New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

Welcome aboard, @Mouse78013 - it’s a very supportive group and I hope you will find what you need to help you to a life free from alcohol.

I wouldn’t have believed it, but life is so much more fun without booze!

That is definitely poor hosting, @ShyMaryEllen - how frustrating.

They'd would only have Guinness for the wine drinkers, would they.

Can you take your own wine?

And on a related note - what AF white wines would you recommend?

Hello @Mouse78013

Worrying about social life and how friends will react is really normal - certainly for me. I'm 3-4 weeks AF and wondered the same.

I have found that not drinking in a big group is fine. On a one to one, I've had to suggest coffee instead of drinks, breakfast instead of lunch, etc.

I've said that alcohol is giving me headaches etc, rather than 'I drink too much/too frequently'. I've found that easier.

Good luck, one day at a time. Remember the reasons you've chosen this.

Morning all
Terrible night again as I had to get up for a wee and I'm on the nytol.
I had a Gordon's AF can about 6pm and I am wondering if the tonic is doing this?

Welcome to the all newbies.

@livingalivelife thanks so much for the check in! I can't believe it either. 11 weeks yesterday 78 days alcohol free today. I had a panicy remembering about the big nose bleeds that was my last straw. Thank goodness they've stopped.

It's funny as often I feel like I will never drink again then in a split second a craving (which auto correct keeps changing to crazing which is apt!!). But I'm free from alcohol today. You are doing this thread beautifully by the way @livingalivelife So caring for everyone on here.

@Mouse78013 welcome! X

@Womanshour I had the big nosebleeds too. I don't miss them.

Welcome @Mouse78013 glad you've found us. This is an amazing place, it's really kept me going. We hear you and we understand.

@WendyWagon so sorry you're feeling so grim. I'm full of admiration for you for cutting the ties to your toxic workplace. They sound dreadful and utterly unworthy of someone smart and vibrant like you. It will be OK. Better times will come. I'd say you are probably right about the tonic; it had similar effects on me. The slimline versions were worse. But the work stress can't have helped either. Look after your lovely self.

Fun and games at work for me. One of the disturbers of my peace, who is now in their 70s, has begun a relationship with someone who came to us for work experience a couple of years ago. He brought her to work today. 😬What's been seen can't be unseen. 😬 Ye gods - there's not enough Vim in the world to scrape that mental image from the insides of my eyeballs...😱

Strength and love to all.

https://www.theguardian.com/food/article/2024/may/21/can-no--and-low-alcohol-nolo-drinks-match-the-real-thing-theyre-getting-closer?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other

@NextPhaseOfLife the LA brewery blush kombucha is delicious and has the benefit of not losing its fizz overnight.

anyway, this article is from todays guardian and might be helpful.

day 25 here.

welcome @Mouse78013 you've come to the right place!

Oh, the nosebleeds. I got those too, years before I stopped. I didn't connect them with drinking and went to the GP, who said it was 'just one of those things'. If he'd investigated further, I might not have gone on to the levels of damage I did. They've completely stopped now though, which is a relief, as they were scary.

@NextPhaseOfLife I have yet to find a perfect AF wine. I've been drinking the fizzy stuff, but it's very sugary, and I recently switched to the Not Guilty brand I mentioned above. It's better than ok. I tried the supermarket own brands, but they tend to be 'dealcoholised wine' rather than a specified grape, and I think they just use seconds, or whatever hasn't sold, as they were so variable. Sometimes they were quite good for weeks on end, then I'd buy a dozen bottles and it would be awful. AF red wine lacks body, so I tend to stick to white or rose.

Welcome @Mouse78013 , and thanks for the article @ponzusoup . I'm off to read it now.

Morning all.
Up a bit later with a FedEx man banging the door.
@REP22 I went without the Gordon's AF last night and had milk. I didn't wake up so I think I agree it's the tonic. Curses.

The beauty company have offered me a better deal. I keep my shares but I don't work day to day. I can do my own thing. I'm considering it. A few phone calls is OK with me.
I went downsizing shopping yesterday.
Lovely cottage but a poor location. I also banged my head on a beam!

I have been following the thread on weight loss injections. Does anyone take it? (dm me if you prefer).
I still have three stone or so to go but someone mentioned it showing results in autoimmune diseases.

