New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

Sorry to hear that @REP22
Don't be too hard on yourself. You've been doing brilliantly and 1 slip up isn't the end of the world. Tbh I wonder if it might be worth not resetting your clock? You could say 100 days (or whatever you were on) with 1 small slip, rather than going back to day 1? I know id find that less demoralising personally. And in a weird way maybe being on a/b's and them making you so sick will actually be helpful in the long run? Making you associate drinking with the sickness like that?
Anyway sending you positivity. You got this.

Thank you @Itsrainingten, I really appreciate that. I know what you mean about the app - I did give it some serious thought, but decided to be honest with myself. You're right about the a/bs - I never want another night like the one I've had.😱 It was a valuable lesson learned. No idea why I did it.

Sending love. x

sending love strength and understanding to you @REP22 this is all part of the sober journey. so proud of you for. checking back in and getting back on it.

i am keeping two tallies , one ignoring my drunken day and one resetting it afterwards. so i can use whichever suits my mood

as a fitness trainer i know says, if you burst one of your tyres you don't go and slash the other three. you mend the broken one and get back behind the wheel.

you will feel better very soon. these things will pass

Thank you so much @ponzusoup , I really appreciate your kind encouragement. xx

@REP22 don't be hard on yourself. You should be proud of yourself for having the courage to tell the truth. You may remember I had a slip up thread. For me it was better to reset the counter but it's personal - whatever's going to help you most. Big hugs here xx

Thanks so much @livingalivelife I really appreciate the solidarity. This thread is amazing. x

Morning everyone,

Hi @REP22 - thank you for posting and being transparent. That's such a courageous thing to do and I really appreciate it.

It helps me to not be complacent and recognise that anyone can have a blip. Thank you.

I'm also glad your dog was giving you love - they're just the best animals, aren't they.

Thank you @NextPhaseOfLife - don't know where I'd be without the dog! I hate myself for being such a mediocre owner though. He's very forgiving. x

Hi @REP22 I'm so pleased you've popped on to say it was hard and your back. You said something very kind to me in my early days on here that made me cry, I hope you are showing yourself the same kindness.

Healing never will happen in a straight line, how we handle the wobbles has to important to this journey, you've had a wobble but got back on.

Hope you're feeling better quickly x

Thank you @Womanshour , I am so glad my earlier words were helpful. ❤I am rarely kind to myself. But as ItsRainingTen said, it has been a salutary experience, being so unwell with the a/b side-effects. Never again.

I'm annoyed with myself, as I'd been doing so well. But picking myself up and keeping going. Thank god for this thread. You're all so lovely. x

Thank you for coming back to us today @REP22 and being so transparent.

Annie Greys This Naked Mind companion app calls a slip a datapoint. One that allows us to reflect on our why's and testing the reality of AF Vs non-AF

So you could say you were just testing the hypothesis.

Much love and gentleness to you today. 🫂

PS I am usually extremely cynical and sceptical of "spirituality" and self-help but I am listening to "Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach and it's proving really useful.

Oh and I saw an affirmation on the Reframe app today

"I am enough. Just as I am" ♥️

Thank you @EastCoastDamsel , you're very kind. I like the idea of calling it a datapoint. That makes a lot of sense. Certainly the data all points towards one conclusion: it simply isn't worth it to reach for the bottle. Back on the chocolate milkshake I go. xx

@REP22 thank you for sharing. As @ponzusoup says in her tyre slashing analogy, you are fixing the tyre and moving forward. That takes strength and courage. This sober life isn’t easy. We get stronger from our blips. And that’s all they are and we learn from them. And what’s this about being a mediocre dog owner?!! You are not! You ARE everything to your dog- and as long as you provide the love and the food, dogs are not judgy ( although I do wonder as mine does give me the odd look 👀)

I have two sober app totals too. I had a very planned and controlled drink around day 175, on a truly awful day. It served to me as a reminder that booze does not help and it made no positive difference to the situation. It was such a helpful reminder and has seen me through a few more tough moments.

