On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat *2024*

[Swannyb]

@amdone123 @mj20 @touty @Hohofortherobbers @Coppergate7 @bigbus @colouringindoors @wellitywellness @Atacamadesert @Freezingfeetwarmheart @WouldRatherBeAPieceOftToast @Hohofortherobbers @mickandrorty @Mykittensmittens @afaloren @NoTeaNoShade @CrackersCheeseNoWinePlease @LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

Hello all! Still doing OK at moderating here. Doing a lot of sport and have dropped a dress size but no weight loss. Just hope it's muscle.
I'm with @NextPhaseOfLife with my fitbit watch which keeps me on my toes. I must admit it does become a bit obsessive to me, as I check my sleep nearly every morning and I can see a net difference between AF and WWWs win days. But then again as @Amdone123 and @NextPhaseOfLife quite rightly mention, don't need that to know when I've had a good nights sleep or not. And really do know the culprits too.

Alternative drinks for me go in phases. At the moment tea and a sort of coffee made from cereals. Am not a coffee drinker. When it gets warmer I'm a fizzy water drinker and make my own. Lots of ice and lemon or anything else I can think of. Mint, herbs. Again I go through phases of lots of mint, then lemon, lime, berries. I've found a fizzy rhubarb drink here, that I really enjoy, pity it's a bit expensive...

I try to catch-up on the thread from time to time. All this sport is really taking up a lot of my time. But then again, I'm not nibbling at the moment, which is good.
I've invested in an audio book of hypnosis to cut down on the nibbling too. Perhaps it does work... Will keep you informed.

Wishing you a lovely afternoon, wherever you are. Here it's raining. Might have a nap, because all this sport is tiring. Just hope that I manage to stay motivated.
SSS and will try to keep up with everyone on the thread.

Thank you for the welcome back @Amdone123 . First day done and feel better already for an af night's sleep. Its slats ghd first day which is a chore.

@mumzof4x I discovered Saudi Champagne last year - soda water and apple juice (I go 1:1 on the ratio) with lots of chopped up fruit and chilled. Amazing on a hot sunny day.

Also ginger beer and soda and lime.

Oooh @Liverpool52 sounds delish !!! Must try that and great to hear what everyone else is trying.
For some reason just couldn't sleep last night and heard the dawn chorus before nodding off, so felt pants today.
In bed already with a herbal tea and feeling a bit chuffed with the AF week so far ( yes i know it's only Tuesday)
Hope everyone's having something postive going on today x

Morning, folks, hope we're all doing OK.
All good here, day 3 and sleep is great and skin is looking good. So is the bank balance.
I've been thrown a curve ball.

My plan was to have a drink Saturday but I'm now informed my granddaughter's christening is Sunday. So I either

1. have 1 bottle of wine Friday - one only, then obviously drink Sunday or
2. try to get to Sunday, having had 6 days af.

I'd really like option 2.
Another option....just a few beers on Friday ?
Help !

@Amdone123 I've been thinking what to suggest but couldn't then thought I'd share my plan which may or may not help.
So I worked out the number of units I was drinking ... a bottle of red almost every night / cava on a Friday and of course the after supper Brandy
Now I'm not drinking in the week I looked at aiming to look at weekend units. It's still over the suggested limit for women but this weekend I'm going to stick with 21 units and how I spend them between Friday pm and Sunday is up to me .
It means I can get in two bottles of my fav Rioja and when it's gone it's gone.
We're going out for a late afternoon brunch Friday so I can then still afford a glass of fizz .
Keep reminding myself how much better I actually feel not drinking in the week . Honest to goodness even the house feels so much happier x
Congratulations on your grandchild's Christening
It's my first grandchild's christening this summer and just routed out the family gown .... trying to make it white again !

@mumzof4x thanks, that's really helpful actually because I do need to look at the big picture.
On Sunday it won't be 1 bottle. It might be at the actual christening but I know I'll drink when I get home ( when I get home will be the only time I can relax - I'll be anxious at the christening and I can't drink too much ).
So, I think Friday I'm going to just have a few beers. I've planned a tex mex type tea so that'll all go nicely. Oohh, corona and lemon.
Thanks again.
Good luck with the gown !

Checking in. Day 3 for me too. Been exercising and sleeping ok, can't say well, as perimenopause is a killer for my sleep. One of the reasons I drink wine too, to get a good nights sleep, although I don't feel rested as you never do after alcohol. Keep going everyone ❤️

@LaDamaDeElche well done on Day 3.
I know what you mean about the sleep. Even though I sleep miles better when af, there are still times when I'm staring at the ceiling at 3am. But, overall, I sleep better.
Day 3 here and I was so tempted to get a bottle on the way home from work. My problem is that I'm happier without it, more energy, look better, so I think I know ...I'll have wine ! The very thing that makes me feel ill.

