New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

Thanks talulah. I will try the app too...♥️

Good going pippa... keep it up! Xxx

Good morning all, good morning @Pippa246 - hope you had a good sleep, you did so well to work through your urges yesterday.

You did so well yesterday @Pippa246 . Hope you have a good day today.

@NextPhaseOfLife@Talulah98 @Loubelle70 thanks! Slept surprisingly well even though DH and I are not really speaking. This shows me just how much alcohol messes with your sleep - even if I’d have given in to just one drink, I would have been anxious knowing I’d drank and probably tossed and turned all night - but clearly my subconscious was rewarding me for not drinking which meant a better sleep - it makes sense in my head!

Day 6 today and lots planned including dinner with the DC tonight so I’ve no concerns I’ll drink - the craving to just zone out has definitely passed. I do plan to speak to DH and discuss things in an adult manner.

Thanks for all the support yesterday and hope everyone has a good, AF day 💪❤️

Good morning all.
Lots on here to read through. Sorry I wasn't around to help last night.
I made a posh fish pie and then I retired to my lair.

One of the 12 steps (number eight I think) is to apologise to all you have wronged. That was a deal breaker for me. I have a really difficult birth family and their behaviour had been the reason I drank.
In therapy I realised it was oblivion I sought and the courage to deal with them. My sister got her feck off when I was two bottles down. We still don't speak. Not even at my baby brothers funeral, her choice not mine.
What I can tell you is that giving up alcohol improved my relationship with my husband. We've been married 36 years and during that time I developed the dependancy. It wasn't about him, it was me. He's a non drinker and we have rum older than our DD who is 20!
I don't believe he ever discussed my alcoholism outside the family but his sisters knew and sent me books.
Yesterday he told me our son went crackers when I attempted to drink on Saturday. I actually said 'do you think I would go back to being drunk by 7pm every day?' He said no, I don't. That's a compliment.
The other thing he did two years on was accept an invite to a silver wedding party. I don't think I've been invited to anything for years. Too embarrassing for him.
It's taken a long time for my family to believe in the sober me. Their trust was broken. When my DC were teenagers they kept their friends away as I couldn't avoid the drink when they were in the house. Slurring middle aged mothers are not cool.
My advice would be to ask for help. No booze in the house in the early days (you wouldn't have cocanine on high shelf if a family member was in recovery).
If you friends mention it, it's your choice to talk about your dependancy or not. I think it took me a year to speak openly.
I've lost the shame now and I'm even a bit evangelical. I'm a nice person and I want to be treated fairly. As drunks we don't value ourselves. Remember others may use that for their own ends.

Sobriety is a wonderful gift you can give yourself, one day at a time.

day 11 done. feeling a bit sad out of nowhere. well done all for another sober day.

Morning all

@Pippa246 well done and I'm glad you reached out and got such great help on the thread. You deserve it and as @WendyWagon says you deserve to be treated well and respectfully, and the difficulty of what you are doing acknowledged and supported. We all do. low self-esteem seems to be part of the alcohol problem package bu by supporting each other here we're helping ourselves to understand and really expereicne that we deserve to be looked after. That's my experience anyhow.

I'm sorry you felt sad last night @ponzusoup - feeling the feelings is hard. I hope you feel glad this mornign that you were sober enough to feel sad if you see what i mean.

The thread is so busy which is fab - I have to trip off to work now and can't acknowledge all but have a great day.

Joining this thread. Am on day 2 alcohol free. My issue is drinking red wine at home. I am knocking that on the head for the good of my health and my gorgeous 9 year old who deserves a present and sober mum.

@Bohemond23 welcome, my issue is white wine! I am just over 2 months without it.

@WendyWagon your comments are so wise. I couldn't agree more sobriety is the best gift we can give ourselves.

Welcome @Bohemond23 . I understand and many do about wanting to be more present for our children. It's a great motivator and it's amazing my how yucky they notice that we are more here.

Hi @Womanshour

@Bohemond23 Welcome to the thread. One day at a time, you've got this! I'm only on day 2 but hope to get more wine free days as time passes.

Thanks @livingalivelife . Chin up @ponzusoup - it can blind side you when the blues hit you left side - hope today feels better.

day 7 for me. So glad I didn’t cave on Monday night and really hoping I am retraining my brain and creating connections that don’t mean hitting the fuck it button.

@Bohemond23 welcome and congrats on making the decision to create a better life for yourself and your DC.

@WendyWagon - I have similar issues with my DC such as being tipsy and even full blown drunk in front of their friends. My DD is still at home (early 20s) and will graduate in the summer and she is fretting about me getting drunk at the ceremony. It is so awful that I am making her feel like this - something she should be so looking forward to. Fortunately it’s still more than 2 months away so when I stay sober all that time (not if!) she will be able to relax on the day. It’s hard to try to put past shameful events behind me - I find myself reliving them when I really need to look forward more. Do you mind me asking how long you’ve been sober for?

thanks @livingalivelife and @Pippa246 for the mention feeling a bit better today although annoyed as have a cold. well done @Pippa246 you are doing brilliantly and everyday your brain will recover a little more. i read through this thread before i joined and someone mentioned wanting ' a bone deep feeling of well being' and that is what sobriety had given her. no anxiety no guilt no sweaty 3pms gagging for the next drink, just a bone deep feeling of well being. i realise that this is what booze has stolen from me for the best part of 40 years.

@WendyWagon hope you're ok. my kids are also so wary of me and booze and i have really embarrSssed. them so many times let along just being hungover and letting them get on with anything rather than spending proper time.

anyway sun is shining off for a dog walk got a day off work.

Today should be my two years, four months sobriety anniversary.
However I had the day from hell yesterday. I was a tinderbox waiting to pop. I can't say what happened as its very outing. I ended up in a total mess. Complete self harm and embarrassing. My husband rescued me but my DS is not speaking to me. Dark glasses and shame are my companions this morning. Sorry lads for letting the side down.

@WendyWagon you haven’t let anyone down. Sorry you’re going through this. Be kind to yourself, and work out what support you need x

Oh @WendyWagon my heart goes out to you. I have been there, (too many times) I suspect every single one of us on these threads have been there and we know how it feels. It's soul destroying and gut wrenching. You have done so very well. Please take this as a blip, a "data point", climb back onto the wagon and feel better. Be so kind to yourself. Use this to make you stronger. We all appreciate you here and hope you feel better as the day goes on x

@WendyWagon you have not let the side down. We are all human and we all have good days and bad days. You are here and you are posting and we are here with you. It will be ok. One day, one hour and one moment at a time. Go easy on yourself today.

You're not letting the side down @WendyWagon . You're back and we're here with you. Thanks for your courage. Be kind to yourself today.

So sorry @WendyWagon, You're human and you've had a shite old time of things lately. Sending you lots of love. It will be alright. xx

@WendyWagon sending love. hope you mAnGe to dust yourself down and get up again. you know you can do it. we are all here for you.

@WendyWagon Everyone has terrible days sometimes, it's life. Just forgive yourself and remember what Scarlett O'Hara said. 'Tomorrow is another day.'

@WendyWagon - there but for the grace of god go I. It’s done - dust yourself down, reset, move forward. 💐❤️

I'm so sorry yesterday was so awful @WendyWagon.

You are so kind and responses to us on here I hope you can take some of that kindness for yourself.

Sorry to hear that you had a shit day, @WendyWagon

It's great message you're sharing. It's important to know that however long someone's been sober, no one can be complacent.