New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

Wishing you strength, @livingalivelife .

Too late for today, but a NLP trick is to remember a time when you were in control of a situation (appropriate to your phobia, and sober). Really remember it, and try to take in all the senses to make the memory as multi-dimensional as possible. When you have the memory nailed (this can take days) think about it whilst performing a physical movement. Choose a movement that is subtle and not likely to happen accidentally (I stroke my little finger with my thumb). Repeat this (the remembering and the simultaneous movement) as often as you can. Eventually, you will be able to recreate the memory simply by carrying out the movement, so when you need to feel confident (or whatever the feeling is that you want to recreate) you can summon it up at will.

It does work if you don't get bored with all the practice and give up😀

good luck @livingalivelife and wise words @ShyMaryEllen and @Loubelle70

also trying to feel the feelings and talk about them. really not used to it but being sober has defo opened the door.

had a frank
chat with DD1 today (18) who told me she was used to having a mum who on lots of nights ' wasn't really there' - ie when i was drinking. and now saying it feels different and nice. i told her i was ashamed and embarrassed.

My top tip to staying sober is to always drive to an event so that you can leave when you want to. Avoid big drinking events and big drinkers in the early days. I chose to go for coffee or the cinema instead. On holiday I have mocktails and enjoy the food rather than drinks x

Morning all.
Good to see you @Crunchymum
Hope you’re doing ok @livingalivelife

Off to a family wedding this weekend - my first ever sober wedding! The wedding of the bride’s sister a few years ago was one of my worst drinking episodes - and was one of the big “this has to stop” moments. I’m hoping my sobriety is secure enough these days that it won’t be an issue- most of the family know I don’t drink now so shouldn’t need to have lots of difficult conversations!

@livingalivelife
@Crunchymum

@Crunchymum

Morning all.
I am having problems with my posts. Sorry for the empty tags.

Morning everyone. Hope you're all well. I haven't posted in a while but have been following you all, just been busy. I'm 2 weeks off half a year now which is good and I'm finding it a lot easier. Mostly I'm not missing alcohol at the moment but what I do miss is EXCITMENT! I'm not sure what it is that I need to fill that void. I'm not bored as such. I've started doing loads more than I did while I was drinking, but very very strangely I've been fantasising about taking coke or ecstasy or something which I haven't done since my 20s (and won't be now either, don't worry!) but I think it's just the adrenaline/ dopamine that I actually need. Any ideas how to up the thrill factor? I got a tattoo a couple of months ago and that felt "exciting" but I can't just keep getting tats every week 😂.
Maybe I need to have an affair? (Joke)

good to hear from you @Itsrainingten

i know what you mean about excitement - i've been trying to break that down a bit in my mind and take things a bit slower as i'm a 100mph girl at heart. which has been behind quite a lot of shit decisions and drinking decisions!

music and gigs are my happy excited place so i'm keeping that and have done 2 without alcohol so far. i still love the music but im needing to relearn the enjoyment a little bit. but i still look forward to it in the same way.

i've also decided to try gardening and growing stuff to slow myself down - i have the least green fingers and so am challenging myself to watch and learn which is a new sort of deeper excitement if that doesn't sound too wanky.

also just being silly!!! dancing in the kitchen in the moment, walking in the rain, pulling silly faces with the kids, making jokes. smalll things. just trying to let myself be happy without having to get drunk stoned jump from a plane etc.

probs not the answer you were looking for 🥴

@Onewildandpreciouslife good luck at the wedding. you will likely be the most interesting person. in the room when you are still sober and midnight and everyone is drunk talking. stay strong. we can do hard things. and even enjoy them.

@WendyWagon hope you get your posts sorted always good to hear your thoughts and ruminations 💜

@Cotswoldsbird like the idea of enjoying the food rather than the drinks. and driving to places is a boon. i can now taxi the teenagers at 1030 pm without thinking ah bollocks i have to try and be sober or ordering them an uber. read s to be cheerful.

I've finally got a letter from the hospital. I don't know what to make of it, really. It acknowledges that I have an F3 fibrosis score (in reality it was a very low on the F3 range), but doesn't say it is not cirrhosis. They want me to continue with US scans every 6 months, as F3 is a high score and I am still at risk of further complications such as liver cancer. I'm fine with that - the regular checks are reassuring - but I don't know what it means as regards my records. I suppose I can now fill in insurance applications* declaring fibrosis instead of cirrhosis? I'll see my GP next month, so will ask him, but I feel a bit deflated. I don't know what I was expecting really - I didn't think I'd get a singing telegram or a pop-up congratulations card, but this has been such a big deal for me and it seems like an anti-climax.

*I realise I must sound obsessed with insurance 😂I'm not - in fact these days I hardly go anywhere, but it's more the psychological impact of constantly having to declare a stigmatised illness that bothers me.

you have worked so hard @ShyMaryEllen to address your drinking and improve your liver health. and you've done it - please don't let this anti climax undermine that.

totally understandable that you don't want to have to declare cirrhosis especially since you don't have it.

sending love- be proud of the very brave journey you have been on with your health.

@ponzusoup @ShyMaryEllen @Onewildandpreciouslife thanks! I faced my phobia without alcohol! It was hard but I managed. I used your technique @ShyMaryEllen it's a good idea.

@ponzusoup that's great your daughter can tell you - I remember noticing them watch me put another glass. Hideously shameful.