Not counting that, I am on 225 and I have worked hard to get here and, for me personally I can let those days count, I am not in competition with anyone but myself. So at then end of the day you’ve got to do what works for you.

congratulations to all the mums who have survived GCSEs- what a relief all round they are done. None in this house this year, but next year I have a double whammy of A levels and GCSEs. The horror.

Thank you @threeandmeandthedog , that's so kind of you. 🙂You are right - I have to draw the positives from what happened and if it helps me to keep booze-free in future that can only be a good thing. 225 days is absolutely brilliant, congratulations. I will look forward to the clear headed mornings to come. xx

That's very kind, but I may have misrepresented 'matching' 😂

They are cream with a black stripe to match my cream cupboards and black handles - nothing fancy.

This is the pattern https://whileberry.com/blog/buttermilk-tea-towel-free-knitting-pattern

That's really nice @ShyMaryEllen. I've never been able to master knitting, but I do tapestry canvasses and used to do cross-stitch. I used to have a Saturday job in a tapestry shop - we once had a customer who completed a very large, beautifully-detailed and intricate cross-stitch picture as a gift for some friends in the USA. The kit cost over £100 and it took her over a year to finish it. It was then sent via airmail - unframed to save on postage - to her friends. She and her husband went to visit them in the States not long after - and they were using the picture as a tea-towel... 😳Oh dear.

Oh no! I've done cross stitching too, and know the work (and cost!) involved. That would be heartbreaking.

You know @REP22 booze is a siren song and a temptress.
Why ever we start drinking it is within us and unless we let it out ( through self acknowledgment or therapy) I believe it is always there.
We might like the taste (champagne only for me) or the initial ah of the treat but as you and I know moderate drinking would not be possible. We would soon be back to a bottle a night or more.
We are but a work in process and we are not perfect. Lots of us have big jobs and stressful lives. Without support who is there to say keep going? you're doing great. So let me join your other sober sisters, you're perfectly imperfect and a force for good on this thread. No apology needed, we understand. Bless you xxx

Thank you so much @WendyWagon - for your kindness and your wisdom. It was indeed a work situation that led me astray. Horrendous week of utter chaos and malfeasance and I told myself I'd earned it. Folly, all folly. I'd been doing so well too. And the upshot is that I've had to haul myself to work (although at home) to deal with more chaos that erupted over the weekend whilst feeling utterly rubbish.

Honestly, I am daily anticipating the Eastenders "Doof-doof-doof-doodoodoodoof" every single time a particular colleague opens his mouth. I wish I was exaggerating.

But you are right - it is simply not possible to moderate. Having none in the house is the only way.

Thank you❤and all power to you in your own work situation. You are Boadicea, sticking up for yourself the way you do. xx

well said and hear hear @WendyWagon 💜

Well lads I finally got paid today by the current company and I feel free. I have worked like billio to effect a new job today. No more Mr Nice Wendy. Any toxic alert at interview, I'm not doing it.
I had a great day on Saturday on my business social media and I got a lot of new high powered friends.
Although I am not an only child I was lonely. I'm a sociable person and need personal connections. I am aways happy to add to the gang. We never know if someone lives alone or is lonely so I'm like the nutter on the bus, up for a chat.
A smile and a compliment costs nothing, cross me and I am Boudica. However she doesn't pop up so much these days!
A cup of tea now I think.
Stay focused my friends. Channel Lily Allen in a certain video if you need to (my friend big C sent this to our ex boss last week. I laughed my socks off).
All will be well.

That's brilliant @WendyWagon - you are fantastic and deserve nothing but success. I think you'd look good in a two wheeled chariot shaking a spear, a la Boudica 😊

I know the Lily Allen song you're referring to. 😉I admire your friend's balls in sending it to the ex-boss. Coincidentally it popped up in my random music playlist in the car the other day. I believe she wrote it originally relating to George W Bush, but it could equally apply to the Orange Infant of late - he makes Dubya look like a paragon of wisdom and moral fortitude. 🙄xx