New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

Thanks for your good wishes @ponzusoup - hope you enjoy the Catherine Grey book - I like her writing style and a lot of what she says really chimes with me. I think the 'Unexpected Joy' book has a section on how to navigate boozy parties/weddings/outings and the sorts of things to say. It can be hard, but "no thanks" is a complete sentence and you shouldn't have to justify your choices. Easier said than done though. You can do it, I'll be thinking of you and we are all rooting for you.

CG's other book Sunshine Warm Sober is also worth a read. Congratulations on the 47 days!

One easy excuse is antibiotics - I'm on my eighth lot since February and they have some unpleasant enough side effects, without adding booze to the mix. Ah well, all shall be well.

The dog keeps me going. Here he is, towelling off after channelling his inner Hasselhoff on our recent beach holiday...

Strength and love to you all. Keep going. It will be alright. xx

He's absolutely gorgeous @REP22 !

I have developed a bit of a quilt audiobook habit! Of to Google Catherine Grey.

Thank you @EastCoastDamsel , he is a sweetie, I'm very lucky to have him. He's built for loving, not for fighting! Not interested in the ladies though. He's a big fan of Eurovision, IYSWIM... 😉

Can't beat a good audiobook! Catherine Grey's The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober and Clare Pooley's The Sober Diaries are the two books that helped me the most. Also, Sober Dave's podcast "One for the Road" is quite good. Different books suit different people of course, but those two were most useful to me and not in any way sanctimonious or preachy.

Hope you enjoy Catherine grey @EastCoastDamsel
I am the vet with my pup @REP22 - he's being very brave ... enjoy your gorgeous dog x

Friday night check in. I still struggle on a Friday. The cravings will pass.

Love to all

@EastCoastDamsel good for you and your work! Are you 'behind'? My work quality has def improved since quitting.

Funny day today. Went to a work thing where I was passed a glass of wine. Had a panic about it tbh. Almost announced I was pregnant (I'm not) just so i didnt have to accept it!! How ridiculous. I took it walked around holding it and then put it down without having.

Then when I got home I found a friend I'd helped out with something has dropped me off some wine to say thank you. I'm not touching it and I'm OK with it, but what a day of temptations!!
X

Blimey @Womanshour double tested and you passed!! Congratulations
I'm 6 months AF today. Whoop!

Wow @Itsrainingten 6 months. That's an amazing achievement congratulations! How are you feeling at 6 months?

I find it nuts how alcohol obsessed our society is! No one would drop me around a bit of heroin as a thanks for the hand! But wine is fine.

Hello all. Have been directed here from @Loubelle70 . Day 6 for me today

@Womanshour I'm feeling so much healthier than I was 6 months ago. The main difference is my mental health. I literally feel like a different person. It's amazing.
@REP22 your doggo is gorgeous 😍
I can't believe you're on your 8th round of antibiotics in 4 months. I hope your taking probiotics to offset some of the side effects?
@Anotherdaydone welcome! Congratulations on 6 days. 1 whole week tomorrow then!

Welcome @Anotherdaydone this is such a great bunch of women! I am day 14 today.

Congratulations on 6 months @Itsrainingten ! Amazing achievement 🎉🎉🎉

@Womanshour my work is very project based and I am a team of one so I have ALWAYS felt "behind". My manager has never complained, in fact he has often told me to stop flogging myself so hard and to accept that I can't do everything all the time.

I am justifying my current slacking a bit by telling myself that although I may not be working ALL the hours anymore, I am surely better off not drinking myself to death and then not being able to work ANY hours ! 😁

I almost had a traditional Friday night argument with DH last night (these have become standard recently).
It was about the way in which he tends to dismiss my feelings about a certain career decision/life change that I made 15 years ago. Without being too "outing", I moved to England from abroad after DH (then DF) decided to come back home (we met in my home country ) and in doing so committed career suicide AND left all my friends and family "at home". I worked in an industry where most people identify (as did I) AS the job.

It took me YEARS to stop feeling like an utter failure and disappointment to myself and a very long time to settle down and make human connections. We live in a fairly rural part o the country where most people have lived for generations and new comers are not readily accepted.

Anyway DH has always struggled to understand the internal anguish as in his mind I am successful and high achieving so can't understand why going from the life I had and the self image that accompanied that to skint, country, housewife and mummy was so difficult to accept.

