On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat *2024*

[Swannyb]

@amdone123 @mj20 @touty @Hohofortherobbers @Coppergate7 @bigbus @colouringindoors @wellitywellness @Atacamadesert @Freezingfeetwarmheart @WouldRatherBeAPieceOftToast @Hohofortherobbers @mickandrorty @Mykittensmittens @afaloren @NoTeaNoShade @CrackersCheeseNoWinePlease @LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

Happy Friday all!!
How are we doing?
@Amdone123 how’s the holiday? @Bigbus i think it’s natural to grieve the relationship we can’t/don’t have with booze? And hi @YoghurtPotWashingMachine and hi @Trolleytoken sounds like you’re unpicking some of the reasons why!

so all ok here! After the anxiety of last weekend from a few drinks staying sober feels her easy!!! No plans to drink this weekend as partner away with work! Looking forward to a wholesome weekend ♥️ whats everyone else’s plans xx

How do you deal with people’s expectations? I’ve usually been the one who can be relied on to join in the drinking and sometimes I feel like I’m being boring when I don’t want to have as much as them now. I went out yesterday with someone who drinks quite a bit and we usually match each other drink for drink but I ended up stopping before her but using an excuse about work today - which is true but nevertheless I still felt like to had to have an excuse rather than just say I’ve had enough.

@Trolleytoken 😄I suppose that's kind of a good thing she sent you to sleep? I sometimes have trouble sleeping when I haven't had anything to drink, or very little.

@Bigbus I get what you mean. Maybe just practise not making an excuse or explaining yourself? I suppose it will get easier over time.

Morning, folks!
I'm back from my holiday. Had a lovely time and only got drunk the first day. Got upset over the dog, so decided to moderate the rest of the hols. Drank with lunch, and a few cocktails but overall, didn't get drunk ( again), didn't smoke after that first day and never had a hangover there.

@Mj20 wholesome weekend sounds great. You can do that easily. I don't know what to do from now on. I've got a big party in 2 weeks. Ideally I'd like to be af til then. May is tricky though - bank holidays, dh is off a lot ( when he's off, he gets under my feet and drives me to drink), so I suppose one day at a time. I'll try to moderate I guess.
@Bigbus people's expectations are a pita, but seeing as though I always asked people who weren't drinking why not, I can't really talk.
Like @YoghurtPotWashingMachine says, just practice an excuse. It probably does get easier over time.

@YoghurtPotWashingMachine yeah, my watch is telling me I'm sleeping like absolute crap this week, despite me being all zen and going to bed at 9pm to listen to podcasts and drink water. Seems a bit unfair.

@Bigbus Yeah I know what you mean. It gets annoying to be the one who can be relied upon to be drinking and if you're not people act kind of cheated. I've taken the coward's way out of this and decided to moderate by just not drinking at home- I don't go out that much so this will cut me down by about 80%. But when out I probably still need to appreciate that there's a middle ground between Blake Lively and Katie Price.

@Mj20 pretty wholesome here too. I am going out tonight but my teens will be home alone - it's a fairly recent thing that they're allowed to stay home in the evenings, and I want to be able to get home quickly if necessary, so I'll drive (DH working away). Rest of the weekend I'm basically the taxi for the DC's sports and social lives.

@Amdone123 well done on your holiday- they are really hard. Went skiing at Easter and the snow wasn't great so it was a 12pm start every day. Not good.

Day 3 today but it's not going to be a sober one. We're going out for the day, and it will include lunch. I'll try to moderate though. Well, the trick will be not to buy any on the way home.

Hello everyone,

I'm sorry I've dropped off here a bit lately. Life has been hectic lately!

I'm going to come off MN temporarily as reading threads on here is definitely not helping my HA as I see so much on here I wouldn't otherwise know about!

Wishing you all the best and I'll pop back soon ❤️

So I'm 7 days into my moderation quest. Have had a total of 375ml of wine (trying to say amount rather than "glasses" as my "glasses" can vary in size quite considerably 😂) vs. normally three bottles per week, so I'm pretty happy with that.

Sleep is terrible- I seem to have a lot of really light sleep where my mind churns over some really minor admin thing that really doesn't matter (last night it was whether DS has any navy sports trousers for a match tomorrow). I'm going to take some magnesium tomorrow and see if that helps.