Morning all. Well done @LaDamaDeElche ! I sleep so much better when completely AF.

Sport wise still going strong. I've booked myself into meditation as well, so will see how I get on with that. Re the hypnosis book, not really sure. I listen to it in bed and always fall asleep after perhaps 5 minutes, so actually have no idea what is being said. Still get the urge to nibble, but trying hard to fight it off.
Did try on some old clothes yesterday, still not fitting into some of them, so the battle of the fat continues.
As for the battle against the WWWs, I win one, they win one. So I'm doing OK when on my own. It's when I have company that everything slides (namely my will power) and I join in. Always hate myself afterwards, so perhaps will just have to be in company less often, but that sounds depressing.

I do have another new rule though; NEVER at lunch time, because it make me feel sleepy, even with company. That is for some reason obeyable. So I now have 2 rules. Never alone and never at lunch time. Funnily enough when alone I wouldn't dream of having a drink at lunch time, so my only problem time would be weekends. I think I can manage that. Plus always have the "I have to drive" card.
Reading the thread and still catching-up, can only say well done to all.
Weather here is perking up a bit (famous last words) but definitively getting warmer, even if still frequent rain, and I find that this also helps boost the mind and body. Lots of fizzy AF drinks to cool off to be had.
Wishing you all a good day and sending positive vibes to all.

@Nowstrong totally agree with what you say re daytime drinking .... makes me too sleepy !

Well done to all of us wherever we are on the journey today
I feel something has changed with me. I have a new beginning right at my feet, and so much to gain and everything to lose by continuing to drink.
After 25 years in a dreadful marriage (although 4 amazeballs children) I got remarried to the most gorgeous man in August with the blessings and encouragement of my children.
We are moving into our dream home in the country all being well as hoping exchange date comes through imminently
My first grandchild has been born too
So I can either spend the autumn of my days in a haze and feel dreadful or be awake and present and grasping every opportunity to make memories with my beautiful family and friends.
Blimey I m sorry haven't I just gone all soppy!
Anyway there's been no alcohol consumed in this house during the week for two weeks now
Looking forward to some red wine with hubby and a nice meal at the weekend but just feel in a different place now. More positive then Ive ever felt that I won't let the WW take away this beautiful chapter.

I've used the NHS app and it's really basic but nice to see last 3 weeks progress on.
That's a lot of pennies !!

@mumzof4x what a lovely post to read first thing. It's not soppy at all, it's heartfelt and very encouraging.
Children ( in my case, child),and grandchildren are, I think, as we get older, the greatest motivators to leading an af, healthier life. I want to stay alive as long as possible to see my granddaughters grow up.
You sound like you're in a great place. Good for you ❤️

Morning all, I'm with @Amdone123, thank you @mumzof4x , not soppy at all. It is our reality. If I didn't have my children and grandchildren, perhaps I wouldn't care about values and the image I'm leaving them. I do not want to be my ex (now passed away, too young) and leave memories of a silly angry drunk. Our family and friends keep up going in the right direction. We are loved and want to love.
Loved your post. Thank you.
Off to sport and meditation with a very positive attitude. Sending you all lots of love. We all need it.
SSS and ❤

Morning everyone, happy Saturday 💕

@mumzof4x - lots of your points hit home for me, too. My children are young adults now. I want to be healthy, strong and lucid for them for as long as I can.

Evening all! Sorry long time no speak but I’ve been coasting along ok….

have been at a wedding all day today! Lots of drinks…
mentally counting up what I had…. Defo two glasses of fizz, a glass of pimms, 2 glasses of wine at dinner…… then 2-3 in the evening, plus a Yeager bomb, this was over a 12 hour day! I wasn’t purposely moderating and at times I felt tipsy but certainly not terribly drunk like I may of been years ago!!!! Had a brilliant night with family and friends…. In bed now and stopped drinking about 2 hours ago aw started feeling dehydrated and switched to water!

however I’m terrified I’ll wake up tomorrow with anxiety or worse still during the night. Really hope I don’t but I know what I’m like. So just looking for kind words or any hangxiety tips. Thanks all xxxxx hope everyone is well xxxx

As predicted…. Awake all night… sky high anxiety and have realised I cannot do this anymore! It’s so awful when this happens and the very reason I started the original thread many years ago….

any advice for soothing hangxiety welcome @Amdone123 @Swannyb @Bigbus @Coppergate7 @Coppergate8 @Coppergate9 @Hohofortherobbers @Touty @YoghurtPotWashingMachine

@Mj20 hi, sorry you're feeling rubbish. I think one of the best things you can do is write down all your symptoms ( physical and mental), and next time you're invited out, read it and remind yourself. You can still have a couple of drinks, maybe alternating with water and soft drinks is best for you.
You haven't done anything wrong, you had a great time so try to keep telling yourself that. You haven't killed anyone.
When you feel yourself going depressed about it, tell yourself this is the last time you'll feel like this. You're also doing something about it, which isn't easy to do.
For today, do all the things you like. I would walk, bit of retail therapy, buy some nice food, soft drinks, have a bath, read, sunbathe.
But, please be nice to yourself - you've done nothing wrong and you know the way forward.