Hello @Crunchymum nice to see you!

I hope wedding goes well@Onewildandpreciouslife - I bet you'll have a great time.

I feel the same about excitement @Itsrainingten and I don't know what to do about it. I know all the sober lit talks about the amazing joy of being sober and it's true but I can't help feeling I miss out sometimes. I think the science says our brains need time to rebalance and produce - someone did a helpful post about that a while ago.i love your idea of gardening @ponzusoup t find deeper excitement @ponzusoup

You don't sound obsessed @ShyMaryEllen I can understand it being very big deal and I hope GP appointment can give you more clarity.

Middle of the night posting - worried about a DC and can't sleep.

Morning all.
In her wonderful post The Obstacle Course about the magical field of bunnies, Clare Pooley says it takes 100 days to see it and 6 months to get there, which is I think is a pretty good time line for your brain to get the benefits of being sober.

But there is no doubt that you don’t get the same huge hit of dopamine from drinking, and it’s ok to miss that.

I am passionate about rugby - am a season ticket holder and go to a few away games each year. The joy and exhilaration of watching a good passage of play, surrounded by people all shouting for the same team is what does it for me.

And when you do feel it sober, you feel it more strongly and deeply.

I also exercise a lot, so perhaps I’m too knackered to miss the excitement 🤣

Has anyone read The Outrun by Amy Liptrot? It’s a memoir that’s being turned into a film- she’s got a good quote on missing the “good” glasses of wine- will dig it out

Here you go - Hether Blether is a mythical island

“One shift that I allow myself is to admit that I do miss the brief hours of intoxication and that it is a shame I can’t toast someone’s special occasion with champagne, share a bottle of wine with a man or enjoy a cold pint after work. I’m allowed to feel loss. But these losses are very small compared to the ability to keep a job or a relationship or some kind of sustainable stable state of mind. In any case, I have learned to model the process forward to what would happen if I did drink: chaos followed by depression.

Drinking alcoholically is an incomplete remedy, a repeated mistake, a journey that never reaches its destination. Whatever ease or high it did promise I could no longer reach: it ran away from me, always just over the horizon, like Hether Blether. It was never enough, until I couldn’t take it any more.”

— The Outrun (Canons Book 93) by Amy Liptrot
https://read.amazon.co.uk/kp/kshare?asin=B01127P3V0&id=2ov3zeoki5fzji4czawl22h6pi

Wow - that's a powerful quote, @Onewildandpreciouslife

And so true. I might print and frame that 🙏🏻

Morning all.
It's a beautiful sunny day here. A bit nippy.
Second tea made. Curry tonight.

I have a telephone interview Monday for a really well known perfume brand. No funny contracts. It's a goody and I use to manage the brand thirty years ago (best not say that as I might be considered too old! ).
My hair has been effected by the chemo drug (used for RA) so I'm hoping my niece can sort it out. I am a bit better but I think I broke a toe. The joy of getting older.

The Ossy Osborne quote has really stayed with me. 'if you are still drinking like a teenager at 50, you'll be dead by 60'. I never saw bunnies but life is so much better.
Lead on my friends.

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/sober-powered/id1520426877?i=1000646491247

morning all thank you for the saturday morning wisdom and the quotes. am gorging on the quit lit and podcasts will add to my list.

also tagging the one above which is good on the science of how the brain recovers in the first 6 months of sobriety ..

@WendyWagon the perfume job sounds interesting - i live vicariously through your beauty industry titbits!

Morning all
Up for oboe orchestra after my three hour early hours awake stint.
At least I did a supermarket shop at 4am.
The inspirational quotes this morning are great - thanks all.
Good luck with the interview @WendyWagon

@livingalivelife

Hope today goes well. Supermarket shop in the early hours is exceptionally productive use of insomnia 💕😂💕

All best wishes for the interview @WendyWagon .

Thanks for the understanding about the letter. I know that it’s nothing in the grand scheme of things - many people with more advanced liver disease would be delighted to get a letter like that. I need to give my head a wobble, really.

Anyway, I’m meeting my sister for lunch (I’m staying a couple of miles from where she lives). It will be good to catch up, and have a mooch around the shops, which I never do these days as online shopping is so much easier.

Regarding our children- if there is one thing I could change about my life it wouldn’t be to have been born rich, beautiful or talented, although any of those things would be great, it would be to not have had my lovely kids live with a mother who drank. They’d left home when I stopped so all their memories of me are of a drinker. They do visit, so know I don’t drink now, but I feel so guilty about it all. Those with younger children have a great opportunity to do it for them. It’s a real gift you can give them.

Have a good weekend, all.

@ShyMaryEllen happy mooching, and what wise and inspirational words about our kids. my eldest had 17 years of me drinking poor kid. am grateful she's still at home to experience a few years of sober me up close. my interactions with them are so much clearer and attentive now.

Very wise words @ShyMaryEllen
Thankyou. I am full of regrets too. It can be overwhelming. I really struggle to forgive myself.

@ShyMaryEllen

I'm sorry that the letter hasn't given you the evidence you wanted 🥲

I can understand why that's important to you.

As for your children - I'm guessing you didn't start over-drinking for the hell of it - I imagine it was to deal with something you had to block out or get through.

You have the opportunity to show them now how you've turned things around and how important they are to you and that's such a blessing 💕