However, training is off the charts- I ran the last 5k of my 11k run at sub 5 min/km today and I have struggled to keep my parkrun under 25 mins for a year so it shows the pay off there.

Anyway, onwards. Hope everyone has had a zen weekend. Mine had its moments tbh (teens) but generally pretty good.

@Trolleytoken well done on your 7 days, you're doing really well. Half a bottle is a vast improvement on 3 !
Hope your sleep improves. That's the first thing that improves for me. I can still have my moments, though.

Not a great weekend af wise. Though 1 bottle on Saturday and yesterday I had a bottle, only because it was there. I was tempted to go out for more, so glad I didn't as my ds brought the girls round and me drinking and probably smoking in the kitchen is not a look I want.
So, at least I stopped after 1. No smoking.

I'm busy for the next 5 days, so I'm aiming for them to be af. I think I can do it.

I had about 16 units over the week last week and four alcohol free days. I'm pleased with that.

I don't know why but something in my head has clicked about how daft drinking every day is. It's not rocket science but when I'm in the thick of it and drinking wine every night I don't think of it like that. I'm starting to feel more like myself and can see it for what it is.

@YoghurtPotWashingMachine I'm the same. Sometimes I'll be sat drinking and thinking I'm not even enjoying this. I'm sure it's the thought that's more appealing to me - I like buying it, storing it, knowing it's there.
Well done on the units and 4 af days. I like having a break from it. I used to be able to do 10 or even more days, but now I'm averaging a 4 or 5 day af stint, which is a good balance anyway.

Hi everyone and well done on the moderating.

I drank an unplanned half a bottle on Thursday night but had a bereavement (not someone super close but still upsetting) and used that as an excuse to drink wine they liked! That's my problem sometimes, I find a reason I should drink and make something an occasion! Then 5 units on Friday when out with friends (good for me!) but about a bottle of wine plus another small glass and then a large baileys on Saturday night, so I was feeling very tired yesterday!! Luckily not hungover/sicky but really tired and just groggy/miserable so I don't want to feel like that for a while. Back on the moderating wagon now and not planning on drinking until Saturday. Seeing it on my Try Dry app makes me feel naughty so will keep me going (hopefully).

@Flumpywoo that's the problem sometimes isn't it - those units creep up. I probably find reasons to drink too. Though I don't drink when fed up !
I'll join you in getting to Saturday af.

Hello everybody! Sorry to have been so absent but I've been really busy, and enjoying it. I must admit to a slightly boozy weekend in Italy with old colleagues but it was such a pleasure to enjoy each others company and have a really good gossip chat and lots of laughs.
Otherwise I've been pretty good and attacked swimming and sport. I'm really aching some days. But it's done me so much good mentally and I'm losing a few inches, which is also a positive.
Still haven't had time to do a catch-up read of the thread, but wishing you all lots of strength and sending loads of positive vibes full of fresh muscle.

Promise will try to be back more often. SSS

Oops @Flumpywoo , I've possibly failed at the first hurdle - though only 2 glasses ! Dh and I shared a bottle - I'm going to give myself some leeway. We're both still talking our way through the loss of our dawg ❤️
At least I haven't got another bottle!
Glass half full - got to stay positive.
How are you doing @Needtokickthehabit @Touty - hope you're doing OK.

@Amdone123 don't worry, tomorrow is another day and you can still be alcohol free for 4 days between then and Saturday if you want to. You're allowed to break it with you having lost your dog if it gives you some comfort and as you say, it's still in moderation and better than just carrying on drinking all night! Sometimes you just need to get something out of your system/let your hair down then you can focus again on the long term goal.

Good morning everybody. @Amdone123 one shared bottle sounds like the very best moderation - if I could always stop there then I’d be very happy.

I’ve been keeping up with the posts everyday. I had a bit of a boozy week in that I had a few drinks most days but never drunk - it just all adds up. It’s also not good for my weight. I’ve had two days AF now - nearly cracked last night but glad I didn’t. I’m almost getting to the stage where I feel like I can trust myself at social occasions instead of being anxious about them. I have a school reunion coming up in the summer and it’s super important that I don’t get really drunk because I’ll be actually mortified if I do. I’ve had a few situations recently in which I would usually have been really OTT and I’ve managed to moderate - I will keep practicing!

