New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

This is a great explanation, thank you @ponzusoup

Hope you feel better about it, @Itsrainingten - I've found I am really enjoyed AF beers , I love an 'adult' drink.

I think I'm day 15 - about to enter my third weekend AF 🥳👏🥳

@Talulah98 sorry to hear this. you can start again. sounds like falling asleep is a major trigger. have you tried melatonin? i don't think i'm allowed to link to a shop but i buy it for my autistic daughter from piping rock in america and it's been a game changer for her. i occasionally have it if im stressed and can't sleep. was recommended by a nurse and is prescribed to over 50s who have sleep issues.

try to be nice to yourself today and make an AF free plan for tonight.

@ponzusoup Thank you. Yes, falling asleep is the issue and always has been. I have no desire to drink during the day, not even at Christmas. I haven't tried melatonin but I will look into getting some. I have tried Nytol and Kalms.
Hope you have a good day today.

honestly worth a try / do not take more than 10mg or it stops working. arrives within the week from america about £6 a bottle.

@Talulah98 don't be hard on yourself. I'm sure all of us here have had setbacks. Especially early on. You do need to try and make a sleep plan though. It's great that you know what your main trigger is. Melatonin sounds like a good think to try, also maybe meditation apps, and maybe a hot chocolate or a Horlicks or aomething? Also it's good to remember that sleep after drinking alcohol is actually really poor quality, meaning you wake up (usually in the early hours) still tired. If you can get past the first couple of weeks of struggles to fall asleep you'll find that your sleep quality is SO much better.
In the meantime try not to be hard on yourself because that leads to "fuck it, I can't do it anyway, I may as well just have a drink now" thoughts which are obviously not helpful.
But honestly, even if you fall off the wagon 50 times you're still doing better than if you drink every night. And you'll get there in the end x

@Itsrainingten I know you're right about a sleep plan, and I have bought chocolate as a 'treat for not drinking.' Last night I finished up eating the chocolate and then drinking the wine.
I'll definitely give it another go. Thanks for your advice.

www.nhs.uk/medicines/melatonin/common-questions-about-melatonin/#:~:text=For%20short%2Dterm%20insomnia%20you,that%20can%20help%20with%20insomnia.

Sorry you’ve had a blip @Talulah98 , but it’s good you’ve come back! Have you read Why we Sleep by Matthew Walker? Someone on here recommended it a while ago, and the bits I’ve listened to seemed very good (and only £3.99 on kindle at the moment!)

Morning lads.
Up late with a dodgy arm. Better health this morning after the shenanigans of Tuesday.
I had a Marks AF apol spritz type thing last night. Tasted like Tiza.
The DS is back tonight so more negativity to deal with.

@Onewildandpreciouslife No, I haven't read that one, I'll do an Amazon search.
@WendyWagon I hope you have a good evening tonight.

day 14 here. i have a massive cold which strangely will help the mo drinking but is also masking feeling the benefits!

morning @WendyWagon tiza was bloody lovely haven't thought about that for years!

Funnily enough I had an AF aperitif thing last night which was reminiscent of Tizer. Crodino, I think. It was nice enough, but TBH for the price I would have been better getting a bottle of Tizer😂 Even in a wine glass it tasted like a kids' drink, and came in tiny bottles. I won't be bothering with it again, I don't think.

I hope it goes ok with your son @WendyWagon , and that your cold gets better soon @ponzusoup . I felt like a had a really bad cold for the first 10 days or so. Maybe I did - there's no way of knowing really - but I think it was the effects of withdrawal.

I've got work this afternoon, and need to be presentable for an online meeting at 1.00, which I'm not relishing the thought of. I'm currently watching Baby Reindeer, which my daughter recommended. She's a psychologist and found it fascinating. I am finding it difficult. The main character's lack of self worth and hazy boundaries is painful, as is the way he normalises the abnormal and explains away his behaviour. I really should be dragging a comb through my hair and making myself look a bit less dead (I always look like a ghost on screen, and not in a 'pale and interesting' way), but I'm hooked.

@ShyMaryEllen grace dent the food critic who gave up booze a few years ago rated that stuff. i'm on the verge of buying some posh organic kombucha from suffolk brewery. like you i do feel the need for a grown up, different drink at wine or gin o clock as it helps me with the cravings especially silly at the weekend.

https://www.ethicalsuperstore.com/products/la-brewery/la-brewery-english-rose-kombucha---750ml/?awaid=3651&referrer=awin&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI3Mj5YKDhgMVPLVoCR3VDwbmEAQYAiABEgKqVfDDBwE&utmsource=AFW&utmmmedium=Kiesproduct%20&gadsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAADcddnYde04gPL7xyOSQCklTPE2oA#34;Google%20Shopping%20traffic%22&utmm_campaign=AFW

this! expensive tho. f

@Talulah98 - sorry to hear you had a rubbish night.

