New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

@Womanshour yes! Sun comes out and part of me is shouting wehay! Aperol Spritz in the garden - how can I NOT? I'm beginning to connect the poisoned feeling, sticky syrupiness of the drinks, wasted evenings, bad sleep and crappy mornings with that initial wehay, to face it down, which is a step!

Sorry to hear you are feeling down @Onewildandpreciouslife - be lovely to yourself

Ive been off the booze for a month. Im not a regular drinker but binge.. massively. I cannot have 1. Went to AA years ago but i hated the cult feel to it...not discounting anyone it works for oc. I have embarrassed my family in the past with drinking..ive injured myself a lot...falling asleep in public with drink...so embarrassing at my age .ive tried to stop many times. I am now sober and cannot go back.
I do not want my grandkids to hear about incidents where i embarrass myself with drinking...that mortifies me..so...im not drinking. Day at a time but i cannot drink ever. I have decided to do a health overhaul and start gym in june. I need to lose weight and this is also a motivator not to drink. I deserve better than the states i get into...so do my grandkids.

Btw i attended an all day wedding, receptions 3 wk ago..i never attended a wedding without me getting drunk. I went to this wedding adamant i wasn't drinking and i didnt. I just drank water with lemon.. asked bar staff for blackcurrant and water in a wine glass (so people weren't forcing alcohol or over questioning) and lime and soda water. It was difficult but got easier as day went in and tbh u notice others not drinking. Im proud of myself.

@livingalivelife and @ponzusoup - thanks. I will stay strong - I am really trying to reframe my thinking by focussing on what I’m gaining not what I’m losing/giving up. A quote that sticks with me is to imagine my life without an alcohol problem versus my life without alcohol - puts a much more positive spin on it.

@WendyWagon - working in a toxic environment was one of several traumas that combined to escalate my harmful drinking. It can consume your life. Good luck.

@Onewildandpreciouslife chin up my lovely - you’re always so supportive - just cry it out and move on - you’re doing fab.

Day 4 for me. Going out for dinner later with friends- these people will have maybe a bottle of wine between them over the night and water along with it - they’re the type of people who can walk away from an unfinished glass of wine! I’m not triggered by them so looking forward to it. DH would normally have a few wines and I would drive but he has said he will drive (even though I won’t be drinking and I didn’t ask him to) so I’m grateful for that.

My plan moving forward is to just focus on being the best version of myself and being kind to me for me. I do daft things like use an already used wet towel when I have a bath to keep the washing down -in fact I’ve actually taken towels out of the washing basket to reuse - but really that is me saying “I’m not worthy of a fresh dry towel” which is ridiculous but I’ve had enough therapy to recognise it. In fact I am going to get myself some self care treats tomorrow!!

Hope everyone has a super AF Sunday ❤️

@livingalivelife my connection that helps stops me is knowing that behind the smiles and the fun one is never enough and I am silently trying to slow to pace others waiting for others to hurry up to have another. It's exhausting really and it never feels enough, so then i carry on at home alone. And god if I drink with someone like me I who is drinking as fast and as much I am really in trouble.

@Pippa246 enjoy those self care treats!

@Loubelle70 welcome and congratulations that is an amazing achievement x

@Womanshour - I know the feeling too well. My REAL problems started when I clicked that people would never drink as fast as I wanted them to so I thought of the perfect solution! Hide vodka in a water bottle /add it to my wine/hide it in the bathroom then take frequent swigs if that whilst “drinking normally” in front of company. Genius!!

Two hours later I’m unconscious and they’re scratching their heads saying “she didn’t drink that much” - until it became very apparent what I was doing.

Im planning on bath bombs, a nice, high quality body scrub and some good moisturiser for face and body as my skin is sooo dry. Trying to avoid self-caring via chocolate, sweets and cake!

@Pippa246 it's so stressful isn't it. My attempt to manage was to drink before and after but it was a delicate balance which I got wrong many times. (I've left myself in such danger so many times.)

That sounds so lovely! Enjoy!

I think I've quoted this before, but it helped me in the early days - 'if you stop drinking you give up one thing and get to keep everything else. If you don't, you get to keep drinking but lose everything else.'

It makes sense.

Sending you all much love. Sorry to hear about the grim times some of us are going through. It will be alright soon.

We drew at cricket yesterday, against all odds. I was sitting in the garden earlier today reading Sunshine Warm Sober by Catherine Grey - her follow-up book to The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober. I can heartily recommend it. Ironically I've come indoors because it's getting cold.

Strength and love for the rest of the weekend and beyond. xx

I completely agree with you @ShyMaryEllen I have repeatedly said this to myself. It makes so much sense.

Hello everyone, is it ok to join?

I'm on Day 9 AF. I'm finding it fine at the moment. I have tried AF beer for the first time and really like it so that's helped.

I'm in my 50s, and fed up of the last two decades revolving around 'social' drinking.

When I drink, I eat rubbish, and I'm overweight, puffy and bloated as a result of both.

My DH is heavy drinker. We did dry Jan together for the first time this year. We did the month without much problem but went straight back to our usual ways.

DH knows he should cut down, but he won't or can't.

Although I've wanted to go AF for myself, a big secondary part is that he won't drink at home on his own, so me not drinking removes that from him.

I anticipate difficulty ahead when I am less interested in the pub, which is a regular thing for us.

But I'm giving up for my own sanity and health, and feel positive at the moment.

Am nearly finished The Sober Diaries - it's really hit home.

