Tulips, snowdrops and another Day 1!

[MamaGhina]

New thread as promised. I’ll pop on later to tag everyone as I wanted to get this link on the old thread before it fills up!

Link to the old one for any new joiners:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4877066-its-day-1-anyone-else?page=40

On the subject of bulbs, our sign of hope, along with the snowdrops I have croci out too and the daffs and hyacinths are gaining pace. The tulips will follow. and the bloody bluebells have yet again multiplied Kept mentioning other things but they aren't bulbs!

@Steppered I could have written your post. I also know what the answer is. I am in a better place when dry. I curse myself for thinking about it. All the time. Such a waste of energy.

I too am envious of the ones who can moderate. Who head out and have a couple and then go home feeling happy. I always felt that a couple was a waste of an evening. I’d often leave friends and then stop off somewhere else alone just to drink one more. I knew it was a bad sign but in all honestly, I didn’t care enough to stop.

I do care though. I don’t want to be the one who drinks too much or worries about what they said or who they messaged. I just want to be normal but I think for me that’s only going to happen with total abstention and I just can’t stop thinking that that would be a dull existence.

Hey everyone! Thank you @Steppered for the mention. I really appreciate that.

Well - it's not going well as my absence would suggest. It's been a difficult time and finally have gone no contact with my child's father. An extreme but necessary decision. It hasn't been the right time to either moderate or abstain.

My plan is to give myself a bit of time to adjust and then try for a clear month ... March seems like a good time because planting can begin again and spring being a good time for new beginnings.

I really hope you are all doing well and will catch up with thread properly next week. Sending you all good thoughts, wherever you may be.

Often think of you @Thepeppapigfanclub. Go well and keep safe.

Thank you so much @SpringNotSprung. Things are getting better. I'm just facing and doing all the things I was too scared to do. I can't do everything at once. Putting an end to15 years of domestic abuse is challenging. And I've got myself into a position where I'm very self sufficient - but a bit lonely... It will be fine but will take time.

I'm glad I posted the day I did when I started the original thread because it looks like lots of good things/conversations have come from it.

@Thepeppapigfanclub so good to hear from you, take care of you. X

And thank you. You have changed my life for the better by starting the original thread. It helped me so much. I hope I can repay you by helping in return.

That's a lovely acknowledgement @BoilingHotand50something , nicely said.

Good to hear from you @Thepeppapigfanclub
I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. Quite honestly I think you've gotta do what you've gotta do to get through. Sometimes it is just simply not the time to take away a major coping crutch and we have to recognise that: rather than beating ourselves up for "failing" daily when we drink and adding to the self-loathing. Most of us will be here due to trauma causing addiction. We know we have drinky heads - we know we're in this for the long haul - but we are HERE.

Also to anyone else out there who is lurking in the mire. Solidarity. Let's try and keep in touch. None of us are alone x

Spot on @Steppered

Oh seriously - you are just the best. I really appreciate your kind words so so much @BoilingHotand50something and @Steppered. And very wise they are too.

I'm busy making plans for a happier a life, getting over the shock of finally putting an end to it and it's a time of transition (there is always an excuse) ... just unfortunately those things are enjoyable with a glass (bottle) of wine.

Your kindness is very, very much appreciated.

Great to catch up on this thread and agree with others @Thepeppapigfanclub When I joined this group, I'd never have expected to be where I am so thank you from me too - your decision to post that days has changed my life, probably saved my relationship and I can't thank you enough - I owe you, big time!

I hit my 100 AF days almost a month ago. I decided to use that milestone to try to shift my mindset from, 'must not drink' to 'I just don't drink'. I stepped back from podcasts and buying AF drinks (stick to fizzy waters and tea), I also stopped tracking non drink days....Until I was compelled to see how many days I'd done. I was amazed to see that I have now passed £1000 saved from non drinking. I do feel 'richer' in so many ways.

Hope I'm not gloating, it's been tough but my word, the freedom I feel is just so liberating - I honestly feel like I can achieve anything.

So, 1000000 thank you's to all of you. Welcome to the new joiners - I promise, if I can do 100 days free - you all can, I was right on the edge of needing professional help but something clicked and with great support from you all, here I am.

You are all superstars, keep on keeping on xxx

Well done @MissSmith80 that is incredible and I'm so happy for you! x

Well done @MissSmith80 - you are doing amazingly well!

Loved reading your update @MissSmith80! You go!

Sorry to hear things are not going so well @Thepeppapigfanclub. We will still be here chipping away when you feel ready.

I’ve had a mixed week. Got a long day at work tomorrow so will try and eat and bed when I get home. I need to get Friday and Saturday night out the way to feel like I’m back on track.

Good luck to all still chipping away. Day 5 @Pinotgrigioblues how does it feel?

@MamaGhina Hey there. Thanks for checking in. I’ve been lurking, but still sober. It’s weird and I don’t think I’ve slept so much in YEARS! Have some drink avoiding to do this weekend, but I’m armed with decent excuses to put the pushers off for now. I don’t feel like telling them the truth just yet. After swearing I’m giving up so many times, I sort of feel like the girl who cried wolf. I’d rather plug away quietly under the radar until I’ve found my sober sea legs!

