New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

Morning all.
Not such a good night.
I didn't even have my AF gin. I bought the Gordon's cans, £4 at tesco for four. Less than the Marks.
A bit overcast here.

morning @WendyWagon sorry to hear you've had an unsettled night.

sunny here, was grateful for a clear sunday morning head and a simple dog walk.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/article/2024/may/19/i-was-49-when-i-had-my-last-drink-harriet-tyce?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other

interesting article today.

Thank you for that, @ponzusoup

Really easy to identify with some of that article. I've genuinely never been that beholden - in many ways, never ever drinking anything other than white wine has been very helpful - but I can identify with the wine gifts, drink-related presents, etc.

It seemed very normal to me. Most of my social circle drink - unsurprisingly, probably, as I've probably subconsciously created it.

I was due to go out for a boozy afternoon tea with some girl friends today.

I messaged them in the week and let them know I wouldn't be drinking.

This was met with a fair amount of questioning, then the group decided we should switch to breakfast next week instead, and reschedule tea when we can all 'get value from it'.

They are nice people and good friends. I imagine it will rock them a bit when I tell them I don't fancy anything where booze is expected/mandatory for a while.

The irony is @NextPhaseOfLife that when you do have your tea, you will get way more value out if it than your friends because you will remember and savour all of it!

Afternoon all. Greetings @Bohemond23 and welcome. 12 days is really impressive. 🙂It does get easier I promise. Have a fantastic holiday.

Excellent read, @ponzusoup , thank you.

@NextPhaseOfLife sorry your afternoon outing was called off, but I think you did the right thing. Temptation only needs company to make it even more unbearable. Friends mean well, but I can't imagine them saying "oh, go on - just one" holding out a syringe to a recovering heroin user. It's hard for them to fathom how damaging it is. And also - it may well be that they see in themselves their own uneasiness in their personal alcohol consumption mirrored back at them through your bravery. Be prepared for this - it is not your fault - but their own unexpressed guilt/suspicion that they too need to change their ways - and possible jealousy that you've done what they can't face up to - can sometimes manifest itself in seeming (or even intentional, but not always) unkindness. You're right to steer clear of these things. In my own early days I had a couple of "friends" who saw it as a fun personal challenge to kick me off the wagon by deliberately putting me in the way of "accidental" drink. I'm not friends with them any more. You're doing brilliantly. ❤

Sorry things are still on the grim side @WendyWagon. The invidious weasels of work do not deserve your talent nor headspace. Hope things improve for you very soon. 💐

Another sober day for me and a much enjoyed morning at a street fair. I would have been incapable of it drunk, and embarrassing if I'd tried. I even ran into the local doctor - he who must certify my sobriety if ever called upon - and we had a good chat and a bit of a laugh. It was a really nice time out - worth the utter misery of night-time terrors and cravings, as awful as they sometimes still are.

One thing I have found most effective of late is not entering into the dialogue in my head - I mean the "Go on, just one", "No-one will know", "You've earned it... oh just..." etc. thoughts. Invoking the rarely-utilised "responsible adult" voice, a firm internal "NO" - as one would deploy to a child looking to play on the live railway line, toy with fireworks, or throw a frisbee at a pylon ("Jimmy!!") - with no argument - has been quite helpful. No. Just no. I can't. I've tried to moderate - but I cannot. So no. I appreciate how ridiculous this sounds, but I hope you understand what I mean.

The dog accompanied me to the street fair (we only stayed an hour or so - it was hot and unfair on him to linger). He wore a special outfit I made for him. Judge for yourself how much he enjoyed it, from his happy, laughing face.

Strength and love to all. xx

Thank you, @Onewildandpreciouslife, and thank you for your wise words, @REP22

I feel quite resolute that this is the best way of life for me. It's been coming for a long time, with various false starts along the road.

So I think you're right - building in an approach/awareness to how people respond to me as things change is something I should allow for.

i am in love with your dog and his facial expressions @REP22 - wonderful creature !

PS - @REP22 - your dog is beautiful!

@ponzusoup and @NextPhaseOfLife hehe, thank you. He's an expressive lad. Actually, he really enjoyed himself when it came to it. And he wangled a bit of hot dog and a "mutt muffin" from a pet stand. I'm so lucky to have him in my life. He's my reason for staying sober and keeping going. Less easy to love was the time last year when he disappeared into the North Dartmoor wilderness, carrying with him my mobile phone and car keys... But he and I have agreed to differ about our respective delights in that day and we can laugh about it now... 🤔😉

I have had many, many false starts too. But I feel resolute too @NextPhaseOfLife. I'm hoping that this is truly my next phase of life as well. A sober and kinder-to-myself one. This thread has really helped me.

With love (and a slightly over-enthusiastic lick from Himself). x

On the subject of gorgeous dogs - this is what I’m drinking tonight 😀
https://notguiltyzero.com/pinot-grigio/

Milestone tonight -

It was the 5th anniversary of my Mum's death today. It fell on the same day of the week and had the same glorious weather; pretty much a rerun of that Sunday. Dad felt it too, and really struggled.

I had a strong feeling of Fuck It, if you know what I mean. I'm not going to do what's wise, I am going to do whatever the hell gets me through, and I'll deal with the consequences tomorrow.

I opened a SIXTH can and I ate two packets of crisps on the bounce. I was feeling a bit bloated, to be honest - that's a lot of liquid to drink.

It was only as I was taking the tins to the recycling that it occurred to me:

It didn't occur to me to drink alcohol.

I may have chugged 6 Guinness Zero and esaten more crisps than I should have, but while I was feeling distressed and on edge, booze wasn't what I reached for.

I even had to move a bottle of gin to get to the crisps.

So I toast my Mum, whom I miss very much, but I do so with a clear head. I know she'd have been very proud of me for that.