@Mj20 joining you with hangaxiety. Had friends to stay this weekend and didn't do anything stupid but did drink far too much last night.

Absolutely no idea why I do it. Completely sabotage myself all the bloody time.

Hope you're ok now. I'm taking a deep breath and pushing on.

Thanks for the lovely messages @Amdone123 and @Liverpool52

you are so right @Amdone123 i need to document this and hold myself accountable and I love you saying this will be the last time I feel like this. That’s really powerful and motivational.

I have been out for a big walk with my friend, who I was out with last night. Have had lots of lovely mags off friends, and have seen all the pictures etc and all was well, so that’s helping me remember this is just a physical reaction and not an indication I have done anything wrong.
I’ve had some choccy and tea and now I’m just resting!
be glad when today is over..

@Liverpool52 im sorry your feeling it too, it’s bloody horrible. Mines mostly gone but still slightly lingering, but nothing like this morning.

How everyone else doing xxx

Hi all, hi @Mj20

Sorry you're feeling this way. If you don't mind me asking, why do you want to moderate rather than stop all together?

It seems like you're paying a high emotional price for a few drinks - genuine question, are those drinks worth it?

Hi @NextPhaseOfLife great question…. So over the years I’ve hugely moderated my drinking. I no longer count myself as a regular drinker but more high days and holidays. I’ve also done big stints of A/f for months! And when I do it’s only a couple, Which disrupts my sleep but doesn’t give me the acute anxiety! However more than that and yes it’s an awful price to pay…. It can actually feel like a nervous breakdown! I guess I don’t want to fully stop because I do love a celebratory glass of fizz or a glass of rose but I need to be so strict not to go over and I guess I have to work out if I can do that. Stick to my limits….
All I know is I can’t feel like this again I really can’t xxx

Thanks for sharing that, @Mj20

going through the wringer is horrible isn't it 😢

I think I've had so many of those types of episode that I've just reached the conclusion that stopping entirely, and finding joy in new celebratory techniques has to be the way forward.

The continual moderating was just such hard work, mentally.

I've only decided this a few weeks ago, so we will see, but I hated being where you are now so much, I just don't want my life to be determined by fizz any more.

Maybe you can use today's feeling to decide what will make you happiest in the long run 💕

@NextPhaseOfLife thanks for sharing!!! You’re really onto something there, mental math moderating is the worst. I hate it. And that’s what has lead to my big a/f stints.

would you mind sharing a little of your story with me and how you reached the conclusion to be completely alchol free.

Of course, @Mj20

I'm late 40s and drink has been a big part of my social life and social circle for all my adult life - and life in general, to be honest.

Most of my friends and couple friends drink, and my DH is big drinker.

We have bars very near our house, and we've crept up over the years to going out for a drink 2 or 3 nights a week. I'd have 3 large glasses of wine (ie, a bottle) and DH would have 4-5 pints. We'd drink more wine when we got home and we drink on nights we don't go out.

Over the last 2-3 years, I've had a moment of clarity various times that it's too much,
So I try to cut down. We've done Dry Jan a few times. Said we are only going to drink on a Friday and Saturday, said we are going to have couple of weeks off,

It doesn't work. We encourage each other (it doesn't take much at all) and don't stick to it.

All our friends drink, and celebrations, commiserations, weekly gatherings are at the bar or drinks round people's houses. Getting slightly pissed each time is very normalised.

I got so fed up of going to bed at night feeling unwell, sleeping badly, and having the fear the next day. Was i too loud, did I get too sociable, did I invite people to do XYZ that I wouldn't have done when sober, have I text someone to suggest a meet up that I wish I hadn't?

So I finally realised that trying to moderate wasn't worth it for me. I don't want to drink 2 glasses. For me, there's no point. I'm all or nothing in life, and in this too it seems. So I'd rather not have anything.

Once I came to that final conclusion, it seems to have clicked.

My DH is still drinking. More, if anything: he's not sad that I'm not, which I thought he would be. He said it will help him cut back too, but it hasn't. I wonder if he's seeing the writing on the wall too. We'll see.

So that's me!

Thanks for sharing @NextPhaseOfLife makes sense why you choose just to stop!

How have you found that!!?

Im now feeling anxious I won’t sleep tonight and the anxiety cycle will continue…but I’m so exhausted surely I will 😭