Could you get a bottle of Gordons AF gin and add a different mixer, @WendyWagon ?

I wouldn't mind a go at weight loss injections, as I've gained 3 stone since giving up drinking, and excess weight is bad for the liver. I'd need to know whether the drugs are bad for it too though, as most are.

I know I've said this before, but I found that giving up work saved my life. I had a stressful job, a culture of booze and chose my friends unwisely, which, coupled with a predisposition to drinking too much was very bad for me. Leaving meant all of that stopped, and forced me into a very different lifestyle, so giving up became part of a number of changes I was making, and was maybe less noticeable. I wasn't constantly turning down suggestions to go for a drink after work, I had different friends, I was a million times less stressed, I was on a limited budget, there was no demarcated 'wine o'clock' and so on.

If it's feasible, I would encourage anyone to do it, and change their job to something with as little crossover with the old one as possible. Obviously that's not always (or even often) an option though. I had planned to find another job, but was offered consultancy work and could draw on a small pension after the first couple of years, so I managed without. A deal where you can do your own thing sounds perfect, particularly if you keep earning. I do miss having a proper salary.

Having said that, I firmly believe that I was far more affected by habit than physical addiction, so changing the routines of my life really helped. As with so much about this, we're all different, so I doubt it's a case of one size fits all.

Good morning @WendyWagon , sorry about your poor head. Hope you will be OK. Sorry also about the tonic, probably is the likely suspect... Would chocolate milk ease the situation (my own particular substance of choice)?

Interesting about your job situation. They obviously recognise your worth and potential, despite their willingness to treat you like cr-p. I hope you can find a solution that works for you. And doesn't involve treating you like cr-p.

No experience of weight loss injections I'm afraid. I'm still with Slimming World - I live for those stickers...

I am well into double figures again for not touching the bottle. I feel so much better and have (mostly) been able to deal with cravings. Something has changed in my mind somewhere. Shutting down the internal dialogue ("You've had a tough day, you've earned it"... "Just a couple"... etc ad infinitum) with a short "NO" and distraction in the moment has helped. If the thoughts come, it's just "NO" in my head - I could say it out loud but I don't want to confound the hound - and a get up and do something, read something, watch something. My bathroom has never been cleaner and the remaining weeds in my garden are looking nervous. I caught the regular Robin visitor (there's a scar on his chest, so I know it's the same one) to my bird-table looking at me askance the other day. He may be tweeting about me behind my back.

I care not. Twitter away, my irritable little Rubeculan friend. If it keeps the bl--dy pigeons away, I'll chirrup along with him.

Strength and love to all. Keep going; it will be alright. x

I've been following the weight loss drugs thread too. I'm really interested. I'm actually a healthy weight but I'm interested in it more for the effect it has on cravings generally. I've heard it can help with other addictions as well as food so would be very interesting to see if it eventually starts getting prescribed for people with alcohol (or drugs or gambling etc) problems as well.
From a weight loss perspective I used to take Metformin. I'm not diabetic, it was to help me conceive with my PCOS. It didn't help me conceive - I eventually got pregnant from IVF - but it DID make me drop from about 10 stone to about 8 and a half. I wasn't even trying (since 10 stone is fine!) but i just sort of lost my appetite. I wonder if it's the same sort of thing happening?

Very wise words (again), @ShyMaryEllen - I had a complete change of career 17 years ago after an utter breakdown in what many would view as a dream job. The drinking culture was high. Alas, so was all that came with it.

I did SMART recovery for quite some time before lockdown (and virtually during it). It was a surprise-but-not-really to find two former colleagues from that establishment also occasionally attended.

I've no doubt that I'd no longer be here if I'd stayed. Good for you on calling it out and breaking free, despite the challenges it would pose you. So many aren't brave enough to do that until it's too late - or even at all. x

Thanks lads.
My late mother use to say I had an addictive personality, hence the booze, clothes and shoes. Boyfriends when younger 😊
I can't take ADs, they make me Woodstock. I am wondering if the slimming injection would be the same?

@ShyMaryEllen I am going to count off the months until I can semi retire.

@REP22 i don't ear chocolate. I have three Easter boxes stacked up. The DH is just waiting for me to say 'starting blocks' , he's a sweetie monster.