Well done @HappyAsAGrig that's really awesome. And I'm sorry for the loss of your mum. I bet she'd be proud of you x

Morning all
Well done @HappyAsAGrig . I'm very sorry about your mum. How amazing not to think about drinking - I can only look forward.

I'm on day 75 and it's feeling like a slog every day. Especially now it's summer. Wehay - rose in the garden, aperol spritz etc etc you all know the script. I'm finding it depressing and difficult.

Fact is - even tho it's just for that few minutes between the first drink starting to take effect, and realising with the second one that i'm not present to myself, there's that moment where drinking makes you feel relaxed and happy. I miss it - no point pretending otehrwise. I'm thinking alot about how else to feel good in my body. I want to dance! Anyone dance? I was wondering about taking up ballet?!! Anyway - Im realising that childhood trauma means I hold alot of pain in my body. I exercise but I don't enjoy it much. Anyone dance and can recommend a kind of dancing for 50 year olds, I would love to hear?

Well done @Bohemond23 - day 13 right? nearly two weeks. You've done the hardest bit.

@ponzusoup thanks for posting that article. It resonated in lots of ways with me and i liked her honesty.

@NextPhaseOfLife how nice that your gfs rearranged rather than go ahead without you. I hope they're supportie when you tell them - sounds like they might be.

@Womanshour hello - can you believe we are here? Notwithstanding my whinge above, I'm very glad to be sober and enjoying this beautiful May morning rather than lying in bed feeling shit and knowing i've already ruined the day.

Re social me - booze oiled the wheels but i always always felt embarassed the next day at what i'd said and done and that was getting mroe frequent. i love the feelig of waking up knowing i was fully in control of ymself all evening. it's interesting to observe others drink too much. it's also striking how many people drink very little, and i never noticed. moderate drinkers - a different species ...

enjoy the day all.

@HappyAsAGrig be very proud of yourself that is a hard won milestone and you are showing you can cope with hard things and difficult feelings without alcohol

@livingalivelife ain't that the rub? when i fantasise about drinking it's about the buzz of the first few mouthfuls of a strong gin. it made me happy too. then an hour later id be fuzzy headed and numbed and would be checking that i had enough drink to keep going until whenever bed time was. but pretty in the end but oh how nice that first flush of alcohol. by the time i stopped drinking i could only get that from spirits - beer and wine was no longer enough. i don't want to go back there but like you id like to get that buzz from something less damaging. i hate exercise if im honest but make myself do it in phases and what you said about holding trauma in the body intrigued me.

anyway, you are doing brilliantly and i think missing the buzz of the first summer evening drink is honest and real. you can get through it exactly how you are getting through it - honest acknowledgement of what we are giving up and honest acknowledgement of why , and what we are gaining. the scales tip to the gain don't they?

i love disco dancing! it's my happy place ! wondering how it will go sober and about to find out on friday.

in the meantime i have a tricky day of work ahead and DD off to get third exam .. but at least i am doing this with a clear head.

@NextPhaseOfLife well done on the afternoon tea negotiations - it's going to take a while for people to get used to the non drinking us - interesting to see who is supportive

49 days.
I hear ya @livingalivelife same with the childhood trauma but...summer and the sitting on the patio in the sun with a cold wine and music...and yes to the first couple glasses, its after that isn't it? Im going to take up learning to swim and in general just moving a little more. The need to get healthier and feel better you know. I dont miss the 4 day hangover. Xxx

Ahhh - summer drinking! I found that first summer really hard. But I did a very intense thought experiment one day, and realised what I really, really missed was the moment JUST BEFORE that first gulp - the moment that my shoulders relaxed, the sun shining through the white wine, when I knew I was about to switch off .. The actual drinking, not so much. Everything else just seemed a huge price to pay for a fleeting moment that was purely mental because I hadn’t actually drank at that point!

And yes to movement! Our bodies are amazing things, and deserve a bit of love.

Morning all.
You have all been busy bees.

I went into the garden and did a bit of pot weeding. The DH did the lawn.
I had two Gordon's AF cans. Lots of ice and lemon. I haven't even had any booze fantasies since the wagon fall.

@ponzusoup great article. Been there, done most of that. However I liked the quote stop drinking by 50 or you'll be dead by 60.
Some will remember this was my friend who died 18 months ago. A lovely man.
I think as we get older we process alcohol differently. We certainly look bloody daft falling about.

I have to end my association with the skincare brand today. I am not going to continue to hope things get better. It's such a shame as the potential was there.
At least they never saw me drinking. I have my self respect intact.

@ShyMaryEllen i shall look out for the 'not quilty', drinks. They look fun.

here is the graph to prove that liver deaths peak in the late 50s.

hope you're ok after your horrible treatment by your employees @WendyWagon

employERs rather

So all we have to do is live to over 90 and our livers are safe? I'll party like it's 1999 on my 90th birthday 😂.

I'm out tonight to a regular thing at a friend's. What I find is that whereas people who know me (ie those whose houses I go to) do provide AF drinks for me they rarely get pretend wine, even though they know I drink it at home and I buy real (and decent) wine for them when it's my turn to host. I end up with soft drinks, which I really don't enjoy. I'm too polite to say anything, but how hard can it be to get in a bottle of AF wine - for seven years they've seen me drinking it in my own house. It's not a huge deal, but it's irritating, as it's such a one-way street.

Hello can I join? On day 1 again… have managed 30-40 days before but then I think ‘oh but I can moderate’ and then begin slipping steadily but surely towards drinking every or nearly every evening which really really impacts my happiness and stress levels.
I would be so much happier if I didn’t drink. Have this ludicrous (given that I’m 40 and should be well beyond this) worry about what people will think of me. Need to move past that.