Thank you x

Welcome @NextPhaseOfLife and well done on your 9 days. You’re hopefully over the hardest part, and should start to feel the benefits soon

Thank you, @Onewildandpreciouslife

welcome @NextPhaseOfLife i'm also on day 9. feeling ok but exhausted. have been listening to the sober powered podcasts which are recorded by a sober scientist and it's really resonating with me. short episode for pretty much every sober related issue and lots of stuff about how the brain is affected by long term heavy drinking meaning you will be do much more anxious. good news is that the brain repairs itself a lot sfter 90 days . i find that quite motivating.

www.soberpowered.com/

Thank you very much for the link, @ponzusoup - I'll have a listen to an episode tomorrow.

Exhaustion is really tough, isn't it. Today is the first day I haven't been in bed by 8pm...
some of that was to go to sleep to curb the urges, the rest was being just knackered.

Morning all.
How are you doing @WendyWagon ?

Day 10 is the day that your cortisol levels go back to normal @ponzusoup and @NextPhaseOfLife so many people start to feel a bit better about now. But the exhaustion in the early days is really hard - hang in there

thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife have been having vivid dreams about uncomfortable aspects of my life. brain is defo going through something profound.

Morning all.
I'm fine @Onewildandpreciouslife .
Ive been fired more times than Billy Smarts cannon!

The problem with my industry is it's bitchy to start then add in a load of middle aged men who don't like senior women (and probably women in general). I never have a problem with female bosses. But men hate me. Other people's husbands hate me, estate agents hate me. The reason is I won't conform. I have an opinion and it's usually different to theirs. So the fights begin. I've worked in my industry for over 40 years. They haven't.
I didn't have any cravings last night. I watched the piano and howled to the Welsh voice choir. Reminded me of my late dad. He was such a nice man. I always want a chat with him and he's not there anymore.

Welcome to @NextPhaseOfLife it is worth the sober journey to wake up well.
No losing a day or looking puffy and grim.
8pm bedtimes will do you good. It's just the body resetting.

Good luck today all. X

Thank you, @WendyWagon. I also work in a male-dominated industry. It's full of a drinking culture, and probably where a lot of my habits started, keeping up and then surpassing them.

Sober-win last night - train problems meant a friend was stuck at a station miles away. Every other Saturday night, I would have had a drink and couldn't help -last night, I just went and got her.

Thank you, @Onewildandpreciouslife. I've woken up bright and breezy so that's a good start - dog is walked and garden centre beckons!

Please can I join this thread? I'm in my seventies, and I drink to sleep. No wine before about 9 o'clock, then I just continue up to about a bottle until I fall asleep.
I really want to stop doing this, I know how bad it is, but I feel that I can't sleep without it.

Good morning
Welcome @NextPhaseOfLife and I love your user name which expresses alot of what I feel (md 50s) and being sober is part of it. 9 days is fantastic. Drinking was a big part of my relationship, and it makes it harder to give up, no doubt. I find it easier to be out than at home - that early evening witching hour. I'm on day 62 now, and the cravings are starting to ease up tho I say that with extreme caution because it only takes one time of letting it overtake me. One thing I've found is that when I give up, DP drinks more moderately. I hope you find the thread helpful. It's a lifesaver for me.

@Pippa246 the wet towels! I think that you've identified somethign so important for us overindulgers - being able to take care of ourselves kindly and even to spoil ourselves in healthy ways. i recognise this pull to self-deprivation (then a wish to smash it all up with booze).

@ponzusoup I've been thinking about you, and how glad i am that you've dusted yourself off and come back. i'm going to look at sober powered.

hello @Talulah98 and welcome to the thread. there's lots of experience with sleep here and i bet you'll get some great advice on getting through the first few nights.

good to hear that you didn't have cravings in midst of the horrible men @WendyWagon - i'd like to think a time comes when i just don't think about alcohol.

rainy bank holiday here and i'm hoping to get alot of boring admin done.

@Loubelle70You sound to be about my age, with grandchildren. Well done on getting through a wedding without drink.
@livingalivelife Thank you, and I'm looking forward to reading everyone's experiences on getting sober. I have downloaded an app called TryDry which was recommended to me. It might be useful to others.

Hi Newbies!

I'm a great believer in making going to bed as comfortable and pleasant as possible when detoxing. I still do a lot of the things I put in place then. I bought a hot stone oil warmer and some lovely oils (mine were from Aromatherapy Associates, but obviously other brands are available). I got matching bath oil - as in the scent matched the oils in the bedroom - and new pyjamas. It was August when I had my last drink, but when winter came I got an electric blanket.

I would put oil on the warmer, turn on the blanket in the winter, and run a bath, so the smell was there when I got out and the bed was warm. I'd lie in the bath for as long as I wanted, then put on my new PJs and get into bed. At first I knew I'd be wide awake for ages, so I watched TV for a while - something undemanding and not too exciting that has millions of episodes - I watched Stella and Downton Abbey, and probably others that I've forgotten. When I was sleepy I'd put on sleep headphones and listen to a hypnosis session. I liked one by Craig Beck - it's called something like Giving Up Alcohol and is available on Audible (free if you use their trial offer). The headphones are under £20 on Amazon and well worth every penny.

I think it was the ritual that helped. As soon as I smelt the oil I associated it with bedtime, and lying in a fresh bed in nice PJs is so much better than collapsing into an unmade bed in an old tee shirt. The hypnosis was mostly of the 'feel your feet get heavy' variety, so was very relaxing - I rarely got as far as the bits about alcohol - and the whole experience was pleasant. I still use the oils and the headphones, but now I use an app called Rain Rain, which lets you mix numerous sounds (mostly different types of rain, funnily enough) and is basically white noise. It makes me feel cosy and safe, and again, I associate the noise with going to sleep. I always take sleep headphones when I'm going away, and struggle without them.