Best of luck getting through your weekend too 😀

Ah well done @MissSmith80. Congratulations to you - that is really inspiring! And thanks @MamaGhina - I hope you are keeping well.

Thanks for posting @MissSmith80

It’s the kind of inspiration I need right now. I’m six days in and feel like a naked newborn chick blinking in the daylight. Last night proved a big challenge for me - driving home from my OH’s place and not mindlessly buying wine to neck alone on my sofa. It felt like a big deal when I closed the garden gate and faced going home sober.

So did you save all the cash you’d have spent on booze? That’s a really great ideas that I might steal. Either way, 100 days is brilliant!

Friday night and going through that awful hour when DH opens a bottle.

I’m staying strong!

Hope everyone else is doing ok. Friday nights are the hardest for me.

I’m reminding myself of all the reasons I don’t want to drink tonight.

Primarily, I don’t want a hangover in the morning.
Secondly, I’m sleeping well at the moment and I don’t want to ruin that.
Thirdly, I don’t want to spend tomorrow feeling like a shit person 😆 I know drinking alcohol doesn’t make me or anyone a shit person but the day after I always feel like I’ve let myself down or wish I hadn’t.

You’ll feel brilliant when you wake up tomorrow @MamaGhina. hold on to that thought! I’ve spent Friday night cleaning (so sad) but I went out it to a play last night and am walking with a friend tomorrow. All booze free and happily so. I promise you it really does become normal after a while. It took ages for the fog to lift tho.

As for what to spend cash on! Lord the possibilities are endless, have a think about what you really like to do - you don’t have to buy something you would never normally buy. Just buy something you take real joy in!

Started dry Jan and still going. I’m not sure where I’m going at the moment or how long this will continue. Last week I added the last bits of a bottle of wine leftover from Christmas to a meal. I do keep wondering about drinking but I’m enjoying not and I’m so curious to see where this ends up. I just feel quite convinced my life will be better in small ways. It’s peaceful not drinking on the weekends and I’m learning to value that peace and find it normal and not boring. My mind seems on a more even keel and gradually I am realising that this means I’m no longer as
likely to crave an ‘escape’ at the end of the week. My stomach is also much better. It’s taken quite a while for these benefits to show themselves. My sleep is still utterly shit which is disappointing!

Thanks @TimesaChangeling tbh I didn’t have a great sleep but I still feel good this morning. No hangover, no anxiety, no self loathing.
I liked the expression someone upthread used about feeling safe. Once I’m through tonight I will feel safe for another week.

@Atacamadesert welcome! Isn’t it funny how sober can equal boring in our minds? I’m convinced this comes from our teen years where we are teased or told we are boring if we don’t drink.
I’m aiming for a 30 day run because that’s when I really feel some benefit but longer term I’m desperate to achieve 100 days. That’s the target I set myself when I joined this thread in August. I haven’t managed it yet but I’ve made so many positive changes in that time! I really feel like a different person.

Hello again. Still quite new here but I’m almost 7 days AF. There were a couple of challenges last night, but I swerved them and feel all the better for it.

Another challenge tonight as I’ll be working with a friend who I usually drink copious amounts of wine with. I’m going to be brave and tell her about my struggles. I have only reconnected with her recently after many years, and have been sort of using her as a safe person to drink with/hide (i.e. she doesn’t know about my history with alcohol). I’m not so worried about what she will think. It’s more that I want to cut off my options of people I can get away drinking with, if that makes sense?

It’s not that I’m outrageous when drinking, in fact, that’s the problem. I don’t do anything crazy - people just have no idea that behind closed doors every night (and sometimes daytime) I have been downing a bottle of wine or more, alone on my sofa.

@MamaGhina I would really struggle if my OH was drinking and me not. Mine doesn’t drink for health reasons, but it makes this a little easier.

@TimesaChangeling Finding out there are fun things to do that don’t involve drinking is a revelation. Who knew? 😄There’s really nothing nicer than waking up to a clean house, so go you!

@Atacamadesert The stomach issues are one of the main things I’ve noticed too. It’s madness that I’ve had stomach pain every night for many years. My sleep is hit and miss right now. Stupidly had a Diet Coke late last night (as I had to do a 2 hour drive at 11pm) and then tossed and turned until about 5am. Entirely my own fault, but far better than a wine-interrupted sleep, I guess!

I haven't been on in a long time and thank you for all your honesty. I enjoyed catching up on all the threads. I am not v proficient in online etiquette yet , so forgive me if I don't tag everyone. I really wish everyone well and am grateful for the solidarity. I feel very low and isolated and hopeless. I feel I have made a mess of every aspect of my life.
I am back to guzzling a bottle of white wine in the car just before entering the house, 3 nights a week! It's like a pressure valve being released but my tolerance keeps getting lower and my sleep is horrific and the hangover and anxiety is crippling. As I said before my job, as a head teacher, is consuming me, my social circles keep shrinking and I feel like I am even losing my family. I just am so unhappy and I know giving up alcohol will be a big step on the way to improving life. I did it before for 16 years!
Sorry for the moan, but I just feel I need to get it out. I feel bloated, sluggish. I feel I am constantly demeaning myself even if it is totally in secret. I am living a horrible double life and I am sick of it..... it needs to change!