New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

@livingalivelife - none of us set out to give our kids anything less than perfection.

Whether it's work, money, relationships, mental health or otherwise, we all have things to deal with that may have meant that didn't happen all the time. We are human.

I can look back on incidents I'm not proud of. I often do that too much, instead of the 1000s of times I was a great parent - that's probably human nature too.

What I will say is, all of us have the opportunity to show those we love that we can show love to them now in the way we wish we maybe had in the past.

I like to focus on that. We are all flawed humans. Some of us just get wiser and warmer as we progress 💕💕💕💕

Morning all.
I hope everyone is well.
Quiet on the western front Chez Wendy.

@ShyMaryEllen I think guilt is only helpful when it's motivating us to change. You've done the hard work and changed, we can't change the past. I think most parents fuck up somewhere, but not all parents acknowledge this and change what they were doing.

I hope you give yourself the credit for doing the hard work to change?

Just coming up to 3 months. Feeling strong right now. The thought that continues to help me most is the drunk enough dance I was always navigating. Having just enough to be drunk before meeting people but not too drunk for people to see, topping up enough so I was continuing to get drunk but not too quick that people would notice. Always trying to get drunk enough, but not to make a fool of myself. Sometimes managing it, sometimes not.

I went out Friday, the only sober person, and just felt so relieved not to have to do the drunk enough dance.

Hope you all have peaceful Sundays x

Oh and I'm so grateful not to have the daily wine chat in my own head. Shall I get wine today? (Which of course was always yes...) My sleep is good. My emotions are still intense at times but I'm not crying as much or feeling so intensely anxious. (Although I still have things to work on here...) x

2 month sober. Im taking control.
I have booked onto a swimming course next week. Positivity moving forward.
Xx

Well done @Loubelle70! The swimming course sounds great!

Everyone feeling guilty about having been a drunk parent should feel proud that they no longer are! You've got off the wheel and your kids can see that. My parent never did and sadly died very young because of it. They chose alcohol over everything else including andy siblings. You did NOT. You were on that path and you saw the way and changed the future. That's amazing and I bet your kids are so proud of you.
Some parents never have an alcohol problem, true. But if they never faced adversity in that way then they haven't overcome it. You're showing your kids that however hard it might have been you chose life and them first. And that's amazing.
I saw a friend yesterday that I haven't seen in 10 years. We used to be very close but she moved away. She was at least as bad as me, maybe worse, with alcohol. The 2 of us would go out and regularly have complete blackouts, crawl into work feeling the shame and anxiety, damage relationships with other people, get into dangerous situations etc. Shes turned her life around. Gave up alcohol completely 5 years ago. It was so great and inspiring to see how happy and healthy she is now. And she was so happy to hear about me taking the same path. We reminisced and chatted for hours. I'm so proud of her and it strengthenedy resolve even more.
You're all doing an amazing thing ladies xx

Thats amazing... well done!!
Hopefully our guilt lessens the longer we stay sober xxx

@Itsrainingten that's so wonderful about your friend. Its so exciting to hear about lives being lived after alcohol that are happy and healthy. I'm still such early days but I feel we've been sold such a con with alcohol.

When I gave up smoking (took me ages to do as of course I did it obsessively.) To finally get out of its grip I had to start hating it. That's starting to happen about alcohol, rather than romantacising the first glass remembering the last. The panicked 3ams, the worrying about stinking of booze the next day (everyday,) and feeling like i needed it just to cope. I think there's a better future out there and it doesn't include booze.

Thanks for the wise words on drunk mum guilt all round. For me it wasn't so much reeling around obviously pissed but more subtle - not quite there, especially if they woke up distressed when they were little and I wasn't patient. And more recently I saw them see me take that extra glass. They know, they always knew. More insidious in a way. I know you are all right about forgiving ourselves. I am so crap at that and I torture myself.
I'm working on really letting myself depend on other people. I'm realising in sobriety that this is what makes it hard - because of past trauma, I don't feel anyone is reliable so I relied on the absolutely certainty that alcohol would get me drunk and take away the feelings for a bit. The thing is that I do have trustworthy people to depend on - I just (just!) need to let go.
Staying with feelings is hard (to paraphrase summary of all quitlit ever)
Good luck tomorrow @WendyWagon

Ah yes good luck @WendyWagon hope it goes great.

hi all just popping in to explain my withdrawn post which was a picture of a glass and bottle of sparkling alcohol free wine. i was recommending it as it was lovely but quickly realised the sight if what was apparently a glass of fizz may have provoked some people so i asked for it to be removed.

anyway, hope everyone is ok. @livingalivelife your post really resonated.

I hope it's ok to post here, rather than start my own thread.

