New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

@WendyWagon I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. You haven't messed everything up though. Honestly, you haven't. You're back here and getting back into the driving seat. This absolutely does not mean you've undone all your hard work. It's a blip. And you come out the other side stronger. Please be kind to yourself. Sending love x

Also something my therapist used to tell me was "talk to yourself like you would to your best friend" and it totally makes sense. What would you say to your friend if she told you she'd had a slip? I'm pretty sure you'd be kind, so please do the same for yourself. You're worth it and you matter x

Hi there @Bohemond23, welcome.

I'm a newbie too. I'm on around day 11 or 12. I can't really remember when I started from.

White wine and Prosecco are my wine witches. Nothing else has ever tempted or hooked me.

I been moderating on and off for years. My general MO lately has been having a bottle 3 or 4 times a week - other out with my husband, or in with my husband, in which case we would always open a second, and sometimes a third.

My husband isn't quitting. He won't drink at home by himself. I'm happy to go out with him, and I'll have a zero beer, but we both need to find some activities that don't centre around booze.

Thanks for the welcome messages. I think I am looking forward to the journey! @NextPhaseOfLife my husband isn't quitting either but he has a lot more self control than I do. He has successfully rowed back T2 diabetes with diet and exercise so beer is his only fun thing. It's early evening and I've got the same weird feeling I had when I gave up smoking in 2007. A psychological rather than physical craving. Physically I want Wotsits (which we always have in the house!).

Evening lads.
I am back in the boudoir having managed to put tea on the table. Thank you for all of your support.
I've just drunk some blue top milk and I feel a bit better. Luckily I didn't start writing stinking letters last night.
I don't remember all of yesterday so I have the fear but tbh I don't really go out at night. so there is not much chance I'll be back in the establishment anytime soon. The DS packed his bags and went off to London. Apparently to get away. The DH and I enjoy the peace when he goes up to the smoke.
I do get his fear. Fear of me hurting myself and of effecting my recovery. He also worries about the current house situation and we are discussing it. We might buy smaller.
Not sure if I am employed or not. No notice issued but lots of awful emails doing the rounds. Then the pleasant ones started to arrive, all nuts. I thought I was joining a family company, give me a corporate any day!

Go for the Wotsits, @Bohemond23 - they are way better than wine!

My husband didn't stop drinking when I did. I didn't really want him to, although it would have made things easier at the time. I needed life to carry on as normal, and the rest of the world was never going to change to fit around me. It didn't take too long for the smell of alcohol to be far from tempting. Luckily for me, he's a beer and whisky man, and I was a wino. Beer, other than a cold lager in summer just doesn't tempt me, and I don't like whisky.

@WendyWagon your work situation sounds awful. I was very lucky to be able to leave work and swap my routines for new ones. Work was stressful, and I worked a distance from home, so got into the habit of going out after work. That would have been hard to give up if I'd stayed. I think that despite the fact that my drinking damaged my health, a huge part of the problem for me was the habit. I wasn't addicted to the alcohol so much as the anticipation, the first glass, the supposedly 'social' aspects (which in fact were often troubled and stressful) and the sense of belonging when out in a crowd. I changed as little of that as I could by replacing wine with AF alternatives and always using the right glass, so it felt like an adult drink, and marked the shift from afternoon to evening.

@ShyMaryEllen this is 100% me as well:

"I wasn't addicted to the alcohol so much as the anticipation, the first glass, the supposedly 'social' aspects (which in fact were often troubled and stressful) and the sense of belonging when out in a crowd. I changed as little of that as I could by replacing wine with AF alternatives and always using the right glass, so it felt like an adult drink, and marked the shift from afternoon to evening."

I know some prefer to avoid anything resembling alcohol but for me this is the only way I can do it without FOMO.

Morning all. I'm was up bright and early for the 6.30am train here. It's a beautiful day, and I felt great with my 5.00am alarm which is great.

My Fitbit tells me that even though I only got 6 hours sleep, it was great quality, which is fab.

I've got effing 'period pains' for the first time in years, which is bloody annoying. I'm 4 years post-menopause so having a bleed yesterday was a shock.

Luckily we might have the best GP surgery in the world, as they saw me yesterday afternoon and have referred me for a scan under the 2 week pathway.

I'm not too worried but glad I'm getting it checked out.

