainsbury's pretend wine and enjoy it.

Morning all.
Still lounging around as my visit got cancelled. I'm doing a bit of work but my loyalty has been tested.
We don't have anything on this weekend. Hoorah after all the upset this week.

I hope everyone has their toolkit ready for Friday night.

Hello all. I hope your lounging is of a comfortable sort @WendyWagon .
I am on the sofa, have just finished a glass of nozecco. In my pjs after a non-stop day but it did include a 10k walk with a friend and it didn't rain too hard, so win... Anyway. I have a print in a new exhibition and Mr BB is collecting a takeaway later. My toolkit for tonight is AF drinks in the fridge and the promise of an early night.

Morning all.
Well done to everyone who surfed those cravings over the last couple of nights.

Good morning. That sounds like great planning @Blackberryblossom. Hope you are having a good weekend @Onewildandpreciouslife.

I am 2 months sober today. 61 days. Feels like ages and nothing all at once. I feel so proud about it, it felt impossible 61 days ago. I'm noticing positive things from keeping sober, my sleep, I haven't cried all week, I enjoyed seeing friends this week without booze and I whilst I'm not complacent I am not having (and loosing) that daily wine battle.

I've not lost any weight, but so far my priority has been sobriety. I hope everyone is feeling ok at the start of this bank holiday weekend x

And congratulations @Itsrainingten that is amazing. Also very impressed at those honest conversations at the dentist. I know that's something that risks my sobriety not being honest with myself and others about the risks.

Welcome @Pippa246 , you're in good company here.

morning all. well i screwed up last friday ( a week ago) at the wedding and inevitably ended up hammered. haven't touched a drop since so back to day 8. was too ashamed to come on and tell you all. but at least am back on it. going to take DDog for a walk in the sun and then will read back on the thread. can you see my dysfunctional hiding and avoidance tactics when things go wrong?

hope you're all ok ladies. will catch up later.

Morning all - day 3 for me. Atmosphere in the house is awful. DH still very upset - a mix of anger and sadness that our lives are like this. He had to phone in sick yesterday which is so unlike him as he was so depressed.

Really don’t know where we are going to go from here. I may have irreparably damaged the marriage. I’ve asked him if he wants me to move out but he says that would be even worse as him and the DC would just continually worry that I was drinking.

it really is a mess but I’m determined to succeed this time - not just for my family, but for myself. We all deserve better.

@ponzusoup - if you don’t mind me asking, how long were you AF before slipping up at the wedding?

here’s to a sober Saturday folks - we can do this. IWNDT

Morning ladies.
Well done on dusting yourself off@ponzusoup
Some of us long standing bods have fallen off the wagon, hence the name!
The difference is we acknowledge it.
When we make excuses and brush it under the carpet we learn nothing. Some try moderation but for alcohol dependant folk that usually doesn't work. It becomes a game. Booze bingo!

@Pippa246 if your DH has said he would be worried about you there is hope I read so many threads where posters say LTB I always get shouted down for offering hope and solutions. Or called an old soak who ruined my children's Iives. Nothing is as black and white as that.

@Womanshour well done.

I had horrible day yesterday. I think I'm losing my job again. I can't seem to find honest people to work with. I know it's my age. I don't want secrets anywhere. Lots of companies now don't care about their staff. Money is everything. I can't work like that. I took to my bed. I didn't even get dressed incase I ended up at the corner shop. Fragrant Wendy smells like a teenage boy! 😄

@Blackberryblossom ooh matron.

Welcome back @ponzusoup I can't remember how many day ones I have had. Well done on day 8. Every time I fell off the wagon I learnt something new which I hope will keep me on the straight and narrow.

@Pippa246 that sounds really hard. Congratulations on day 3.

@WendyWagon you've had such a horrid work time, I hope there are brighter things for you coming. X

thanks for the welcome backs means a lot. was out T a birthday party last night and stayed sober. have learned from that wedding once again that my drinking isn't like other people's drinking and i can never be satisfied with one or two. just need to accept it

@Pippa246 you poor thing. don't leave. stay put. your family are angry because they love you and want better for you. you are way bette served by facing this right here with them and showing them you can make changes.

i did 21 days before that wedding and now day 9. my original day 1 was provoked by something similar to you. horrible shameful incident where my family were just sad and sick of my ridiculous over the top puking drunkenness and i'd know for years i couldn't control it. i was and am sick of trying to control it. the fight of just having a few drinks when you want a million is just too exhausting!

there are people on here much more successful than me tho but i just wanted to reach out to you as you sound very much where i am. i took the advice of these brilliant ladies and am reading and listening to lots of sober lit and podcasts and just trying to be nice to myself and to keep busy. am also trying to be actively instead of passively sober .. in the past i've done the odd month off knowing i'll drink again so it's just been clinging on and not really making a commitment, which is the hard bit.

hope you're doing ok today.

Morning lads.
Horrible day yesterday. Accusations flying around from work colleagues. I asked them to give me my notice.

I've got wise to people since covid. No secruity or manners. The seemed to be such nice people but they accused me of lying. It's my absolute non negotiable due my childhood. It was a favourite of my mother's to accuse me of lying. Ex copper with a coppers nose.
I own a dormant company and they accused me of keeping it from them.
Complete nonsense and in plain sight. Breach of contract.

I fell of the wagon 28 months later. The son was very unhappy. Tasted like pond water. My DD poured it down the sink. I had apricot tart and cream.
It sunny here so garden pots.

Good morning all

@WendyWagon i'm sorry that work people are difficult. Enjoy the garden and the apricot tart. thanks as always for the inspiration.

@ponzusoup welcome back. i've been in your shoes many times and there is zero judgment here. there's going to be one time when it sticks tho, and, although i'm taking it day by day and very aware of my fragility, I've got a bit of hope now. Well done on the birthday party.

@Womanshour well done - we're both still here! am thinking of you enjoying this sunny morning feeling good and enjoying that with you.

@Pippa246 Hello. Keep going and the people you love and who love you will see the difference and respond.

@Blackberryblossom congrats on the print and i hope you enjyoed the early night.

I've had a rollercoaster few days. THursday was very tough. It scares me - I was so close to caving. My DH handed me a peroni zero and that was enough to get me through. Friday and Saturday should have been much more difficult - drinks party, thing at DC's school, out with a friend who had glass of wine. But I was fine with all of these. It's the unpredictabiltiy that scares me. The craving can swoop out of the blue. It's OK if I get through, but if I'm off guard, no centred, I know I could tumble and then be back with months of drinking before I clamber back on the wagon. Trying to build a stable centre that's less liable to collapse into the bottle bit by bit ....

Lots of love and strength to everyone getting back on the wagon. @WendyWagon i think it was you that once said “we are not bad people trying to be good, we are sick people trying to get better”. I’m not normally a fan of AA’s “alcoholism is a disease”, line, but we absolutely did not choose to be in this position. All we can do is muddle on from one day to the next - one day, one hour or one minute at a time.

Bit glum today - cried for the first time in ages. I used to cry every day. More coffee needed, I think. Onwards!

@livingalivelife totally relate to your comments. I can prep for big events, but the random trigger (as simple as sunshine!) and impulsive decisions to have a drink could go so wrong so fast.

Sending strength to all those having tough weekends x