The conversation was triggered by me telling him about a friend from uni who has recently moved to outside Stockport going through a very similar existential crisis and him just not getting it!

Anyway this sort of tension and conflict would very much have led to (another) glass of wine and an escalation of the argument in the past Though I had a fleeting thought of "this used to drive me to drink" , I knocked the argument on its head, did not drink AND settled down with DH and DS to a film with a mug of peppermint tea!

@EastCoastDamsel sorry to hear about the argument with your DH. Sounds like you've completely changed your whole life to be with him. No wonder you struggle with him downplaying how you feel about it. Wel done for not getting out the wine.

Morning all.
Welcome @Anotherdaydone - glad you found us.

Congratulations on your 6 months @Itsrainingten 👏👏.

@Anotherdaydone yayyy!! Welcome to thread ♥️

Morning lovelies.
Busy night yesterday on the thread.

I have told said skincare company to go away. (my big cheese DACH friend recently sent our ex boss a recording of Lily Allen! 😄 ). I didn't go that far.
It feels great so I have been working the old business social media today stone cold sober.
I have a telephone interview next week. Hoorah.
I must get a slimmer photo up. Wfh I haven't been that groomed. I need to look sparkly. (narky more like but old age makes me want to give up the charm).

Welcome to @Anotherdaydone @Blackberryblossom@Blackberryblossom sorry for tagging the blinking phone is playing up.

Thanks all. Saturday night. Am in bed with cat, book and a mug of tea. Rock and roll.

Sound blissful @Anotherdaydone . Day 7 loading... A whole week AF. Amazing 🎉

I want to be in bed with a book and a mug of tea but I stripped the bed today while doing a very overdue house clean and didn't remake it immediately (always a mistake) and now can't move my arse off of the sofa.

Evening chums.

I am feeling under the weather, and have done for weeks. I'm not ill, just tired and groggy. I don't know why, as my B12 injection's not due for a while. I'm going to go to bed soon.

I've been knitting a tea towel to match my new kitchen😂
Ridiculous I know, but it looks great. My husband muttered that he married a party animal, and now she's knitting tea towels and predicting the weather with her knees. Harsh, but fair, I suppose.

@ponzusoup , how are you feeling physically these days? Do you still want to get a checkup?

Just checking in as I have just returned from my first AF wedding. It was good, in the end, but it was a strange one.

I live in a city and it was local, so I walked there. I hadn’t given it much thought, but stood at the bar with my friend I had a real moment of ‘Fuck it!’ And almost ordered a wine. However in that moment I realised it just didn’t appeal and I did not want to get drunk.

It was a lovely wedding, friends and family had out it all together and it was low key and very heart felt.

It highlighted how much I used drinking as a way to cope with social situations. Even though there were lots of friends there I still felt a bit nervous and awkward. There were lots of fleeting thoughts where I felt that I was boring sober, and had nothing interesting to say. I did find it hard having a few conversations with people I didn’t know too well…. But it got easier. I relaxed and I also realised that it’s ok to stick with people I feel at ease with and not be super social. So I did that.

The toasts were fine. I was given a glass of champagne, I raised it to toast, but didn’t drink. No one noticed or cared.

A few people commented and asked if I was still not drinking. I just said nope, enjoying sober life and changed the subject.

I went solo, my kids are with thier dad. And it was nerve wracking, but I was with friends and glad to just have myself to take care of and not 3 teenagers in tow. My ex is a heavy drinker and it was never fun watching him get utterly shit faced at weddings and joining him half the time. So that was a bonus too.

There were a few moments where I felt so many intense feelings. The speeches were personal, thoughtful and really genuine. Very emotional . But it was ok just to be in the moment, the intensity passed , I did feel overwhelmed at one point, but it was fleeting.

I ended up reconnecting and having a lovely conversation with someone I hadn’t seen for ages. Everyone was on the cocktails and shots and I left quietly and walked home in the rain. I am very far north and it is still light

so I am sat in bed, with the springer (I felt bad leaving him alone all evening so have relented and let him on the bed) and the cats, I have taken off my make up (never bothered when pissed) and I feel calm, tired and pretty chilled.