Good afternoon. I have been a heavy drinker for many years (at least a bottle of wine most days) and have a BMI of 36.
20 days ago I decided I had had enough of feeling rubbish for most of every morning, sleeping poorly and being so overweight.
I've been watching a few threads on here and dipped into a few of the suggested podcasts and books (thank you all for the recommendations) and feel confident I can continue not to drink, although I'm not complacent and know there will be challenging times ahead. I am starting to sleep better and am less anxious, so things are starting to improve.
However, I have dropped a grand total of 0.6lbs. I have been logging my food on my fitness pal and with the exception of a couple of days, have not gone over the recommended 1680 calories a day for someone who exercises moderately. I run 18km a week, drink over 2L of water a day and try to eat low carb/high protein/31g fibre. On the days I don't run I walk at least 12k steps. When I was drinking my calorie intake was well in excess of 2000 a day.
So, I am concerned that the lack of progress with the weight loss is going to get me down and if I get down, I may think "sod it" and start drinking again.
I know other positives about stopping drinking are important but weight feels important to me.
Please tell me your experiences with weight loss after stopping drinking and/or recommend any resources that will help me persevere.
Thank you for reading so far.

@GrannyOfDragons welcome! Im sorry to say that I haven't really noticed any weight loss personally, although I haven't really been checking because wight isn't something I really have an issue with. I HAVE noticed that I have a bit less cellulite on my bum and thighs though so that's nice. Maybe that means less fat / more muscle? Or maybe it's less toxins? I'm not sure.
I also have way more motivation to actually exercise and I do less mindless scoffing in front of the telly with a bottle of wine.
On the other hand I do have a tendency to think I deserve a treat since I'm not drinking. Maybe that's my problem?
I have seen LOADS of other benefits though.

Afternoon all.
@GrannyOfDragons i have lost five stone in two years after I stopped drinking.
Why? I lost the taste for cheese and crisps.
I had a bmi of 42 when I stopped drinking. I was down to have a gastric sleeve. I'm too light now and shortly will be for the jab too.
It does take a while for your taste buds to adjust.
I don't eat cake or chocolate but I love fruit. I buy myself posh mangoes, soft fruit etc. I don't exercise as I am newly disabled. Keep going.

Wow @WendyWagon 5 stone is bloody awesome. Well done.

How was the interview, @WendyWagon?

I've been feeling really off the last few days. I'm sleeping badly, joint pain has been horrible, and I'm dizzy, overly emotional and weepy, and finding it hard to think clearly. I'm woozy.

In short, I feel like I'm either drunk or hungover, but I haven't had any alcohol at all.

I'm going to have a couple of days off the painkillers (god help me) to see if it's those making me feel so weird. I know strong painkillers can affect people in strange ways.

Here's hoping it's resolved - I haven't felt this thick since I was drinking.

No interview folks. Postponed.

Oh how annoying, @WendyWagon - do you mind?

Hey Ponzo - phew - I did spot the removal and hoped you were ok xx

@WendyWagon - wow - 5 stone - incredible , well done.

@GrannyOfDragons - welcome to the thread 💕

I've been AF now for about 6 weeks. I didn't lose any weight in the first few weeks (prob because I was also munching chocolate on the evenings).

My appetite has now regulated. I've probably dropped about half stone in the last two weeks within trying. My clothes fit so much better and I look so much better.

I've upped my water intake to 2 litres at least a day. That's made a big difference.

I'm in my 50s so overall expect the weight loss to be slow, but it will happen.

I love the sound of your fitness. Do you do any strength work too?

Oh, that's a bugger. Do you have another date?

Welcome @GrannyOfDragons - great name!

I have gained about 3 stone since I stopped drinking. Some of that is because I got my appetite back, some is because the new appetite came with a sweet tooth I hadn't had before, but some is health related. I was diagnosed with thyroid issues around the time of Covid, and also developed breathing problems which are not resolved, and they mean that I can't do exercise without getting scarily breathless. A combination of that and lockdown was lethal. I really want to lose it, but it's really difficult. 5 stone would probably be too much, but I'd kill to lose 3 or 4.

That was thoughtful, @ponzusoup . I remember on one of the times I tried to stop I got a CD ROM video game to play as a distraction (that shows how long I was drinking😂) and it opened with a shot of a table on which was a large glass of chilled white wine, which was some sort of clue, as the game was based on the Law and Order TV show. It was so realistic I could have reached into the screen and grabbed it, and more than once I poured away the cup of tea I'd taken to the computer room and got myself a bottle of wine.

@livingalivelife yes very much relate to your post and trust.

@HappyAsAGrig that sounds horrid. Hope it gets sorted for you. I have lots of ear problems which involves regular bouts of dizziness and I hate it and that's within the pain.

@WendyWagon hope they gave you a good reason and a new date. And wow! Well done on that weight loss!

@GrannyOfDragons I'm 3 months in and have lost the grand total of.... 2lbs.... I was hoping for more. But I think its one of those things that'll take time (for me anyway). But if I don't stop drinking I will definitely keep gaining. Stopping drinking is the only way I'll successfully diet. Well done on 20 days x

Afternoon.
I've been out lunch
All ok
Nothing on the interview front.