I actually don't feel quite right offering advice at I'm on 2 weeks or so in.

For me, I can only liken quitting alcohol to quitting smoking - I had a few false starts before I finally cracked it, and now I haven't had a single puff for more than 20 years.

So don't let one night stop you.

You've posted on here, which is great. You clearly want to quit.

As others have said - addressing your sleep is a great idea, and maybe also having something alcohol free to hand, should the midnight monster strike?

It could be tough to have a glass of wine if you've already glugged a bottle of Zero Becks?

@NextPhaseOfLife Yrs, it's a sleep issue. I'll hoist myself back onto the bandwagon soon! Thanks for the advice.

earl grey tea chocolate and telly here! hope everyone is finding their way to enhance their friday night whilst staying sober. we will feel good in the morning. sober mornings are the gift that keeps giving

Insomnia is the very devil. But if you don't need to set the alarm in the morning, you can ride it out. If you have a TV in the bedroom, find something easy to watch, or listen to the radio, an audiobook - anything to stop you getting bored, and eventually you will fall asleep, even if it's early morning rather than late night. At first I used to lie in to catch up with sleep, but after a while (6 months?) I started to train myself into a more sociable routine, and get up at the same time every day. It takes ages, but when your body/brain stop waiting for the sedative they're used to you will start to sleep naturally, which is so much better for you than being knocked out by booze. If you break the 'no alcohol' routine you go back to square one. It's boring being awake in the small hours, which is why lining up easy viewing/listening is necessary, but it's no worse than that. Being bored won't kill you - drinking might.

I'll repeat my recommendation of sleep headphones. Honestly, they are the best thing ever. You just bluetooth them to your phone and play whatever works for you - white noise, sleep stories, hypnosis, music - anything really, and they act as an eye mask and comfortable headphones.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/MUSICOZY-Headphones-Bluetooth-Cancelling-Meditation-Darkness/dp/B0BTNCL4X9/ref=sr_1_3?crid=F1QVMDKVQ3QJ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Gv5yRivotVe5bGRiI2WI6Zr_kLTJVBT5UuCmQaSgG-s0kheFSHEGwkAft1qIulPAy3n0etr0_r5E3q5XjDAAvaO4oP6e2kaecoxAwt8EzyydrlU3pi3UogBxdUfJSzhVAIYrgQFiRxvfg0sIyRjNCBopk00nFeRWdm0W91VqWDN8DVT5nXbPtDigsduXlrJkwjXLJchzd9WG5pKbS0RXcL45XuLGrktTmay1Ftxwi0o.oKXp_ibiAtHrEQluMHO9nHwWaaYV7e9i0VaLhUDLfGA&dib_tag=se&keywords=sleep+headphones+noise+cancelling&qid=1715373928&sprefix=sleep+he%2Caps%2C163&sr=8-3

Sorry for the long link - these ones are half price at £15.

5 weeks sober. Ive done a full day wedding without booze.. got a full day out again which is mainly boozy day... any tips on staying sober around majority of folks drinking there?

@Loubelle70 congratulations that's amazing!

I make sure I have a reason prepared for not drinking that feels comfortable, I also make sure there are things I want to drink.

Feel free to leave earlier than usual. I can't remember if it was Claire pooley or the unexpected joy of being sober, but one or even both said don't worry about saying goodbye if you need to leave - just leave. I definitely do leave earlier, especially around people getting drunk.

Good luck!

I also have a weekend away. I'm really looking forward to it sober! But I won't be around drunk people.

Thankyou 😁..yes when i went to wedding i thought...coffee...water with slice lemon (looks like say gnt)... blackcurrant and water in wine glass etc. im helping organise the day and it involves thousands of people so cant leave really early..first time there without the booze. I will do it 👍.
Have a lovely weekend away ♥️... You wont waste a day recovering, bonus 👍 xxxx

Good luck @Loubelle70 ! I focus on what my goal is - getting to the end of the day sober, tucked up in bed with a herbal tea, happy tired after a long day. (I can’t remember if you’re using the TryDry app, but as I am ridiculously goal oriented I also wanted that yellow teacup more than I wanted a drink!).

Social events without booze are a bit like cold water swimming- once you’re over the initial shock, they’re really rewarding (I usually say you also need to know when to get out, but if that’s not an option, can you plan ways to have short escapes ? I sometimes find jobs in quieter places - washing up in a quiet kitchen is ideal! )

@Onewildandpreciouslife thankyou..i will do those things 😁..well done too xxxx