It’s nice to hear others are enjoying a chilled evening. Those of you who are under the weather, I hope you feel better soon.

Wow @threeandmeandthedog that's an amazing achievement. I have often thought weddings must be especially tricky. But you did it and I bet you had a much better time. The last wedding I went to I got so drunk and absolutely hated myself the next day. It will be so nice to wake up tomorrow and not have the fear and anxiety and to actually remember everything. Well done. Really.

Congratulations @threeandmeandthedog sounds like a great wedding.

We have a family event today all day. There will be drinking. I am nervous about going because here is a lot of underlying family tension (long and complicated story) .

Usually, I would drink to hide away from my feelings of unease and all the difficult, complex shit going around.

Today I am looking forward to being an actual positive presence at the event and being of actual help to the hostess.

I have also decided that , if things get too much, I will go hang out with the kids/slinky upstairs to lie down in one of the guest rooms for a little bit.

Sounds a great day @threeandmeandthedog . It’s a great gift to be really present for the whole day.

Good luck today @EastCoastDamsel . I have been reading a lot about acceptance recently and there is one mantra that I have found really helpful. “This is what is happening right now. I am doing the best that I can”.

It doesn’t sound much, but I find it really calms the sense that I need to escape from a situation- just throwing that out there in case you find it helpful!

Thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife . That IS helpful.

I think I will be using that a lot today.

Morning all.
Up early with a kissy dog. He got into our room.
The DS is here with the girlfriend for the weekend so I had to offer my AF fizz from Marks. She's not a drinker. The son wouldn't allow it.
I went up to my boudoir early too. Watched some telly and woke up still feeling positive on the job front.
I've grown some bumps on my elbow since this new treatment. I have had 'Fred', there for years but he's been joined by two mates. Doctor for me unfortunately.

Congrats to all attending events sober. You do get to have real conversations. And no fear the next day.
I always find Sundays a relief that I have survived the weekend. I didn't really drink on a Saturday but I use to lose the day to my hangovers. Thank God that's not my life anymore.

Thanks @Itsrainingten the last wedding I was at was a few years ago and I still cringe when I think about it. 😳 I didn’t do anything that awful, it’s just drunk me makes stupid choices, puts myself above my children’s needs and best interests, and is just focused in on ME DRINKING and never knowing when to stop.

@EastCoastDamsel good luck today- it will be so much easier to cope with any underlying tension sober than when drinking, hanging out with the kids and finding a quiet space sounds like a good back up plan.

@Onewildandpreciouslife thats a great mantra.

@WendyWagon i would take being woken up by dog kisses any day over a hangover. Hope Dr can sort your elbows.

When drinking at weekends I used to keep the day after clear and write it off in advance as I knew I would be good for very little other than dragging myself through the day. It makes me sad to think of the time I have wasted. Time is precious. But here, today, it’s not raining (yet) and I have a whole day ahead of me, with no plans, other than to enjoy the peace and quiet. Bliss. I now really appreciate time alone- I used to dread it- that’s a big change too.

Anyway- wishing all a calm Sunday 🙏 ☀️

Morning all

Welcome @Anotherdaydone - tucked up with a book and a cat is awesome and I hope you're enjoying a sober Sunday morning - one of our great rewards, I think.

Sorry to hear about your difficult situation with your DH @EastCoastDamsel - it sounds really tricky. 100 per cent with you on making the bed straightaway else you end up in that horrible situation of wanting a lovely clean bed to collapse into but you've got to make it first ... x

@ShyMaryEllen knitting a (matching!) tea towel is impressive and ALOT harder than being a party animal ...

That is such a great and helpful account @threeandmeandthedog . Very well done especially on overcoming your fuck it moment. They are the worst and have done for me many times. I'm glad it was overall a positive experience. I connect with you having one good conversation - I've had that sober and realised one good conversation is more rewarding than a la evening of slightly pissed non-connection. I like picturing walking home peacefully.

I've announced to my DP that we're having a sober Father's Day and that I don't want family celebrations to revolve around alcohol. There's lots of good reasons not to drink for everyone in the family today and I need the support in my sobriety. There's a place for life and let live but I decided to be a bit more assertive today. He went a bit quiet but he can't really argue with the sense of it.

Wishing you all a good day x