@Flumpywoo yes, thank you. It's not a Big Deal - I have a tendency to make mountains out of molehills.
Fresh day today and I will try harder !

@Bigbus yes, definitely keep practicing. I'm sure if you're mindful about not getting carried away at your reunion, then it will go the way you want it to. I find when I don't make plans for events, it can go badly.
Of course my plans don't always go perfectly, but mostly they do.

@Amdone123 hey there, thanks for the shout out. I’m doing ok thanks; 4 months sober now. I still struggle but I think I now have more good days than bad.

Ive been reading and watching a bit of Annie Grace, one thing that she said is that the buzz from a drink only lasts 20 mins. It was said in the context of trying to rationalize cravings. She then said that if we really want a drink to look into a mirror and ask yourself if the fall out is really worth it for a buzz which only lasts 20 mins.

This got me thinking. Is she right? Does it last 20 mins? TBH I think it used to take more than one drink to give me a buzz.

Hello everyone, it’s been a while!

@Amdone123 I am so sorry to hear about your little man, I remember the pain all too much. I hope you’re doing okay.

All is going well with me. I’m about 3 months 90% alcohol free, and when I do drink, it’s been controlled. At first I was struggling and felt like I’m missing out, but now I’m waking up feeling like a winner for my decision to stop the day before. My diet ends next week, which means I am off on my dream holiday, finally!

I am using the following tools to keep me on track:

• No hangovers for 2024
• I occasionally listen to podcasts on alcohol etc. as it gives me a boost to stay on this path
• Focusing on what I’m gaining from moderating
• DH and I have been making an effort to do other activities which aren’t sitting in restaurants or bars
• Money saving!

Once I am back from holiday and off my diet, I hope to keep this going. Hope you’re all doing well.

Checking in having not done so for a while. Was a complete idiot on Monday and it's jeopardised my job so really need to be better.

Today is day 2.

@Touty wow, 4 months is great, well done ! Good to hear you're having more good days than bad. Everyone I ever met who has given up says it gets easier, to the point they no longer think about it.
I think Annie Grace is probably right. The 20 minute high sounds right, for me anyway. I'll definitely think about that some more.

@Swannyb you're doing really well, too. What a great post. I'm sure that when you're back from your holiday, you'll carry on in this vein. I love your positives - I think I need to get back to list writing.
Thank you for your condolences. It's been 2 weeks now. The first week was awful. Absolutely distraught but strangely, dh and I are enjoying our new found freedom. It's great just going out and not having to get ds to sit with him.

We booked an impulse holiday yesterday - a short break in Spain for this Bank Holiday weekend. We're so excited !
And talking of excitement, I nearly drank ( again) yesterday but had a pizza instead. Felt sick after but at least I didn't want to drink !

@Liverpool52 hope you're ok. Put it behind you now. It's day 2 for me, too - so, let's do it together ❤️

❤️

Morning all, haven't read all the thread since my beginning of March departure, but did read bits. Encouragements to all.
@Amdone123 sorry about your dog, I no longer have pets because it breaks my hard dried-out heart when I lose them. Also now travel too much so it's not fair on them to be left with sitters or similar. Would love to have another dog, but perhaps when I'm older and can't travel so much.... but then again, perhaps not. Oh dear.
@Touty well done! 4 months is great! Keep up the soberness.
@Swannyb another excellent example to follow. You're doing great!
@Liverpool52 I'm constantly on day 1 or 2, so don't worry, we brush our bruised egos off, nip down to the bottle bank to get rid of any unsettling evidence and start again.
I'm still moderating well. Have a few nasty encounters with the WWWs, but once I've kicked them out I'm fine. Also having a few problems with the Nibble Fairy though. I'm going to call her Fairy Nuff. Because enough is enough.
Sports wise I'm going strong. I've got classes every day. So am getting very muscular under my layers of nibbling induced fat. Apparently after about 6 weeks of this torture routine, I, or others, might be able to notice some results. I might not throw those too tight jeans out yet. May as well save some money and not have to buy new ones. Wishful thinking? Yes.
Well, off to squeeze into my sporty water gear and continue the difficult never ending Fat Battle.
Wishing you all a good start to May, even though I missed the 1st, SSS, death to the WWWs and eff off FN xx