AF beer only last night - starting to really love it.

morning all. welcome @Bohemond23 and hope you can get back on your feet today @WendyWagon

@ShyMaryEllen my DP hasn't given up alcohol either but he is easily able to moderate and i realised ages ago that it is always me leading the charge to drink loads. ie opening the next bottle, starting earlier than he would. i don't mind him carrying on drinking weirdly as i want me to stop, not him.

i find myself needing a glass of AF too at the witching hour ( between 6 and 7 for me) and if visitors are here. otherwise it's getting slightly easier. but i'm only on day 13 with lots of challenges ahead. i've got a cold at the moment too which weirdly is helping.

onwards and upwards ladies - to quote someone on here / we can do hard things!

www.soberpowered.com/getting-started-blog/4-things-to-know-about-relapse

i found this useful when i had drunk at the wedding after my first 21 days sober ...

Morning all.
Thank you for the above. Very interesting @ponzusoup
I did read a lot of books but wasn't a podcast person.
Lovely and bright here.
I need to ring the owners of the company this morning. Hey ho.

good luck with the phone call @WendyWagon i feel slightly sheepish posting relapse advice when im such a newbie to all this but i am finding gill tietz's sober powered stuff really helpful. dry honest and scientific which appeals to me. i wasn't really a podcast person either but decided to get into it as part of my sober decision. and also got a pair of hand down air pods from dd1 so have got into habit of dog walk and sober pod cast ...

Good luck @WendyWagon - we are all with you, rooting for you for your call. I used to work for a family-run company. It was bonkers; my colleagues and I were like their playthings. Never again. It's not you though - it's on them. I wish you a happy (or at least reasonable) outcome. x

Strength and love to you all. x

Hi, I'm on day 3. I was drinking around a bottle of wine, 4-5 nights a week (sometimes more, sometimes less). Not enough for a hangover, but enough to cause awful sleep, bad mental health, weight gain and I'm currently very unhealthy/unfit.

My sleep is starting to improve very slowly, though I am absolutely shattered and can fall asleep anywhere! My stomach has not been great yesterday or today but I've been reading up and this is a normal side effect of stopping drinking. It is making me really think though about what the alcohol was doing to my body if it is reacting like this when I stop!

welcome @freshstart321 and well done on making the decision to quit. i'm on day 13 and feeling the fog slowly lift. have been trying to up my self care by taking away stress where i can and also listening to sober podcasts and remembering to breathe. hopefully you will find what works for you.

and well done on making it to day 3 that's the hardest part on some ways.

It's our wedding anniversary today and DH brought home a bottle of "alcohol free" sparkling wine. I had a glass and then a second, thinking to myself that this was a particularly nice wine for an AF, got suspicious and checked the bottle and it's not actually alcohol FREE it's 0.3%. it's really annoyed me. How can they call it AF when it isn't? I've stopped after 2 glasses when I realised and I'm not going to count it as having drunk alcohol because it was so low, and a mistake but I'm really worried it's going to set me back craving wise. Do you think it will?

@Itsrainingten does this help? impossibrew.co.uk/blogs/journal/does-0-5-abv-count-as-alcohol-free-the-truth-about-beers-with-0-5-abv

No, it won't. 0.3% is probably just being declared to cover the backs of the makers in case people forbidden alcohol for allergy or religious reasons complain. Orange juice has more alcohol than that. Anything with sugar in it can turn to alcohol in tiny amounts.

I am on record as a fan of AF drinks - I like the taste (well, of some of them!) and after decades of drinking 'adult' drinks in the evening, I just don't want a cup of tea or a glass of squash. I know that people on liver transplant lists aren't allowed them, but frankly I think that's meddlesome. Obviously I would comply if I had to go on the list, but I don't see the point. I've had AF drinks most nights for nearly seven years, and it hasn't tempted me back to the 'real thing'. Crack on if you like the taste - it has about the same amount of alcohol as a cider lolly or a lemonade shandy that used to be sold to four year olds 😀

@ponzusoup thank you. That's very reassuring. It's super weird that ketchup, bananas and burger buns are actually more alcoholic than the wine. Maybe I'll have another glass then 😁

🤣

Thank you as well @ShyMaryEllen

Drinks are classified as non-alcoholic up to 0.5% ABV. This is because when the ABV is below this level, the alcohol is metabolised by the body faster than we can feel any effect.

bit of science for extra reassurance.

Fell off the wagon last night. I've only managed a miserable 3 days and I feel awful. Why can't I do this? I'm fine during the day, but I crave wine about 9 o'clock.

I went to bed at 9 and I was still awake at 12 and I had wine. Then some more and finished up drinking about three quarters of the bottle.

I have a cough and what seems to be cellulitis on my foot so that was really hurting. I think if I had felt normal I might have made it, but even with Kalms, I just couldn't sleep. Now feeling so miserable and such a failure.

I'm in my seventies now and I've been drinking too much for over forty years. It doesn't help that DH is the same.

But all that is just an excuse.