New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

hi @Maddy70 agree about AF wine - not worth it. sparking kombucha is my sober discovery - not trying to be wine, but hits a wine like spot. well done on your sobriety.

Also bitters kas....tastes like campari ;)

Evening all.

There are many reasons why I drank. Some of it was blotting things out (I identify with your comment about a parent who didn't let us express ourselves), some was habit, some was to help me sleep (!!), to give me confidence and probably more besides.

Obviously the reverse was what actually happened. Getting maudlin doesn't blot things out, sleeping is made worse, The Fear is a confidence killer and so on. I think you're spot on with the changes to the brain, @ponzusoup . Something happens that takes people from 'enjoying a drink' to not being able to go 24 hours without one. The good news is that whatever it is can be changed back again - maybe not to square one, as so many people who lapse go back to dangerous levels of drinking - but to the point where we surprise ourselves at how we don't miss drinking.

I say that, but sometimes I do miss the thought of it. The anticipation of opening a bottle, or ordering a drink, knowing that the rest of the night is ahead is heady; but I remind myself that the arguments at the end of the night are part of that cycle, as are the morning afters with their regrets and worries over what was said and done, and that the 'never agains' are relentless. Something has definitely changed though, as that ability to 'play it forward' wasn't there all the years I drank. I knew in my head that things weren't right, but suppressed the feelings so I could carry on.

Anyway, congratulations on 800 days, @Onewildandpreciouslife ! And welcome @Maddy70 .

wise words @ShyMaryEllen and hello hope you are ok.

just read this https://www.salon.com/2010/12/31/lushforr_life/

i remember reading her book about ten years ago too... might seek it out again.

Morning all.
Nothing to report.
Up a bit easier.

@Maddy70 welcome.

Morning all, and thanks again for all the amazing support which has helped me to pick myself up without too much shame.

Family funeral today - tho we are a boozy family, I don't anticipate this one being a problem - I don't like daytime drinking and it's relatively easy not to drink when I'm out. Being at home is the toughest for me.

Still - always vigilant.

@Onewildandpreciouslife 800 days! Congratulations - what an inspiration. I look forward to getting to 800 days.

My triggers are loneliness, anxiety, depression but also, paradoxically, being happy - I don't think I was able to express ANY strong emotion as a child and feel seen. So I'm working alot on connections with other people - I tend to put my feelings inside and deal with them alone, or maladaptively with alcohol.

@livingalivelife sorry for your loss.

Welcome @Maddy70 - I hope you find us a motley and welcoming bunch.

Hello @ponzusoup @ShyMaryEllen @Womanshour @NextPhaseOfLife @HappyAsAGrig (on my phone on a train so sorry if I missed off any recent posters)
It does often seem like a common link in our experience is childhood trauma, and we are all doing amazing things to try and address it and heal in our bodies and our minds and not through a poisonous liquid.

Have a great day all. X

Thanks @WendyWagon - my relative's death felt like a blessed relief because of .. guess what .. how alcohol had ruined his life. He chucked everything good away for it, and he had a lot. What a dreadful drug it is.

sorry for your loss @livingalivelife and hope the funeral went as well as you wanted.

hope everyone is ok.

day 32 here.

@livingalivelife i learned to internalise my emotions as a child as they were not seen as acceptable. i think alcohol then ' helped' me to keep doing that all my adult life. trying to break out of that habit now im sober is very hard. mostly i feel sad for me as a child. maybe that is a start eh?

Hi all, hi @livingalivelife - so sorry to hear about your loved one, and the demon alcohol is again 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲

Thanks @ponzusoup and @NextPhaseOfLife The funeral was as good as it could be.

@ponzusoup yep that's me too, you put it very well. learned to internalise emotions that weren't acceptable. alcohol then boosts the same modus operandi. it is very sad when i think about little me, but quite right - a start. i agree with you that the key to being sober is to feel and express the feelings instead. otherwise we're just whiteknuckling. i think that's why i keep getting caught out - not expressing things. so here we go - more expressing!

have a lovely sober evening all.

I had the double whammy of a difficult mother, and a family bereavement in my early teens that left me feeling I had to look after everyone- it’s left me with a strong line in people pleasing, and a need to have measurable achievement.

I’m still very much a work in progress, but over the last 2 years the absence of an easy escape has really made me do the work on why I behave and feel like I do.

And there are really strong links between childhood trauma and addiction issues, do it’s perhaps not surprising these themes come up for us

I am 365 days alcohol free today. I was a heavyish social drinker with BAM (bile acid malabsorption) and IBD. I decided to give up drinking for the good of my health and won’t lie, it wasn’t easy. I drank to celebrate, relieve stress and many other reasons. I have done a sober birthday, Christmas and 2 holidays. It is different as I don’t enjoy going to the pub as often but I feel much better and clear headed.

Congratulations @Cotswoldsbird ! 🎉👏🎉

That's amazing @Cotswoldsbird - what an achievement, congratulations 👏👏👏

yes @Onewildandpreciouslife and well done on doing this hard work- i believe it's impossible to do it when we are at the same time drowning our sorrows.

@Cotswoldsbird congrats on your 365 days! i hope you'll share your wisdom with us on waht helped get through those occasions.

Night all. I'm tucked up sober.

congratulations on your one year soberversary @Cotswoldsbird

that's very inspirational.

do you have any top tips for keeping going through the early months?

especially holidays! i'm
away 2 weeks in the sun in july and would normally drink my head off every day 🥴

Morning all
I'm facing my worst phobia today and I normally manage my panic by (you guessed it) getting drunk. I've had some good advice about staying with the anxiety and eventually it will pass, because the body can't sustain panic after a certain length of time. So I'm leaning into the feelings - something we difficulty drinkers don't find easy as you all know.... Wish me luck.

@livingalivelife
'My triggers are loneliness, anxiety, depression but also, paradoxically, being happy - I don't think I was able to express ANY strong emotion as a child and feel seen. So I'm working alot on connections with other people - I tend to put my feelings inside and deal with them alone, or maladaptively with alcohol.'
Gosh i hear you on that one sweets ♥️. Exactly. Me neither...seem not heard, sometimes not seen , make yourself as small as possible, quiet as possible, object to nothing...etc.my childhood too..and more. I get it xxxx♥️

Definitely ♥️. Leaning into the fear is a gd way to tackle it, take it easy though. I started going into my fears full throttle, more like f*ck you phobia...i use my stubbornness 😁 and sassiness...i also have booked myself onto something i have massive fear about, i wont be controlled by it any longer. Good luck sweets xxxx

@Onewildandpreciouslife definitely. The link, childhood, abuse, neglect etc...i think eventually we have to look at why we do it dont we. ♥️. We arent to blame for childhood. Xxx

Congratulations 🎊

Well done on your year sober. Long may it continue.

Haven't been around much, life is so hectic but I'm still staunchly sober (and whilst I'll never be complacent I'd like to think I'll always be sober!!)

Will have a read / catch up soon.