I might try bitter lemon in the AF gin. I have loads of AF gin.

Evening all. How's everyone's day gone?

I'm enjoying the chat about weight loss drugs too. I'll wonder if they really are a miracle drug?

I can actually lose weight quite well when I get my arse in gear (literally!) so I should probably stop being lazy.

I think I'm coming up for Day 28 AF. These threads are so helpful because I KNOW to stay off the booze, I need to have a mindset change.

I do feel that that's happening. I don't know why but I just feel like non-drinker.

That happened with smoking, too. I had several false starts quitting, for a day, a few days, a few weeks, but always went back to 20+ a day, until the final time when I just clicked. I knew I never wanted to go through those early quitting stages ever again.

I feel that now, with wine, too.

For me, understanding WHY I over-drink feels like the key. I think I'm getting there. One day at a time.

Has anyone else thought about WHY they over-drink?

Evening lads.
@NextPhaseOfLife i know exactly why I drank. Misery.
I had a difficult childhood with bullying and worse. I shut out that noise with booze. I've used it as a tool to soothe trauma ever since.
The weightloss thread talks of food noise, mine was booze noise. We talk about the wine witch, booze bingo and 'just the one theory'. It consumes otherwise intelligent people. The initial relaxation and feel good feelings are the same as sugary food. We have chosen our poison. Some eat with the drinking as with most highs it makes you hungry. However the skinny alcoholic does exist. That's why these people die sooner. The two who died in my circle last year were slim. There is no given though.

That's the good self awareness, isn't it @WendyWagon - understanding yourself and the underlying reasons why we drink.

If we don't address those, we aren't likely to success at curing our eating/drinking/drug issue, or whatever it might be.

Good morning.
I am up and not bedridden 6 days on the trot. Hoorah. It's a bit nippy here so I've pinched the DHs's sweatshirt. Now nice and baggy.

Milk last night. I did wake up but only because the dog barged in and landed on the bed. Cockapoo so he hates being on his todd.

Tis me on the weightloss thread with another hat on. The MN stalker has been kept at bay so far. If I use Wendy I get a bashing for ruining lives, blah blah.
Previously alcohol dependant women don't get an opinion. Some of the poor souls who are having success with their weightloss journeys are getting similar vitriol. Not very sisterhood. Humm.

Evening all, how is everyone?

I haven't spotted the weight loss thread. I think I'll try and avoid - there are a few good threads I'm on here on the Alcohol Support board and it's hard enough keeping up with all the fabulous women here.

Thank you again so much for starting this thread, @livingalivelife - I think I'm 28 days AF tomorrow and this thread is a HUGE part of that xxx

Has anyone else heard that alcohol over-use is highly connected with ADHD? I might have missed it on these boards, it seems very obvious to me now I heard it on the Sober Awkard pod cast today.

@WendyWagon - I thought of this with your posts, like you, workwise, I'm a successful woman in a predominantly male environment. 'Self made', motivated, relentless, etc. etc. Very likely to be ADHD but will never get or need a diagnosis - I have a strong, all or nothing personality which I love. It has got me into trouble when I was younger, and it's only as I've matured, and become much more senior it's doesn't affect me as much.

I know a lot of ADHD women are 'all or nothing', which is how I see a few people describe themselves on these threads with alcohol AND eating.

I might dig a bit deeper into this.

@NextPhaseOfLife it's an interesting question.The DD is a trainee psychologist, many friends doctors.

I do teach ND people as a specialism. I am always assigned their mentor or buddy.
My husband says I'm blunt as a butter knife and just a bossy old boot!
The only thing I have parity with is no noise. I can't do the jig jig of dance music and I have a highly developed sense of smell. If there's a pong I can't be there.
I use to hide in libraries and trees to get away from people.
Funny how my favourite job was as a trainer.
My ideal job? Author. Wfh in a different world. Bliss.

Morning all. Happy Friday.
I have the bitter lemon in.

Bright but nippy here.

Morning all.
Still bright here.

A quiet day I hope.

This a brilliant achievement, @ponzusoup

Enjoying yourself sober is great.

Also seeing the reality of how people change a little (or a lot) as they gradully get more pissed is eye opening.

Having clarity is such a lovely feeling - well done!